You want to move forward, but you’re still holding on. This week’s episode shows you how to let go so you can stop replying the past and start reclaiming your peace. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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About this episode:

Still clinging to a story from your past that hurts?

It’s not because you’re weak; it’s because you’re human.

We all do it from time to time.

And yet, staying stuck costs you a lot: peace of mind, clarity, sleep, the future you keep saying you want…

At what point does the cost of holding on become too high?

Here’s the truth that most advice skips: letting go rarely starts when you feel ready. It usually starts when you’re done with going round in circles. Grief, identity, the fantasy of ‘closure’… all of that can keep you clinging to a story that hurts.

But there is a way through.

This week in the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, I’m walking you through how to let go (even when it’s hard). We’ll talk about why you get stuck, and then I’ll give you practical, real-world tools that actually help: naming what you’re holding, feeling what you’ve avoided, challenging the story that keeps you trapped, and creating simple rituals that mark an ending — so a new chapter can begin.

💡 One quick thing you can do today: Catch the “if only!” loop the moment it starts — If only I’d said… If only I’d left sooner… — and interrupt it with one line: “That’s not where I live any more.” Say it out loud. Then bring your attention back to one thing you can see, hear, or feel right now. That tiny reset breaks the replay and it returns you to the only place you have any power: the present.

Because letting go is a choice you make over and over again to not let yourself stay stuck.

🎧 Ready to stop replaying the past and start moving forward with more peace? Then let’s talk!

The full episode is out now. Watch it, listen to it, or read the transcript below… and have a great week!

Jeremy 😃

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Episode Transcript:

Let go or stay trapped

You can’t move forward if you’re still clinging to what hurt you.

Letting go is tough, but staying stuck is even tougher.

And that thing you won’t let go of is keeping you trapped… emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically.

So today’s episode is all about how to actually let go; even when it still hurts, even when you’re not ready, and even when it feels impossible… so that you can finally stop going around in circles and start moving forward with your life.

Because you deserve peace, and I’m going to show you how to make it happen.

So let’s talk about… how to let go.

Letting go isn’t a one-time only choice. It’s an ongoing process, and it’s quite possibly one of the hardest parts of healing because it means facing everything you’ve been avoiding: the pain, the grief, the unanswered questions, the ‘what ifs’ you might be holding on because you never got closure… or because, deep down, part of you still hopes things could have been different. Or maybe you’ve built your identity around what happened without even realising it. And so, at some level, letting go feels like losing a part of yourself. Whatever the reason, the result is the same: you wind up feeling stuck. And the longer you stay stuck in the past, the harder it becomes to move forward in your life and to live the life you could be living now.

Over the past couple of weeks, we’ve been exploring the process of healing, starting with how real healing actually works in Episode 294 and then last week with how to make peace with your past in Episode 295, and now we’re coming to the part that’s often the hardest: letting go. Because even when you’ve done the work to understand and accept the past, it can still be incredibly difficult to release the emotional weight of what happened.

So this episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast is going to help you break that cycle of feeling stuck that I mentioned before; gently, honestly, and step by step. To get there, we’re going to talk about why letting go is so hard, what keeps you emotionally trapped, and how to begin releasing the weight of whatever’s been holding you back. Because letting go isn’t about forgetting the past or pretending it didn’t matter. It’s about choosing to stop letting it control you, and that’s what you’ll be able to do by the end of this episode.

If you’re new here, I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this show is your weekly dose of better mental health full of simple and straightforward ways to improve your mental wellbeing that you can put into practice immediately.

So let’s start by talking about…

What letting go really means

Alright… so ‘letting go’ means choosing to release the weight of something that’s been keeping you stuck in a loop of experiencing the emotions that are attached to whatever happened, or didn’t happen, for a prolonged period of time so that you can then move forward with more peace and less pain. It means releasing the emotional grip that something or someone has on you.

Now, as I’ve been saying for a long time now, it’s not about pretending that things don’t matter or that whatever happened didn’t hurt. Of course it did, right?! But it’s about choosing not to let it dominate or control your thoughts or your feelings, and not to let it affect your future.

Letting go is not something you just do once and it’s done; it is a process… often a very slow process, painfully slow, and it’s one that you will revisit over and over and over especially if and when old feelings bubble up to the surface; I’m still working through stuff from years and decades ago! It’s something that you have to keep on choosing to do, even when part of you might want to keep on clinging to the past because it feels familiar or when part of you might want to just ‘get over it’ and move forward. Sometimes, we know our minds and our hearts have ways of these things coming back and biting us on the butt.

Now… ‘letting go’ doesn’t mean, either, that you’re OK with what happened; it’s not like you’re saying, “Oh, it’s fine, I’ll let go of it.” It really means that you’re no longer willing to let it run your life. It means deciding to stop reliving the same pain over and over again, even if it still hurts.

People often confuse ‘letting go’ with forgiveness or getting over it, but they’re absolutely not the same thing. You don’t have to forgive someone in order to let go. You don’t actually need closure from someone else, and you certainly do not need to be OK with how things turned out, how they went down. None of it. What you do need is to be honest with yourself about how much this thing is costing you on an emotional level. Because every time that you think it through, every time that you re-experience that, you’re re-experiencing those emotions over and over again. There is a massive emotional cost that comes with that.

Letting go means that you’re deciding to choose your peace of mind over letting the thing control you. It means accepting that you may never, and probably will never, get the apology or the explanation or the outcome that you wanted… and deciding that your wellbeing matters far more than staying stuck in the pain while you wait for some sort of resolution that, quite frankly, will probably never come anyway.

It’s not passive; it’s active. Letting go is something that doesn’t just happen, it takes effort. And so it’s an active choice that you make. And the challenge with that is that it often, as many of these things do, it often brings up grief… because when you let go, you’re also saying goodbye to something. Maybe it’s the future that you imagined, or the version of yourself that you were back then, or even the story that you’ve been telling yourself about what should have been or what could have been.

Letting go isn’t something that you do that just erases the past. What it actually is, is a conscious choice to learn to live with the past differently… with less pain, less pressure, and a lot more perspective. It means that you carry the lessons of the past, not the emotional weight of it. And most importantly, letting go isn’t something that you do for anyone else. It’s something that you do for you; completely for yourself… for your healing, for your freedom, and most importantly, for your peace of mind.

So now let’s talk about…

Why letting go is so hard

Let’s talk about the great big psychological elephant in the room: a lot of the advice that you hear when it comes to better mental health, including things I share in this show, encourage you to let go. But it can be tough to know how and where to start… and it can also feel like it’s some sort of impossibly easy thing that you’re supposed to be able to do, but which somehow mysteriously feels impossible to actually do when you try to do it.

Guess what? It’s not easy! And you’re not the only one who struggles with it, trust me; hell, I struggle with it! I have managed to work through and let go of a lot of stuff in my life, but I haven’t just done it by clicking my fingers. It’s been because I’ve done a massive amount of therapy, as well as a massive amount of work on my own for… using the tools and techniques that I’m sharing in this episode, which actually do work. But please don’t for a second think that I’m some sort of saint when it comes to this stuff. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least five people that I would still very much like to scream at because of the way that they treated me, right?! So letting go is a process and it takes time!

Letting go often feels really impossible when you’re stuck in the thick of the emotional baggage that you’d like to be able to let go of. And so you just end up in this state of feeling like, what’s wrong with me? The thing is that there’s a whole bunch of different emotional forces that can and probably are keeping you trapped… even when you might want to let go of them. So let’s talk about what they are, why that is.

Now, it’s often because you’re grieving; not just the person or the event, but what it meant to you. And by grieving, this can either be a conscious process or a subconscious process; it depends. You may be grieving a version of your life that never happened, or that never turned out the way that you hoped it would turn out, and that kind of grief can be incredibly powerful… and it doesn’t just disappear because all of a sudden you decide that you want to just ‘move on’ with your life.

It could also be because your pain has become part of your identity. When something painful has been part of your story for a long time, especially if it’s something that you’ve never really processed or worked through, it can easily become wrapped up in your sense of self. And if you’ve been carrying it with you for a long time, letting it go can feel like you’re letting go of a huge, massive part of who you are… which to be honest, you kind of are. That can feel terrifying, even if it’s hurting you.

It could also be because you’re waiting for closure, and this is something I talk about a lot. I get it; I’ve done the same thing far more times than I can count… but the truth is, the closure you want might never come. And even if it did, it probably won’t fix the pain the way that you imagine… because you can’t change what has happened and you can’t unknow what you now know, you know? But seriously, if you keep on waiting for someone else to resolve your pain for you, you’re going to stay stuck in a loop. And it’s a loop that only you can break.

The reality is what has happened has happened. You need to make your peace with that, which is something we talked about last week, making peace with the past, and when I say ‘make your peace with it’, not like, “Oh wow, I’m glad that that happened!”… no, absolutely not! What I’m saying is accepting the fact that it did happen as something that was out of your control, whatever it is, and recognising that you’re able to move forward in spite of it, rather than allowing it to hold you stuck in the emotional pain of that particular point in time.

You may also struggle to let go because part of you still hopes that things can change or will change. So I mean, let’s be honest, this happens. Maybe you’re hoping that the person will come back. Or that they’re finally going to apologise; that, you know, after two years, out of the blue, they’re going to ring you and go, “Oh, I was wrong.” Or maybe you still hold onto the idea that things could have turned out differently, “If only I had have said this or done that.” Now, that type of hope is totally understandable… but it’s not realistic. If it’s keeping you stuck in the past, it might be time to let it go too.

Letting go is also hard because the pain is familiar. Even if it’s painful, you know this story. You know how to feel it, how to live in it, how to make sense of yourself through it… and so letting go can feel like you’re stepping into a void; like you’re having to navigate something completely unknown, something uncertain. The fear of that can keep you clinging tightly to what hurts, because there’s safety in familiarity… even if it isn’t healthy.

You might also struggle to let go because your nervous system is stuck in survival mode. If you’ve been through trauma or prolonged stress, your body can become wired to expect more pain. Letting go can feel incredibly unsafe because your system is still on high alert, and part of you might believe that holding on is the only way to stay protected… or you may not even be consciously aware of it.

Or you may also find letting go hard because you’ve told yourself a story, and letting go means that you have to rewrite that story. Maybe you’ve made sense of what happened by blaming yourself, or by telling yourself that you’re unlovable or that you always mess things up. Even though these stories hurt, they’ve given you a framework for understanding your experience. We’re always trying to understand what has happened. A lot of the time though, you can’t understand things. They’re not explainable. And so rewriting those types of stories takes work. A lot of work. It takes intention and time and perseverance, and it may even require working with a professional… and all of that can make the idea of letting go feel like it’s just too hard, even if you know deep down inside that it is actually the healthiest thing that you could do for the sake of your mental health and wellbeing.

Yes, letting go is hard. But when you understand why it’s so hard, it becomes a lot easier to be compassionate with yourself and to start working through it instead of getting stuck in self-blame.

So now we’re going to move on to how to actually work through it, right after this quick break. If this episode is helping you, please take a moment during the break to hit ‘like’ and leave a five star rating or review; it really does help me to reach more people who need support with their mental health. Thank you!

And welcome back!

So… now that we’ve looked at why letting go is so difficult and what might be keeping you emotionally stuck, now let’s talk about how to actually start letting go even when it feels impossible. Because you don’t have to feel ready to let go. You just have to be done with staying stuck.

So let’s talk about…

How to let go, even when it’s hard

As I said earlier, letting go isn’t something that just happens once, and it certainly isn’t something that happens all at once. Most of the time it begins with one small and quiet decision, and then another and another… until, little by little, the thing that once consumed you doesn’t hold the same power over you anymore.

So how do you actually start letting go, especially when you’re still hurting or still hoping for some kind of closure? Well, let’s start with the first and possibly hardest step…

Acknowledge what you’re still holding onto.

Before you can release something, you have to be honest with yourself about what’s still weighing you down. That might sound really obvious, but most of us avoid this part. We bury our pain, we distract ourselves, or we try to convince ourselves that we’ve moved on when really we’re still reliving the same story and the same moments in our heads over and over again. So, name it. Name the thing you’re holding onto. Say it out loud. Write it down. If this is hard to do, work with a professional to support you. Be honest with yourself about what’s still stuck in your mind and in your heart, because that’s where letting go begins. Next…

Let yourself feel the feelings you’ve been avoiding.

A lot of emotional pain lingers because it hasn’t had a chance to fully be felt. So… grief, anger, shame, regret; they’re all part of the process of healing, and you can’t heal what you refuse to feel. Letting go isn’t about pushing those types of feelings away. It’s about creating space for them to move through you so they don’t stay trapped inside. Now, that might mean crying, journaling, talking with a therapist, or just sitting with the discomfort for a while. It’s not easy, but the only way out is through. Next…

Detach from the story you’ve been telling yourself.

So… maybe the story is, “This was all my fault!” or “They were the only one who understood me properly!” or “This pain is just who I am now!” Those types of stories might feel true… but, they’re not you. Start gently questioning the narrative. Where did this belief come from? Is it helping me or hurting me? And what might a more honest and compassionate story sound like? Rewriting the story that you tell yourself is a key part of being able to release the grip that it’s had on you for however long. Next…

Interrupt the ‘if only’ loop.

You know the loop I’m talking about: “If only I’d said something!” “If only I’d walked away sooner!” “If only I’d been better or louder or quieter, or more… whatever.” That mental loop can be endless and exhausting. Letting go means noticing those moments when you’re slipping into the fantasy of changing the past and gently interrupting it. Try saying to yourself, “The past has passed.” Or, “That’s not where I live anymore.” Either way, it’s about having just a simple phrase that is a powerful reminder to shift your focus back to now, which is the only place you actually have any power. I talked about being more present recently in Episode 287; it’s linked in the description, or head to ltamh.com/episodes. Next…

Challenge the idea that holding on makes it somehow meaningful.

Now this is something that we can do either consciously or often subconsciously, where we might cling on to something painful because some part of us thinks that letting it go would mean it didn’t matter. But it did matter. However, carrying the pain of it isn’t what gives it meaning. It’s how you carry it that does. You can honour what you went through without keeping it front and centre in your life. In fact, choosing to release it may just be the most powerful way of saying, “This mattered, and I choose to grow from it.” Next…

Accept that you may never get the closure you want.

This is what I’ve been mentioning a lot the last couple of weeks… closure is something that we all crave, but the truth is the perfect ending or apology often never comes. And even if it did, it probably won’t give you the sense of resolution that you imagine it will. Letting go means that you choose to stop waiting. That you choose to move forward instead. You don’t need their words to heal. What you need is your decision to stop letting their actions, or their lack of action, shape your life. That choice is yours, and it’s yours alone. Next…

Create a symbolic release ritual.

Sometimes our minds need a little help catching up to our intentions. So… a symbolic act like writing a letter that you’ll never send and then burning it, or deleting old messages, or packing away physical reminders can all serve to give you a sense of energetic closure. These are simple, small gestures that can help to signal to your brain that something is ending and something new is beginning. Next…

Anchor yourself in who you’re becoming, not who you were.

Letting go often feels like losing something, but it’s actually about making room for who you’re growing into. Focus on the values you want to live by and the relationships that you want to nurture, as well as the version of you that you’re becoming through all of this. You are not your pain, and you don’t have to carry it with you into the future. Next…

Ask yourself what staying stuck is giving you.

This one’s not easy, but it is powerful. Sometimes we stay stuck because we’re getting something from it: a sense of safety, or identity, or protection, or even a reason not to take risks. That doesn’t make you bad, or broken. It makes you human. But being really honest with yourself about what you’re still getting from holding onto your pain, or your anger, or both can help you to loosen your grip on it. Because once you see that it’s costing you more than it’s giving you, it becomes a lot easier to choose differently. Next…

Stop waiting to feel ready.

You will never feel a hundred percent ready and there will never be a perfect time for things. I generally don’t believe in absolutes, like ‘never’ or ‘always’, but I can say, hand on heart, that this is one of the rare things in life where I can say ‘never’ with a strong sense of certainty! Letting go doesn’t begin when everything feels calm and certain. It usually begins in the mess. So if you’re waiting for the right moment, or for the right mindset, or to suddenly not care about it anymore, you might be waiting forever. You will be waiting for forever! So try this instead: act as if you are ready. Start doing the things you imagine a more healed version of you would do, even if you don’t feel that way yet. Letting go is often something that you have to grow into… bit by bit. Next…

Keep choosing to let go, even if it doesn’t feel like it’s working.

There’s no finish line to all of this stuff. Sorry! I’m still in therapy after many, many years… and I’ve made massive progress, but I have many rivers to cross. Letting go is often something you do quietly, over and over again. One day it might feel easier, and then it might feel hard again, and that’s OK. Keep going. Keep choosing growth. Keep choosing peace of mind. Keep showing up for yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable. Because over time all of those little choices add up… and, eventually, what once felt impossible becomes something that you’ve already done.

Conclusion

Here’s the thing. Letting go doesn’t mean you’re fine with what happened, and it doesn’t mean you’re suddenly free from pain. It means you’ve decided to stop letting that pain run your life. It’s not easy, but it is possible. Every time you choose to release even a small part of what’s weighing you down, you’re creating space to move forward.

Because when it comes to letting go, what it all boils down to is this:

You don’t have to feel ready to let go. You just have to be done with staying stuck in the past.

Now, what are you going to do with what you’ve learned today? What’s one thing you know you’re holding onto, and what’s one small step you can take this week to begin releasing it? Because you get to decide how you carry your past and how much space you want it to take up in your future. The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing. So what choice will you make today?

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:

Holding on does more damage than letting go.

Unknown

Let me repeat that.

Holding on does more damage than letting go.

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

Sign up for my weekly newsletter at ltamh.com and support me on Patreon for early access to ad-free extended episodes. They’re both linked in the description.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time! 

You’ll also find my episode about making peace with the past helpful; it’s linked in the description.

Next week I’ll be talking about hopelessness. Follow or subscribe to never miss an episode, and have a great week!

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2025 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.