Let’s Talk About… Time

By Jeremy Godwin

What is the relationship between time and mental health, and how does your attitude towards time affect your wellbeing? That’s what I’m talking about this week on… Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast about looking after your wellbeing, with simple ideas you can put into practice immediately. So, get comfortable, and Let’s Talk About Mental Health…

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This podcast episode was originally released on 11 September, 2022.

Hello and welcome to Episode 148, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about time and mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin and I share simple ideas for better mental health. 

I spent most of the 2010’s dealing with severe anxiety and depression, after a breakdown in late 2011, which led me to want to learn more about my mental health… so I went back to school and studied psychology and sociology, and now I share simple tips for how to improve your mental wellbeing, from someone who actually understands what it’s like to go through mental health challenges. 

Each episode I look at how to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing. In this episode I’ll be talking about what time is, why a healthy attitude towards time matters, and how to manage your relationship with time in a thoughtful and considered way. So, let’s talk about time!

Introduction

It feels like there have been nearly as many songs written about time as there have love; actually that’s a stretch, because there are about 18 trillion songs about love, but there has been so much music written about time including some of my all-time favourites from the 80’s like one of the greatest duets of all time, the theme song from Dirty Dancing I’ve Had The Time of My Life, Culture Club’s Time (Clock of the Heart), Martha Davis’ Don’t Tell Me the Time, and, of course, Cyndi Lauper’s classic hit Time After Time (I mean, no other song would have suited that interpretive dance sequence in Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, would it?!). 

The past, the present and the future are all interwoven and they’re places that we can exist in but never at the same time… and, yes, this probably is going to be one of those episodes where I become a bit philosophical. Maybe it’s because I turned 46 a couple of months ago but I’m more and more aware of my relationship with time and how the way that we view time — as either a friend or a foe — can directly influence our sense of satisfaction in life.  

Time and mental health might seem like an odd combination to talk about, but when you learn how to embrace time you can stop holding yourself back and start living a much happier life… simply by changing your attitude towards time and wellbeing. I’ll talk about how to do that shortly, but first let’s go through some definitions and let’s talk about…

What is time?

And aside from being the way we measure basically everything, it’s also a word we use to describe our existence as individuals and it’s that definition I want to focus in on during this episode, because the way we approach time — and life itself — shapes the experience we create for ourselves.

We each get this finite amount of time on this planet — as far as I know, nobody has ever managed to live for forever — but instead of looking around at the world and going, “Wow, this is amazing! Show me as much of this as possible in the time I have!” we end up finding silly distractions to waste our time, or we get involved in ridiculous squabbles with one another about things that just really do not matter. 

I have this app on my iPad where I pay a flat fee every month to read a wide selection of magazines (my favourites are self-development, home improvement and travel, if you’re interested) and so that means I see all the covers of a wide range of magazines, and honestly I just shake my head when I see one of the many celebrity-focused magazines gushing over someone’s opinion because they’re on TV or whatever. Seriously, there are more important things to worry about than Victoria Beckham’s diet secrets (and, I mean, no disrespect to Posh Spice; continued Girl Power to you, Mrs B!). The point is, do you ever just stop and think, “why am I wasting my precious time on this planet worrying about whether or not I can keep up with the Kardashians?!”

I’m not going to sugarcoat this: your time on this Earth is limited, because we all have an expiration date and no amount of healthy eating or plastic surgery can change your biological age. So why then are we all so hellbent on wasting our time on nonsense and rubbish? Why are we constantly finding ways to distract ourselves from the now, which is the very moment where life is lived and the only place we can ever truly live?!

You don’t have to be a monk (I mean we all need some fun in our lives), but seriously… your time is precious, so how about making the conscious choice to live — really live — each and every day to the fullest? You don’t have to go abseiling or skydiving to do that (which is lucky, because those are two things I refuse to do); even a quiet day at home with your loved ones can be a rich and vibrant experience when you choose to be fully present! 

So here are three truths about time that you need to make your peace with in order to start achieving the results you want in life: 

1. The past has passed — which means that what is done is done, and it can never be changed (but it CAN be learned from, and I’ll come back to that in a minute). Next…
2. The future is unknown and unknowable — so instead of wasting all of your time and energy worrying about what may or may not happen, instead you need to learn how to deal with the unknown (and I’ll tell you how to do that in a moment). And then truth number three is…
3. The only moment you have for certain is now — and that’s why the present matters so much, because it’s the only time we have for sure. Your future is determined by what you choose to do or not do here and now… so instead of being distracted by the past or the future, instead focus on living in the present moment.

So, what’s the relationship between time and mental health? Actually, they go hand-in-hand because your attitude towards time affects your mental health, like whether or not you’re learning from the past so that you can stop repeating the past over and over again (I mean, I’m sure you have plenty of advice you’d give your younger self if you could; I know I do, starting with not posting on social media when I was drunk!).

Time is the one thing we all have but also the thing we never seem to have enough of. 

Every morning the sun rises and we start a brand new day, but how much time do we actually spend really focused on THAT day… and how much of our time do we spend thinking about the past or worrying about the future? 

Because here’s the thing: it’s your ability to fully embrace the process of life — which involves learning how to be fully present in the moment and then staying present — that determines whether or not you achieve the results you want in life. And that then influences your overall mental health and wellbeing, because it determines how satisfied you are in your life.

So with that in mind, now let’s talk about…

Why a healthy attitude towards time matters

And it matters because time is not the enemy; it’s the thing that adds meaning to life. If our time on this Earth were endless then what incentive would we have to do anything?

Time is a healer, a guide, a teacher. It can either be a friend or a foe, depending on how you choose to view it; see it as an enemy and it will be your enemy, tormenting you with missed opportunities and reminding you of your mortality every time you look in the mirror. 

On the other hand, if you treat time as a friend then it will show you all of the wonderful possibilities that lay before you… and each time you look in the mirror you will see your own progress and growth over the years reflected back at you. This is how you master time, by choosing to embrace it. I mean, what’s the alternative? Fight it? You can’t! Look, you can certainly try but I think all that does is hold you back from really making your peace with the steady march of time so that you can learn from the past, dream and plan for the future, and live life fully each moment here in the present, because that’s the choice that will make your life feel infinitely more meaningful and satisfying. 

I want to pick up on that ‘time is a healer’ statement I made earlier and clarify that time does not necessarily heal all wounds, but rather it helps you to heal by revealing more and more of the big picture to you and by giving you the space you need to process whatever happened and integrate it into your life. For example, when someone you love dies you don’t wake up one day and feel magically healed; you simply learn, over time, to live with the loss and you build a life for yourself around the hole left in your heart… it’s still there, but now it’s integrated into the core of your being — a cherished place kept for that love. 

We spend so much time thinking about and worrying about time (“I don’t have enough time!”, “Where did the time go?”, “I’m running out of time”, “Why is time going so slow?”, “Why is time going so fast?”, “Did Cher ever manage to turn back time?”), and yet for all of our fascination with time we seem to spend more time in the past or in the future (or both) rather than here in the present, which is the only moment of time that actually exists now. Does it really matter what happened in the past? I mean, it’s done and so it’s now history and the fact is that history cannot be changed because what’s done is done, no matter how much we might try to deny it or pretend it didn’t happen. 

And as for the future, there are billions — trillions — of different possible futures all determined by what you do or do not do in this moment. If I sit here and continue recording this episode, a particular future will unfold; if I stop right now, mid-sentence, and go to the shop, a different future is created. You shape your future through the choices you make in the present, even the minor ones, and each choice has a whole bunch of possible outcomes. So, basically what happens is that we create this infinite web of possibilities just by virtue of each individual choice we make… I know, this is some mind-blowing quantum physics stuff. 

Here’s the point: instead of worrying about your possible future, or ruminating over the past, simply take the time to think about who you want to be and what you want out of life and then make choices here and now that support what you want. Will that guarantee that you get exactly what you want? No, because there are a trillion different variables and you can only control what you can control (which is yourself). But the great thing about that sort of mindset shift is that it helps to anchor you in the present moment while also guiding you to make smarter, more considered choices. In the words of Britney Spears, “You want a hot body? You want a Maserati? You better work…”

You cannot turn back time, and you cannot ever predict the future… so what’s left? Making your peace with time and living fully in the present. Why? Because the present is the only moment we have for certain. 

So, how do you do that? Well, let’s get into the how-to part of this episode and let’s talk about…

How to manage your relationship with time in a thoughtful and considered way

First, know what truly matters to you — and yes, yes, I know, I talk about priorities basically every single episode and I covered it all the way back in Episode 3, when I was a baby podcaster, and it’s a point that has become one of the foundations of my work: know what matters to you and really make it matter, and let go of the stuff that doesn’t really matter. There are so many distractions in life (and I covered distractions back in Episode 69) and yet the thing is that the more we double-down on what actually matters, the simpler things become because it’s easier to say no to the other stuff and to let go. I don’t know about you, but I want to use my time being focused on things that do matter rather than wasting it dealing with nonsense-crap or being caught up in drama… call me crazy, but I have better things to do with my time! I talked about saying no in Episode 105 and letting go in Episode 32, so you’ll find those helpful to explore further — audio and transcripts for all of my past episodes can be found for free on my website at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au/episodes (and that’s linked in the episode description). OK, next… 

Be intentional about how you use your time — because your time is precious and valuable, so think about how you can use it to your advantage. And that definitely does not mean that you have to be doing things 24/7, because making regular time to recharge is intentional. Do you know what you can find me doing most Saturday afternoons? I’ll be laying on my couch with wireless headphones on, either listening to music and reading or watching something entertaining on YouTube (or being a nerd and watching a documentary about history or travel). Downtime is productive time, because you need regular periods of quality rest in order to reset, recharge and reinvigorate yourself. I spend all week creating content about mental health as well as working with clients one-on-one as both a coach and a counsellor, and so I have learned the hard way that I absolutely need that downtime in order to function at the best of my abilities throughout the week. Anyway, the point here is about using your time thoughtfully and intentionally; you don’t have to be ‘doing something’ 24/7 in order to use your time wisely, because recharging IS wise and intentional! It’s about understanding your needs and being clear on the future you want to create for yourself, and then taking small steps each day towards that future (and yes, even an afternoon on the couch is a step in the right direction, because it’s ensuring you can still get up and go the next day!). I covered needs in Episode 137, intentions in Episode 143, rest in Episode 109, and the future in Episode 100, so you’ll find those helpful. Alright, my next point is…

Slow down — and I just did a whole bit about my own relationship with consciously slowing down (plus I covered slowing down in Episode 140) so I’ll be brief, other than to say that you don’t have to go at a frantic pace just because life is finite; in fact, when you slow down you’re better able to savour all that life has to offer while also reducing the likelihood that you’ll become overwhelmed by trying to do too much (and I covered overwhelm last week in Episode 147). Think about the joy of a piece of summer fruit when it’s ripe and juicy; you’ll enjoy it so much more when you take your time and savour every bite, so slow down and stop trying to cram your time with non-stop activities — I’ll choose quality over quantity any day. Speaking of choices, my next point is…

Make healthy choices — because the choices you make today shape your tomorrow. That doesn’t mean that you can’t ever have a bit of fun, because you can, but the choices you make need to be balanced and responsible because even though you live here in the present, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences for future-you if present-you decides to go wild and burn all your clothes or give everything away to the next person you see; trust me when I tell you that future-you is going to be pissed at present-you (who will then be past-you) if the choices you make today turn your tomorrow into a total nightmare. I talked about choices in Episode 135, so check that out for more about making healthy choices. Next…

Recognise that time is a teacher — you know more today than you did yesterday, and that’s a good thing; even if the things you now know aren’t great, at least you know them now. When you choose to treat time respectfully as a teacher you begin to better understand the journey that we all go on throughout our lives; like Alanis Morisette sang back in the 90’s: you live, you learn. When you learn from yesterday it can show you what you can do today to create a better tomorrow, so listen carefully and learn what the past has to teach you (and I talked about how to do that in Episode 94, about the past). OK, next… 

Challenge your beliefs around time — because whether you believe you have an abundance of time or a lack of time, what you believe is what you find. You really are not behind in life; you are exactly where you’re meant to be and you are continuing to grow each and every single day. I say all of that because your beliefs and mindset go a long way towards shaping your reality, because they influence how you go about your day-to-day life, and when you choose to focus on the positive it helps you to put things into perspective and begin looking for opportunities to grow, and rather than focusing on problems you’re able to instead focus on solutions. I’ve covered a few related topics in the past: beliefs in Episode 141, mindset in Episode 31, abundance in Episode 111 and positivity in Episode 90, so check those out for tips on those topics. Next… 

Focus on finding balance — balance allows you to live a life that feels more satisfying, because you can find harmony between both the external world and your internal one. We’re all connected with other people, whether directly or indirectly, and so our relationships and interactions are also going to have some type of impact on our time, however we also need to make time for ourselves so that we can nurture ourselves in order to flourish; a seed doesn’t just grow because you stick it in some soil, you need to water it and care for it… and the same goes for you! I talked about finding balance back in Episode 49, so check that out for more on how to find balance in life. Now, I mentioned other people and that leads to my next point…

Be assertive — because people will take your time unless you manage what access they have to you, in order to ensure your time is being respected and I talked about how to do that in Episode 45, about assertiveness. OK, next…

Mix things up — because variety really is the spice of life and it’s what keeps you learning and growing, two things that are necessary in order to make the most of your time! When you try new things and keep life interesting for yourself, it pushes you to build your capabilities and that’s what helps you to evolve. I covered capability in Episode 144, so check that out as well. OK, next…

Make space each day to just ‘be’ — and I touched on this one earlier (when I talked about my Saturday recharging ritual) but I’m now taking this one step further and telling you how important it is to have some quiet time all for yourself every single day, because that’s what helps you to become more and more comfortable with your own company and it also enables you to be more present,  and I covered how to be more present in my book, Let’s Talk About Mental Health (Volume One) which you can buy now from Amazon and Apple Books (and it’s linked in the episode description). This is that balance thing I talked about before, where I mentioned the external and the internal; when you allow yourself space (even just a few minutes) to sit and connect with yourself, you allow yourself to go within and that helps to anchor your focus in the present — in your present — instead of being constantly focused on the external world. Let’s face it, most of our day is focused on other people or the tasks we need to complete for work, etc., but that stuff is all external to you and it’s not actually the truth of who you are; make some time to connect with yourself each day and that will help you to become more comfortable with being present. And speaking of the present, my next point is… 

Learn to embrace the unknown — because the future is both unknown and unknowable; you can never be completely certain how something will turn out, no matter how hard you try, and so you need to be willing to let go and lean into the discomfort (and I talked about how to do that in Episode 132, about discomfort). I’ve learned that when you let go of how you think things should be or could be in the future, and focus your energy on creating a satisfying life for yourself here in the present, not only do things tend to turn out even better than you could ever have imagined, you’ll also find that life likes to reward your willingness to trust and let go by surprising and delighting you along the way. OK, next…

Don’t compare the past and the present — because you can’t compare them; they’re two totally different entities. The author L. P. Hartley once wrote that “the past is a foreign country: they do things differently there,” and it’s an excellent reminder that we really cannot compare the past and the present. You made the choices you made back then based on who you were at that time and what you knew then; of course you know more now, because we learn over time, and so maybe you might have made different choices based on what you know now but frankly that’s wasted energy to even think about; what is is what is, and no amount of going over it will ever change that fact. Instead of regret and shame, give yourself kindness and compassion… and stop comparing that older version of you to the person you are today.  

And you’ll find even more tips in the shorter video version of this episode on my YouTube channel, and it’s linked in the episode description. 

Summary and Close-Out

Because when it comes to time and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: Having a healthy attitude towards time means accepting that you cannot turn back time, and you cannot ever predict the future… so, what’s left? The present. Because the present really is the only moment we have for certain. Are you living in the past? No, because that’s not possible since the past has passed. Are you living in the future? No, because the future hasn’t happened yet. You live here, in the present, so if you want to create a life you feel passionate about and start achieving the results you want for yourself then it’s up to you to choose to cultivate a healthier relationship with time and focus on being completely present so that you can live your life to the fullest.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by American writer and statesman Benjamin Franklin, and it is:

“Do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of.”  

Benjamin Franklin

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

Next week I’ll be talking about metamorphosis. At this point I think I’ve just given in to the fact that I go quite philosophical about mental health and wellbeing on a fairly regular basis, and funnily enough this is a topic I selected about six months ago (I have topics planned out for at least the next year, in case you were wondering). Your ability to grow and evolve, and the way that can lead to a total transformation of your life, is nothing short of miraculous; it really is possible to reshape yourself into a totally new person and I find that an incredibly exciting prospect, because it means that we can do and be almost anything with time, effort and perseverance. So, next time I’m going to be digging deep to talk about the power of metamorphosis and I’ll be talking about what metamorphosis is (and what it isn’t), why it matters, and how to transform your life in a considered and mindful way. 

I hope you’ll join me for that episode, which will be released on Sunday the 18th of September, 2022. 

You can find more content about better mental health in my book, Let’s Talk About Mental Health (Volume One); buy it now in print from Amazon or buy the eBook from Amazon or Apple Books, and it’s linked in the episode description or visit my website at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au.

Watch my weekly videos on YouTube for more tips on better mental health, plus sign up to my mailing list for my free weekly newsletter, Thursday Thoughts, where I share a quick dose of inspiration (and those are all linked in the episode description).

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Thank you very much for joining me today — look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Simple ideas for better mental health.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2022 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.