Let’s Talk About… Freedom

By Jeremy Godwin

What role does personal freedom play in your mental health and wellbeing? And how do you develop a greater sense of freedom in your life? That’s what I’m talking about this week here on… Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast about looking after your wellbeing, with simple ideas you can put into practice immediately. So, get comfortable, and Let’s Talk About Mental Health…

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This podcast episode was originally released on 9 October, 2022.

Hello and welcome to Episode 152, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about freedom and mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin and I share simple ideas for better mental health. 

I spent most of the 2010’s dealing with severe anxiety and depression, after a breakdown in late 2011, which led me to want to learn more about my mental health… so I went back to school and studied psychology and sociology, and now I share simple mental health tips for how to improve your wellbeing, from someone who actually understands what it’s like to go through mental health challenges. 

Each episode I look at how to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing. In this episode I’ll be talking about what freedom is (and what it isn’t), why freedom matters, and how to embrace your own sense of freedom in life. 

Before we go any further I have to take a moment and let you all know that I’ve decided to take two weeks off from both my podcast and my YouTube channel (actually, it will be just over three weeks off from YouTube because you may have noticed I haven’t posted in just over a week on there). Here’s the short version of why: I’m exhausted. And the long version? I’m really exhausted. Let me take a minute to explain.

Aside from a few days off last Christmas, I haven’t taken a break from my weekly production schedule since March 2020 and I’ve realised this week that I’m on the verge of burnout. There’s no point me sitting here and trying to have a conversation about personal freedom when I’m currently working myself so hard to produce all of this content and do my one-on-one client appointments every week that I’m at the point of complete and utter exhaustion by the time I reach the weekend. Next week’s episode was supposed to be about self-compassion (oh, the irony!) and so I’ll still be going ahead with that episode, but it won’t be released until October 30 so that I can have two solid weeks without having to create content. 

Thank you all for your understanding and please know that I really agonised over this decision, because I’m going to be taking a couple of weeks off over the Christmas/New Years period as well and I was trying to hold off until then, but I just can’t and I need a break now so that I don’t burn out completely (look, it turns out that I can take my own advice every now and then!). I’m very aware that, for many of you, this podcast is your weekly dose of self-care for your mental health and I feel a real sense of responsibility to all of you, but I also know that you’ll understand why I need to do this. And hey, if you miss your regular dose of my content while I’m taking my break then I have plenty of older podcast episodes and YouTube videos for you to catch up on (and you’ll find my YouTube channel linked in the episode description).

So, with all of that covered, let’s talk about freedom!

Introduction

Back in 1992 when En Vogue sang “Free your mind, and the rest will follow…”, do you think that they were commenting on the need to give yourself permission to think and act freely? Or am I just finally at a point where I can take almost any song lyric and turn it into a philosophy piece? The correct answer to that question is (c) all of the above, although I will point out that Free Your Mind is an excellent song about prejudice and racial profiling that’s still, unfortunately, very relevant today (and besides that, it’s a catchy song that still slaps 30 years later); but I digress…!

Last week in Episode 151 I explored empathy, in terms of empathy towards others and empathy towards yourself, and I mentioned that I’m doing a four-part series about how you treat yourself (next episode will be self-compassion, followed by self-acceptance the episode after that). ‘Freedom’ might sound like an odd topic to add into the mix when it comes to talking about how you treat yourself, but I added it because it’s very much about your ability to think for yourself and to determine your own path in life rather than trying to be someone that you’re not or force yourself to fit into a box that’s not the right size or shape for you (and, by the way, boxes are for parcels… not people!). 

This week it’s also become very clear to me that many of us — myself included — can put massive pressure on ourselves to do things or to meet ridiculously-high standards, and while I’m all for drive and perseverance I’m also conscious that hustle culture leads to burnout… which is actually the opposite of freedom; when you do that, you just wind up chained to the wheel and constantly treading water to try and keep up, and you end up making compromises about what really matters to you. I had that happen a few weeks ago when I couldn’t spare an hour in my day to dial into a meeting for a family thing; it wasn’t an urgent meeting by any means, but more about staying involved in what’s going on at the place where my mother is being looked after so I can keep the family up-to-date. Anyway, I couldn’t spare the time and then I ended up having to do work on the weekend as well and I just thought, “what the hell am I doing to myself?!” 

So, true freedom involves letting go of all the beliefs, restrictions and expectations placed on us by the people around us, by society in general, and by ourselves, and learning how to really pay attention to what it is that we, as individual human beings, want and need in our lives in order to find a sense of calm and peace of mind. 

So, let’s get into some definitions and let’s talk about…

What is freedom?

And freedom is about feeling like you are in control of your own life and your own destiny (which, by the way, you most definitely are… because you have full control over what you choose to do and say). It’s about recognising that you have the power to act, speak or think in the way you want to, and that you can make your own choices in life. 

A big part of freedom is knowing what your truth is — in other words, who you are and who you are not — and speaking it, and being authentic with others as well as with yourself about your identity. These are topics I’ve covered a few times before; I talked about truth in Episode 72, authenticity in Episode 55 and identity in Episode 30, plus I recently posted a new video about personal identity (with brand-new tips) on my YouTube channel (and that’s linked in the episode description).

So let’s talk for a moment about what freedom isn’t. 

Freedom is not a commodity to be bought and sold or exchanged, and it’s not something that you can only have if you live in one specific country or city or part of the world, or if you have a specific amount of money. Regardless of who you are and where you live, we all have ‘agency’ in our lives; in other words, we have the freedom to make our own choices and influence the course of our own lives. Sure, there might be some cultural or social limitations based on where we live, and our individual circumstances, but nobody can ever truly force you to think a specific way and so that’s where real freedom is to be found; in your freedom of choice. 

And then the other thing that we need to talk about here is that ‘freedom’ does not give someone the right to deny another person of their freedom just because they don’t like who they are or how they live. It’s not a political tool to be wielded against others who don’t agree with you, and it’s not a slogan to be slapped on a bumper sticker or plastered on a t-shirt in lieu of having actual freedom of thought. And having personal freedom is not an excuse to abandon any personal responsibility by just doing whatever you want; we still have a moral obligation to one another to do no harm. In all things we can choose the healthy path or the unhealthy path; in an unhealthy world we can do whatever the hell we want, but then that leads us to living in a real-life version of The Purge, whereas in a healthy world we recognise our individual responsibilities towards the people we care about and towards society at large. I think what I’m really trying to say is this: freedom without personal responsibility leads to being a dick, and if there’s one thing you don’t want to be it’s a dick; there’s enough of those around already, so let’s not add to their ranks! 

And at this stage I have to point out the wonderful fact that I have the personal freedom to record my little show and pop it on the internet every week where I can insert my random thoughts and philosophical musings alongside quotes from the classic songs of the 80s and 90s, combined with the occasional piece of solid mental health advice! Seriously, though, the internet has delivered us more freedom than we’ve ever had at any point in the history of humanity so far, and from a mental health standpoint that is a double-edged sword; it’s good in that it connects us with one another across oceans, and that it provides us with access to knowledge that we might never have known previously, but it’s also not-so-great in the sense that it adds more and more layers of complexity to our lives in terms of the demands placed on our time by others and also how easily others can access us. That might sound like a really random thing to raise in an episode about freedom, but I do think that we need to really consider how we set and maintain clear and healthy boundaries for ourselves in order to protect our sense of personal freedom and our mental health. 

And so, on a slightly-related note, if you thought I was going to do an episode about freedom and not quote George Michael’s classic hit Freedom! 90 then you would be wrong (and I just cringed a little calling it ‘classic’ because I most definitely remember how excited I was when that song first came out 32 years ago and that doesn’t feel like it was that long ago, so when I’m finished recording this I’m heading off to go stock up on some anti-ageing face cream, but I digress!)… there are a few lines in that song that I want to highlight, and they are:

I think there’s something you should know

I think it’s time I stopped the show

There’s something deep inside of me

There’s someone I forgot to be

Now, putting aside any commentary about George Michael’s challenges in his later years, it’s that bit about forgetting to be the ‘you’ that is deep inside of you that I want to pick up on in this conversation about freedom, and it’s probably no surprise that I’m going to go into a discussion about why you should be your absolute truest and most authentic self… because so many of us spend a massive amount of time trying to ‘fit in’ with everyone else and as someone who spent most of his teens and 20’s trying to fit in, I can tell you from firsthand experience that all that does is take you further and further away from the truth of who you really are (and that will mess up your head for a very, very long time). Real freedom involves recognising that not only should you be your true self, but that you need to be your true self; the you that is deep inside of you! Only then can you live your life to its fullest and that’s the thing that’s going to help you find genuine freedom, as well as greater peace of mind and satisfaction in your life.

So, now let’s talk about…

Why freedom matters

And it matters because without recognising your personal freedom, and the fact that you are in control of the choices you make with your life, you can easily become trapped in a vicious cycle of letting the external world dictate your internal world… whereas the healthier approach is to allow your internal world to determine your relationship with the external world. 

So let me ask you this question: do you feel free? Do you feel like you’re the one in the driving seat for your life? Or does your life feel more like some kind of out-of-control self-driving car that refuses to obey instructions and appears hellbent on taking you in the opposite direction to where you would like to be? Because if it’s the latter then hey, I get it, we’ve all been there from time to time, but I have to be honest and say that even if you don’t feel like you’re in control, you actually are in control. I know, I know, that probably stung a little bit (or a lot) but it needed to be said, because the whole point of learning to recognise and embrace your personal freedom is accepting the fact that you always, always have choice in your life in terms of what you do and say because nobody can force you to do or say something.

Now, at this point there are generally two camps of people: the ones who hear that rather-blunt message and think, “OK, I get it,” and the ones who think, “Well yes but that’s easier said than done!” and do you know what? It is easier said than done. Everything is easier said than done! The doing is the hard part, because that’s where you turn thoughts and ideas into action and that always requires time, effort and perseverance… so yes, it’s hard. Making the healthy choices in your life is tough work. But do you know what else is tough work? Going around and around in circles feeling overwhelmed and out of control, and feeling like you have no say in what does or doesn’t happen in your life, and so making a series of unhealthy choices that just serve to keep you stuck in the same patterns. There’s a well-known quote that’s often attributed to Albert Einstein but there’s actually no evidence to prove that it’s one of his, but the quote is still an excellent one and so I want to share it anyway. It is: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” 

If you feel stuck, then either you change something to free yourself from that cycle of feeling stuck… or you just keep on repeating the same patterns over and over again (and I will remind you at this point that not taking action is still an action; by choosing to do nothing, you are choosing to allow things to remain the same). 

When you recognise the fact that you, and only you, have complete and total freedom over what you choose to do or not do with your life, you slowly begin to accept the reality that it is you — and only you — who is responsible for the way you feel about your life. Yes, other people can have a direct or indirect influence on you but it’s up to you — and only you — to decide who has access to you and what that access looks and feels like. Don’t like the way someone makes you feel? Change the relationship. Don’t like your job? Change your job. You are in the driver’s seat and it’s by choosing to take accountability for your life and for your personal freedom that you can begin to affect serious and positive change in your life. How do you do that? Well, let’s get into the how-to part of today’s episode and let’s talk about…

How to embrace your own sense of freedom in life

And I’ll start with my own personal example from this week, which is give yourself permission to prioritise your needs — because if you allow external demands and expectations to control your life, you will remain at their mercy throughout your life. I’ve been talking a lot about needs lately (and I covered it recently in Episode 137) and we all have to be conscious of who we really are and what we really need in order to ensure that we’re making our wellbeing a priority; because if you don’t do it, nobody is going to do it for you! I’m doing it over the next two weeks by giving myself permission to take a break from the podcast and YouTube for a couple of weeks so I can have some much-needed rest, and so I encourage you to think about what you need and how you can make more space for yourself in your life. One way to do that is with my next point… 

Embrace the fact that you are in control of your own life — because you are in control, whether you accept that fact yet or not! You get to choose what you say yes or no to, and it’s those choices that shape what does or doesn’t happen next, so remind yourself that your sense of personal freedom is directly related to the choices you make each day (and I talked about control back in Episode 48 and choices in Episode 135). OK, next… 

Stop making excuses — because excuses do nothing other than hold you back from making progress, and they make it virtually impossible to create the kind of positive mindset that you need to really allow yourself to lean into your personal freedom in life. Excuses and complaints are negative energy, and all they do is keep you stuck in a cycle of putting the blame for your difficulties on external factors (like other people or your general circumstances) rather than looking within to see what you can do to change the situation for the better (and let me tell you that there is always something you can do to change the situation for the better!). I covered mindset in Episode 31 and energy in Episode 67, so you’ll find those helpful to review (and you can find transcripts and audio for all of my past episodes linked on my website at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au/episodes). OK, next…

Make space in your life for yourself — because often we give so much to others that we forget to also give to ourselves. Nobody is going to look after your wellbeing for you and so if you just keep on giving all of your energy away to others without giving any of it to yourself then you’re going to find yourself completely exhausted at the end of each day and with zero interest in doing anything that feels joyful or inspiring. You don’t need to go overboard and take yourself on a $45,000 luxury holiday to the Bahamas to be taking care of yourself; simply make sure that you carve out time for yourself each and every day by doing something small, even if that just involves having half an hour to watch something positive and uplifting. My go-to lately is a 15-minute flip through a home magazine, since we’re deciding on what we’re going to do to our house when we (hopefully) start work on it over the coming few months; it’s something simple and inspiring that I don’t really have to think too hard about (I mean, it’s literally a case of “I like this” versus “I don’t like this” and that’s it!). When you make space for yourself, you are taking care of yourself and celebrating yourself… and that is what personal freedom is all about: it’s your ability to live your life to its fullest. OK, next…

Take time to understand what is in your best long-term interests — because, and I hate to break this to you, not everything or everyone in your life will be in your best interests, whether that’s now or in the future. Some people and situations will hold you back from being the best version of yourself possible and so you need to assess what is adding value to your life versus what isn’t in order to begin letting go of the stuff that isn’t adding value, because you need to do that to create space for the best version of yourself. You are always free to make your own choices in your life and so it’s up to you to decide whether they will be healthy choices or unhealthy ones. Look, I know that healthy choices are often a lot tougher to make than unhealthy ones (and I talked about difficult choices back in Episode 89) but the piece here is to remember that it’s the choices you make which will shape your future and which determine how much freedom you really have in your life, so choose wisely. And that leads to my next point… 

Confront your fears about letting go — because letting go is uncomfortable, it’s tough, and it can even be terrifying… but those are not good enough reasons to not let go when you know that it’s the right thing to do. The right thing to do is not always the easy thing. I talked about discomfort in Episode 132, letting go in Episode 32 and fear in Episode 10, and I think that one of the main things that holds us back from doing what needs to be done is that we think about all the terrible things that may or may not happen if we challenge the status quo (even if that status quo is unhealthy or even toxic). So, ask yourself this: what’s the worst-case scenario? And then, consider this question: could you recover? You may think the answer is ‘no’ but I can tell you from personal experience that it’s actually a ‘yes’ because I have lived the worst-case scenario; after my breakdown things went downhill fast and I could barely leave the house (hell, I could barely function in the house!) and that meant I couldn’t work, and I had absolutely no idea how I was going to pay my bills (one month I even had to have a garage sale just to raise enough money to pay the rent), and I didn’t think I’d be able to survive that… but not only did I survive that, I ended up thriving. It reminds me of a line from the song Free by Broods: “If I lose it all, at least I’ll be free.” You always have your freedom; the only person who can ever take it away from you is you, so choose to focus on what is right for you instead of allowing fear to keep you feeling stuck.

Summary and Close-Out

Because when it comes to freedom and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: You are free. You always have freedom of thought and freedom of choice, and it’s by embracing this sense of personal freedom that it allows you to be the very best version of yourself possible. When we put ourselves into boxes we wind up restricting ourselves and holding ourselves back from realising our full potential; you can do and be almost anything you want (with time, effort and perseverance)… it’s just up to you to give yourself the permission and the freedom to make it happen.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:

“Freedom is being you, without anyone’s permission.” 

Unknown

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

Next time I’ll be talking about self compassion. Continuing on with this series of episodes about how you choose to treat yourself, next time I’m going to be diving into self compassion and really getting to the bottom of why we can be so unkind to ourselves sometimes (or even a lot of the time). So I’ll be talking about what self compassion is, why self compassion matters, and how to show yourself greater self compassion every day. 

And since I’m going to be taking two weeks off to show myself some self compassion, I hope you’ll join me for that episode which will be released on Sunday the 30th of October, 2022. 

Find more mental health tips in my book, Let’s Talk About Mental Health (Volume One), available from Amazon and Apple Books, and also catch my videos on my YouTube channel.

Visit my website at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au, and sign up to my free newsletter Thursday Thoughts for a weekly dose of inspiration.

Become a supporter on Patreon for exclusive benefits and to help me produce this show, and follow the podcast on Instagram @ltamentalhealth plus check out my other account, @jeremygodwinofficial, where I post daily videos sharing Life Advice That Doesn’t Suck — and those are all linked in the episode description on your podcast service.

Thank you very much for joining me today — look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media, helping you find gratitude and meaning. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Simple ideas for better mental health.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2022 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.