239: Emotional Discomfort (and how to deal with it)

What is discomfort, and why is experiencing your emotional discomfort necessary? Well, if you’re ready to learn how to deal with discomfort then let’s talk! 😃

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What is discomfort, and why is experiencing your emotional discomfort necessary? And how can you work through emotional discomfort in order to move forward with your life?

Well, that’s what I’m talking about this week here on Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast that makes better mental health simple. 

Ready to learn how to start dealing with discomfort? Then, get comfortable and let’s talk!

Hello and welcome to Episode 239 of Let’s Talk About Mental Health, and thanks for joining me as I talk about discomfort and mental health.

I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this isn’t your regular podcast full of interviews and random opinions. I’m a mental health counsellor and writer, and each week I look at one specific aspect of better mental health and I share simple and practical tips you can apply immediately, all based on quality research and my own experience of learning to live with anxiety and depression after a breakdown in 2011 that changed my life.

In this episode I’ll be talking about what emotional discomfort is (as well as emotional numbness), why experiencing discomfort is necessary if you want to heal, and how to deal with discomfort so you can grow.

So, let’s talk!

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I’m going to tell you something that will probably make you fairly uncomfortable: the only way to work through your feelings is to actually feel them, and that’s probably going to be both difficult and painful. And there’s no short-cut around that; there’s no pill you can pop, no course you can take, or book you can read, to change that fundamental fact of life. Emotional pain is painful, and the only way to get through it is to work through it.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, and now that I probably have you squirming in your seat, I am delighted to confirm that there are lots of things you can do to work through emotional discomfort in a considered and thoughtful way… but the operative word there is ‘work’ because, quite frankly, this stuff takes effort (as well as time and perseverance, which together form three of the most fundamental aspects of healing). 

I’ll take you through a whole bunch of practical ways to navigate through discomfort in the second half of this episode, but first let’s take a moment to get ourselves on the same page with some definitions and let’s talk about… 

What is emotional discomfort?

So, in broad terms, ‘discomfort’ refers to an unpleasant or uneasy sensation. It can manifest both physically and mentally, creating a sense of unease, distress, or mild pain; in today’s episode I’m focusing wholly and solely on emotional discomfort; the uneasy or difficult feelings we experience when we’re confronted with challenging or distressing emotions like sadness, fear, anxiety, frustration, etc. These types of feelings arise from situations that disrupt our emotional balance, forcing us to have to address them or navigate our way through them. 

Emotional discomfort can serve as an indicator that something requires our attention or change, and while it can be unpleasant it often signals areas where personal growth or healing is needed (or both). Acknowledging and understanding these types of feelings is essential for developing your emotional resilience and improving your mental health.

Emotional discomfort is something we experience daily, even in small ways. It might be the awkwardness of navigating a difficult conversation or the anxiety you feel before giving a big presentation. This sensation signals that something isn’t quite right, prompting you to adjust or respond to the situation. For example, imagine starting a new job; the nervousness you feel is emotional discomfort, a sign that you’re stepping out of your comfort zone and facing unfamiliar challenges. 

From a mental health perspective, emotional discomfort often arises when we confront difficult emotions or situations we’d rather avoid (and this is where I’ll focus most of today’s conversation). It can be the fear of addressing a long-standing personal issue, the sadness of processing a loss, or the stress of dealing with change. These uncomfortable feelings are part of the human experience and they signal areas where you might need to focus your attention for healing and growth.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. Imagine you’re feeling anxious about an upcoming life change; that anxiety might feel unpleasant, but it’s your mind’s way of alerting you to something important. It’s a call to action, encouraging you to explore what’s causing the anxiety so that you can find ways to manage it.

So, in essence, emotional discomfort is not just something we need to endure but it’s a vital signal that helps us recognise when we need to make adjustments or face deeper issues, and acknowledging and understanding your discomfort can be the first step towards meaningful change and better mental health.

Let’s talk about emotional numbness for a moment, which is a state where you feel detached or disconnected from your emotions and it’s often a protective response to overwhelming stress, trauma, or chronic emotional pain, where you might struggle to feel joy, sadness, or other emotions. This numbness serves as a defence mechanism, shielding you from intense discomfort by dampening your emotional responses. It’s closely related to emotional discomfort, in that when you experience discomfort but don’t address or process it your mind might resort to emotional numbness as a way to cope. Essentially, it’s a form of emotional avoidance. While emotional discomfort signals areas needing attention and growth, emotional numbness blocks this signal, making it difficult to engage with and resolve underlying issues, and so emotional numbness can prevent you from fully experiencing and addressing your emotions, interfering with your personal and emotional development; if you find yourself in this detached or numb kind of state, it’s important that you speak with a therapist or counsellor as soon as possible so they can help you safely navigate through whatever you’re experiencing.

Returning our focus back to emotional discomfort, last week in Episode 238 I talked about letting go — releasing the past, relinquishing control, and learning to embrace change — and this week’s focus on discomfort ties directly into that theme, because letting go often involves confronting uncomfortable emotions and experiences that you might prefer to avoid (and by ‘prefer to avoid’ I mean ‘want to run for the hills’!). 

Discomfort signals where you need to focus your energy in order to heal and move forward. When you let go, you’ll often have to deal with unresolved feelings or make significant changes. Just as letting go is about releasing what no longer serves you, dealing with discomfort is about recognising and working through any uneasy or uncomfortable feelings that arise so you can keep on moving forward. 

Both processes are about freeing yourself from what holds you back and opening yourself up to growth and healing. In essence, letting go is about the “what” and “why” — what you need to release and why it’s important — while dealing with discomfort is about the “how” and “when” — how to manage those uneasy feelings and when to face them. Together, they form a powerful approach to developing better mental health and wellbeing.

So with all of that in mind, now let’s talk about…

Why experiencing discomfort is necessary if you want to heal

Allowing yourself to actually sit with emotional discomfort, rather than avoiding it or distracting yourself with unhealthy coping mechanisms, is absolutely crucial because it allows you to understand and process your feelings, rather than suppressing them, which helps to foster greater self-awareness and emotional growth and enabling you to develop healthier coping mechanisms and build resilience. Consciously and proactively working on it means acknowledging your emotions, reflecting on their sources, and learning from them in an objective and non-judgemental way, which helps to prevent unresolved emotions from building up and potentially leading to more significant emotional and mental issues over time. In short, if you want to heal then you have to deal with your emotions; consider it short-term pain for long-term gain!

So, then, why do we often have so much difficulty with our emotions? Well, for starters, we live in a society where emotions are often frowned upon and where it’s an insult to be labelled “too sensitive” or “overly emotional” (both of which I was described as many times throughout my corporate career), but emotions serve an important purpose in that they tell us how we really feel about things, plus they help to push us to take action; however, like anything in life, it’s about finding a healthy balance — in this case, a balance between your emotions and your logical, rational mind, so that you can make informed choices that weigh up all the pros and cons of a particular course of action.

And then the other reason we can struggle with working through our emotions is that it can be painful. Delving into your feelings often means having to confront past hurts, fears, or unresolved conflicts, all of which can bring about significant emotional discomfort. This pain can make you hesitant to explore your emotions deeply, leading you to avoid them or suppress them instead. However, avoidance can prevent you from healing and be harmful for your personal growth, because unresolved emotions don’t just magically disappear; they linger in the background, influencing your behaviour and your wellbeing. Consciously facing your emotional pain is challenging, but it’s essential for achieving true emotional resilience and figuring out how to move forward in a healthy way.

Suppressing your emotions often leads to increased stress, irritability, strained relationships, and more. When you ignore emotional discomfort, it festers and it can potentially manifest itself in physical symptoms or emotional outbursts that complicate your personal and professional life (I have a working relationship that was destroyed because I was so stressed about something else that was going on that I snapped when someone asked me an innocent question about another topic, and we never seemed to be able to recover our relationship after that even though I apologised and explained it wasn’t about her).

From a mental health perspective, avoiding emotional discomfort can contribute to anxiety, depression, and other psychological issues. Unaddressed emotions can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, like substance abuse or compulsive behaviours, as temporary escapes from your distress. Over time, this avoidance hinders your ability to deal with future emotional challenges, leading to a cycle of chronic emotional distress.

In essence, managing your emotional discomfort thoughtfully is about taking proactive steps towards better emotional well-being, enabling you to face life’s challenges with greater confidence and clarity.

So, how do you do that? Well, let’s first take a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…

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And welcome back! Now let’s get into the how-to part of today’s episode and let’s talk about… 

How to deal with discomfort so you can grow

Alright then my petite little flowers (I have no idea where that just came from!), let’s get this show on the road with some practical tips to help you deal with emotional discomfort in the moment (and then I’ll talk about longer-term things you can do), starting with… 

Acknowledge your feelings — and, honestly, did you expect me to start with anything else?! Because the entire point of this episode is about not hiding from the stuff you need to work through in order to take steps towards healing, so that means you’re going to need to deal with the stuff you need to deal with! Recognising and naming your uncomfortable emotions is the first step in working through it, and that involves consciously identifying what you’re feeling and why. By acknowledging your emotions, you validate your experiences rather than dismissing or ignoring them and that helps to reduce the power those feelings have over you, allowing you to better understand their origin and how they’ve impacted you. You can do that by taking a moment to reflect whenever discomfort arises, writing down what you’re feeling, and considering what might have triggered it. Another way is with my next tip…

Breathe — because breathing is the single greatest tool we have to be able to calm our sympathetic nervous system (which is what puts you on high alert when your brain perceives a potential threat); gently inhaling and exhaling for at least 30 seconds calms you down and it helps you to be able to better understand what you’re feeling and why. And so that leads to my next tip…

Use grounding techniques — which is about staying connected to the present moment when discomfort feels overwhelming, diverting your attention away from distressing thoughts and sensations. Focus on physical sensations, like feeling the ground beneath your feet, holding a comforting object, or counting down from ten while taking deep breaths. These simple actions can help calm your mind and body, making it easier to manage discomfort. Next…

Move your body — exercise can be a powerful tool for managing discomfort because physical activity releases endorphins, which improve your mood and reduce stress. Take a brisk walk, do a yoga session, or bust a move and dance like nobody’s watching. Moving your body can shift your focus away from discomfort and help you feel more grounded and in control. OK, next…

Challenge negative thoughts — OK, so emotional discomfort often comes with negative or catastrophic thinking. Challenging these thoughts can help reduce their intensity, because it shifts your perspective and lets you see situations more realistically and less fearfully. Question the evidence for your negative thoughts and consider alternative, more positive interpretations. For example, if you think, “I’ll never succeed,” ask yourself, “What evidence do I have for this?” and “What other outcomes are possible?” Next…

Practice self-compassion — being kind to yourself during times of emotional discomfort can significantly ease the burden, because it reduces self-criticism and promotes emotional resilience. Treat yourself as you would a friend by offering words of encouragement, taking breaks when needed, and reminding yourself that it’s OK to struggle. Self-compassion can help you stay motivated and positive, even when you’re facing discomfort.

Alright, now let’s talk about longer term things you can do to work through your emotional discomfort — starting with…

Feel what you need to feel — because you’re not going to heal if you don’t work through what you feel! Make intentional time to sit with your emotions in a safe place and allow yourself to fully experience them, which prevents avoidance and encourages emotional processing. You can do this by finding a quiet place where you can reflect or meditate, focusing on what you’re feeling and letting those emotions flow naturally. If you’re dealing with particularly painful stuff then I’m going to strongly suggest you do this with a professional, who can guide you through in a way that’s going to help you explore things but also not end up just an emotional puddle on the floor! OK, next…

Express yourself — give yourself permission to acknowledge how you feel about things and to express your emotions in a healthy and constructive way (or to learn how to if this is all new to you!); by treating your emotions with respect, rather than fearing them or trying to hide them, you’ll build a healthier relationship with them over time. Next…

Focus on acceptance — because you cannot change what has happened in the past, only learn from it, so by all means feel however you feel about things but don’t allow yourself to get caught up in blame or wishful thinking because you can’t un-know what you now know; look for the lesson, learn it, accept things as they are (even if you don’t like them), and choose to focus on moving forward with your life. Next…

Develop your emotional awareness — becoming more consciously aware of your emotions can help you navigate discomfort more effectively, especially if you’re prone to ignoring your feelings or trying to suppress them, and it allows you to recognise patterns and triggers which makes it easier to manage your responses. You can do this by regularly checking in with yourself throughout the day, asking yourself what you’re feeling — and why — and noting any recurring themes. This simple practice helps build your emotional intelligence, which can reduce the impact of discomfort over time, and it’s an important step in learning how to regulate your emotions (which is a topic I covered in Episode 198). OK, next…

Gradually expose yourself to discomfort — and that involves facing challenging emotions in small, manageable doses, which can help desensitise you to these feelings over time, reducing their impact and allowing you to develop better coping strategies. Try identifying situations or emotions that cause discomfort and approaching them bit-by-bit; for example, if discussing your feelings is difficult, start by journaling your thoughts privately, then share with a close friend, and gradually expand to more open conversations. Each step helps you build emotional resilience and confidence, making it easier to handle discomfort in the future. Next…

Set small, achievable goals — setting and achieving small goals can help you build confidence and reduce discomfort, and it provides a sense of accomplishment and progress which makes larger challenges seem more manageable. Try breaking down a daunting task into smaller and more manageable steps, and focus on completing them one at a time. For example, if you’re anxious about a large project, start by outlining a plan and tackling one small part each day. OK, next… 

Adopt a growth mindset — viewing discomfort as an opportunity for growth, rather than a setback, can totally transform your experience, because it encourages you to see challenges as an opportunity to learn and improve (which they are!). Remind yourself that discomfort is a normal part of growth, embrace challenges as steps towards personal development, and celebrate your progress, no matter how small it may seem (because all progress is still progress!). Next…

Accept uncertainty — learning to accept uncertainty can reduce discomfort related to fear of the unknown, and it leads to a more adaptable and less anxious mindset. Consciously practice acceptance of situations you cannot control and focus on what you can influence, and reward yourself for times where you’ve been accepting of things outside of your control. Remember that uncertainty is a fundamental part of life and so, rather than fearing it, you can choose to embrace it as an opportunity for growth and learning. OK, next…

Develop your problem-solving skills — which is about equipping yourself with practical tools to address issues that cause you emotional discomfort. You can do this by approaching problems systematically: identify the issue and its cause, brainstorm potential solutions, evaluate your options, implement the best one, monitor the results and refine as necessary (or try another approach if your chosen solution doesn’t work in the way you need it to). Practicing this method in everyday situations can strengthen your ability to manage discomfort more effectively so you can work on your healing (which, by the way, is a topic I covered in Episode 97). OK, next… 

Learn assertiveness — being assertive about your needs and boundaries can help you to communicate clearly and reduce misunderstandings, meaning you’re able to better understand where you stand in various situations and relationships (and situationships, if the kids are still saying that!). You can practice assertiveness by expressing your feelings and needs calmly, respectfully, confidently, and without apology. Start with small situations, like expressing a particular preference, and gradually work up to more challenging scenarios. You might find Episode 45 (about assertiveness) to be helpful as well. Next… 

Cultivate patience — because being more patient can help to reduce feelings of frustration and anxiety, allowing you to approach challenges with a calm and measured attitude. You can do this by practicing patience in everyday situations, like when you’re waiting in line or dealing with delays; instead of filling the time with your phone, use it as an opportunity to practice being patient and regulating your emotions. Remind yourself that discomfort is often temporary and that patience can help you navigate it a lot more gracefully. OK, next…

Seek new perspectives — I hate to break it to you, but you don’t know everything… which is why gaining new perspectives can help you understand and manage your emotional discomfort, because it broadens your knowledge and reduces feelings of isolation or helplessness. Try talking to others, reading books, or exploring different viewpoints related to your discomfort. Engaging with diverse perspectives can provide insights and strategies for coping that you might not have considered. Next…

Seek support — talking about your emotional discomfort with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide relief and insight… and it sure beats keeping it bottled up! Talking about it allows you to express your feelings, gain perspective, and receive encouragement, and you can do this by reaching out to someone you trust and being honest about what you’re experiencing. Sometimes, just knowing that someone else understands can make a significant difference in how you cope with discomfort… because the more we talk about it, the easier it gets.

Summary and Close-out

Because when it comes to discomfort and mental health, what it all boils down to is this:

Embracing discomfort is more than just facing unpleasant feelings — it’s a courageous step towards personal growth and healing. By acknowledging and working through your discomfort, you’re building resilience and opening doors to new possibilities. It’s about recognising that these challenging moments, while uncomfortable, are essential in shaping a stronger, more adaptable you. So, remember that allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel, even if it’s uncomfortable, is bringing you closer to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author and it is:

“I’m not OK, but I will be.”

Unknown

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

How do you deal with emotional discomfort? If you’re on Spotify scroll down and share in the Q&A section below, otherwise let me know on Instagram @ltamentalhealth or by commenting on the transcript, which you can have delivered to your inbox each week, along with my newsletter Thursday Thoughts; sign up at ltamh.com or use the link in the episode description. And discover more mental health tips on my other Instagram account @itsjeremygodwin, plus become a paid supporter on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes. 

Next week I’ll be talking about codependency. 

Relationships of all types — romantic, platonic, familial, even work relationships — play an important role in our social wellbeing and our sense of connection, but sometimes they can lead to situations that make it hard to maintain our individual identity… which can be harmful to your mental health, and even potentially dangerous in some cases. So how can you find a healthy balance in your relationships? Well, next time I’ll be talking about what codependency is, why addressing codependency matters, and how to manage codependency in a healthy way.

That episode will be released on the 14th of July, 2024, and I hope you’ll join me for it! Hit ‘follow’ on your podcast service and press the bell to turn on notifications so you never miss an episode.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com   

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
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The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.