You really need to get out of your own way… and doing so will change absolutely everything! Discover why, and how to do it, in this week’s episode. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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Episode Overview:

Are you tired of watching chaos win while the things that matter slide?

You need to get out of your own way… and in this episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, I show you how to get out of your own way — practically and kindly.

We’ll use simple calmer mindset techniques, and focus on practical productivity for mental health, to stop self-sabotage, overcome avoidance and procrastination, and reduce stress and anxiety.

I’ll walk you through how to set boundaries kindly with assertive communication examples, plus identity-based behaviour change and ways to design your environment for better habits so doing the helpful thing becomes easier than doing the unhelpful thing.

If you want a calmer mind and you’re keen to beat burnout with small changes, this episode is for you. You’ll leave with simple actions you can try today and an effective plan for better mental health that you can actually keep.

👉 Ready to reduce stress and act on what matters? Then let’s talk!

💡 TL;DR: Want a more peaceful life? Get out of your own way so calm replaces chaos, and making progress becomes the norm. Learn how in Episode 301! 🙂

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Episode Transcript:

Stop getting in your own way! Do this instead…

You need to get out of your own way.

Because if you keep tripping over the same problems, it’s not fate… it’s the friction between what matters and what you do.

But the good news is that small, simple changes will create real momentum in your life.

By the end of this episode, you’ll have three quick actions to try this week as well as longer term changes for lasting peace of mind.

We have a lot to talk about, so let’s talk about…

how to get out of your own way.

Hello and welcome back to the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, your weekly dose of practical advice for better mental health! I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this week I’m talking about getting out of your own way so that you can feel calmer and make better choices. Now, if you’re not making progress, or you’re stuck in loops of overthinking or avoidance, or you’re often surrounded by drama, then this one’s for you. Because while some things sit outside of your control, today we’re going to focus on what you can influence.

And here’s a quick story to explain what I mean. Years ago, before my breakdown, I’d often say that I wanted peace of mind, but my daily habits and choices were actually saying, “More chaos, please!” I avoided uncomfortable conversations. I overcommitted. I distracted myself with nonsense, because calm felt unfamiliar and unsafe. And if there was drama happening, I’d either get involved, or pull up a front row seat and grab the popcorn while watching the chaos unfold.

So, in other words, the choices that I was making were preventing me from moving forward in the direction towards peace of mind that I wanted and needed to. And so I was getting in my own way. And the only way to change that, was to change that. Now, if any of that sounds familiar to you, then there really are lots of simple ways that you can get out of your own way and also let go of all of the noise that distracts us on a daily basis so that you can focus on what truly matters. So let’s unpack all of that together and let’s first talk about…

What is it?

Getting out of your own way is about removing friction between what you say matters and what you actually do about it. It’s not about morals, or doing something ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. It’s a systems issue. So it’s about recognising the choices that you’re making and the patterns that you’re choosing, whether that’s consciously or subconsciously choosing them, that are actually trading your long-term peace of mind for short-term relief.

Because the hidden cost of those types of choices is an invisible ‘energy tax’ that leaves you feeling drained. Plus, it also results in you finding it hard to make decisions or stick to your choices, which also steals your energy and your time. And you’ll also find that it causes a strain on your relationships when your boundaries are unclear or non-existent. So if you’re not happy with the way that things are, then something has to give… because, as I say a lot in this show, nothing changes if nothing changes.

It would be fantastic if our problems would just magically fix themselves; go to bed, wake up the next morning, and ta-da! It’s all wonderful and fixed. And it’d be great if other people would just do what we need them to do, or want them to do. But… life doesn’t work that way, does it?! You know that, I know that… but for some reason, we keep on expecting that life will suddenly, magically change. It won’t. You have to do the work!

Now… you can’t change everything; not all things will be yours to change. You can’t control what other people do or don’t do. You can’t control external circumstances that you have no influence over. So while things won’t necessarily be yours to change, and that means that you need to learn how to accept them, even if you don’t like it… and I’ll leave an episode linked in the description about acceptance. But today’s episode really is about going, OK, let’s focus in on the things that are yours to change… because there’s plenty!

Look, here’s the thing you need to be clear on upfront: every day that you delay working on this stuff, you’ll find that it digs deeper and deeper. And so that means that it becomes more and more of a challenge to shift things in a positive direction. It becomes harder to get out of your own way and move forward in the way that you either want to or need to. But ultimately… it’s your life, and you’re the one that’s responsible for the choices you make and the direction that you steer things in.

And that’s the reason why I’m talking about getting out of your own way. Because if you’re making poor choices, or if you’re putting up with crap from other people that’s preventing you from doing what you want or need to do, then it’s you who’s getting in your way. Nobody else. People can act and do whatever they want, but you’re responsible for what you do with that. It’s really easy to point the finger of blame: at other people, at our circumstances, at the world, or to whatever… but your choices add up to create your life. So if you’re not happy, then you need to make different choices. I’m sorry, I know that’s blunt… but I’m not going to sugarcoat it, because you need to hear it. You are responsible for your choices.

Why does it matter?

The whole point here is, like I said at the beginning, it’s about getting out of your own way. This is about choosing to stop making decisions and choices and taking actions that are holding you back, and to start doing what actually moves you forward in life. The more you avoid things, or dance around what needs to be said or done, the more stuck you feel. And ‘stuck’ generally turns into frustration… which slowly festers over time and becomes resentment if you leave it long enough.

And that’s a recipe for feeling completely miserable about your life. And I don’t know about you, but the idea of being miserable is one thing I’d like to avoid! I am responsible for what my life looks and feels like, and so are you. If I want to make this show every week, no one is going to suddenly appear out of nowhere and do it for me. If only! It’s days and days of researching and writing and rewriting, recording and editing, transcripts and social media… and I choose to do it on my own because that suits me.

That means that I have to show up every day, even when the voice in my head says “I’m tired!” or “I don’t want to!” That’s me choosing to get out of my own way, when I ignore the noise, I ignore that voice… and instead I push myself to do the next helpful thing. So, what are you getting in your own way with? And what’s the true cost of staying stuck? Whether it’s financial, physical, emotional, social, whatever.

Yes, confronting all of this and getting out of your own way can be incredibly difficult and hugely uncomfortable. But let me ask you this: would you rather short-term discomfort now? Or long-term discomfort later? Because either way there’s going to be discomfort… but it’s about picking your poison. If you start addressing all the stuff that keeps you in your own way and working on it, sooner rather than later, then you’ll find that you’ll begin to feel more balanced in life and a lot calmer much sooner than you expect. It just takes work, it takes perseverance, and continued effort.

And right after this quick break, I’ll guide you through how to do it, starting with a simple friction audit. And welcome back! Now it’s time to talk about…

How to get out of your own way

So this is where we turn all of this conversation into real, tangible action so that your behaviour matches your priorities more with some quick actions you can put into practice this week, followed by two bigger changes that make everything else easier long term. Now the three quick actions that I’m sharing are things that you can apply immediately, and so I want to encourage you to listen to all three and then pick one of them to work on and go all in on for the next week to see how it works for you. You can do more if you like, but I find working on… just changes one step at a time is much more effective and sustainable.

These are all featured in the… listed in the transcript, which you’ll find linked in the description, or you can just head to my website at ltamh.com and go to the ‘Episodes’ tab.

So the first quick action is…

The friction audit.

So this is about removing tiny bits of everyday friction that keep you stuck, which is just stuff that gets in your way; bearing in mind, of course, that the whole point here is getting out of your own way so that you can make progress in life… we’re not getting rid of stuff just for the fun of it! Think of it as a way to make good choices into the easy and obvious ones. And it works because most of us don’t fail due to a lack of willpower; we just tend to falter more when the next helpful step isn’t clear or convenient.

When you take a little friction out of the process, in other words, you do something to make things easier for yourself, you stop tripping over the same small obstacles and your behaviour can then begin to match your priorities more… which is the whole point of getting out of your own way! So here’s how to do it. Choose one area of your life for the next seven days; for example, that could be your mornings, your emails, your meals, sleep, or exercise. Today, I want you to make three small tweaks that remove some sort of friction in that area.

So for example, if it’s ‘morning’ that you’re focused on, then let’s fix the friction in terms of getting you out the door quickly. So the things to change could be: lay out your clothes the night before, fill your water bottle, put your keys and wallet at the front door. So we’ve immediately picked three things that are going to make things simpler for you. If it’s your email that you want to focus on over the next week, great. So, set up two windows of time in your calendar for checking and managing emails and stick to those times; those are the blocks when you handle emails, you don’t just deal with them as they come in.

And turn off non-essential notifications so you’re not being distracted by them nonstop. Most emails don’t need to be answered immediately, so you don’t have to be ‘pinged’ when they arrive. If you’re going to work on your sleep over the course of the next week, great, OK, let’s make it so that you can have healthier, better quality sleep by charging your phone in the kitchen instead of the bedroom, and setting a ‘lights out’ alarm for yourself. I’d also add onto that no social media for at least half an hour before bed, ’cause it gets your mind all riled up!

So whatever you choose to focus on, keep it simple and immediate. So your guiding thought here is, “Future Me hates chaos, so I’m going to clear the path for them now.”

OK, the next quick action is…

Minimal viable honesty.

This one is about really identifying the smallest honest step that you can take to stop avoidance from creating bigger messes… and then once you’ve identified what that step is, doing it immediately.

Now, it works because avoidance actually makes stress far worse. A single clear sentence about an issue, said kindly to someone, prevents circular arguments and it reduces a lot of drama, and it stops things from dragging on longer than they need to be. So if you have an issue, by talking about it in a short, sharp, straightforward, honest, and fair way, you can get on with focusing on what actually matters. Plus, it serves as a really simple way to set boundaries, which are really about making it clear what you will and will not accept. You can learn more about boundaries in Episode 248, it’s linked in the description.

This is also really an opportunity to make sure that your needs are being met. That’s how you get out of your own way! Now, just to be clear, your needs are no less important than others… they’re no more important than others. We’re individual human beings with our own needs, and it doesn’t mean that yours come first… but they have to be a high priority. It’s not fair for others to have their needs met but for your needs to go fourth, fifth, or sixth, or seventh on the pecking order.

Also, I want to really clarify that you are not attacking anyone by stating what you need. Provided you’re being fair and respectful… which is something that you do by just planning beforehand and really thinking through what you’re saying and why you’re saying it… so provided that you are doing that stuff, what you’re actually doing is protecting your peace and you’re giving the relationship something solid to work with. If you don’t set your own boundaries, others will set them for you… and you probably won’t like what they set!

So, here’s what you need to do. When something needs to be addressed, use this one-line opener, and nothing more, for the first exchange:

“When [behaviour], I feel [emotion]. I need [clear request].

You’ll be inserting ‘behaviour’, ’emotion’, and ‘clear request’ there. So let me give you an example: When deadlines move last-minute, I feel overwhelmed; I need 24 hours notice or we’ll have to shift it to next week.

So that’s a really simple structure that you can use that helps you to say your piece assertively, while also being fair and respectful. All you need to do is say it once, calmly. Now, if your voice shakes a bit you’re not doing it wrong… don’t worry! Mine still does it sometimes when the stakes are high. It might just take you a bit of practice to feel confident with being assertive. If it helps, rehearse it a few times so that the real conversation feels a lot less intimidating. Often, a lot of that shake that you get in your voice, or the, or the concern or fear, is because it feels weird the first few times it comes out of your mouth. So, practice saying it first.

Now, once you’ve decided on exactly what needs to be said, say it within 48 hours. So have the chat, send the message, or put the boundary in writing. Where possible, please have these conversations face to face! It’s far less open to interpretation than a message, and it’s more human and respectful as well. The less that you avoid saying the stuff that needs to be said, the more you’re going to be able to get out of your own way. So if you tend to struggle with being assertive, check out Episode 242 for more about how to be assertive.

OK, so my third quick action is…

Use the two minute ‘Future Me’ plan.

I love having the simplest approach possible for these type of things, and that’s what this is. It is a nightly two-line note about how to make tomorrow easier for yourself, so you know clearly exactly what you need to do to get out of your own way. It works because self-doubt loves ambiguity, so when you decide your first move in advance you’ve already got it planned out; you can reduce overthinking, nothing’s ambiguous anymore, and you can start to build greater self-trust by then following through on what you said you’d do, which shows you evidence that you do follow through. Tiny plans done consistently will always beat massive plans that you never start.

So, here’s what I want you to do. Each evening, write down two lines, whether it’s on paper or in your Notes app, where you’re going to see it first thing in the morning. One line is going to be labeled ‘Start’, and the second line will be called ‘Not Doing’. So for line one, Start, it’s about capturing the very first, smallest step you’re going to be taking to focus on what matters the next day. So for example, Start could be ‘draft the opening paragraph’ or ‘make a doctor’s appointment’.

For line two, Not Doing, I want you to write down one thing that you’ll deliberately skip tomorrow that derails you; for example morning doom-scroll, or saying ‘yes’ by default. Keep the wording plain, simple, straightforward, and practical. In the morning, do the ‘start’ item straight after breakfast and getting ready, but before you do anything else, and do it for five to 10 minutes, then reassess your day and decide what the next small step is. And then throughout the day, keep on reminding yourself of your ‘Not Doing’ item and hold yourself accountable for sticking to your commitments… because those small actions lead to small wins, and that’s how you get your momentum back while also getting out of your own way.

Alright, so that’s the three quick wins for you to choose from: reduce tiny frictions, say one honest sentence, and a brief ‘Future Me’ plan. Tell me in the comments which of these three you’re going to try out for the next seven days.

Now let’s talk about the bigger, longer term stuff… the big picture stuff that you need to work on to make a real difference in this space so that you can not just get out of your own way for a bit, but stay out of your own way; in other words, so that you can make tough choices if and when you need to and follow through on them… and also so you’re able to pursue your goals and dreams.

So the first one is…

Focus on identity-based change.

This is about defining who you’re becoming, and then becoming that person on purpose. And it’s also about proving it to yourself in little bursts throughout each day; even just a few minutes makes an enormous difference to how you see yourself and which direction you head in. This is really about choosing to connect your behaviour with your identity, rather than just chasing after outcomes or external validation.

It works because saying something positive and forward-focused to yourself like, “I’m a person who protects my peace,” will quietly shape the 100s and 1000s of small decisions that you make every day… whereas something like, “I want to be less stressed,” is really, really vague and it’s incredibly easy to ignore. So we want to be really targeted. Hone in on your identity and what really matters in order to give yourself a compass, not just a map; it turns your choices into alignment rather than just effort.

So here’s what to do. Choose one ‘identity sentence’ for yourself for the next month, something that aligns with what matters to you and who you want to be. And then I want you to pair it with one daily action to give yourself proof that you’re making it happen. So for example, you could say, I’m a person who keeps promises to myself, and that’s your focus for the month. And then the proof could be spending 10 minutes every morning tackling the hardest thing you have to do that day before anything else, even on weekends.

Or you could try focusing on, I’m a person who respects my limits, and the proof is checking your calendar before you say yes to anything to make sure that you’re not overcommitting or overextending yourself. And it’s also about choosing to say no to things, to prioritise your needs. So whatever you choose to focus on, keep the ‘proof’ action small enough that you can still do it even on your worst day. Track it with a simple tick each day. Just review it weekly, and adjust your focus only if and when the proof has now become automatic and second nature.

OK, so longer term change number two is…

Design your environment and social defaults.

We all have things that we do by default, and so this is about setting better and more conscious defaults for yourself in terms of your physical environment, your digital environment, and your social environment, just to name three. So this is really about making sure that the world around you, and the choices that you make, don’t keep on nudging you back into the same old mess.

So, arrange your spaces, your devices, and even your social circles in such a way that making helpful choices is easy, and choosing unhelpful or unhealthy ones is actually awkward or difficult. And also, stop setting traps for yourself. The piece here is really about designing your surroundings and your circles to support calm and lead to greater peace of mind. So if you allow chaos in your life, you’ll get chaos in your life. If your house is a chaotic mess… guess what? Chaotic mess! If you’re… the people that you spend time with are full of craziness and drama and nonsense and shenanigans, then guess what you’re getting?!

This is really about being more intentional and considered in the choices that you make long term. And it works because our environment, the space around us, the conditions around us, all shape our behaviour much more reliably than willpower does. Willpower is… ridiculous, let’s be honest! If the path to an unhelpful habit is smooth and the path to a helpful habit is bumpy, then of course you’re always going to take the smooth path! So what we need to do is change where the bumpiness is. We need to make it harder to choose the unhealthy or the poor decision, and so much easier to pick the healthier one.

I mentioned ‘socially’ and look, socially, your default expectations teach people how to treat you. So when you have cleaner and clearer defaults in terms of what you will and will not accept, that means that you’re going to have to put far fewer fires out. Whatever you do, prioritise your needs and choose to make the path of least resistance the one that actually serves you. So here’s how to make this longer term change.

What I want you to do is take a look at your spaces… physical, digital, social… and I want you to consider what’s working well, versus what isn’t. And just to be clear here, ‘working well’ also means what’s healthy and helpful; something can be a hot mess and still seem like it’s functional, even while it’s actually turning every part of your life into chaos. So, start by identifying one small change you need to make in each area for the sake of your peace of mind… and then make it.

Physically that could be putting small barriers in front of unhealthy numbing habits and small ramps in front of helpful ones to make it easier to get to it, right? So, you know, you could put the TV remote in a drawer, so it’s harder to get to. And put your trainers by the front door. You could keep a journal and pen on your bedside table. For your digital spaces, like social media, you could mute noisy group chats for a week and also remove any apps that sort of suck your time from your home screen, or just turn off non-essential notifications so that you’re choosing when to engage.

Socially you can choose to ‘promote’ the people who respect your boundaries, by giving them more time and more of your energy, and gently ‘demote’ those who bring chaos and shenanigans… for example, by being less available, by replying more slowly, et cetera. When you’re talking to someone, keep things simple and assertive; for example, I’m not able to take that on this week, or I’m happy to talk when we’re both calm. Work on these defaults one by one and review them monthly, and then tweak them one notch at a time.

Just remember what you accept is what you get… so you need to be smart and thoughtful about what you do accept, otherwise you’re just getting in your own way.

Final Tips/Conclusion

So these two longer term changes, focusing on your identity and designing your environment, are really about consciously creating a life for yourself that nudges you towards what helps you rather than what hurts you.

Here’s what this all boils down to:

Most of the mess we deal with in life comes from friction between what we say matters and what we actually do.

When you consciously make more considered choices, that’s when you get out of your own way.

Now, let’s put all of this into practice: try consciously using assertive language at work or at home, or both, over the next week.

So, here’s the main thing I want you to remember from this episode:

Discomfort is inevitable, and none of this stuff is easy. Get out of your own way by choosing small discomfort now, rather than big discomfort later.

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you.

This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is…

What you don’t change, you choose.

Unknown

Let me repeat that.

What you don’t change, you choose.

Alright… that’s it for this week!

Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

If this helped, check out my episode about self-doubt; it builds directly on today’s topic. The link is on screen and in the description. And follow or subscribe for new episodes every Sunday.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2025 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.