Let’s Talk About… Resolutions

By Jeremy Godwin

What are resolutions? Why do new year’s resolutions fail so often? And what’s the secret to setting better resolutions?

That’s what I’m talking about this week here on… Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast about looking after your wellbeing, with simple ideas you can put into practice immediately. So, get comfortable, and Let’s Talk About Mental Health…

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This podcast episode was originally released on 18 December, 2022.

Hello and welcome to Episode 160, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about resolutions and mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin and I share simple ideas for better mental health. 

I spent most of the 2010’s dealing with severe anxiety and depression, after a breakdown in late 2011, which led me to want to learn more about my mental health… so I went back to school and studied psychology and sociology, and now I share simple mental health tips for how to improve your wellbeing, from someone who actually understands what it’s like to go through mental health challenges. 

Each week I look at how to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing. In this episode I’ll be talking about what resolutions are (and what they are not), why setting thoughtful resolutions matters, and how to set healthier resolutions for yourself that actually work. 

This is the last episode for 2022 and I’ll be taking two weeks off, with my next episode being released on January 8th, 2023… however I’ve got some helpful extras related to this episode being released every day of the two weeks I’m off which I’ll explain to you in a little bit!

So, with all of that in mind, let’s talk about resolutions!

Introduction

This might come as a surprise to you, given the topic of this episode, but I don’t really set resolutions. I mean, I do sort-of set them from time to time throughout the year but I tend to label them more as ‘intentions’ or ‘focus areas’ because they look and feel quite different… and I definitely do not set them at the start of each new year. Why? Well, I’ll tell you in a minute!

First, let me say that this goes out on the 18th of December 2022 and that means that (depending on when you’re listening to this episode) it might be just before or just after new year’s, and so you may be thinking about what you want the year ahead to look like… or perhaps you’re listening at some other point throughout the year and you just happen to be thinking about making some changes or improvements in your life. 

Either way, this episode is going to help you to create resolutions that actually stick so you have a better chance of achieving them in the long term by taking small steps every day to achieve what you want and need. I will also take a moment to point out that my latest book, Life Advice That Doesn’t Suck!, is designed to help you do just that (since it’s full of 365 simple ways to live a more satisfying life, one for every day of the year), and it’s available to buy now from Amazon and Apple Books (it’s linked in the episode description, and you can find it on my website letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au). 

So let’s get ourselves onto the same page with some definitions and let’s talk about…

What are resolutions?

And we generally use the word to describe what the Oxford Dictionary defines as “a firm decision to do or not do something.” However it also means “the action of solving a problem or contentious matter,” which is another terribly-exciting dictionary quote, and the reason I mention it is that the idea of setting resolutions for ourselves often focuses on problems or difficult situations, with a view to making them better or resolving them completely; that creates a whole new set of considerations and potential complications, and that’s something I’ll come back to shortly.

Now, there’s a very good reason why I’m releasing an episode about resolutions in December and that’s because a large number of us will no doubt be thinking about what we want next year to look and feel like, and it’s fairly common for people to set one or more New Year’s resolutions as the clocks move forward and sweep us into a new year.

There’s something about milestone dates that make it feel appropriate to stop and take stock of where we’re at in life, where we want to be, and what we might need to do to get there; birthdays, anniversaries, the new year, a new quarter, a new month, a new week or even yet another new season of Drag Race can be the perfect time to reflect on where you’re heading and what you need to do to get there.

It’s really no coincidence that New Year’s Day has become synonymous with setting resolutions, especially in the media and online, when you consider the fact that it’s a perfect opportunity to sell products and services related to the common types of resolutions people set, especially around fitness; for example, January is generally the busiest month of the year for new gym memberships, which isn’t really a surprise after all the indulgence of the weeks and months leading up to the new year! 

And that brings me to what resolutions are not: for starters, they’re not mandatory. Nobody ever said that you’re under any obligation to set resolutions for the year ahead — it’s just something that many people do, so it’s easy to become swept up in it — and it’s totally up to you if you do. Like I said earlier, I don’t set them and the main reason for that is that I know all-too-well that emotions can be heightened at the end of the year after a week or more of relaxation and indulgence, so my focus is on allowing myself time to take a few weeks and really think through how I want the year to look and feel (and in a little while I’ll tell you about the questions I use to do that).

And then, even if you do choose to set resolutions, they’re not anybody else’s business but yours… which can be helpful to remember in the first few days of the year when you inevitably find yourself bombarded with questions about your resolutions by well-meaning friends, family and co-workers. What you choose to do or not do is totally up to you, and if you’re not comfortable discussing this sort of quite-personal thing then please don’t feel that you have to!

And, on that note, resolutions are also not something else to add to the never-ending list of commercially-focused holidays such as Valentine’s Day and Pancake Day and the like; I swear, I’m surprised the greetings card people haven’t come out with a ‘Happy Resolutions!’ card yet, or a ‘Sorry you dropped the ball on your resolutions!’ musical card that does that ‘wah wah wah’ sound (but, you know, now that I’ve said it, I’m sure it’s just a matter of time!). 

So let’s dig a bit deeper and talk about…

Why setting thoughtful resolutions matters

And it matters because without thought you’re simply setting yourself up for failure, which will usually make you feel fairly crap about yourself… and we don’t want or need that, do we?!

Generally-speaking, resolutions are helpful — research indicates a positive link between New Year’s resolutions and greater optimism (and I’ve linked that research in the transcript) — but, like anything, the devil is in the detail and it’s about how you approach the idea of making resolutions (regardless of the time of year) that matters the most. There are two key drivers to consider: first is what is driving the resolution, and the second is about the way you approach creating resolutions. Let’s explore those for a moment.

First, if you’re thinking about setting resolutions for yourself then what’s behind that? In other words, is it your intention to achieve something or to avoid or stop something? Because you may not realise it, but the mindset you adopt will have a huge influence on your likelihood of success. Research published in 2020 in a social psychiatry journal (which I’ll link to in the transcript) found that people who set approach-oriented goals (in other words, goals where the person was positively focused on achieving something) “were significantly more successful than those with avoidance-oriented goals” (in other words, where they focused on cutting back on or quitting something); the research found a difference of nearly 12% (which is actually a very significant difference, for all of you statistics nerds out there!). So the lesson we can take from this study is that whether we focus on positive goals or negative goals actually can have an impact on our likely success; I’ve said many times in this podcast that what you focus on is what you focus on, and whether you look for the positive or look for the negative what you seek is what you will find. So, when you consciously turn your attention towards positive changes (such as learning new skills, gaining greater fitness, feeling better about your body) you’re more likely to find success than if you were to focus on negatively-driven goals.

And so the other point I made before was about how you approach creating resolutions, and by that I mean whether or not you’re in the right headspace to be able to create meaningful goals that set you up for success. We often fall victim to various kinds of thinking traps when setting resolutions: making them too big, setting too many, making them too vague, making them too external in focus, or making them when we’re too drunk. Generally-speaking we want to be able to set clear goals that give us a fighting chance of success, rather than setting ourselves up for failure; I’m a big advocate of being realistic (rather than delusional!) and so we have to remember not to bite off more than we can chew (and I’ll revisit that in a little bit). 

Look, we all know that many resolutions are rarely kept or completed, and there are lots of different reasons for that (and I’ll talk about how to work around that shortly) but I do feel it’s probably best that we talk about the elephant in the room: most New Year’s resolutions, in particular, are made either under the influence of alcohol or in the midst of a filthy hangover the next day (or for those who don’t drink, like me, perhaps you make them on New Year’s Day when you’ve had a rough sleep the night before due to fireworks going off and horns blasting at midnight… I have no shame in telling you that I’m in bed asleep by 9pm every New Year’s Eve now and I don’t care who knows it!). Anyway… what an exciting life, right?!… the reason I’m making a point of commenting on the circumstances surrounding when we set them is that if we’re not in full control of our faculties, or if we feel unwell, we’re hardly going to be making the most informed and considered decisions are we?!

And, funnily enough, that brings us neatly to the how-to part of today’s episode; so, let’s talk about…

How to set healthier resolutions for yourself that actually work

And let’s begin with be realistic — there was a fantastic line in an article I read about resolutions on VeryWell Mind (which is linked in the transcript) that went, “[be] sure to make your goal realistic rather than drastic,” and I absolutely loved that, because we do often tend to go straight to the most extreme kind of resolutions (like dropping a massive amount of weight or running a marathon when we’ve never even jogged a day in our lives). I think lofty goals are wonderful and yes we should be pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone, but there’s a fairly big difference between doing that versus setting yourself up for failure! Don’t just think small, because then nothing really changes, but also don’t think so big that you’re likely to stumble at the first hurdle. And that leads to my next point…

Don’t bite off more than you can chew — in other words, don’t take on so many things that you’re going to be unlikely to find the time or energy for them all, because again that’s just setting yourself up for failure; instead, pick one or two things to focus on at a time rather than trying to do too much at once. This comes back to what I said earlier about the challenges involved in making resolutions too big or setting too many; like all things, taking a balanced approach is more likely to set you up for success. And speaking of those points I raised earlier, my next tip is…

Focus on the internal rather than the external — and what I mean by that is to focus on what you can directly control rather than what other people may or may not do, because you have no direct control over other people or external events… so think about what you are able to do yourself, and make that the focus of your resolutions. OK, next… 

Be specific — what are you wanting to achieve? And, more importantly, why? Really understanding your reasoning behind the resolutions can bring you much closer to success, because it helps to motivate and drive you. And to help you dig deeper and be more specific, like I said earlier I have some extras for you over the two weeks I’m taking off; every day from December 25th 2022 through to January 7th 2023 (inclusive) I’m going to be posting daily self-reflection questions on my Instagram account for this podcast, @ltamentalhealth, to encourage you to take a few minutes for yourself each day and consider 14 different questions that will help you to dig a bit deeper into what you might want, or need, to focus on and why (these are the ones I use myself which I mentioned earlier)… so, follow me on Instagram if you don’t already (my account @ltamentalhealth is linked in the episode description) and use those questions to guide your thinking. OK, next…

Keep it simple (really simple!) — that might mean simple in scope or, even better, simple in terms of what you need to do to achieve it. Why? Because the simpler each goal or resolution is the higher the chance of actually achieving it; and achievement makes you feel better about yourself, which in turn motivates you to want to achieve more over time. One way to do that is with my next point…

Focus on smaller timeframes — because, again, it helps to contain your focus (plus it has the added benefit of not making it feel like success is ages away if you narrow your focus down to a smaller period of time, such as what you can achieve in a month or a quarter). Think of it this way: a quarter is only 12 or 13 weeks, as opposed to a year which is 52, and so that makes it easier to create some momentum while not feeling too overwhelmed because the time period feels too long. If a quarter still feels too long, break it down into a month (actually, I find it easier to focus on ‘four weeks’ rather than ‘one month’ because there’s something about the smaller time period of a week that helps you to be more structured with your thought processes and your planning). Speaking of smaller times, my next tip is… 

Focus on one day at a time — because it’s so much easier to just focus on 24 hours instead of 52 weeks, which adds up to 8,760 hours! There’s a good reason why one of my most frequent mantras in this podcast happens to be “one day at a time, one step at a time,” and that’s because trying to focus too far ahead into the future makes it hard to see the progress you’re making little by little each day. For example, having a goal based around healthy eating is much easier to focus on when it’s just about what you’re consuming today instead of worrying about the next 364 days. One very-helpful way to focus on one day at a time is with my next point…

Break your goals down into smaller steps — and this is really about taking your goal and looking at each individual step involved in achieving it, then just focusing on one step at a time instead of allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by the entire thing. I do this when I’m writing a book: I come up with the master plan and the key messages I want to get across, then I break it down into sections, which I then break down into chapters, which I then break down into the bits I need to cover in each chapter to create what I’m working towards. Then, once that high-level plan has been created, I simply work on it one ‘bit’ a time… meaning I’m only focused on writing say 1,000 words instead of having to write 80 or 90,000 words. It makes a huge difference and it helps me to feel far more in-control and I can also see the progress I’m making much more quickly. Remember that even small steps add up to big results! OK, next…

Focus your goals and intentions around your priorities — and this goes back to a recurring theme of my podcast which is that a massive part of good mental health is knowing what truly matters most to you in life and making that a priority, and at the same time giving yourself permission to limit or (better yet!) let go of the stuff that really doesn’t matter. The point here is that if it matters then make it matter, and so if you want a greater chance of keeping your resolutions then base them on your priorities above all else. And that, funnily enough, is actually connected to my next point which is…  

Be clear about your ‘why’ — do you ever stop and wonder why you do the things you do? Or, more importantly, why you give certain things your time, energy and attention? If you don’t then you really should, and if you do then you should do it more! Why? Because when you understand why something matters to you then you’re more likely to devote the time to making it happen; otherwise, it’s just meaningless. You might find my episode about motivation, Episode 117, to be helpful with this point. OK, next…

Focus on quality over quantity — to quote Edina from Season Three of Absolutely Fabulous, “I don’t want more choice, I just want nicer things!” and while maybe the ‘things’ bit doesn’t completely resonate with my approach to life (because I’m less about stuff and more about experiences), the message is the same: quality wins over quantity any day of the week! I think one of the reasons why our resolutions fall over so often is that we focus on numbers (for example, our weight) rather than how something feels (like how comfortable you might want to feel in your clothes); numbers are much easier to measure, which is why we go after them, but numbers are usually dull and emotionless. If you want to feel passionate about whatever it is you’re focusing on, there has to be some emotion attached to it… so focus on the quality side and how you feel more than achieving a set of numerical goals. OK, next…

Take time to really think through what you want to focus on — look, I mean no disrespect or judgement to anyone but the thing is that most of our resolutions don’t really involve a lot of thought, in the sense that they’re either broadly-focused rather than being specific (and therefore leaving them open to interpretation or not aligning to what truly matters to you), or they’re things we come up with at the spur of the moment (I once committed to joining an amateur theatre group on a New Year’s Eve under the influence of far-too much alcohol; needless to say it didn’t end up happening!). I mentioned a few points ago that I’m sharing two weeks worth of daily posts on Instagram to give you self-reflection prompts that you can use to take a more thoughtful and considered approach to setting resolutions, and I chose to spread that out over 14 days for a good reason: you need to take your time with it! I don’t know about you, but I find one big question or topic a day is quite enough for my brain and so it’s helpful to spread this kind of big-picture thinking out over a longer period so you can take your time with it, which then allows you to be much more thoughtful.

OK, so now I’m going to share some quick-fire suggestions for you to think about as you consider resolutions and intentions for the future, starting with… 

• Focus on what is within your direct control (because you can’t control the stuff that isn’t!)
• Focus on what you do want rather than what you don’t (because a positive focus will tend to lead to more positive outcomes)
• Instead of paying attention to the problem, turn your energy towards potential solutions or the outcome you desire (again, this is about having a positive focus!) 
• Make your mental health and wellbeing your priority (because without good mental health, you’ll struggle in other areas of your life; plus, life is too valuable to spend it feeling like crap!)
• Do what feels good (there should always be some sort of positive reward, otherwise it just feels like punishment and so you’ll be less likely to achieve whatever it is!)
• Plan, plan, plan (but don’t be super-rigid, but some flexibility is needed too!)
• Track your progress daily and weekly (so you can see your progress along the way, and celebrate your wins)
• Don’t punish yourself for mistakes or slip-ups (because they aren’t failures but rather learning opportunities; if you drop the ball one day, pick it up the next instead of punishing yourself)
• Get support if you need it (actually get support even if you think you don’t need it, because many hands make light work)
• And, probably my most important tip for making resolutions that actually work: be sober when you make them (and I think this one should hopefully speak for itself but if not, I say this because when you have a clear head you can make smarter and more considered choices that aren’t accompanied by bouts of singing and telling all your friends how much you love them!)

Summary and Close-Out

Because when it comes to resolutions and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: We tend to make resolutions because we want to improve some aspects of our lives, but so often we fall short in achieving those intentions that we set because we haven’t taken the time to really think things through and to do what we can to set ourselves up for success. Rather than allowing this to be another year where your resolutions have turned to dust by the time the January sales are over, instead why don’t you choose to take some more time to really think things through and look at how you can create thoughtful, considered and practical resolutions that are both realistic and within your direct control?

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by Socrates, and it is:

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

Socrates

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

Next time I’ll be talking about progress. So much of our time and energy is spent trying to make progress in life, but what does that actually mean and who decided what ‘progress’ looks like anyway? I’m a firm believer that there are many possible types of progress to be made in our lives and that only some of them have a positive impact on your mental health; the others have either a neutral or, more often, a negative effect on the way you feel. So, next time — in my first episode for 2023 — I’ll be talking about what progress is (and what it isn’t), why understanding progress matters, and how to make positive progress in your life.

I hope you’ll join me for that episode which will be released on Sunday the 8th of January, 2023. 

You’ll find many more practical tips in my new book Life Advice That Doesn’t Suck!, and in my recent book, Let’s Talk About Mental Health (Volume One), which are both available from Amazon and Apple Books, and visit my website at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au to sign up for my free newsletter Thursday Thoughts for a weekly dose of inspiration.

Become a supporter on Patreon for exclusive extra benefits, including early access to podcast episodes and a weekly episode worksheet, and follow my podcast on Instagram @ltamentalhealth for bonus content (including those reflection questions I mentioned earlier). Plus, check out my other account, @itsjeremygodwin, where I post daily tips sharing Life Advice That Doesn’t Suck — and those are all linked in the episode description on your podcast service.

Thank you very much for joining me today — look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Simple ideas for better mental health.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2022 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.