Still hurting and wondering why you’re not ‘over it’ yet? This episode reveals what real healing looks like… and why it’s nothing like you’ve been told. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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About this episode:

You can’t rush your way out of pain.

Believe me, I’ve tried.

When you’re hurting, the urge to get past it — to fix it, to forget it, to get far away from it, or to pretend it didn’t happen — can be overwhelming.

But here’s the hard truth I had to learn the long way: healing doesn’t happen just because time passes.

It happens because you choose to do the work.

Bit by bit.

Even when it’s messy.

And even when it feels like you’re getting nowhere.

This week on Let’s Talk About Mental Health, I’m breaking down what real healing looks like, and how to stop judging yourself for not being “over it” yet. You’ll learn why healing is so hard, how to take the pressure off yourself, and what to focus on instead if you want to actually move forward.

💡 Quick Tip: Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. It means choosing not to let it control you anymore.

Because when you stop expecting healing to be straightforward, that’s when it finally starts to feel possible.

🎧 Ready to stop pushing yourself to “get over it” and start actually moving through it? Then let’s talk!

The full episode is out now. Watch it, listen to it, or read the full transcript below… and have a fantastic week!

Jeremy 😃

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Episode Transcript:

Healing takes patience, not pressure

You don’t just get over pain… you learn to live around it.

And if you’re still hurting, that doesn’t mean that you’re not healing. 

Healing takes time and it’s usually a lot slower and messier than you’d like it to be.

It’s about making peace with what happened… not forgetting it, and not pretending it didn’t hurt.

Because moving forward means learning how to get unstuck.

So today I’m talking about what healing really looks like, and creating a life that isn’t defined by whatever hurt you.

So, let’s talk about healing!

Healing isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ process.

Sometimes it looks like just making progress, but other times it looks like surviving the day without falling apart.

And that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means you’re human.

Because the problem is that we’ve been sold this idea that healing is some sort of neat, tidy, linear journey that we go on that has a clear start and finish… but, in real life, it doesn’t work like that.

Real healing is full of ups and downs, false starts, relapses, and quiet progress that nobody else gets to see.

And when you’re in the thick of it, it can be really hard to know if you’re even getting anywhere… especially if you’re putting pressure on yourself to hurry up and be over it.

This episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast is about untangling those expectations.

To get there, I’m going to walk you through what healing actually looks and feels like; how to recognise the signs of progress, even if they’re not obvious; and how to stop judging yourself for not being further along.

We’ll also talk about the difference between ‘moving on’ and ‘moving forward’… because one of those keeps you stuck, and the other sets you free.

So if you’re tired of feeling like you’re falling behind in your healing, you’re in the right place.

And if you’re new here, I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this show is your weekly dose of better mental health. I share simple and straightforward ways to improve your mental wellbeing that you can put into practice immediately.

So let’s start by talking about…

What does healing mean?

Healing is the process of making peace with what hurt you so that it can no longer control you or how you think and feel, or how you live your life.

It’s about being able to look forward instead of back, and to take action that helps you to grow; bit by bit, step by step.

The thing about healing is that it is a process, not an event. So, it doesn’t just happen magically all at once. It’s not something that you sit down one day and do a certain exercise or talk to a certain type of person and that’s it… you have healed. There’s no perfect Hollywood moment when everything suddenly feels fine and your burden is somehow lifted from your shoulders. 

If you’re waiting for that, then you’re always going to feel stuck… because healing unfolds slowly, and often it’s quiet.

It happens through your choices, and the small shifts you make that add up over time.

Now, there are some days that it’s going to look like making real, tangible progress, and you can really put your finger on it and identify it. 

Other days, it might just look like getting through the day without falling apart.

But both of them count.

Healing is about finding acceptance, not erasure.

Now, healing doesn’t mean that you forget what happened or that you pretend that it didn’t matter. 

It means learning how to live with the pain without letting it control you.

It means that you stop running from it.

It means that you stop letting it define you, and over time it means that you build a life for yourself around it, around whatever happened. Not to erase that pain, but to hold it more gently and to integrate it into the core of who you are.

Now, healing often feels worse before it feels better. This is the part of healing that nobody really talks about. Healing is exhausting, physically and emotionally. It can be incredibly uncomfortable, and most often it can bring up really complicated emotions like grief, and you can even have moments that feel like you’re going backwards.

During your healing process, you will face stuff that you’ve been avoiding for years and it can feel like you’re opening a can of worms that… really, there are going to be days that you may even just want to put that can of worms back on the shelf and pretend that it’s not even there. The ache, the anger, the agony of guilt… it can all rise to the surface weeks, months, years after whatever happened.

That doesn’t mean that your healing is not working.

In fact, those moments are often when the real healing is happening.

At the core of it all, it’s about finding and creating peace within yourself; not because the pain somehow disappears, but because you stop letting it own you.

That kind of peace doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen… one brave, messy, imperfect step at a time.

Yes, it’s tough, and yes, it’s hard work, but there are huge payoffs when you put in the effort and when you treat yourself with kindness as you go through your healing journey, day by day, step by step.

Healing is not something that just happens in the blink of an eye, and it’s not something that just happens because you will it to or you demand it to.

Healing is hard.

And so that brings me to the next part of this episode…

Why is healing so hard?

And there are actually quite a few reasons why the healing journey feels so difficult, so let’s talk through a few of them.

First…

healing is hard because it requires you to feel what you’ve spent years trying not to feel.

Most of us avoid pain. Very few people go, “Ooh, pain, great… gimme that!”That’s a totally normal thing, right?! Whether it’s healthy or not is a whole other conversation…! But really, who wants to feel pain if they can avoid it?

So we distract ourselves, we suppress our pain, we numb it, we push it down, or we try to outrun it.

But healing forces you to slow down, and look at, and poke, and prod, and feel the very things you’ve been avoiding for months, for years, for decades… and of course it’s going to feel awful at times.

There’s nothing wrong with you for finding it difficult.

You’re just finally giving your pain the attention it’s been asking for all along, and that’s incredibly uncomfortable.

But it’s also necessary.

Because pain doesn’t go away just because we ignore it.

Healing often strips away your coping mechanisms.

So… when you start to heal, you begin questioning the habits and patterns that you’ve used to survive, even the unhealthy ones.

And that might mean letting go of people pleasing, perfectionism, overworking, numbing your pain, or staying in toxic relationships just to feel safe.

And the scary part is that you haven’t built new ways of coping yet.

So, for a while, it kind of feels like you’re standing in the middle of a life that you don’t know how to navigate yet, and it’s incredibly unsettling… but it’s also a sign that you’re no longer settling for just surviving; you’re choosing growth.

Now, healing also brings up grief.

And this is one of the hardest parts of healing to deal with.

So you may find yourself grieving things that never happened like the love you didn’t receive, the apology you never got, the childhood you needed but didn’t have.

The hardest thing for me in my own journey of healing from an abusive childhood and messed-up family dynamics, well into adulthood (and well into this decade), has been a kind of ‘slap in the face’ realisation that I never knew what it was to feel safe and protected as a child. I was constantly in ‘fight or flight’ mode because my mother was physically and emotionally abusive, and I ran on pure adrenaline and fear for the majority of my childhood and teenage years.

Honestly, I think I’m still processing that fact, but I’m definitely a lot further along in that journey than I was even just a few years back, thanks to a lot of work with my therapist.

And that type of grief that comes up with recognising things like that during the healing process is real, it is tangible, and it deserves to be felt.

You don’t have to minimise it, or rush through it, or excuse it, or explain it away, and nor should you, because grieving unmet needs is part of healing your wounds.

Healing can also feel like you’re losing your identity.

When pain or trauma has been part of your story for a long time, it becomes part of how you see yourself.

Letting go of that pain, or loosening its grip on you, can feel incredibly disorienting at first, and terrifying at worst, and you can find yourself wondering, whether it’s conscious or subconscious, who am I without this hurt? Or, who am I if I’m not constantly struggling?

And those types of questions are incredibly uncomfortable; but they’re also another sign that you’re rebuilding your sense of self… and that’s a great thing, because that means that you get to choose who you become next.

Healing doesn’t follow a timeline.

So it’s not like you can say, “OK, cool, I’ll give this three months and then I’ll be fine.” 

Because real healing doesn’t work like that.

Some days you’re going to feel strong and hopeful, and other days you’ll feel like you’re back at square one.

But just because it feels like you’re having a setback, that doesn’t mean it actually is one… because progress isn’t always obvious in the moment.

Often you can only see how far you’ve come when you look back.

Now, you might not get closure… but you don’t actually need it to heal.

So it is one of the hardest things to accept, the idea that the person who hurt you may never say sorry or may never make amends.

That’s often what we want in terms of closure, and even in terms of justice.

But the justice you want may never come. The loose ends might stay loose.

But healing isn’t about wrapping things up with a neat little bow. It’s about accepting that the past happened, and choosing to stop giving it control over your future.

What you think will bring you closure will just raise more questions.

Being really personal now… for me, I realised a long time ago that even if my mother were to somehow apologise for physically and emotionally abusing me and terrorising me, and if my father somehow came back to life and apologised for completely abandoning me, none of that would ever actually answer the question that I really used to want to have answered: Why? How the hell could you do that to a child? Because there isn’t an answer; at least not one that’s going to be acceptable. You know what I mean?

This is about really recognising, and really understanding, that you don’t need closure from someone else to begin again or to move forward.

You just need to decide that your peace of mind is worth more than staying stuck in the horrible emotions associated with what you went through.

So, yes, healing is hard… but the fact that it’s hard doesn’t mean that it’s impossible, and it doesn’t mean that you don’t do the work. 

This is where that perseverance bit kicks in that I was talking about earlier.

So the question now is: how do you actually keep going when it feels so tough?

Well, that’s exactly what I’m going to walk you through next, right after this quick break.

[AD BREAK]

And welcome back!

So we’ve talked about why healing is so difficult, and now it’s time to talk about how to actually work through it in a way that feels doable and supportive, especially when you’re still carrying pain or doubt. So let’s talk about… 

How to heal and move forward

You know that old saying, “time heals all wounds”?

That’s quite possibly the single most unhealthy statement I have ever heard in my entire life. Talk about avoiding things that need to be dealt with!

The truth is healing doesn’t just happen because time passes.

It happens because you do the work, and because you make space for it.

The way you do that is through small and intentional actions that support your wellbeing and that help you to move forward bit by bit.

So in this part of the episode, I’m going to walk you through a bunch of practical ways to support your healing journey based around four themes: mindset shifts, emotional self-awareness, practical habits, and consciously moving forward.

Let’s start with tips around mindset shifts for healing and I’m beginning here because healing starts in your mind… and, more specifically, how you choose to think about your healing because that shapes the way you experience it. First…

Let go of your healing timeline. Healing doesn’t follow a set schedule and the sooner you stop comparing your journey to someone else’s, or to some made up standard, the more peace you’ll find. You’re not late, you’re not behind, and you haven’t failed just because you’re still working through things. Everyone’s healing takes a different shape and form, and it happens at your own unique pace. Focus on where you are now, not where you think you should be. Next…

Reframe healing as progress, not restoration. Healing isn’t about becoming flawless or never struggling again, and it’s definitely not about having to restore yourself to some form of version of yourself. It’s about learning how to navigate your life with more awareness, kindness, and strength. And it’s about working out who you are now, not who you once were, as well as who you’re becoming, or who you want to become. When I finally started recovering from the worst of my depression and anxiety, I tried to go back to the corporate sector that I’d worked in prior to my breakdown… only it didn’t fit anymore. Although, honestly, I’m not actually convinced that it ever did… which was a big part of what contributed to my breakdown in the first place. I had to figure out who I was now and who I wanted to be instead of trying to force myself to just slot back into a life that didn’t actually work for me anymore. So instead of beating yourself up for not having things all figured out, or not being able to just go back to who you once were, start noticing the moments where you handled something differently or where you bounced back from things a little faster. Those are your wins… and the progress you make, no matter how small, is going to help you figure out where you’re headed. OK, next… 

Stop waiting for closure. That perfect apology or explanation might never come… and even if it does, it won’t magically make the pain disappear. Closure is not something someone gives you. It’s a decision that you make to stop letting the past define your present and your future. That doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened; it means choosing yourself, instead of waiting to be chosen by someone else. You don’t need their words to start healing. You just need you.

Alright… now let’s talk about tips for emotional self-awareness. And this is based around the idea that healing is deeply rooted in the relationship you have with yourself, and especially in the way that you speak to yourself when you’re hurting. So my first tip here is…

Notice your inner critic and challenge it. Most of us have an internal voice that’s quick to criticise and slow to offer encouragement… and half the time we don’t even realise that it’s yammering away in the background! Start consciously paying more attention to your internal dialogue when you’re struggling or upset. When that nasty voice pipes up with something cruel or harsh, say to yourself, “Nope, we’re not doing that today.” Or you could say, “That’s not helpful.” It can even help to say one of those out loud, although it probably helps to be mindful about not telling yourself off if you’re in a public place! You don’t have to replace that voice with cheesy affirmations; just interrupt the pattern. Every time you do, you weaken its grip on you. Remember: you don’t have to believe everything you think. Next…

Recognise your progress in hindsight. You might not feel like you’re healing in the moment… but if you look back, you’ll probably notice you’re not the same person that you were six months ago and you’ll be more aware of how far you’ve come. Start writing down the changes you’ve noticed, even if they feel tiny… because they’re not. Those shifts matter much more than you think. Healing doesn’t always feel like progress until you stop and take a look back. Next…

Learn to sit with your feelings instead of trying to fix them. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is to just let yourself feel what you feel without trying to rush it or make it go away. That sadness, anger, or grief is part of your healing, and you need to feel it to heal it. Let it move through you instead of fighting it. If that feels uncomfortable or unsafe, work with a counsellor or therapist who can guide you and support you.

Alright… now let’s talk about tips for practical habits that will support your healing bit by bit, day by day. You’ll find that small and consistent actions can really help to create space for your healing to grow, especially when life feels chaotic. First… 

Make space for stillness. If your days are filled with noise and distractions, or even just constant stimulation, then your nervous system doesn’t get an opportunity to reset… which it needs not just to feel a bit calmer but to give yourself space to just simply be, which is a fundamental part of connecting with yourself more… which then helps healing. So even five minutes of silence a day can help in a massive way. Try just sitting in quiet without reaching for your phone, or you could take a walk without listening to music… whatever you do, just make a conscious choice every day to let your brain breathe because stillness is where healing finds room to grow. Next… 

Set one simple boundary that protects your peace. You don’t have to overhaul your entire life overnight, but you can start by identifying just one thing that’s draining your energy and then doing something about it. Maybe it’s muting a social media account that gets on your nerves, or turning your phone off after 8:00 PM so you can have some peace and quiet, or allowing yourself to say no without guilt. Boundaries are the language of self-respect, and they’re necessary to create space for your needs and your healing. If boundaries are something that you tend to struggle with, check out Episode 248 about how to set healthy boundaries; it’s linked in the description or head to ltamh.com/episodes. OK, next…

Create a healing ‘anchor’ in your week. And this is about grounding your week in one small ritual that reminds you of your growth. It could be journaling once a week, taking a walk in nature, lighting a candle and breathing for five minutes, or it could simply be checking in with a friend. It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be something that consciously brings you back to yourself. Healing happens in the little things that you do on purpose, so make space to consistently do little things for yourself on purpose.

Alright, now let’s talk about tips for consciously moving forward. And this is all about choosing to be intentional with how you create a life for yourself that respects what you’ve been through, but which isn’t weighed down by your experiences. First… 

Stop trying to move on and focus on moving forward. Healing isn’t about letting go of everything and just ‘getting over it’. It’s about learning how to stop letting your past run the show. ‘Moving on’ is about pretending that it didn’t matter or it didn’t hurt you; it’s very much the ‘get over it and move on’ energy… whereas ‘moving forward’ is about making peace with what happened and acknowledging its impact on you and choosing to live your life beyond it. Moving forward is a much healthier approach, because it means carrying your experiences with you rather than pretending that they never existed. It’s a shift from surviving to truly living, and it’s a real choice that you make to honour your past without being reduced or controlled by it. Now… if letting go and moving forward is something you struggle with, then I’m going to be talking about that in a couple of weeks time so make sure you subscribe or follow so that you don’t miss out. And while you’re at it, if this episode is helpful for you please give it a like and leave a review or a comment. It really does help my show because it makes the almighty algorithm happy and it lets you… it lets it know that other people may find it helpful. So, thank you! OK, so my next tip is… 

Focus on who you’re becoming, not who you were. Healing gives you the chance to redefine who you are and who you want to be, and that starts by asking yourself: Who am I becoming through all of this? And who do I want to be next? Don’t focus on the past, because you’re heading in the opposite direction. You have the opportunity now to start shaping your future into whatever you want it to be. Remember: you’re not going backwards; you’re becoming more of yourself. Next…

Keep showing up, especially when it’s hard. Healing is often boring, repetitive, exhausting, and frustrating… but the only way through it is through it. There aren’t any shortcuts. It’s simply a case of doing the work, bit by bit, and persevering. So, keep showing up. Keep doing the work. Keep working on your healing and your growth, even when it feels like nothing’s changing…  especially then!… because consistency is what turns healing into true transformation. 

Final tips and applying what you’ve learned

Here’s the thing.

Healing isn’t about getting back to who you used to be. 

It’s about becoming who you’re meant to be now. 

Real healing isn’t about somehow fixing yourself; it’s about reclaiming your peace, and writing the next part of your story… on your own terms.

Because when it comes to healing, what it all boils down to is this:

You don’t heal by forgetting what happened. You heal by choosing to move forward anyway.

Now, what are you going to do with what you’ve learned today? Ask yourself: what’s one small thing you can start doing this week to support your healing, even if you still feel stuck? Because your healing doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to begin.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will you make today?

Each week, I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by Tori Amos, and it is:

Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.

Tori Amos

Let me repeat that.

Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

Sign up for my weekly newsletter at ltamh.com and support me on Patreon for early access to ad-free extended episodes. They’re both linked in the description.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time! 

You’ll also find my episode about peace of mind helpful; it’s linked in the description.

Next week I’ll be talking about making peace with the past. Follow or subscribe to never miss an episode, and have a great week!

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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TOOLS & RESOURCES FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

I offer simple digital products that will help you improve and look after your mental health. My Daily Affirmations tool will help you start your day with focus and intention, grounding you and creating a sense of calm. My Daily Reflection Tool is a buy-once-use-forever PDF tool that helps you to do the work that will lead to better mental health and well-being. Plus I have a Masterclass Video which is like your own coaching session with me so that you can get the most out of your daily tool. Buy the two as a bundle and save 20% for a limited time! Click the links below for your chosen product(s):

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2025 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.