Let’s Talk About… Feeling Lost

Why do we feel lost sometimes? How do you find a sense of direction? And what can you do to make life feel more meaningful? 

That’s what I’m talking about this week here on… Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast that helps you improve your mental health, with simple ideas you can put into practice immediately. So, get comfortable, and Let’s Talk About Mental Health…

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This podcast episode was originally released on 30 April, 2023.

Hello and welcome to Episode 177, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about feeling lost and mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin and I share practical tips for improving your mental health based on quality research and my own personal experience of learning how to live with anxiety and depression following a breakdown in late 2011 that completely changed my life. Each week I look at how to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing. 

In this episode I’ll be talking about what feeling lost means, why dealing with those feelings matters, and how to overcome feeling lost in life. So, let’s talk about feeling lost!

Introduction

A few years ago I found myself feeling completely lost for the second time in a decade — actually, the third, now I think about it — and it ended up changing my life for the better. But it took time. Let me explain. 

My first big ‘feeling lost’ period happened in 2010, when I found myself questioning why I was sticking with an employer who didn’t support me while I was dealing with a major issue at work, even though I’d been there for 9 years at the time. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, other than the fact that I knew I had to get out of that place, and that led me to jump at the first job opportunity that came my way… which ended up making my stress and anxiety much worse, because the job was very high-pressure and the company was so disorganised and erratic that it made it tough to get anything done, and so that ended up as one of several factors that led to my breakdown. 

Then my second ‘feeling lost’ period actually dragged on from 2012 to 2014, after I eventually quit that job because my mental health was so bad, but for most of that period I was severely depressed and highly medicated, so I definitely felt lost but I didn’t have a lot of time to think about what I wanted to do with my life because, well, frankly, I didn’t know that I wanted a life at that time. 

So then my third, and most significant, period of feeling lost came in 2018. I had graduated from university and now I had to decide what to do with myself… and I had absolutely no idea. Zero. I was going to keep on studying counselling but I struggled with the emotional side of it (funnily enough, that’s what I do now, working one-on-one with clients, but I’m in a much better headspace than I was back then). Anyway, then I actually enrolled into study again to become a primary school teacher, but that lasted two weeks when I realised that I just wasn’t going to have the patience necessary to deal with a bunch of kids and that I’d probably end up telling them off and traumatising them for life; I decided long ago not to repeat the damaged patterns of my own parents, which is why I don’t have children, so I thought it would be irresponsible to wind up doing that to someone else’s kids as a job (a choice that I wish some of my own childhood teachers had have made, because I had some really nasty ones!).

So here I was, about to turn 42 at the time, and still with no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. What a mess! I ended up returning to the familiarity of the business world, and you may be aware that that little experiment didn’t end up lasting too long (I lasted just over a year), because it just wasn’t right for me either, but it’s the thing that led me to creating my podcast and to working for myself as a counsellor/coach, so it ended up being a very-necessary step on my path towards finding purpose and direction in my life.

Here’s the thing: often we can find ourselves feeling lost in life because we just don’t know where we’re heading, and why, and yet it’s the not knowing that actually presents a unique and exciting opportunity… because if you don’t have any preconceived ideas, that means you’re much more open to all of the possibilities that life has to offer you! I’ll talk about this idea in more detail shortly, but first let’s get ourselves on the same page with some definitions and let’s talk about…

What ‘feeling lost’ means

The idea of ‘feeling lost’ is a way to describe when someone feels unsure, mixed-up, or kind of overwhelmed by what’s happening in their life, their emotions, or their thoughts. It can show up in different ways like not knowing what steps to take next, not having a clear purpose, feeling disconnected from themselves or others, or having trouble making choices. 

You can feel lost in different parts of your life, such as in your relationships, at work, in terms of your personal growth, or just your overall path in life. 

Feeling lost is a common experience for a lot of people and it’s something that can happen as a result of different life events like dealing with major life changes, the ending of a relationship, the loss of a job, or having a general sense of dissatisfaction about where you’re at in your life in the present (especially if you had a very specific idea of where you wanted to be or thought you should be). It can often be accompanied by a lack of purpose or direction, a feeling like what you’re doing with yourself doesn’t have a lot of meaning, or general feelings of isolation or loneliness. 

The good news is that feeling lost is a temporary state, and so — with time, effort and perseverance — you can absolutely rediscover your sense of self and find happiness and meaning in your life again. 

It’s important to remember, however, that feeling lost is not a sign that something is wrong with you or that you’re a failure; feeling lost is a perfectly normal human emotion, and a lot of people go through it at various times in their lives. The key to dealing with it is figuring out what’s causing the feeling and dealing with that, as well as talking to friends, family, or even a mental health professional in order to get through the feeling, because it can be demoralising and demotivating.

As you may have noticed from the introduction earlier, I’m a bit of an optimist about the notion of feeling lost (well, a realistic optimist anyway), in the sense that I know from firsthand experience how unpleasant it can feel however I also know that it’s a wonderful opportunity to try new things and discover all of the possibilities that life has to offer; it can either feel like you’re wandering around with no idea what to do with yourself, or it can be a way of giving yourself permission to take your time and figure out what you might want to do with yourself… either way, the choice is yours (and it’s the choice you make that determines whether it’s an unpleasant experience or a much more pleasant one!). 

So now let’s talk about… 

Why dealing with those feelings matters

And it matters because (to state the obvious) feeling like you have no sense of purpose or direction in your life is very likely going to make you feel like complete and utter rubbish! There’s no way around this other than to say that feeling lost can be one of those ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ things if you’re not careful, in the sense that you may feel a bit lost and then feeling that way can drag you slowly down into a pit of despair that makes you feel more and more lost, unless you deal with the reasons why you feel that way and put in the work to help yourself move forward.  

The thing is that feelings of being lost in life can have a significant impact on your mental health and overall wellbeing, and so it needs to be confronted and dealt with head-on; it’s very unlikely to magically fix itself, and honestly I don’t think it’s worth the risk to just wait and hope that things can only get better (and yes, I did just quote the 1993 song by British group D:Ream, because that’s what I do… you’re welcome!).

Back to the more serious conversation at hand… feeling lost can lead to a lack of motivation and direction which, over time, can lead to issues like anxiety, depression and hopelessness, along with general malaise and melancholy (or, if you’re a bit ‘emo’, an overwhelming desire to dress in black and sigh a lot while listening to The Cure). 

So, if you feel a bit lost (or a lot lost) and you want to be able to find a way forward, it’s about dealing with the reasons why you feel lost in the first place to then start looking at what your options are to move forward and create a sense of purpose, direction and fulfilment in your life.

How do you do that? Well that is a very good question, and coincidentally it just happens to be what I’m going to talk about next in the how-to part of today’s episode! So, let’s talk about… 

How to overcome feeling lost in life

And I’m going to start with one that will probably feel quite tough, and maybe even confronting, which is to acknowledge and accept the feeling of being lost — and I say that this one might be difficult because I think, for a lot of us, we put pressure on ourselves to focus on the positive all or most of the time, and so it can be genuinely confronting and uncomfortable to accept the fact that we feel anything less than the very best version of ourselves… but earlier I mentioned ‘realistic optimism’ (something I covered in Episode 47 about optimism) and the thing is that we all go through tough times every now and then (that’s the ‘realism’ part), and we are all completely capable of getting ourselves out of those tough times as well (which is the ‘optimism’ part). I’m going to sound like a cheesy bumper sticker or Instagram post here, but you have already survived 100% of your worst days so far in your life… so, whatever you’re going through now, you will survive this as well. But in order to heal, you first need to feel. So, be honest with yourself about what you’re feeling and why, and accept things as they are while also recognising that you have the ability to improve things (and I’ll tell you how to do that in a moment); you might find it helpful to write your feelings out, as it’s a great way to release your emotions, and just remember that emotions are better out than in! OK, next… 

Identify why you may feel lost — and this is all about self-awareness, which just so happens to be the foundation of all that is good and lovely when it comes to your wellbeing… because when you know yourself — really know yourself — you can make smarter choices for yourself based on who you are, who you are not, and what you actually need and want. So, to figure out why you might be feeling a bit lost it requires you to be honest with yourself about what’s going on in your life and what areas you might not be happy with. For example, take some time to think about recent changes in your life (such as the end of a relationship, a change of job, family issues, etc.) and how those changes might be impacting on your sense of purpose or direction. Think about what’s important to you in life and whether or not you’re living in alignment with your values and priorities. Reflect on your past experiences, both positive and negative, and consider how they might potentially be influencing your current state of mind. Think about the relationships in your life — family, friends, partner if you have one — and consider whether any of your relationships might be contributing to your feelings of being lost or disconnected. And then also pay attention to your emotions generally; take note of when you feel most lost or uncertain and what emotions you feel during those times, because that can provide you with quite a lot of insight into the underlying factors contributing to the feeling of being lost. The entire point of this exercise is to ask you to take some time to really think things through so that you can better know yourself, and so that you can really get your head around what you’re feeling and why (because, in the words of the ancient philosopher Socrates, “the unexamined life is not worth living”). I mentioned identifying your values before and I covered that in Episode 138, plus I talked about needs in Episode 137. Once you have a clearer picture of why you might be feeling a bit lost (or a lot), then move onto my next point which is… 

Create a plan — now you know what needs to be addressed, it’s time to start thinking about what you could possibly do about it! Depending on what your issues and challenges are, you’ll be able to find lots of different things that you could potentially do. For example, if the issue is boredom and feeling like you’re not being challenged, then maybe learning new skills would be a good way to overcome that… which then begs the question of what new skills?! So that would mean taking time to think about what interests you, as well as what your strengths are, so you can figure out ways to build your capability and knowledge (and I covered learning and capability in Episode 144). If the issue you’re dealing with is to do with your work, then the plan might be focused on finding a new job or maybe even changing career fields entirely. If you’re dealing with relationship issues, then maybe it’s about going to counselling or therapy with the other person (if they agree) to work through things together. If you feel lost because everything just feels a bit same-same, then you might want to focus on exploring your personal interests, trying new experiences, making time for self-care, getting out into nature, improving your self-compassion (which I explored in Episode 153) and more. Whatever the issues are, focus on them one by one and create a list of ideas for how you can tackle the issue, then pick a couple of things from that list that you feel positive and enthusiastic about and make a clear plan of what you’re going to do, when you’ll do it, and how you’ll know if it’s helping you make progress (and I talked about progress in Episode 161). OK, so once you have a plan then the next step is… 

Take action — because we can talk about the idea of doing all these things as much as we like, but it’s only by actually taking action and making things happen that you’re going to see any real results… so it’s time to do something about it! Allocate a little time every day to working on the issues that need to be addressed (and I encourage you to try at least a couple of things, for two reasons: it makes it more interesting if you mix it up, and it gives you a greater chance of success in case one of the things doesn’t pan out the way you might have hoped or expected). You don’t have to try and fix everything all at once; take things one day at a time and one step at a time, and remember that small steps add up over time to enormous progress (plus by not trying to rush yourself to quickly fix things, you actually are more likely of being successful in the long run because slowly changing things is more sustainable as it allows you to build and build over time). I also talked about this stuff recently in Episode 172 about feeling stuck, so you may find that helpful as well. 

OK, so that’s a more step-by-step process for you to consider, now I’m going to give you a bunch of general ideas of how to overcome that lost feeling; have a think about which ones might feel right for you and maybe give a couple a go, then try another couple later, and so on and so forth. OK, first…

Be creative — because engaging in creative activities like writing, painting, playing music, or other creative things can help you to explore your emotions and also gain greater awareness and insight into your inner self. Next… 

Connect with nature — want to feel part of something bigger? Then get outside and be part of something bigger! There is more nature than you can shake a stick at, and spending time doing things outdoors, like hiking or gardening, can help you to feel more grounded and more connected to the world around you. Next… 

Connect with your spirituality — which, again, is about feeling part of something bigger than just yourself because that can help you to find a sense of meaning and purpose; it doesn’t need to have anything to do with religion, but of course it can if that’s what feels right to you, and please bear in mind that ‘spirituality’ and ‘religion’ are two very different things (‘spirituality’ is about focusing on more than just the material and physical world, whereas ‘religion’ is about a specific belief system of faith and worship). OK, next… 

Practice mindfulness — because any kind of mindfulness practice, like meditation or yoga, can help you become more present and focused, which can help you to feel less anxious. I’ve said in many past episodes that I keep this really simple and just spend a few minutes a day with a coffee or tea, watching the clouds pass by; it’s a simple-yet-effective way to anchor myself in the present moment (plus I just happen to be really fascinated by the sky, day or night!). Next…

Change your environment — because sometimes a change of scenery can be exactly the type of change to help you gain perspective on other things in your life and find a new sense of direction. It’s why I go and work from a cafe every now and then, and it’s also why I like to go and spend a day at a museum or gallery sometimes to mix things up and get me out of my day-to-day. You could think about taking a trip somewhere, or if you’re feeling really adventurous then maybe you might want to look into moving to a new city or country; either way, experiencing new cultures and perspectives can broaden your horizons and provide new insights into your own life. OK, next…

Seek out role models or mentors — because finding someone who has been through a similar experience can be really helpful in gaining new insights and perspectives. Next… 

Read books or listen to podcasts — I mean, hey, it’s what you’re doing by listening to me now! Learning from others who have gone through a similar experience can be a source of inspiration and guidance, or maybe you just want to find new ideas for personal growth or perspectives that you hadn’t considered before. Next… 

Move your body — because exercise can help you feel more energised, reduce stress, and increase your sense of wellbeing. If you really want to have fun with it, you could move your body to Move That Body by 90’s band Technotronic, followed by Pump Up The Jam while using jam jars as hand weights, for the ultimate in exercise with a side-dish of meta! That’s a very specific, niche joke that I know I’ve made in an earlier episode and I enjoyed it so much that I’m recycling it here today and adding to it, because I believe in doing my bit for the environment and for reviving the career of obscure 90’s bands. [Laughs] I swear these jokes get dumber every week… you’re welcome! OK, so, moving on… 

Try new things — because just doing the same thing over and over again isn’t going to change anything, it is?! Try a new hobby, maybe join clubs or groups that align with your interests, volunteer your time and contribute to a cause you feel passionate about, try networking with industry groups or attend special interest events; there are lots of different things you can try and I’m sure you’ll find at least a few things that you might never have considered but which help you to feel stimulated and excited about new things. OK, next… 

Talk with a professional — if you’re struggling with persistent feelings of being lost or if you’re experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, consider seeking help from a mental health professional; it’s one of those things that might feel really tough to talk about, but the more you talk about it the easier it gets over time. I can tell you from my own personal experience that it’s the best thing I ever did, and it played a huge role in helping me to get myself out of that ‘feeling lost’ headspace.

Summary and Close-Out

Because when it comes to feeling lost and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: Life can be a journey full of twists and turns and, at times, it’s easy to feel lost and uncertain about your direction. But remember that feeling lost sometimes is a normal part of life. It’s important to acknowledge those feelings and seek support from others while also focusing on looking after yourself, setting goals, and exploring new experiences. The good news is that feeling lost is actually an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery; with time, effort, and perseverance, you can find your sense of purpose and direction in life. Keep moving forward, be patient and compassionate with yourself, and trust the journey. You are capable of finding your way and creating a fulfilling and meaningful life for yourself.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:

“Feeling lost is part of the way.”

Unknown

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

Next week I’ll be talking about closure. We all have to deal with issues and difficult times in life, whether that’s with relationships breaking down or being in challenging situations that leave us wondering what the hell just happened. The struggle tends to be afterwards, when we try to figure out how to move forward and keep on hitting walls because we haven’t been able to find any kind of closure or understanding about whatever happened or didn’t happen… and so that’s what I’m going to be talking about next week. I’ll be talking about what closure is (and what it isn’t), why closure isn’t guaranteed, and how to find closure for yourself.

I hope you’ll join me for that episode which will be released on Sunday the 7th of May, 2023. Make sure you hit ‘follow’ on your preferred podcast platform to stay up-to-date with new episodes.

You can catch a mini video version of this episode, focused on how to deal with feeling lost, on Spotify and YouTube.

And if you’d like more tips to help you look after your mental health then sign up for my free newsletter Thursday Thoughts plus follow my two Instagram accounts, @ltamentalhealth and @itsjeremygodwin, where I post extra content daily. And become a supporter on Patreon for exclusive extra content plus early access to episodes. You’ll find all of those linked in the episode description and in the transcript at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au.

Thank you very much for joining me today — look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Simple ideas for better mental health.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2023 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.