The thing about life is that you’re not getting this time back, so learning how to be truly present helps you actually live your life instead of just surviving it… and this week I’m teaching you how to be more present. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!
Jump into the episode:
About this episode:
It’s time that you stopped missing out on your life.
Look, time doesn’t wait for anybody — and yet so many of us live our lives like we’ve got endless amounts of time.
We rush through our day, tick our boxes, juggle our responsibilities, and fall into bed feeling utterly exhausted… only to do it all again tomorrow. Somewhere along the way though, we forget to actually experience our own lives.
And the more overwhelmed or distracted we are, the easier it becomes to check out — mentally, emotionally, sometimes even physically. We might be going through the motions, but we’re not really here.
Presence isn’t just a mindfulness buzzword. It’s the difference between existing and living. It’s what helps you feel grounded when things are chaotic. It’s what allows you to connect with what matters, to regulate your emotions, and to create a bit more peace in your day-to-day.
So here’s something simple to try today to be more present:
Take 30 seconds to tune into your surroundings. What can you hear? See? Feel? Notice one thing you normally overlook. That moment of attention — no matter how small — is a reminder that you’re still here, and still living life rather than just existing. And it serves to remind you that you can come back to yourself. Always. The present moment is only ever a choice away.
In this week’s episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, I’m exploring how to be more present in your daily life… especially when it feels impossible. Because presence is a practice… and it’s also one of the most powerful tools you have for supporting your mental health and wellbeing.
👉 Ready to discover the power of being more present? Then let’s talk!
The full episode is available now — watch it, listen to it, or read the full transcript below, and have a great week!
Jeremy 😃
Episode Transcript:
Be more present — before life passes you by
Look… life will pass you by if you don’t learn how to be more present. And I hate to break it to you, but you’re not getting any younger!
I mean, hey, neither am I!
But here’s the thing: you can be alive without actually living. In fact, it’s surprisingly common, and it’s something I see all the time as a counselor… and sadly, it’s a surefire recipe for mental health issues.
It usually happens because we spend so much of our time either worrying about the future or ruminating over the past that we forget the only place life is actually lived is right here, right now.
But learning to be more present is the anchor that helps you connect with who you are and what really matters in life… and it’s one of the most powerful tools for improving your mental health and protecting your peace of mind.
So today I’m going to show you how to do exactly that, with simple and practical ways to feel more present in your everyday life… even when it’s tough.
Because if you keep living like you’re just trying to get through the day, eventually you’ll wake up and realise you missed the actual experience of your life.
So, let’s talk about being present!
******************
Hello and welcome to another episode of Let’s Talk About Mental Health!
Today we’re talking about being more present, and that’s because most of us are being constantly pulled in a hundred different directions at once: work demands, family responsibilities, constant notifications, and a never ending to-do list that seems to keep on growing… no matter how much we do!
But somewhere in the middle of it all, we tend to lose ourselves and we forget to actually experience the moment that we’re in. But there’s another way, a better way, especially for your mental health, and it’s consciously choosing to be more present… which doesn’t mean you need to sit cross-legged and breathe deeply, but instead it’s about waking up to your life, noticing what matters, and learning how to actually be here… even when life feels like a bit of a hot mess.
Being more present means constantly choosing to show up for your life, even when it’s not perfect. It’s about gently pulling your attention back from everything that’s trying to distract you, especially your own thoughts, and it’s about learning how to fully engage with what’s in front of you.
And don’t worry, you don’t have to become some kind of highly skilled zen master to do it; you just need to practice… consciously, consistently, and with compassion.
Learning to be more present has actually been one of the most effective things I’ve done to improve my own mental health, and it’s allowed me to get my anxiety and depression pretty much under control. And I’ll talk you through how later on in the episode.
By the way, this is exactly the kind of stuff I talk about every week here on Let’s Talk About Mental Health. I’m Jeremy Godwin and I make better mental health simple with practical advice that actually works.
So by the end of this episode, you’ll have a solid understanding of what it really means to be present, why it matters so much for your mental wellbeing, and most importantly, how to actually do it… especially when life feels chaotic or overwhelming.
So let’s dive right in with some definitions and let’s talk about…
What does it mean to be present?
Alright, so being present is about doing exactly what it says on the tin: being in the present moment. So really, it’s the practice of consciously bringing your focus and your attention into the current moment… noticing your thoughts, your feelings, your body, and your surroundings without judgment. It’s about not getting caught up in what’s happened in the past, or what may happen in the future, but being able to be and exist and live in this moment… rather than allowing yourself to be distracted by things that, well, aren’t this moment!
The thing is that we tend to do a lot of the stuff we do on autopilot, rather than actually being consciously aware of what we’re doing and what’s going on around us. And we do that because we’ve had to adapt to this kind of ‘ go, go go’ mentality that’s expected of us as a way to cope with all of the many demands and pressures and inputs that come with living in our world.
So many of us go through our days focused on what may or may not happen tomorrow, or going over and over things that did happen yesterday or even didn’t happen yesterday. But the problem with that is that what’s done is done, and what will be is what will be.
You can influence the future, but you have no direct control over it, and you cannot change the past.
Even Cher tried.
She wanted to turn back time, couldn’t… wrote a song about it instead!
So the thing that you need to consider is by focusing heavily, whether you’re aware of it or not, on the past or the future or both, what you’re actually doing is robbing yourself of life… because life is lived here in the present.
There is no other moment that exists for sure.
I know that’s all philosophical, and your head probably wants to explode right now, but no other moment exists for certain… so you can either make the most of this one that you’re in or you can stay focused on what happened, what didn’t happen, what may happen, all of those other things that are not the present.
By doing so, you end up increasing issues like anxiety and depression and stress and burnout, simply because of the fact that you are missing out on the one place that you have an opportunity to change things for the better… and that’s here; right here, right now.
You know, the thing that happens for a lot of us is that we get so focused on what may or may not happen tomorrow, or what did or didn’t happen yesterday, that we forget about what is happening here and now.
Being present means actually experiencing your life, rather than just observing it or just reacting to things that are going on around you, or your feelings, you know, within you.
Whether it means listening to someone intently, maybe that means actually eating a meal and paying attention to it, or noticing the weather, or just being more consciously aware of your thoughts and your emotional and mental state.
You can easily wind up just going through the motions in life without even realising it. You end up ticking boxes and getting things done and doing what’s expected of you, whether that’s at home or at work, or both… and yet that often leads to feeling completely disconnected from your own life, like you’re watching it all happening from the sidelines. Which can contribute to issues like stress, burnout, anxiety, and depression.
Being present isn’t about avoiding difficult emotions, or ignoring what happened in the past, or never thinking about the future, or pretending that everything’s fine. It’s about consciously showing up with awareness and compassion, even when things are hard, and choosing to put your focus in the one moment where you can actually make a difference, which is right now.
Being present is not just a concept; it’s a skill you can build, moment by moment. Because it’s about learning how to actually be in the here and now… instead of, like, ‘sort of’ being here, but your mind is actually elsewhere. And it’s also so that you’re not just existing, but you’re truly living your life.
So with that in mind, now let’s talk about…
Why being present matters.
And it matters because whether or not you can be present dictates your ability to let go of the past and to handle your worries about the potential future, both of which serve as fuel for stress and anxiety as well as being enormously distracting from your ability to make the most of every day.
I mean, how many times have you found yourself being so overwhelmed with worry that you’ve gotten to the end of the day and thought, oh, well, hmm, didn’t do anything else today. I mean, I’m sure you probably did some stuff, but… you know what I’m saying?!
You know, the thing is that when you are overwhelmed by worry, or when you’re ruminating and going over and over and over stuff from the past, it robs you of living your life… and, instead, being able to be present not only anchors you in this moment but it, long term, leads to better mental wellbeing and much greater life satisfaction, because you’re actually living your life rather than just going through the motions.
You know, when we’re constantly distracted or if we’re emotionally checked out from the present, we miss important cues and signals from our body and from our emotions, as well as from our relationships.
Living in the past can trap you in regret. Living in the future can trap you in fear and anxiety. But consciously living in the present, however, brings you back to a place of stability.
Being present helps you to regulate your emotions so much more effectively. You can better notice what’s happening inside yourself and be a lot more objective without just reacting to your emotions impulsively… which, you know, when you do usually leads to a great big mess and a side order of drama.
It improves connection… not just with others, but also with yourself. And it does that by creating space for real engagement and deeper awareness. Because we’re not just focused on these other things; we’re actually here in the moment, spending time genuinely connecting with one another, and therefore the quality of the connection is going to ultimately be much better than if you were just focused on tomorrow or yesterday.
Consciously practicing being present supports better decision making, reduced stress, and an increased sense of calm, contentment, and clarity.
Now, I mentioned at the start of the episode that being present has been the biggest thing that I’ve done to get my own mental health under control. And of course there have been lots of things; I mean… this is the thing about mental health, people: it’s… you don’t just do one thing and magically fix everything. You don’t just pop a pill or read this one book or do this one technique and all of a sudden, ” you know, it’s fine.
What you need to do is find the things that work for you. But more importantly than that is to find the things that address the needs that you have that are not being met.
I have mentioned in previous episodes many times, if you’re a regular listener, that I had a breakdown back in 2011, but that didn’t just come out of nowhere. It wasn’t like I just woke up one day and all of a sudden, surprise! Breakdown! That built and built and built, and it built because I was neglecting myself in terms of my physical needs, looking after myself, uh, but I was also neglecting my emotional needs. I wasn’t addressing issues. I wasn’t making sure that my needs were being met by other people, emotional needs.
And I wasn’t doing the things that I needed to do to treat myself with kindness and respect.
And so I spent a massive amount of time, both leading up to that breakdown and then after, I had anxiety and depression for… severely… for several years. I was agoraphobic, couldn’t leave the house. I was terrified of everything. Huge amount of my time was spent in worry and rumination, so I would be looking at worst case scenario for all the things that could possibly go wrong. I could not see past the fear, and when it came to worry, I… there should be an Olympic sport for it because I would have several gold medals. I would have several, many gold medals because I was able to take things that had happened and examine them to the point that I would find new things to be worried about inside of the things that I was already… already worried about, and new things to have these negative thoughts and feelings about.
And look, ultimately a lot of that had to be dealt with in therapy and, and, uh, I needed to address the impact of childhood trauma and those types of things.
But the point that I’m making here is, along the way, I realised that I was spending so much time in the past and so much time in the future that my life was just a blur. There would be days where I didn’t even realise how the hell I’d gotten to dinnertime. And somewhere I stumbled, I don’t even know where at this point, but I stumbled across something about being more present and I thought, “Oh, that’s a nice idea. Can’t do that!”
But I gave it a go and I think, the first time I did it, I probably lasted about three seconds… and even the 30th time that I did it, I think I might have managed to get myself up to about five seconds. And I am not somebody who can sit and meditate or anything. So don’t worry, I’m not gonna be telling you that that’s what you need to do; if it works for you, it works for you, great!
But for me, it was about consciously reminding myself if and when I found myself in a place of focusing too much on the past or too much on the future, saying, “I am here in this moment now. I am safe.” And just gently bringing my focus back to the present, whether that’s looking at the clouds or playing with my cat or having a cup of tea and feeling the physical sensations of the hot mug and the taste of it, and then the sensation of it going down as I drank it.
These were things that helped me just little by little to open a crack in the door and be able to anchor my focus in the present moment, and over time I built and built and built on that.
And I’m not gonna sit here and pretend now that I don’t get focused on, you know, worry and rumination… because I do. It happens, but now I am so much more in control of it, if and when it happens, that I don’t even have to necessarily consciously bring myself back to the present. It’s just something that I do. My mind just immediately goes, “Great! But that’s the future. And I will deal with that as I get to it. Now, bringing myself back to the current moment, what can I do here and now?”
And that’s the thing, you can’t do anything about the past… ’cause the past has already passed. Funny that! And you can’t do anything about the future except for make smart choices right here, right now.
So this is what this episode is about. It is simply about saying, instead of getting hung up on what’s happened, instead of getting hung up on what might potentially happen tomorrow, all I want you to do is to give yourself, not just permission, but give yourself the push to say, “I exist here and now. What can I do in this current moment to influence a better future, or to deal with and let go of stuff from the past that might be going around in my head?” That’s it.
So then the question is, how do you do all of that? Can you learn to live in the present more and to really embrace the power of the present moment? Well, the answer is yes, by the way, but I’m about to explore lots of practical ways to be present right after this quick break.
[AD BREAK]
And welcome back!
So far we’ve talked about what being present means and why it matters so much. So now let’s talk about…
How to be in the present.
Okay, so I’m going to walk you through a number of practical ways to really live in the moment more and anchor yourself in the present. I’d suggest that you grab a notebook and pen, or make some notes on your phone, so that you can write down any of the tips that resonate with you.
And, as always, I’m going to suggest that you try just maybe one or two of these at a time, maybe over a couple of weeks, and then pick another one or two and slowly build up from there. You don’t have to do every single one of them. This is the reason why you may find it helpful to sign up for my weekly newsletter, which also has the episode transcript; it’s linked in the description or just go to ltamh.com because you get it in your inbox and you can actually go back and refer to it at any time and go, oh, hang on, there’s that tip, highlight that, fantastic, that’s the next thing I want to try.
I mean, you can come back and listen to these episodes or watch these episodes as many times as you want! More than happy for you to do that, and I appreciate those of you that do! You’ve also got the option with the transcript, if that makes it easier for you.
So with all of that said, let’s get onto the tips and my first tip is…
Begin noticing when you’re not present. So you’ll often hear me pointing out that you can’t change what you don’t notice, and that self-awareness really is the absolute foundation of better mental health. So the first step in being more present is to simply catch yourself if and when your mind has wandered off. So when you notice that happening, you being more focused on the past or the future, ask yourself: what’s going on? Are you ruminating about the past? Or are you worrying about what’s next? Are you distracted by your phone? Are you thinking about the ‘plot’ on the latest episode of that reality show that you won’t admit to anyone else that you’re addicted to? Whatever it is, just notice it when it happens… without judgment. And then do one more thing: gently call yourself back to the present moment. I find that a simple way to do this is to close my eyes and breathe slowly, and to say to myself, “I am present.” There are 1,001 apps you can get to help you do this stuff, but honestly, I don’t think you need to overthink it. Keep it simple! Okay, next…
Make peace with discomfort. All right, so part of being present means allowing things to be as they are, rather than as you wish they were… even if they’re uncomfortable. You don’t have to like everything, and you don’t have to fix everything in the moment; you just have to stay with it, without running away from it. That’s where presence begins: in acceptance, not avoidance. I covered discomfort back in Episode 239, and I think you’ll find that helpful because this stuff causes a lot of discomfort, so I’m going to link that in the description, or you can just head to ltamh.com and you’ll find it linked on the ‘Episodes’ page where they’re all linked. Alright, next…
Let go of needing to feel present in order to be present. So being present isn’t something that you have to feel first before you can actually be it. It’s a choice you make, like learning the words to your favourite Eurovision songs… Espresso Macchiato anyone?! Look, you might not feel particularly calm or connected… or you might have thoughts of what happened yesterday, or what may happen tomorrow, that are going around and around in your head, like a demonic budgerigar stuck on a turntable, but you can always choose to return your attention to what’s in front of you. Always. No special techniques required. Simply choose. I mean… if you really want to, feel free to click your heels together three times while you do it… but it’s as simple as that: choose to focus on this moment. Okay, next…
Anchor yourself in your senses. Your five senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste) are incredibly powerful tools for grounding you in the present, because they require you to actually focus on the present moment in order to fully process the information they’re presenting to you. So, consciously focus on them. What can you see right now? What can you hear? Smell? Feel? Taste? Pick one and explore it fully. It’s a simple yet powerful way to reconnect with the present moment, and so too is my next tip…
Breathe. The good news is that this one is not only incredibly effective, it also comes at my favorite price: free! So aside from the fact that you need to breathe in order to live, it also serves lots of other useful purposes. Did you know that gentle breathing activates your body’s parasympathetic nervous system, which helps you to calm down when you’re feeling anxious or stressed? Plus, it helps you to focus on the here and now. Your breath is always with you. So when you feel yourself getting pulled away from the present moment, take at least three deep, slow, and conscious, deliberate breaths. Let each exhale be an invitation for your mind to return to the present moment, and give yourself permission to let go of anything that’s taking you away from this moment. If that’s hard to do, write it down and resolve to come back to it later. Breathing is a simple and effective anchor that focuses your attention within. And a few simple breaths can make a massive difference very, very quickly. Like Her Royal Highness, Lady Kylie of Minogue, told us in her 1998 single: breathe, breathe… it won’t long now. And if you’re anxious and struggling to do that, I’d highly recommend that you check out Episode 281 about how to deal with anxiety. Alright, next…
Create moments to pause and be present throughout your day. Remind yourself regularly to take a few seconds between tasks to check in with yourself, breathe, stretch, and notice how you’re feeling. These tiny pauses help to reset your nervous system, and they break the cycle of doing things on autopilot. You might also find it helpful to set a reminder on your phone, or to block out some time in your diary, just to do little check-ins with yourself throughout the day, because they serve to return your focus to the present moment and they can help to clear your head. Okay, next…
Do one thing at a time. Multitasking scatters your attention… so, whenever possible, focus on one task at a time and do it with intention. Whether it’s washing the dishes or replying to an email, don’t just zone out of these tasks; be where you are, doing what you’re doing… because they’re part of the experience of living, even if whatever you’re doing may seem incredibly mundane. Next…
Put your phone down more often. You don’t need to live in digital silence like it’s the golden days of the 1990s, but it’s important to give your brain space to breathe… and many of us, myself included sometimes, have a terrible habit of reaching for our phones to fill the gaps or to distract us; sometimes, even while we’re doing other things. Yes, I see you sitting there scrolling on social media while you’re checking out this episode, don’t think I don’t have my eye on you! Look, our devices aren’t real life. They’re distractions. So it’s important to find a healthy balance between using them and also making time for other things. Turn off your notifications, put your phone on silent more often, and have periods of the day where you don’t look at it at all. Leave your phone in another room while you sleep. Whatever you do, choose to be fully in the moment instead of just watching it through a screen. Oh, and on that note: if you go to a show, or a concert, or festival, please watch the damn show instead of just looking at it through a tiny little screen! That’s not living! Alright, with that rant over, “thanks Grandpa!”, my next tip is…
Practice active listening. When someone’s talking to you, listen to them. Really listen; not just to their words, but to their tone, their body language, their meaning. Stay fully present with the person you’re talking with, instead of planning your response or letting your mind wander. We human beings want and need to feel seen and heard and valued, and it’s hard to feel like that when the person you’re talking with obviously has other things on their mind and isn’t actually engaged in the conversation. So, treat people the way that you would want to be treated and just be kinder. Okay, next…
Ask yourself what matters most right now. This one simple question can cut through all of the noise and bring you straight into the core of the moment. And not only does it help you to be more present, but it also serves to reinforce a fundamental truth of life: the majority of the stuff that we tend to think is urgent, or important, or life shattering really doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. Consciously focusing on what really matters in this moment is a mental reset that reminds you where your focus needs to be. Next…
Notice moments of joy. Your brain tends to be really quick to notice the negative, or to decide that something is a threat, but it can take a lot more effort for it to pay attention to the good stuff… big and small. However, the more you consciously focus on the positives, the more positives you’ll find to focus on. So train your brain to notice the small pleasures of life: the smell of your coffee, the feel of sunlight on your face, a kind word said to you. The more you notice the positive, the less you worry about the negative… and the more present you become. Okay, next…
Name what’s happening. This is a really simple mindfulness technique called ‘labelling’ that helps you create emotional distance from reactive thoughts or feelings. So… when you have an emotional reaction to something, pause and ask yourself what you’re feeling and then put a label on it. For example: “I’m feeling anxious” or “I’m having a thought about failure.” This helps you to observe your emotions without being overwhelmed by them, which then helps them to gently pass while you keep yourself more anchored in the present. You’ll also find it incredibly helpful after that to also ask yourself why you are feeling the way that you are feeling; not only does that keep you more anchored in rational thought, but it helps you to identify the source of your emotional reactions so that you can better address them or better manage them in the future. Alright, next…
Don’t judge yourself for drifting away from the present moment. Look, you’re human and there’s no doubt about it: your mind will wander. Being present isn’t about being perfect and never, ever getting distracted… mainly because perfect doesn’t exist, so chasing after it just sets you up for failure, since it’s a goal that you can never, ever reach. Being present is about gently and consciously returning your focus back to the present. It’s like building strength by doing specific exercises; each time you choose to come back to the present moment, you’re building that muscle… and that makes you stronger and stronger over time. Okay, next…
Build routines for yourself that support being present. Having structure in place helps you to create greater space for awareness. Morning rituals, meal routines, and wind down habits can all serve to give you anchoring points in your day that help to reconnect you with yourself. I have a simple daily reflection tool that helps you to do this in just a few minutes, three times a day; it’s available to buy at ltamh.com/store, and it’s linked in the episode description. Okay, next…
Create quiet moments for yourself and protect them fiercely. Look, I don’t want to sound all philosophical and ‘Instagrammy’ here, but stillness really is fertile ground for presence… and choosing to regularly take time for yourself helps you to connect with yourself and the present moment, with your present moment; whether that means taking a quiet walk, or a few moments of daily reflection, or simply blocking out time to stare out of the window. Just give yourself space to be without doing.
Because here’s the thing:
Life doesn’t just stop because you’re not paying attention to it. It keeps on going, whether you’re present for it or not; moment by moment, day by day.
And in the words of Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Choosing to be more present won’t make your problems suddenly disappear, but it will change the way you experience them. It helps you to respond to things with more clarity instead of reactivity, it deepens your relationships, and it lets you actually live your life instead of just racing through it.
Because when it comes to being present, what it all boils down to is this: if you’re not truly here for your life, you’re going to miss it… and that would be a terrible shame.
The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing.
So, what choice will you make today?
Each week, I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by Abraham Maslow, and it is:
The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.
Abraham Maslow
Let me repeat that.
The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.
All right, that’s nearly it for this week.
What’s one simple thing you can do today to bring yourself back to the present moment? Let me know in the comments and let’s talk… because the more we talk about it, the easier it gets.
Sign up for my weekly newsletter at ltamh.com and support me on Patreon for early access to ad free episodes. They’re both linked in the description.
Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!
You’ll also find my episode about dealing with overwhelm helpful; it’s linked in the description.
Next week I’ll be talking about letting go of anger. Follow or subscribe to never miss an episode, and have a great week! Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.
Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.
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