Let’s Talk About… Coping Mechanisms

What are coping mechanisms, and what’s the difference between healthy coping styles and unhealthy coping styles?

That’s what I’m talking about this week here on… Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast that helps you improve your mental health, with simple ideas you can put into practice immediately. So, get comfortable, and Let’s Talk About Mental Health…

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This podcast episode was originally released on 14 May, 2023.

Hello and welcome to Episode 179, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about coping mechanisms and mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin and I share practical tips for improving your mental health based on quality research and my own personal experience of learning how to live with anxiety and depression following a breakdown in late 2011 that completely changed my life. Each week I look at how to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing. 

In this episode I’ll be talking about what coping mechanisms are, why being thoughtful about how you cope with issues matters, and how to find healthy coping strategies that actually work. So, let’s talk about coping mechanisms!

Introduction

There are two things we can all rely on about life: change is inevitable, and we all face challenges from time to time that test our resilience and our ability to adapt.

The choices we make and the coping strategies we adopt to help us manage stress, emotions, and difficulties, can either help us flourish or they can hold us back. Imagine discovering that the very tools you’ve been relying on to navigate life’s obstacles might, in fact, be leading you to sabotage your own mental health and wellbeing… well, unfortunately, it’s much more common than you may think! 

So this week I’m exploring the world of coping mechanisms: in other words, the strategies and behaviours we adopt to manage stress and our emotions during difficult times. But not all coping mechanisms are created equal; some can be powerful allies on your journey towards a healthier mind, while others can lead you down a path of self-destruction.

Whether we care to admit or not, the choices we make determine what happens next… and so this week I’m going to be encouraging you to stop and really think about the coping mechanisms that you choose. 

This message is just as much for myself as it is for you; I’m an emotional eater, as I’ve discussed in previous episodes, and at the moment I’m working really hard to get myself back on track after an extended period of struggling with overeating again. Emotionally I’m feeling much better now, and I’m a lot more satisfied with where I’m at in life (which is a very nice feeling to have, I must say!) but now I have to do a lot of work to get my health back on track after spending a couple of years eating like it’s a competitive sport (I swear I could win the 200 metres sit-and-snack at the Olympics if such an event existed!)… so I’ll be sharing a bit of my own journey, as I often do in this show. 

First, let’s get ourselves on the same page with some definitions and let’s talk about… 

What are coping mechanisms?

And coping mechanisms are the strategies or techniques that we use to manage stress, difficult emotions, or challenging situations; for example, common coping strategies might include talking with someone, going for a walk or working through issues with a counsellor or therapist. 

Having some sort of outlet, or something to help us cope during tough times, can be really important for our peace of mind as well as for helping us maintain our mental health and be resilient in the face of adversity. 

However, the type of coping mechanisms we choose can either sustain us or hinder us; in other words, they can help or they can harm. An example might be someone who uses food to deal with their emotional ups and downs, either over-eating or under-eating during times of stress as a means of finding control. Another example might be someone who uses substances to feel better about themselves or their situation; I’m not going to sit here and be prudish or judgemental about any kind of substance, because who hasn’t indulged (or even overindulged) in their lives, but I’m sure that we all know that some things are good for us and some things are not… so drinking away your feelings or snorting them is hardly the smartest or healthiest choice, is it?!

Coping mechanisms can be split into two main categories: adaptive and maladaptive, which in plain English just means positive and negative (or harmful). 

Adaptive coping mechanisms are generally healthy and constructive, promoting emotional wellbeing and problem-solving. Some examples include:

1. Exercise: because physical activity can help reduce stress, improve mood, and increase mental clarity;
2. Social support: because building and maintaining connections with friends, family, and support groups can help you find emotional and practical assistance during tough times;
3. Mindfulness and meditation: which can promote relaxation and help you manage your emotions;
4. Journaling: because writing down your thoughts and feelings can be an emotional outlet and help you find new perspectives on challenging situations;
5. Time management: because organising and prioritising tasks can reduce anxiety and help you feel more in control; and,
6. Healthy eating and sleep habits: because proper nutrition and quality sleep can improve your mood, energy levels, and overall mental health.

Maladaptive coping mechanisms, on the other hand, can be harmful or counterproductive in the long run, possibly even making mental health issues worse. Some examples of these types of harmful coping strategies include:

1. Substance abuse: such as using drugs or alcohol to numb your emotions or escape reality, which can lead to addiction and worsen your mental health;
2. Procrastination: by avoiding tasks or responsibilities you might find some short-term relief, but it can create long-term stress and have a lot of negative consequences for your overall wellbeing;
3. Over-eating or under-eating: because using food as a way to cope with your emotions can lead to unhealthy eating habits and potential physical health problems (not to mention the fact that your physical health directly impacts on your mental health, and vice versa); and
4. Self-harm: which involves deliberately causing harm to yourself in any number of ways as a means of coping with emotional distress, which can lead to more significant issues and should be addressed as soon as possible, ideally with professional help (by the way, I covered self-harm back in Episode 167). 

Let me just be clear and say I’m not talking about the odd indulgence here, because we all need to blow off steam and have a bit of fun every now and then, but these are things that you do on a regular or semi-regular basis which may or may not be doing harm to your mental health and general wellbeing; I think you know as well as I do that there’s a world of difference between the occasional glass of wine at dinner every few weeks versus nightly cocktails that wind up with you needing to pay a cleaning fee to your Über driver. 

Like everything in life, it’s about finding a healthy balance; in the words of the ancient philosophers the Spice Girls, “Too much of something is bad enough, but […] too much of nothing is just as tough” (mind you, they also told us to “moonwalk the foxtrot then polka the salsa”, so do with that information what you will!). 

So, moving on, now let’s talk about… 

Why being thoughtful about how you cope with issues matters

And honestly I think that you know and I know that this is going to be one of those episodes where I state the obvious, so even though I probably don’t need to I’m going to go ahead and say it anyway: when you choose unhealthy coping mechanisms, regardless of whether it’s conscious or subconscious, you’re doing harm to yourself. 

I tend to be a bit blunt sometimes (news flash, in case you hadn’t already figured that out) and I find myself in far too many conversations with people where I have to point out that there’s a direct correlation between the choices they’re making and the struggles they’re dealing with (just to be clear, I’m talking about telling people that on a professional level; I’m not just going up to random people in the street and telling them why their life choices are doing more harm than good, because that would probably just get me a slap in the face!). Doing harmful stuff to yourself and then wondering why your choices are doing harm to you, or why you feel like rubbish afterwards, is the behavioural equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot and then wondering why you’re walking funny. 

Here’s the thing: you need to think about the choices you’re making. We all do. There’s a quote that springs to mind, by an unknown author, that goes, “Most of the problems in life come because of two reasons: we act without thinking, and we keep thinking without acting.” Now, obviously the second half of that quote is a conversation for another day (basically it’s telling you to take action instead of just thinking and overthinking), but the point here is that we need to be much more conscious about the choices we make in terms of the coping strategies we adopt, especially when we’re stressed or emotional. Why? Because every choice determines what happens next, and a whole bunch of small harmful choices can add up over time to a series of much bigger issues.

It’s like with drinking; nobody turns into an alcoholic overnight… it builds gradually until eventually you’re drinking enough to support the entire French wine industry single-handedly. Now, I’m not going to specifically talk about alcoholism here today — I have openly discussed my own struggles with alcohol in the past, which is why I’m now sober — and I’ll be exploring alcohol and its relation to mental health in its own episode in a few months’ time. 

But, in general, we need to accept that not all coping mechanisms are created equal and the reality is that being thoughtful about how you cope with life’s challenges is essential for maintaining good mental health; you can’t expect to choose harmful coping mechanisms and still have positive outcomes.  

Some common examples of harmful coping strategies include: excessive shopping or gambling, procrastination, avoiding social interactions or isolating yourself from friends and family, using alcohol, drugs, or other substances, overeating or binge eating to cope with stress, sadness, or other negative emotions, denial (like refusing to acknowledge or accept a problem, which can prevent you from being able to address the issue and find solutions), ruminating and dwelling on negative thoughts, past mistakes, or problems, self-harm, aggression or violence towards others, overworking (especially when it’s to the detriment of your personal relationships and your wellbeing), and many more. 

Some of the more harmful consequences of these types of coping mechanisms can include mental health disorders (like anxiety or depression), a sense of escapism, poor physical health, relationship issues and social isolation, emotional suppression, loss of self-esteem, etc.

By consciously choosing healthy coping mechanisms, you’ll not only enhance your mental health but also build a solid foundation to tackle the inevitable ups and downs of life with grace and strength. So — and I know this will be a bit confronting, but stick with me — I want you to take a moment to reflect on your current coping strategies and ask yourself, “Are they truly serving me well?” If the answer is anything but a definite and resounding “yes!” then it means you have some work to do to look at how to replace unhealthy or harmful coping strategies with more positive and healthy ones. 

So how do you do that? Well, you start by joining me as I move on to the how-to part of today’s episode! So, now, let’s talk about…

How to find healthy coping strategies (that actually work!)

So, let’s begin with be honest with yourself — and that means taking some time to reflect on your emotions and how you typically respond to stress or challenges, as well as what types of coping mechanisms you tend to default to. This is really about creating greater self-awareness, which can then help you identify areas where you might benefit from healthier coping strategies. Don’t be too harsh on yourself, but also don’t dismiss things as being ‘fine’ if you know in your heart that maybe they’re not so fine; for example, I think you know as well as I do that there’s a world of difference between an occasional drink, maybe every week, versus multiple drinks in one sitting multiple times a week. Don’t jump to self-criticism, but also don’t be so lenient on yourself that you wind up excusing away unhealthy choices; honesty really is the best policy. And speaking of that, my next point is… 

Identify the ‘why’ — which means figuring out why you choose the coping strategies that you choose. Again, this is another piece about having an honest conversation with yourself to figure out why you do what you do. For example, back when I used to drink I often did so as a Friday night thing to reward myself for getting through the week, and it was that first sip of wine that had a physical reaction where I’d feel everything in my neck and shoulders sort-of unclenching and loosening up, and that was addictive. So, for me, knowing that meant I needed to find different ways to find that feeling (now I usually watch something funny which helps my whole body to relax). So, once you’ve figured out why you choose the coping mechanisms you tend to use, the next step is…

Work through the ‘why’ — and by that I mean talking with someone, preferably a professional. Look, a lot of what I recommend is very DIY in terms of taking care of your mental health, because there’s an enormous amount of stuff that you can do (and should do) for yourself, but I’m not going to sit here and pretend that you can ever replace the kind of growth and value that comes from talking with a professional; I see my own counsellor once every two weeks, and it makes an enormous difference to my overall mental health and wellbeing. My point here is that working through things, and really digging into what sits underneath the choices that you make, is probably something that you’re going to need a lot of help with and it’s very unlikely to be something that a friend or family member will be equipped to handle… and even if they are, they’re not going to be objective enough to be able to tell you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear. If you shop around you will find that counselling and therapy does not always need to cost as much as you think that it might, and I encourage you to think of it like a gym membership for your mind and then look at how you can find somebody professional to work through this stuff with. OK, so there are (of course!) lots of things that you can also do for yourself and one of them is my next point…

Do some research — which means learning about various healthy coping mechanisms, and then exploring options that feel like they might resonate with you in terms of your interests, values, and lifestyle (and I’ll give you some suggestions in a minute). My next tip is…

Start substituting — identify unhealthy coping mechanisms that you currently use, and start replacing them one-by-one with healthier alternatives. For example, if you tend to overeat when you feel stressed, try going for a walk or engaging in a relaxing activity instead. Be realistic about your approach here; don’t try to change everything all at once, but instead just focus on one or two things to work on improving and take it one step at a time, one day at a time. OK, next… 

Be proactive — and by that I mean that you shouldn’t wait until there’s a crisis or challenge to then try and work on your coping mechanisms; the best time to start doing the work is when you feel calm, because it feels like there’s less at stake and there are far fewer emotions attached to whatever it is that you’re trying to work on. One of the things I say in this podcast a lot is that prevention is better than cure, and in terms of the amount of effort it takes you will definitely find it easier to do the work in terms of building healthier coping strategies if it’s something you do all the time, not just when you’re dealing with crap. One of the ways you can do that is with my next point… 

Prioritise your self-care — because as I often point out, if you don’t look after yourself then who will?! Make sure you’re maintaining a balanced lifestyle that includes regular exercise, proper nutrition, adequate sleep, and plenty of time for rest and relaxation so that you can recharge your batteries, because these are all things that can significantly influence your ability to cope with stress. Basically, you want to have a smart routine that enables you to focus on the stuff that matters (and I talked about how to do that in Episode 175 about routine, plus I have a simple digital planning tool you can buy that will make it much easier; it’s linked in the episode description or just head to my website at ltamh.com). OK, next… 

Set realistic goals — and this is a bit of continuation of what I said a minute ago about not trying to change everything all at once; in general, you’re going to find you have a much higher chance of success if you break large tasks down into smaller, more manageable goals. This tends to reduce stress and it creates a sense of accomplishment because you have a bunch of small wins along the way, which makes it easier to cope with challenges. OK, next… 

Focus on what you can control — and yes, I know, this is one of those bits of advice that I give in nearly every episode but it bears repeating, because the fact of the matter is that it’s very easy for all of us (myself included) to get caught up in things that we have absolutely no control over. When you start to consciously turn your focus specifically to the things that you, and only you, can control (which is what you do and say), you begin to learn how to let go of the stress that comes from trying to control things that are out of your control… and that brings much greater peace of mind (and I recently covered peace of mind in Episode 174 so check that out for more on the topic).

OK, so now I’m going to give you a fairly rapid-fire list of different healthy coping strategies you might want to think about; my advice is to pick a couple you like and try them, and then come back and try another couple in a few weeks. Let’s start with… 

Be creative — explore hobbies or activities like painting, writing, playing an instrument, cooking, etc, which can give you a positive outlet for your emotions and reduce stress. Next… 

Practice gratitude — and that means regularly acknowledging the positive aspects of your life, either mentally or through journaling. Gratitude can help shift your focus from negative thoughts and allow you to build a healthier mindset. Next… 

Reduce stress — and this probably sounds obvious, but when you remove stressful situations and relationships from your life you tend to have a lot less stress to deal with! Set boundaries and limits for yourself, and stick to them. And think about the choices you make as well; you may find it helpful to limit your news consumption, reduce your social media usage or the types of accounts you interact with, work on improving the balance between your work and personal lives, and removing toxic relationships and situations from your life. OK, next… 

Positive affirmations — which are just simple statements you make to yourself to boost your self-confidence and counter any negative self-talk (and I covered self-confidence in Episode 166). Next… 

Laugh — that means proactively finding opportunities to laugh as much as possible, whether through watching a funny movie, sharing jokes with friends, or attending a comedy show, which can all provide emotional relief and improve your mood. Next… 

Practice breathing exercises — such as deep breathing or specific techniques to regulate your emotions, reduce anxiety, and help you relax (just do a quick web search for ‘breathing techniques’ and you’ll find plenty!). Next…

Break the cycle of rumination — when you find yourself going over negative thoughts or worries, choose to consciously redirect your attention to a different, more positive or productive activity instead (basically, distract yourself so that you’re not giving the negative thoughts all of your energy and attention, which then helps them to fade from your focus; it works wonders!). Next… 

Set aside dedicated worry time — if you’re prone to worry then set a specific time during the day to address your concerns, and practice postponing worried thoughts until that designated time, which can help prevent constant worrying from taking over your day. Next… 

Volunteer or help others — because engaging in acts of kindness or service can shift your focus from your own challenges and help you find a greater sense of purpose and connection. Next… 

Accountability buddies — find a friend or family member who also wants to develop healthier coping mechanisms and support each other by sharing your progress, providing encouragement, and holding each other accountable. Next… 

Habit stacking — attach a new healthy coping mechanism to an existing habit. For example, practice deep breathing exercises after brushing your teeth or engage in a brief mindfulness session before your morning coffee. Next… 

Reward your progress — set goals for yourself, track how you’re going, and then give yourself a reward for consistently choosing healthier options (I’m all for a bit of self-bribery, and it can be a really great incentive to stick to something!). Next… 

Write it out — keep a journal to track situations or emotions that trigger unhealthy coping mechanisms; you’ll find that understanding your triggers can then help you develop strategies for choosing healthier alternatives. Next… 

Create a “coping toolbox” — make a physical or digital collection of healthy coping mechanisms, such as calming quotes, relaxation techniques, or favourite hobbies, and when you’re faced with stress or challenges, consult your toolbox to find an appropriate coping strategy. I have a ‘Nice Feedback’ folder on my phone, full of screenshots of messages from many of you lovely people, and if I’m ever having a tough day I dip into it to remind me why I do what I do; it really helps me to put things into context, especially if I’m dealing with something challenging. OK, next…

Practice delayed gratification — when you have an urge to engage in an unhealthy coping mechanism, delay it by waiting for a set amount of time (say 10 or 15 minutes), and, during that time, consider trying a healthier coping strategy or reflecting on the potential consequences of the unhealthy choice. OK, next… 

Build your emotional awareness — by simply having regular ‘emotional check-ins’ with yourself throughout the day; reflect on your emotional state and any potential unhealthy coping mechanisms you might be inclined to use, and consciously refocus on healthier alternatives.

Summary and Close-Out

Because when it comes to coping mechanisms and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: the choices you make determine what happens next, and so the types of coping mechanisms you choose will have an enormous impact on your mental health and wellbeing. Choosing healthy coping mechanisms over unhealthy ones can sometimes require you to be creative and to adopt unique approaches tailored to your individual needs and preferences… but realistically you can do all of that just by being thoughtful and consciously incorporating simple and proactive strategies into your daily life. Developing new coping mechanisms can take time, so be patient with yourself and commit to consistently choosing healthier strategies for the sake of your wellbeing.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:

“Don’t let your coping mechanism become your comfort zone.”

Unknown

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

Next week I’ll be talking about drama. Whether it’s at work or at home, in the news or on social media, there seems to be an awfully large amount of drama around sometimes! One of the biggest things that helped me to improve my mental health was consciously walking away from drama and anything drama-adjacent; it wasn’t easy, but it definitely had a huge positive impact on my wellbeing. So next time I’m going to be exploring drama and mental health. I’ll be talking about what drama is (and what it isn’t), why minimising drama matters, and how to reduce drama in your life.

I hope you’ll join me for that episode which will be released on Sunday the 21st of May, 2023. Make sure you hit ‘follow’ on your preferred podcast platform to stay up-to-date with new episodes.

You can watch a mini video version of this episode, focused on how to find healthy coping strategies, on Spotify and YouTube.

And if you’d like more tips to help you look after your mental health then sign up for my free newsletter Thursday Thoughts plus follow my two Instagram accounts, @ltamentalhealth and @itsjeremygodwin, where I post extra content daily. And become a supporter on Patreon for exclusive extra content plus early access to episodes. You’ll find all of those linked in the episode description and in the transcript at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au.

Thank you very much for joining me today — look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Simple ideas for better mental health.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2023 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.