All the noise and drama of life distract us from the stuff that really matters, which leads to poor mental health and general unhappiness. This week I’m talking about how to change what you focus on so you can improve your mental wellbeing. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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Episode Overview:

Want a calmer mind? Then you need to consciously focus more on what really matters and actively protect your peace of mind.

In this week’s episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast I’ll cut through the noise and show you how to focus on what really matters using values based living and intentional living practices. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and unfocused, or you feel stretched thin by constant expectations and demands on your time and attention, then I’ll give you practical mental health tips to stop people pleasing, start setting healthy boundaries, and focus on what matters so you reduce stress and anxiety without drama. 

If you want smarter productivity and clearer headspace, this episode is for you: clear steps to find meaning and purpose so you can live a meaningful life you actually recognise as yours. 

👉 Ready to learn how to focus on what really matters? Then let’s talk!

💡 TL;DR: Cut the noise and focus on what really matters in life with simple, values-led advice that will help you calm your mind and protect your peace. 🙂

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New here? Let’s Talk About Mental Health is your weekly dose of practical advice for better mental health with Jeremy Godwin 👋. I keep things simple, honest, and doable so you can feel more in control of your life and your mental wellbeing. Sign up for episode transcripts in your inbox every Sunday.

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Episode Transcript:

How to focus on what really matters

Do you focus on what matters in life? Or are you wasting your time on noise and distractions?

Because finding meaning in life doesn’t just happen. You have to build it… and you do that by what you focus on. So today I’m going to show you how to focus on what really matters for better mental health so that you can calm your mind and protect your peace.

We have a lot to discuss, so let’s talk about…

focusing on what really matters.

Hello and welcome back to the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, your weekly dose of practical advice for better mental health! I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this week I’m talking about focusing on what really matters.

Most of us try really hard to feel good about our lives, even with so much negative stuff going on around us… and even sometimes within us. But let’s be honest: there are some days or weeks where it can feel like an uphill battle.

The thing is that we’re not short on effort. We’re short on alignment. We keep ourselves busy, but it’s ‘busyness’ that’s focused around the wrong things, and that’s why it often feels hollow or never ending. The fix isn’t about trying to do more and cram more into the day. It’s about being honest on what actually matters to you and letting that guide your decisions, even if it means having to make some tough choices. Think of it as editing your life and editing your energy: less noise, and more meaning.

In fact, here’s a really quick thing you can do right now to get you a tiny win before we go any further: write down three words to describe what genuinely matters to you; mine are authenticity, kindness, and love. Circle one of them. Then choose a simple one or two minute way that you’re going to live it today. For example, you could decide to reply kindly to a message to someone or say to another person, “Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t commit to that this week.”

That’s a really, really simple thing that you can do, and it’s also something that sets the tone for what we’re going to be talking about today which is easy, practical, values-led steps that you can use to feel more calm and more yourself.

So… now to build that out we need to talk about a few things, including what the idea of ‘what really matters’ actually means, as well as why it’s so hard to keep your focus there, and then how to actually make it easier for yourself in everyday life. So let’s talk about…

What does it mean to focus on what matters?

So when I say ‘focus on what really matters’, which I say a lot in this podcast, this isn’t just some vague thing that you have to kind of like figure out yourself how to do it. What I’m talking about is actually living your life in an intentional way that deliberately puts your values front and centre, so that you’re being thoughtful and considered in what you do and what you don’t do.

Now, we’re not talking about the values that you think that you should have, the ones that you were raised to have necessarily, or the ones that other people tell you that you’re supposed to have, or society says that you have to follow. But what we’re talking about is values that feel true to you deep in your soul, right in your bones.

For this episode, we’re going to stay centred on the three that I mentioned earlier: authenticity, kindness, and love. And we’ll be working through those in… in a few different ways. These are not just some abstract concepts; they’re daily choices. They shape how you treat others, as well as how you treat yourself.

Authenticity is about being honest with yourself about who you are and who you are not, and then acting like it. Kindness is how you speak to yourself and to others, and it includes how much you respect yourself by setting and maintaining clear boundaries. Love… well, love is a verb. It’s compassionate action that connects you to other people and to yourself in healthy and respectful ways.

And so this is where I’m going to be potentially controversial, and I’m OK with that: everything else outside of authenticity, kindness, and love is just noise or filler.

Noise is the constant pull of other people’s priorities. It’s the nonstop opinions and the relentless assault of notifications and expectations, and it’s the never-ending cultural pressure to constantly be busier, better, faster.

Filler… well, that’s the stuff that we use to avoid discomfort; things like scrolling instead of feeling, people pleasing instead of being honest, focusing on perfectionism instead of progress, or it’s avoiding our lives by zoning out in front of the television to watch wealthy women throw drinks at each other.

Noise drains your attention, filler numbs your emotions, and both of them get in the way of what matters. And they make your mental health more fragile because avoidance results in issues festering and growing worse over time. Don’t get me wrong… I’m not asking you to be a saint and give up everything and go live in a monastery on a hill, you know?! But it’s all things in moderation. It’s maybe a little bit less of the TV and more of what actually makes you feel satisfied and fulfilled.

Meaning is something we’re going to be talking about a lot today, and it’s something I talk about in the show a lot because, really, if we’re talking about better mental health, this is about finding a sense of meaning and direction and purpose in your life. But meaning isn’t some magical treasure that you just stumble across one day, if you’re lucky. It’s something that you build by acting on your values consistently in the small, ordinary moments. That might involve choosing honesty over making excuses or over explaining, or it could mean learning to be kinder to yourself, which is something I covered last week in Episode 305.

Or maybe it’s about showing love to someone through a simple and thoughtful act. If you do those types of things consistently, your life begins to feel more and more aligned because you’re focusing on what matters. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’ll still be dealing with your real world responsibilities because they’re not going anywhere… but they will stop running your life for you. Because your values are then doing the steering instead, and because you’ll be choosing to prioritise what actually matters, instead of getting caught up in the emotion and the nonsense and shenanigans that seem to pass for our lives these days.

Here’s a quick check that you can use as you listen to the rest of this episode: when you look at your to-do list for today, ask yourself which of these serves authenticity, kindness, or love? If the answer is no, then your priorities are out of whack. You need to edit just one thing, just one small thing, so that at least one item on your to-do list does. It’s a tiny edit that creates huge momentum, especially if you do it again tomorrow and the next day, and so on.

Now, focusing on what matters doesn’t mean that you’re just ignoring everything else. After all, those bills have still got to be paid, and those emails still need to be answered. The difference though, is how you do them and how much energy you give. When your values come first, the admin basically just becomes a vehicle for your values… so you choose to answer emails kindly, you choose to set honest expectations with people, and you choose to protect the time that you need for yourself to rest and recharge. That’s how you calm your mind, and that’s how you protect your peace without just checking out of life.

Also, look, like I said before, you are not going to become a saint, and that’s not what this is about. You will have off days, you will drop the ball, and you will forget. That’s completely OK, because that’s human. What matters is returning back to your values and choosing the next aligned action instead of constantly punishing yourself for whatever happened in the past. One choice at a time, one step at a time, is more than enough.

And because your relationships shape your wellbeing, these three values play a huge role in building better relationships: authenticity builds trust, kindness reduces defensiveness, and love in action strengthens connection. That’s how you build better relationships while also balancing your life. It all ties together.

So really that’s what this episode is all about. It’s really encouraging you to live your true values on purpose, and to treat the rest as background noise. So now let’s dig a bit deeper and let’s talk about…

Why it’s hard to focus on what really matters

I am not naive, people… I know just how tough this stuff is to do on a daily basis. If you think I don’t struggle with it, then you are very, very wrong! Because I do; that’s why I often make a point in this show of reminding you that nobody has all the answers, and every single one of us on this planet is quite literally making this stuff up as we go!

But… why is it so hard to stay focused on what really matters? And why does your brain keep dragging your attention and focus back to the noise and nonsense? Well, quite frankly, it’s because your brain is not built for modern life. It’s wired to scan for threats and avoid uncertainty, because that’s what helped us to survive in the ancient times before satellite navigation and home delivery.

But what that means is that ‘noise’ and ‘drama’ gets first dibs on your attention. Notifications, deadlines, crazy shenanigans, and other people’s urgency all feel really important because they trigger that threat system. Like… your values just do not ping your nervous system the same way, so they tend to get drowned out. Add in endless dopamine hits from scrolling, and you’ve got a mind that keeps on reaching for quick relief instead of going after slow and meaningful action.

We’re also swimming in ‘shoulds’; you know, families, culture, workplaces, even well-meaning friends tend to teach us what we’re supposed to care about: “you should be doing this,” “you should be focusing on that,” “you should be watching the news nonstop.” Over time, you internalise those voices and eventually you start mistaking them for your own. That’s why people pleasing and perfectionism stick so much. They promise approval and safety, and your brain craves approval and safety. It wants it bad! But the cost is your authenticity. You end up performing your life rather than living it, and that leads to hollowness that can read as, “Well, maybe life is meaningless!” When what it really is saying is that this isn’t my meaning.

Another force at play here is avoidance. Filler feels so much easier than honesty, because honesty can be awkward and uncomfortable… and generally speaking, most of us don’t like to feel uncomfortable, and we most certainly don’t like confrontation, give or take a few politicians! Choosing what matters asks you to risk small discomforts like saying no, or pushing back on an unfair or unreasonable request, or setting a boundary, or trying something even if it won’t be perfect, or maybe even facing the fear that you could fail or disappoint someone. Your brain will try to save you from that discomfort by offering you distractions, things like: “Go on, just check your messages quickly!”, Or random thoughts like, “You really need to polish the silverware again, don’t you?” And all of that stuff keeps you stuck in busy work and emotional numbness.

And then, well, there’s sheer overload. There are too many inputs coming at you from all directions, and it creates decision fatigue. When you’re tired, your brain defaults to the path of least resistance; usually, that’s the noisiest or most familiar thing. That’s why you can believe in kindness and still snap at yourself or someone else after a long day; it’s not like you’ve got a morals problem, it’s a capacity problem… and sometimes you just reach your limit! Rest and clarity are part of living a life that focuses on values and what really matters. They’re not a reward that you earn later on.

Look, not to get too existential here… but we need to factor in the fact that feeling hopeful can be challenging in amongst all of this stuff. After all, if so much of what we do is noise, then does anything actually matter? Well, yes. Yes, it does. Here’s the way for you to frame it: meaning isn’t an abstract idea that you wait to feel. It’s a practice that you build through making aligned choices and focusing on what really matters. Small, ordinary acts of authenticity, kindness, and love generate a genuine felt sense of meaning. That meaning, that lived experience, is the antidote to things like cynicism and nihilism, where you feel like life is just meaningless and pointless, because it’s something that you can touch and taste in your day-to-day life.

You know, it’s the honest conversation that you had with someone and you felt so relieved, like a weight had been lifted off your shoulder. It’s the kind tone that you used with yourself, instead of attacking yourself, or the loving act that you made time for. You can try a quick change immediately to do all of that: when you hear yourself say a word like ‘should’ I want you to swap it for something like ‘choose to’ or ‘won’t’. So that could become, if it were, “I should help with that,” it could then become, “I choose to help” or “I won’t help this time.”

Now… doing that can feel really confronting at first, totally get that! But it immediately shows you whether the action serves your values or just serves the noise. And the more you do it, the more comfortable you become with it. So, OK, we’ve acknowledged that the deck is somewhat stacked against us; we’ve got biology and conditioning, avoidance and overload, but it’s OK because it is winnable with structure. When you approach this stuff in a much more thoughtful and intentional way, that’s when you lower the friction for doing what matters and raise the friction for the rest. And that’s what we’re going to build on next, right after this quick break!

[AD BREAK]

And welcome back! So now let’s get practical and let’s talk about…

How to focus on what really matters

So we’re going to talk through some quick actions you can take immediately, then I’ll go through some longer term changes for you to work through over the next few weeks and months. So my first quick action is…

Start with today’s snapshot.

And that means understanding where you are now so you can figure out which direction you’re heading in. You do that by taking a quick snapshot of what matters to you today. So, right now, I want you to take a second and just write down three words that matter most to you today. It’s similar to what we did earlier, but we’re just going to focus on today at this point.

When you’ve done that, I want you to circle the one that feels most aligned to who you want to be and what you want to focus on to calm your mind and protect your peace. Once you’re decided, take a minute or two and do something to put it into action. So you could decide on one act of love for someone you care about today, like making dinner. Or you could take five minutes to… for yourself to just sit and be. Or you could choose to say no to something that your heart just isn’t in.

Whatever it is that you choose, focus on what feels true to you to today. And then tomorrow… I want you to do the same thing, and the day after, and so on. The more you take these tiny steps and literally just focus on one day at a time, the more you’re teaching yourself what actually matters to you and so those quick daily snapshots will build over time to form a much bigger picture.

OK, so my next action is…

Turn your values into living priorities.

We touched on values earlier, and they’re your compass; the direction you head in. Your priorities, on the other hand, are the path you will actually take to head towards them.

So I want you to choose three living priorities for yourself for the next seven days: one for ‘self’, as in focusing on yourself, one for your relationships, and one for your work. Make them plain English and values-focused. So, for example, maybe it’s being kind to myself in the morning by not scrolling until after breakfast, or being authentic with an honest check-in with my partner every Thursday. Keep… whatever it is that you come up with, keep it small and time bound so that it’s realistic and achievable. And define what ‘done’ looks and feels like in one sentence for each priority. So maybe it’s ‘kind mornings’ is done if I leave my phone face-down until 8:00 AM five out of the seven days.

Put each living priority into your calendar now; so pause this if you need to, and do that. And if your week is packed, then I want you to replace one low value task or to do item with one of the priorities. Because if it’s not scheduled, then it’s just a wish.

Alright, next…

Protect your priorities with boundaries.

Boundaries are all about kindness in action, and that’s kindness to yourself and to others, and they prevent your priorities from leaking; you know, where your needs are kind of slowly chipped away at by the demands of others. This can be as simple as just saying no firmly and politely when you really, really need to. Maybe it’s, “I don’t have capacity this week,” or “I can’t take that on right now.” Choose one boundary for yourself for the next seven days. That’s the minimum that I want you to focus on here.

Whatever it is, write it down, practice it out loud at least once a day, and then put a reminder in your phone. And then try adding one tiny bit of friction to a noisy or harmful habit like, for example, whatever the most distracting app is on your phone, log out of it or move it to the last page of your phone, or bury it in a folder. Make the good stuff easy for yourself, and the noisy stuff annoying. This is kind of like installing speed bumps to slow you down so that you’re forced to think about your choices before you make them.

OK, so now that’s… we’re done with those quick actions. Let’s move on to a couple of longer term changes for you to work on over the next few weeks and months that will help you to carry the quick wins forward. They’re also going to help you to find a lot more balance in your life and create real momentum. This is about putting in place a system that underpins your decisions, your boundaries, and your routines.

First…

Build a values first operating system.

Your phone, your computer, your TV, they all have an operating system that tells them how to work… and you are no different. But the one difference is that you’re responsible for creating and managing yours. You don’t have a team of engineers and software gurus sitting in an office somewhere tinkering away. So the way to focus on what matters is to decide that you’re going to focus on what matters first and foremost every single day. You do that by making authenticity, kindness, and love just the way that you run your life, not just things that you do.

Treat them as non-negotiable guardrails for your choices, including how you manage your capacity and your commitments. Constantly evaluate things against them. Am I being kind here? Am I being authentic? You know, asking yourself those questions is really going to help you make smarter choices. Am I prioritising love in what I’m doing? If not, then what do I need to do to redirect my energy? You will find that this has just a really big impact on the way that you approach things and over the, the course of months and years, not just days, if you let your values decide who and what gets your energy, as well as what gets a gentle ‘no’ versus, you know, what might need to maybe be redesigned so that you’re protecting your peace above all else… do all of those things, it will change the way that you approach things.

But also the things that you have to approach will change, because you’ll pay less attention to the noise. You will focus more on what actually matters. The aim here is to, over time, cultivate a calmer baseline for yourself because your life is becoming more and more aligned by default, not just being forced into alignment when you’re exhausted and you don’t have any other choice! Know who you are and what matters to you, and give yourself permission to put yourself first. Like all things you can do that in a healthy, fair, and balanced way.

OK, so the next longer term change is…

Shift your identity.

Stop seeing these types of moves and changes as tasks that you have to focus on, or boxes to tick, and instead choose to start seeing them as who you are: a person who lives honestly, who speaks kindly to yourself and to others, and who puts love into action. Identity leads behaviour… so when you own your identity, the daily choices that you make will follow that identity with a lot less friction, and you’re going to be able to make the tough choices that you will potentially need to if and when the time comes.

You’ll also find that over time this identity shift will completely reshape your relationships and your environment. You’ll renegotiate with others, and with yourself, what you tolerate and what you accept. You’ll invest where connection grows. And you’ll design a life for yourself that genuinely reflects who you’re becoming. I know that for me, I make very different choices now than I did 10 or 12 years ago, and it’s because of the work I’ve done, both on my own and with my therapist, in order to focus on what really matters and to allow myself to let go of the stuff that doesn’t matter, no matter how hard that’s been… and it has been!

This can be as simple as asking yourself every single morning, “Who am I choosing to be today?” And then consciously leading with that throughout the rest of the day. You might have to remind yourself throughout the day, but still, you know, that’s the choice that you make. That’s being intentional. When you do this stuff, ‘Future You’ will thank you because it will make a massive change in the future. I mean, look, let’s be honest, ‘Present You’ might grumble a bit… but trust me, they will definitely sleep better!

By the way… if you find letting go of things difficult, check out Episode 296 where I go deeper into how to do it.

Final tips & conclusion

Here’s the thing. If it matters, then make it matter. And if it doesn’t matter? Then it doesn’t matter… so let it go.

Focusing on what really matters is not about ignoring real life. It’s about letting your values steer it, and protecting those values with clear priorities, kind boundaries, and small habits that you can actually keep.

Because when you boil it all down, giving your energy and attention to what really matters is how you protect your peace.

Each week, I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the topic and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is…

Life is so much brighter when we focus on what truly matters.

Unknown

Let me repeat that.

Life is so much brighter when we focus on what truly matters.

Alright…. that’s it for this week.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Check out my episode on how to get out of your own way next; it’s linked in the description. And follow or subscribe to never miss an episode.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2025 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.