Dealing with difficult people is exhausting; in this episode, I’ll show you how to handle difficult or even toxic people with calm and clear boundaries (while protecting your peace and keeping your self-respect intact). So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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Episode Overview:

Dealing with difficult people who drain you, derail your day, and leave you replaying  things in your head for hours and hours? Difficult and toxic relationships are emotionally exhausting, and protecting your peace can feel like you’re working a second full-time job that you never applied for. 

This week in the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast I’m sharing practical advice for dealing with difficult people while protecting your peace, whether that’s at home, in friendships, or at work (especially at work!). I’ll talk about how to handle rude people without buying into the drama, how to stop taking things personally, and simple conflict resolution approaches that help you stay calm and clear.

We’ll talk through setting boundaries with difficult people that actually hold, and what to do when you’re stuck dealing with difficult coworkers (or toxic coworkers) who push, needle, or twist things. And yes, I’ll also address how to deal with toxic people and manipulative people; not with labels or name-calling, but with practical ways to protect your energy and make smart choices about what access you grant (or don’t) to toxic people in your life.

If you want to understand how to protect your peace and stay grounded while you’re dealing with difficult people, this episode is for you. 

👉 Ready to start setting boundaries for dealing with difficult people that protect your peace? Then let’s talk!

New here? Hi! Let’s Talk About Mental Health is your weekly dose of practical mental health advice for real life. I’m Jeremy Godwin (hello! 👋) and I keep things simple, honest, and doable so you can feel more in control of your life and your mental wellbeing. If you’re not already a free subscriber, sign up below to have episodes and transcripts land in your inbox every Sunday:

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Episode Transcript:

Dealing with difficult people while protecting your peace

Let’s talk about difficult people.

Dealing with difficult people can make you feel like you’re having to constantly brace for impact. And if you’re also trying to work out how to deal with toxic people, it can get even messier… because you often start questioning yourself.

So today I’m going to help you stay grounded when you’re around difficult people, so you can stop getting pulled in and learn how to handle them with calmness and self respect.

So let’s talk about… dealing with difficult people, without losing yourself.

Hello and welcome back to the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast! I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this show is all about practical mental health advice for real life.

So… how do you stay you when someone else is being messy, reactive, rude, boundary-pushing, or just plain difficult to deal with?

Because most of the time, the hardest part isn’t what they actually say or do; it’s what it does to you in the moment… and afterwards. Your mood shifts, your body becomes tense and it stays that way. Maybe you find yourself writing drafts in your head of what you ‘should’ have said, and you can find yourself becoming either too nice about what happened or too ready to let them have a piece of your mind about their behaviour.

Here’s a very real, very common example that I’m sure many of us have experienced… myself included!

Let’s say you’ve got someone in your workplace who seems to run on chaos: dropping last minute demands, speaking over you in meetings, making snide little comments that are just subtle enough that you can’t quite call them out without you being the one to look dramatic. You find yourself doing that thing where you’re civil to them on the outside, but on the inside you’re just waiting for the next hit. You’re not even in the conversation anymore, right? You’re managing the threat of the potential conversation.

That sort of stuff, dealing with situations and people like that, is exhausting… and thankfully there are lots of simple and practical ways to manage it, and that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

Now… so just so you know where I’m coming from, I’m a counsellor and I’ve worked with a lot of people around boundaries, conflict, and emotional resilience. And I’ve also had my own moments of being the person who goes home and replays the whole thing over and over again like it’s the Eurovision voting recap. So look, I know what this stuff feels like firsthand. Plus, I worked in the corporate sector for over 15 years… you want to talk about passive aggressive behaviour?!

A quick note before we go any further in this topic: if you’re in a situation where someone’s behaviour is genuinely harmful, abusive, or escalating, professional support can be really helpful; not as being the only answer, but as one solid option to help you think clearly and plan safely. There are also lots of support services as well.

While I’ll also be talking about what to do when someone’s behaviour is what people might call ‘toxic’, I just want to be clear that I’m not going to turn this into a ‘label fest’. Just ’cause we don’t like someone’s behaviour doesn’t mean we immediately go, “Ooh, you’re toxic!” OK?

So… to work through all of this and how to tackle it, what we need first is to understand what it’s about and why this stuff affects your mental health the way that it does. So let’s talk about…

What dealing with difficult people looks like

Alright. When I say ‘difficult people’, I’m not talking about someone who’s behaving a bit awkwardly, or who’s maybe been having a stressful week, or even someone who’s blunt but generally fair. I’m talking about the people who reliably leave you feeling tense, drained, or on edge… because there’s a pattern to the way they interact.

And that’s a really important distinction to make, because the word ‘toxic’ gets thrown around so easily online that it can start to sound like anyone who annoys you is automatically some kind of super villain. That’s just not the case. Most of the time, what you’re actually dealing with is a specific set of behaviours that are hard to be around: reactivity, boundary pushing, passive aggression, rudeness, emotional dumping, constant criticism, or that knack that some people have, especially in the corporate sector, for turning a normal conversation into a monumental power struggle.

So here’s the practical definition that I want to use today: a difficult person is someone who repeatedly pulls you out of your centre. Now, it’s not because you’re weak or you can’t cope… it’s because the way they relate to you creates pressure. Pressure to explain yourself. Pressure to defend yourself. Pressure to keep them happy. Or pressure to not ‘set them off’. Or maybe it’s the pressure to be ‘the bigger person’, while they seem to do whatever the hell they like.

This is where the dynamic matters. Because difficult people often create a predictable loop with you. Maybe they come in hot, and you then go straight into calming mode to calm them down. Maybe they make a snide comment, and you start trying to prove yourself to them. Maybe they play the victim, and you start rescuing them.

And the thing about these types of loops is that they don’t just happen in the conversation… they keep on happening afterwards. They keep happening in your head, in your body, and in your mood. That can look like your stomach dropping whenever you see their name pop up or hear their voice, or you replaying an interaction with them on the drive home thinking about what you should have said, what you could have said, what you didn’t say. It can look like you having imaginary arguments with them in the shower… I’ve done that! And that’s always a really strong sign that you’ve been dragged into something unpleasant. And it can look like you changing how you show up; maybe you start being overly careful, overly nice, overly accommodating, or maybe you reach the end of your rope far more easily and you start snapping and then feeling guilty for days.

So this episode isn’t about how to deal with people by controlling them, because that’s not possible. It’s about how to deal with difficult people by not losing yourself… and that means that you stay grounded, you respond on purpose thoughtfully, you set boundaries that actually hold, and you stop being emotionally recruited into a dynamic you don’t want to be a part of.

Just quickly, because I know a lot of people do search for it, I mentioned ‘toxic’ before, and I will use the phrase “how to deal with toxic people” here and there, because it’s common search language… but in the episode itself, I’m going to focus far more on behaviour and impact rather than labelling. I think one of the challenges that we have in the world at the moment is that we’re too quick to label without looking at the complexity of human beings. When you focus just on the behaviour and the impact, that’s how you stay practical, solution-focused, and fair.

So now let’s talk about…

Why difficult people affect your mental health

So… a big reason why difficult people affect your mental health in the way they do is because your brain and body experience certain social dynamics as threats, even when there’s no physical danger. So if someone is unpredictable, mocking, confrontational, dismissive, or boundary pushing, your nervous system doesn’t just go, “Ah, yes, we’re having an interpersonal challenge, how interesting!” Uh, no. Your brain and your nervous system goes, “Something’s not safe here. What’s wrong? I’m being rejected!”

And so that kicks off stress responses like tension, hypervigilance, rumination, shutdown, people pleasing, anger, and more. One of the sneakiest parts is the anticipation. When you’re dealing with a difficult person, you often start bracing before you even see them. You plan what you’re going to say. You try to predict what they’ll do and how they’ll respond. You monitor their mood.

And even if you’re smiling and ‘fine’ on the outside, for all intents and purposes, your body and mind are working overtime on the inside, like a duck treading water. That’s why dealing with difficult people at work becomes such a big issue, right? Because you can’t always avoid them; it’s not like you can go off to the other room! And the stress becomes repetitive. Day after day, the same nervous system activation happens… and eventually that wears you down.

It also messes with your sense of self. Because when someone consistently pushes at you, criticises you, blames you, or just changes the goalposts all the time, you can start doubting your own reality and your own competence. You question whether or not you’re being too sensitive. You question whether you’re overreacting to things. You question whether maybe you’re the difficult one.

And that’s how you lose yourself… not only through what they do, but through what you start believing about yourself in response. Here’s the thing: if you keep trying to earn safety from someone who creates chaos, you’ll end up sacrificing your peace to keep them comfortable. And over time, that becomes resentment, burnout, and that awful feeling of, “Why do I keep letting this happen to me?”

Now, there are also internal factors to consider here. If you spent a long time in an environment where you had to manage someone else’s mood, like a parent, a sibling, a partner, then difficult people can activate that old role, that old mindset, really quickly. You might find yourself going straight into appeasing, or rescuing, explaining, or smoothing things over. And that makes sense, because that was how you survived emotionally back then. But as an adult, it can quietly become a trap… because it’s an attempt to control them and the situation.

But you can’t control them. You can only control their access to you.

And a quick note here: if what you’re dealing with is genuinely harmful behaviour, like manipulation, intimidation, humiliation, constant escalation, please be aware that that’s not just about their ‘communication style’. That’s harm, and I don’t care how they dress it up. And you need to remove yourself from harmful situations. Later in the episode, I’ll speak directly about that, but I just want to be very clear at this point that we do not tolerate that sort of behaviour.

Now, for most people listening, the shift we’re going to be going for today is this: instead of being pulled into their dynamic, you want to learn how to stay grounded in yours so you can stop reacting on autopilot, as well as being able to make much cleaner choices and protect your peace without becoming rude, or cold, or a doormat.

And so how do you do that? Well, we’re going to discuss that right after this quick break!

And welcome back! So now let’s talk about…

How to deal with difficult people

So… we’re going to look at some different things you can do short term and long term when you’re dealing with difficult people. Let me just say this, however: you cannot actually control someone else’s behaviour… but you can control your response, your boundaries, and their access to you. So when we talk about protecting your peace, it doesn’t mean controlling them; it means becoming clear.

Alright, so we’re going to start with a couple of immediate actions that you can take in the moment, especially when you can feel yourself getting drawn into a challenging situation with the person. First…

Don’t take the bait.

This is the skill that changes everything when you’re dealing with difficult people, because a lot of difficult behaviour has one purpose: to pull you into their emotional shenanigans and drama-rama. Criticism, mocking, pressure, a dramatic tone, confrontation… it’s all a hook. And the moment you bite, you’re no longer responding to the issue; you’re reacting to the dynamic.

So… focus on the topic, not the tone. If the content is reasonable, but the delivery is rude, stick to the content in a calm, unbothered way. For example, “I can do that by Thursday,” or “I’m not available for that today, but I can look at it tomorrow.” No defending, no explaining, no matching their emotional energy. If you argue with the tone, if you match tone for tone, you’ve already lost your peace of mind… because now you’re in a fight you didn’t choose.

Remember, you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. Next…

Use a one line pause.

Most of us get pulled into drama because we feel pressured to respond immediately. Totally understandable when someone’s in your face… especially if they’re being rude! Difficult people love urgency, right? Because urgency creates mistakes, and emotional reactions, and overexplaining… all of which can lead to drama, and consciously or subconsciously difficult people thrive on drama.

So a one line pause is your simple circuit breaker, and it is something like, “Let me think about that,” or “I’ll get back to you,” or “I’m going to respond to that properly in a moment.” Now it sounds simple because, well, it is simple… and that’s why it works. It’s hard to do in the moment. I get that. But what you’re doing here is creating a gap between stimulus and response, because in that gap you get your dignity back.

For example, if someone corners you at work with, “So are you doing it or not?” your one line pause could be, “I’m not making a decision on that in the corridor, I’ll reply after I check my schedule.” That’s it; no speech necessary. You don’t need to explain. If they don’t like the pause, that’s their issue. Basically, that’s them having drama withdrawal symptoms… not your problem!

Alright… so now let’s talk about quick actions that you can work on over the next couple of weeks so that you’re not relying on finding courage in the moment; instead, you’ll have a plan that will help you to start doing this stuff more in a ‘second nature’ kind of way over time. So, first…

Set boundaries with consequences.

Now… when I say ‘consequences’, I don’t mean punishment. I mean reality. It’s you calmly naming what you will do if the boundary isn’t respected. For example, “If you speak to me like that, I’ll end the conversation.” Or maybe it’s, “If you send that after 5:00 PM I’ll respond tomorrow.” Or, “If you change the deadline last minute, the scope will need to change.”

Look… the thing about boundaries is people often feel rude or uncomfortable in setting them, but you can be kind and firm; you can be respectful and adamant at the same time. The goal is to protect your peace without becoming rude, and consequences are how you make boundaries real without turning them into a debate.

Because a boundary without consequences is just a wish. And if you don’t follow through, it’s a waste of time.

Flexibility is important, don’t get me wrong, but not at the sake of your peace of mind. And if you’re too flexible, or you don’t follow through on your boundaries, that’s when the other person learns that your boundaries are just suggestions. So… be clear, be focused, and be firm. OK, next…

Choose your communication channel on purpose.

Some people are completely manageable as long as you don’t give them the perfect stage to take over the production. If they become manipulative in phone calls, then keep things in writing. If they tend to interrupt and steamroll meetings, follow things up in writing. If they twist conversations later, you guessed it: summarise in writing. This isn’t about being petty, it’s about ensuring clarity.

So for example, after a tense chat with someone, you could just send a really neutral email as a recap and say, “Just confirming what we agreed this afternoon, I’ll deliver X by Thursday and you’ll provide Y by Tuesday.” That one email can stop weeks of, “Well, I never said that.” Right? And it also reduces the emotional load on you, because you’re not going to be bracing for the moment that they change the story. And also you’re creating a paper trail of reality, which will help! Next…

Separate their behaviour from your worth.

This is the more specific version of, ‘don’t take it personally’… and it matters because difficult people often make you feel like you’re the problem. Their disappointment, their mood, their criticism, their sarcasm… it can all feel like it’s a verdict on your value as a human being.

So here’s a specific approach to practice. When you have an interaction that stings, name three separate things: their behaviour, your boundary, and your worth. For example, ‘their behaviour’: you might say they were sharp, dismissive, manipulative, or confrontational. For ‘your boundary’, you might say: I don’t engage with that tone, I don’t accept last minute demands, I don’t chase approval. For ‘your worth’, you might say, I’m still a decent person, even if they’re unhappy.

Now that last line might feel uncomfortable and cheesy at first, but it’s necessary because it’s basically like psychological insulation. Because if you keep letting their behaviour define your worth, you will slowly shrink… and that’s how you lose yourself; it doesn’t happen in one great big moment, it’s a thousand small ones like that that add up over time. So let’s stop that from happening, one step at a time!

Alright… so now we’re going to talk through some longer term changes to work on that focus on who you tend to become in these sorts of situations, so that difficult people don’t get to rent space in your head anymore. First…

Address the old pattern underneath.

If dealing with a particular difficult person is challenging to do, it’s often because they’re pressing on an older wound.

Recently I had a situation where I was sharing workspace with somebody who was quite rude and very dismissive and quite unpleasant to be around. And at first I thought it was that person that I was reacting to, but it actually reminded me quite significantly of somebody who was quite undermining and quite nasty for no apparent reason when I worked in the bank back in my corporate days. And the fact that a lot of that stuff went unresolved. And so for me it was that this person was pressing on an older wound.

You know, whatever that is for you will look and feel specific to you. Maybe you learned early on that conflict meant danger. Maybe you learned that being liked was how you stay safe, right? Or maybe you just learned that saying no makes you a bad person.

So the long term work here is to notice your automatic script. Do you freeze? Do you over explain? Do you people please? Do you go into performance mode? Do you get frustrated? You know, once you can see the pattern, you can start to change it… gently, consistently, and without trying to do everything perfectly.

This is also where support like therapy or coaching, or even structured self-work, can really help… because you’re not just learning a script to use; it means that you’re rewiring a hardwired reflex. And that takes time. Next…

Strengthen your boundaries.

So in the title I said, “dealing with difficult people without losing yourself,” and this is the core ‘without losing yourself’ piece. Strong boundaries are not harsh, they’re clean. They’re you deciding what you’re available for and what you’re not, and then living in alignment with that decision.

Strengthening your boundaries looks like practicing small ‘nos’ so that the big ones don’t feel like you’re jumping off a cliff. It looks like being willing to disappoint someone so that you don’t abandon yourself. It looks like tolerating the discomfort of their reaction without rushing to fix it. And it looks like accepting that if your boundaries only exist when people agree with them, then they’re not boundaries… they’re negotiations.

The payoff of doing this kind of work is huge: the more solid your boundaries are, the less emotional chaos you absorb. You stop being an emotional sponge, and you stop becoming a version of yourself that you just don’t like in order to keep the peace.

Now speaking of ‘keeping the peace’, one thing I do want to touch on is…

How to deal with toxic people.

We’ve talked about dealing with difficult people, so now I want to speak directly to anyone who’s also searching for how to deal with toxic people… because sometimes it’s not just about them being difficult, it’s genuinely harmful.

So here is the simplest way to think about it without actually labelling the person as toxic: look at the impact and the pattern. If someone repeatedly humiliates you, threatens you, manipulates you, isolates you, controls you, punishes you for setting boundaries or makes you feel unsafe, that is harm. And so your priority needs to shift from “How do I handle this person? How do I handle this conversation?” to dealing with the harm and minimising it to protect your wellbeing and your safety.

So here’s some simple, yet powerful, advice, bluntly delivered in plain English:

• First, reduce exposure where you can. That means shorter contact, fewer communication channels, more distance, more structure. If you can get the person out of your life, do so.
• Second, document patterns, especially if it’s a workplace situation, and write down specific examples. This is not about revenge; it’s about clarity and protection. You need dates, what was said, who was present, what happened afterwards.
• And then third, get support early. If it’s at work, talk to your manager, Human Resources if you have them, a union representative, a trusted senior colleague… or if it’s a personal issue, find external support with someone you trust; ideally, someone who can be objective. Because harmful dynamics thrive in silence and self-doubt.
• And last, don’t try to ‘prove’ your pain to someone who’s committed to denying it. Your job is not to convince them that they’re hurting you. Your job is to prioritise your safety, and you do that by making clean decisions about what access they have to you.

I talk about toxic dynamics and what recovery looks like in Episode 75, so that episode goes deeper into the patterns and how to protect yourself long term, and it will definitely help you to feel less alone in it.

So those are all the tips for dealing with difficult people. Work through them at your pace and be patient with yourself while you do. Remember that you can always find all of the tips I share in the episode transcript on my website at ltamh.com/episodes. It’s linked below. And if you join my free mailing list, then you’ll get the transcript in your inbox every Sunday.

Conclusion

Here’s what I want you to take away from this episode. Dealing with difficult people doesn’t require you to become tougher or colder. It requires you to become clearer. You don’t have to match their energy, and you don’t have to lose yourself trying to manage them. Pause, refuse the bait, set boundaries that actually hold, and make choices about their access to you… especially if and when their behaviour crosses into harm.

So… where do you need to set and maintain stronger boundaries with someone difficult?

Because when you boil it all down, protecting your peace means choosing yourself on purpose… even when someone else doesn’t like that choice.

Each week, I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:

Pick your battles. Sometimes peace is better than being right.

Unknown

Let me repeat that.

Pick your battles. Sometimes peace is better than being right.

Alright, that’s it for this week. Support my show by giving it a like and sharing it with someone who will find it helpful. And join my Patreon for early ad-free episodes and extras. It’s linked below.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Join me next week to talk about how to be kinder to yourself. Plus, check out my episode on navigating challenging relationships next; it’s linked in the description. And follow or subscribe to never miss an episode.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2026 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.