Dealing with a harsh inner critic, negative self talk, and feeling like you’re constantly bullying yourself in your own head? In this episode I’ll show you how to be kinder to yourself, how to love yourself in a more grounded way, and how to stop self criticism from harming your mental health. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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Episode Overview:

Are you tired of feeling like your own worst enemy in your own head? Then you need to learn how to be kinder to yourself, and how to love yourself more… and that’s what this episode is all about!

This week in the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, I’m talking about being kinder to yourself when you’re struggling… because a harsh inner critic, negative self talk, and that relentless negative inner voice can all harm your self worth, chip away at your self respect, and make maintaining good mental health much harder than it needs to be. I break down how to be kinder to yourself without drifting into denial or excuses, and I explore how to love yourself in a more grounded and practical way. 

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering “why do I hate myself?”, or felt stuck in patterns of self criticism, this episode will help you stop bullying yourself, understand how self criticism and mental health affect each other, and start building more self kindness, self compassion, and real emotional balance. I’ll walk you through simple mental health tips and practical self love tips to help you heal your inner critic, learn how to practice self love, and start approaching your self improvement with greater honesty and less shame. 

👉 Ready to start being kinder to yourself? Then let’s talk!

💡 TL;DR: Stop letting your harsh inner critic tear you to shreds! Negative self talk and self-criticism can be harmful to your self-esteem and mental health, so learning to be kinder to yourself can make a huge difference… and in this week’s episode I’m discussing how to do that. 🙂

New here? Hi! Let’s Talk About Mental Health is your weekly dose of practical mental health advice for real life. I’m Jeremy Godwin (hello! 👋) and I keep things simple, honest, and doable so you can feel more in control of your life and your mental wellbeing. If you’re not already a free subscriber, sign up below to have episodes and transcripts land in your inbox every Sunday:

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Episode Transcript:

Being kinder to yourself when you’re struggling

Let’s talk about being kinder to yourself.

Because the way you treat yourself is the difference between better mental health or feeling like you’re never going to find your self worth.

Today I’ll explain why your harsh inner critic shows up, and I’ll show you how to stop bullying yourself and start backing yourself instead.

So, let’s talk about… how to be kinder to yourself.

Hello! I’m Jeremy Godwin and this is the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, full of practical tools for better mental health.

In this episode we’re talking about how to love yourself more by being kinder to yourself, and it’s a topic that has a huge impact on your mental health. Because the relationship you have with yourself affects everything: from your self-esteem to how safe you feel in your own skin through to how you handle stress, and even how you show up in your relationships with other people. Because the thing is that if you’re constantly at war with yourself, then life feels so much heavier than it needs to. But if instead you’re backing yourself, even when things aren’t perfect, that’s when you cope better; you recover from setbacks faster, and you can make clearer choices in your life.

Now… if you’re someone who has a harsh inner critic, it’s not just “a little bit of negative self-talk”. It’s a voice that shows up the moment you make a mistake and it turns into a character judgement; you know, you forget something and suddenly that voice starts going, “You’re hopeless!” Or you don’t handle a situation perfectly and it’s like, “What’s wrong with you?” It’s exhausting, and it can be overwhelming. And over time, that voice does not make you stronger or better. It just makes you more anxious, more tense, and more likely to shut down or overthink everything.

So if that’s something you’re dealing with right now, let me give you one simple tool you can use immediately. We’ll talk about this stuff more later, but I’ll give you this one now; it only takes about 10 seconds. So the tool is this: notice that critical voice and label it.

So… when your inner critic kicks in and kicks off, don’t argue with it and don’t chase it down a rabbit hole of thoughts about what a terrible person you are. Just label it, calmly: that’s my inner critic, or that’s self attack, or that’s my ‘bully voice’. The goal here is to create a tiny bit of distance between you and it, so that the voice stops feeling like the truth and starts feeling like a thought you’re having… because that’s exactly what it is. And we’re going to build on that later in the ‘how to’ section in a way that actually adds way more value, including how to work out what that voice is trying to do for you and how to replace it in a kind but honest way that doesn’t tear you to shreds. But the quick thing I want you to remember here, right up front in case you need it, is this: label it, create distance.

OK. So let’s start digging deeper into this topic, and let’s talk about…

What is an inner critical voice?

So when I say ‘harsh inner critic’, I’m talking about that internal critical voice that judges you, corrects you, reads you to filth and keeps score. But it doesn’t do it with calm honesty. No, no, no! It does it with contempt. It’s not trying to help you learn. It’s trying to make sure that you don’t mess up again by making you feel bad enough to never risk things. And yes, sometimes it disguises itself with motivational language, things like telling you that it’s “just being realistic”… but the tone of that voice is the dead giveaway. Because it’s not constructive. It’s cutting. It’s not supportive. It’s nasty.

Now, this sort of self-criticism often shows up in our everyday moments. For example, you might say something and then find yourself replaying it in your head for hours on end, picking it apart and judging yourself for what you said or didn’t say. Or maybe you made a small mistake at work and suddenly the voice in your head is telling you that you’re incompetent. Or maybe you don’t get as much done as you wanted to, and then that voice starts telling you, “You’re lazy!” Right?! Like… you look in the mirror and your brain starts listing everything that’s ‘wrong’ with you, like it’s having a field day. Or you’re already having a tough day, and the moment you can’t cope perfectly that nasty voice kicks in with that classic line: “You’re useless.”

A harsh inner critic, aside from just being nasty, tends to speak in absolutes. It uses words like ‘always’, ‘never’, ‘everyone’, ‘nobody’. It’s predicting the worst. It catastrophises. It turns one moment into an assessment of your entire identity. You know, it doesn’t say anything constructive like, “Well, that didn’t go well.” It says, “You’re a total mess. Failure!” It’s borderline feral. The longer it’s been running the show in your mind, the more normal that voice can feel… because you’ve heard it for so long that you start confusing it with your personality.

Choosing to be kinder to yourself doesn’t mean that you never reflect or that you never improve, or that you just pretend everything is fine when it’s not. Right? So this is not about arrogance, or conceit, or delusion, or giving yourself a free pass. It’s about finding a healthy balance. It is about the difference between feedback and abuse. Kind, honest self-talk sounds like a supportive coach. Harsh self-talk, on the other hand, sounds like a bully. One helps you to grow, the other one just makes you feel terrible about yourself.

And if you’re thinking, “Yeah, but I don’t… if I don’t criticise myself, I’ll become lazy or selfish”… like, I get why that fear exists. Completely. Especially if you were raised around judgement or you’ve learned along the way that being hard on yourself is the only way to stay productive or to stay safe. But there’s a very big difference between self-accountability and self-punishment. Accountability says, “OK, what can I learn from this?” Punishment says, “You should feel bad just for being you.”

So that’s what we’re dealing with today. It’s not about removing standards, it’s not about removing responsibility… it’s about changing the relationship you have with yourself so that your inner voice becomes something that supports you through life instead of constantly tearing strips off you. Because that’s incredibly harmful to your mental wellbeing.

So on that note, now let’s talk about…

Why self-criticism harms your mental health

When you live with a harsh inner critic yammering away in your head, your brain and body can start behaving as if you’re constantly under threat. Not because the world is actually attacking you, but because you’re attacking you. And that matters, because stress isn’t only created by what happens out there… it’s created by what happens inside you in response to things. If the voice in your head is constantly scanning for failure, turns mistakes into danger, and if it tells you that you’re not good enough, all of that keeps you tense. It keeps you on edge, and it makes it so much tougher to actually feel calm, grounded, or safe… the things that are necessary for better mental health.

Over time, self-criticism wears down your coping abilities. Because when you feel bad, you usually need support… and the most available support you have at any moment is your relationship with yourself. Now if that relationship is cruel and unkind, you don’t just feel bad about the original problem; you feel bad about feeling bad. You feel ashamed for struggling. You feel weak for needing help. And you feel like you ‘should be over it’ by now. So instead of your inner voice helping you to regulate, it actually escalates things.

It can also mess with your identity in a really quiet and nasty way. I mean, if you’re constantly telling yourself that you’re a failure or you’re too much or you’re not enough, then you’re going to start behaving like someone who believes all of that stuff. You hesitate. You know… you’ll second guess. You’ll play small, or overexplain, or you’ll go the other way entirely and become perfectionistic, controlling… and then, of course, exhausted because you’re constantly trying to outrun the criticism in your head. Either way, you’re spending a lot of mental energy managing fear, even when nobody is actually judging you in that moment other than yourself.

Self-criticism also spills over into your relationships. It doesn’t just stay within. So if you’re often harsh with yourself, you can become hyper-aware of how you’re coming across to other people… which can then make you anxious around other people. Or you might become overly defensive because you’re already bracing for criticism… because that’s what you’re used to. Or maybe you might overcompensate by people pleasing, because you’re trying to earn safety and approval. So, being kind to… to yourself isn’t just a self thing; it changes how you show up everywhere in your life.

The truth is that if you keep bullying yourself every time you drop the ball, you don’t become stronger. You become more traumatised. You become someone who flinches at your own life. And that makes growth harder, not easier, because learning requires safety. You can’t build confidence in an environment that keeps punishing you.

So the goal to focus on here is not to magically become someone who never makes mistakes. That’s not even reasonably possible! The goal is to become someone who can make a mistake and stay on your own side. Because that’s what creates real resilience. Self-criticism keeps you on edge, but you can’t grow in self-attack mode.

So… how do you tame your inner critic so that it doesn’t tear you to shreds nonstop? Well, that’s what we’re going to talk about right after this quick break.

[AD BREAK]

And welcome back! So now let’s get into the ‘how to’ part of this episode, and let’s talk about…

How to be kinder to yourself

So I’m going to share practical tools that you can use in three categories: quick things you can do immediately, things to do over the next couple of weeks, and then bigger picture things to work on over the next few months and beyond. As always, you’ll find all of these tips listed in the transcript which is available on my website for free at ltamh.com/episodes. It’s linked in the description, and you can sign up to have all episode transcripts emailed to you every week. So let’s start with the immediate stuff, and my first tip is…

Make a conscious decision.

Like a lot of things related to better mental health, all of this starts with a choice: the conscious choice to be kinder to yourself. Now, just making that choice does not magically fix everything immediately, and there’s definitely more work to be done… but it’s a really vital starting point. Because if you don’t choose a different relationship with yourself, you’ll just keep on going back to your default… and the default is usually self-attack.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. So the practical move here is to set your intention in plain language and repeat it to yourself daily, even several times a day if you need to; maybe do breakfast, lunch, and dinner, right? Try saying to yourself: “I’m choosing to treat myself with kindness and respect.” Then when your inner critic fires up use a short circuit breaker line in the moment, something like: “I am not bullying myself today.” Both of those things are really simple, they don’t require you to have to feel amazing, but they create a foundation that you can build on. They also help to interrupt shame, and it switches you from punishment mode to self-support mode. OK, next…

Notice negative self-talk and label it.

This is the continuation of that quick technique that I gave at the start of the episode, which is to calmly name what’s happening when you’re being unkind to yourself; you know, “This is my inner critic,” “This is self attack,” “This is my inner bully.” Explicitly naming it like that stops it from feeling like the truth… ’cause it’s not the truth. And instead it starts feeling like a thought that you’re having… which is what it is. Because thoughts are not facts.

Now, doing this really helps because most people fuse with the voice and then spiral. Labelling it is the quickest way to step back from it and look at it objectively. It helps emotionally by lowering the intensity of what you’re feeling, and it also gives you back a sense of control. Next…

Reframe negative self-talk in the moment.

Continuing on from the last tip, the piece here is to take whatever cruel line your inner critic is yammering on about and convert it into objective feedback. So for example, your inner critic says, “I’m an idiot.” That becomes, “That didn’t go well. I’ll handle it differently next time.” This takes practice. It’s not easy to do, but it is something you can do in the moment every single time… and it will feel weird at first, but it will become more and more familiar. The thing is that it helps you to keep that sort of honesty and self-accountability thing happening, but without allowing contempt to come into it. It also reduces shame while also making the next step clearer. You cannot change what’s happened in the past; there’s no point ripping yourself to shreds for it. Learn the lesson, apply the lesson, and move forward with the intention and the follow-through to actually apply what you’ve learned.

OK, so now let’s talk about things for you to work on over the next couple of weeks. These take a little bit more work, and they’re going to have a bigger impact. And let’s start with…

Track your triggers for negative self-talk.

And this is about noting what tends to set it off for you. Is it mistakes? Or being tired? Or conflict? Or pressure at work? Is it social media, certain people… whatever. Keep it simple. Just keep a running list for yourself, either in your phone or on a notepad for a couple of weeks, I would say, where you can add to it anytime your inner critic pops up. Right? Just write down what happened. Afterwards, take a look at it to identify any potential recurring themes… once you’ve got a good couple of weeks worth of information there. Identifying patterns is really important because it improves your understanding and self-awareness, and that makes change easier… because then you know what to focus on moving forward. Next…

Write it out to get it out

So… when your harsh inner critic kicks off, it’s not thinking logically or rationally so there is no point trying to argue with it. Instead, let it vent. Grab a piece of paper and a pen, and then just write and write and write until that voice in your head runs out of steam. It will eventually, I promise! Don’t bother reading any of what you’ve written either. The goal here is not to listen to that voice; it’s just to get that energy out of your head… because if you don’t, then it’s just going to go round and round in circles picking up speed.

This is a really simple technique that stops thoughts from looping in your head, and it helps to create relief and reduce rumination. Once your mind feels less cluttered and agitated, then you can start to think about potential solutions to whatever you’re dealing with. I just suggest that you do at least a minute or two of slow breathing before you do, in order to reset your nervous system; give yourself as long as you can.

Oh, and please do yourself a favour and get rid of that hyper self-critical stuff that you wrote out when your inner critic was venting. It serves no useful purpose other than making you feel terrible about yourself… so don’t sit there and read it! Next…

Deliberately practice self-compassion.

Pick one challenging moment each day, I’m sure we all have at least one a day, and deliberately respond like a supportive coach would: fair, understanding, clear, kind, and specific. This is about slowly building a new default way of approaching issues and building self trust. And by doing it daily, you’ll find that repetition slowly turns it from concept into habit.

Alright, so now we’re going to talk through longer term changes for you to work on over the next few months. These take more work, but they’re going to have a much bigger long-term impact on your ability to be kinder to yourself. First…

Improve your relationship with your inner critic.

And you probably think I’ve gone mad suggesting this, but just hear me out! At no point today have I said to just ignore your inner critic… and there’s a very good reason for that. Because it’s trying to protect you. It’s just going a really messed-up way about it. So I want you to start longer-term to treat that voice as a misinformed protector rather than an enemy. Right? It’s often trying to keep you safe. It just does it in a really damaging way. The thing is that fighting your inner critic usually just makes it louder, whereas working to understand it and work with it makes it easier to manage it or at least make your peace with it.

A big part of this is working on improving your self-worth, and I talk about how to do that in Episode 305 so I’ll leave that linked in the description. Next…

Consciously practice positive thinking.

And this is not about forced cheeriness; we’re not joining the ‘Good Vibes Only’ brigade on Instagram here! This is about balanced thinking that looks for reality and possibility, instead of just being laser focused on doom, gloom, and disaster. Doing this retrains your mind’s default setting over time, and it helps to create a much calmer baseline while also reducing harsh self-judgment.

Now, there are lots of ways that you can do it; we’d be here all day if I was listing them all, I talked about how to cultivate realistic positive thinking in Episode 292 so check that out for more. Or you can simply start by removing negative influences from your life. That includes the stuff that you look at on social media… sorry, but… you know exactly why I’m saying what I’m saying! Alright, so… moving on! Next…

Work with someone to address your deeper patterns.

If your critical inner voice is rooted in trauma, or family conditioning, or long-term anxiety, or things like perfectionism, getting support can really help you to shift it at the source. And so that means finding a professional, like a counsellor or therapist… not finding an Instagram account that inspires you! Uh… a counsellor or therapist can help you to work through all of this stuff and do that in an objective and supportive way. Some patterns need a lot more than a self-help book and some DIY tools, and I speak to you from personal experience here.

You have to be aware that working with someone, especially when there’s deep-seated trauma, takes time, effort, and perseverance. You won’t be “one or two sessions and you’re done.” Right? It’s a long-term thing. I’ve been working with my therapist for like five years now. But it absolutely helps you to build lasting change, not just short-term relief.

So those are the tips on how to be kinder to yourself. If you’d like even more, you can check out Episode 247 about how to love yourself more. Whatever you do choose to focus on, I suggest that you create a plan for yourself with the tips you’re going to apply and then work through them one by one, one day at a time, rather than trying to do everything all at once… because, well, that can be really overwhelming.

Conclusion

So here’s what I want you to take away from this episode. Being kinder to yourself isn’t about completely ignoring your inner critic. It’s about learning how to speak to yourself in a way that helps you to cope, to learn, and to move forward. When you stop bullying yourself and start backing yourself instead, you become stronger… and that’s when you can grow.

So, what would change in your life if you were kinder to yourself? Let me know in the comments, and let’s talk about it! If you’re on Spotify or YouTube, you can leave a comment; I read and personally respond to every single comment I get, and I love hearing from all of you about how you’re taking this stuff and applying it. So yeah, leave me a comment and let’s chat!

Because when you boil it all down, you can’t build a better life for yourself in self-attack mode.

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:

Being kind to yourself only when you deserve it is like watering a plant only when it rains.

Unknown

Let me repeat that:

Being kind to yourself only when you deserve it is like watering a plant only when it rains.

Alright, that’s it for this week! Support my show by giving it a like and sharing it with someone who will find it helpful. And join my Patreon for early ad-free episodes and extras. It’s linked below.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Join me next week to talk about regulating your emotions when you’re overwhelmed. Plus, check out my episode on how your mindset shapes your reality next; it’s linked in the description. And follow or subscribe to never miss an episode.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2026 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.