Second-guessing yourself and feeling like you have to perform drains you, so this week’s episode gives you a clear way to feel more comfortable in your own skin so your confidence can improve naturally. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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Episode Overview:

Do you feel good about yourself? You should! But that can be tough to do… so it’s time to make more space for the real you, and to choose yourself with apology.

Feeling at home in yourself really shouldn’t be something rare. In this episode I call out the real problem: second-guessing yourself, avoidance, and performing for others until you’re completely exhausted.

I’ll show you simple steps to improve self-esteem and improve your self-worth so you can build self-confidence naturally and reduce stress. Expect plain, straightforward, and practical advice to reduce anxiety, stop avoiding issues, and be on your own side, with tools you can use today.

If you want a calmer mindset every day and to feel better about yourself, this is for you. We’ll explore how to be more confident by learning how to back yourself and how to love yourself in real life, not just in theory… so you can really be at home in yourself and love yourself more, consistently.

👉 Ready to discover how to be more comfortable in yourself each day? Then let’s talk!

💡 TL;DR: If second-guessing yourself and feeling like you have to perform for others is draining you, this episode gives you clear ways to improve your confidence naturally and feel better about yourself. 🙂

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Episode Transcript:

Stop getting in your own way! Do this instead…

If you don’t feel comfortable in yourself, everything feels harder in life.

You don’t need to ‘fix’ who you are to feel good.

You need to start being on your own side more.

Today, I’ll show you how to be more comfortable in your choices and all aspects of your life.

By the end of this episode, you’ll know what to prioritise and what to ignore so that confidence becomes a much more natural feeling.

We have a lot to talk about, so let’s talk about…

how to be comfortable in your own skin.

Hello and welcome back to the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, your weekly dose of practical advice for better mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this week I’m talking about how working on the way you feel about yourself is the foundation for genuine confidence and self-respect… and yes, it also directly links in with learning how to love yourself more.

So why does any of this matter for better mental health?

Well, it’s pretty straightforward: when you feel at home in yourself, in terms of who you are; the way you look, and feel, and act; the choices you make; and the way you approach your life every day, that’s when life gets a lot calmer… and it’s also when decisions become easier to make, and more aligned with who you want to be and what matters to you. And it’s also when you can stop living life on other people’s terms so that you can be true to yourself.

Now, I’m sure I’m not the only person who doesn’t always feel comfortable in the skin they’re in, whether that’s physically or emotionally. Picture this: you’re invited out to catch up with a group of friends. You’re getting ready and you end up changing outfits three times, zooming in on every perceived flaw in the mirror like you’re a forensic scientist hunting for faults and evidence to convict yourself. You rehearse one liners in your head so that you don’t say ‘the wrong thing’… and then five minutes before you need to leave you panic and wind up cancelling. You tell yourself you’ll try again next time… but meanwhile, your brain quietly adds another tally mark to the scoreboard labeled ‘evidence that I can’t handle life’. And it’s that scoreboard that it’s keeping just to taunt you when you already feel awful about yourself.

Now, if that sounds familiar, then it feels pretty terrible, doesn’t it?! But I have good news! There are lots of simple things you can do to tackle it, and that’s what we’re going to unpack and work through together in this episode… kindly but honestly, so that you can walk away from our time together with a clear plan on how to change it all for the better.

So…

What does being comfortable in your own skin mean?

The idea of being comfortable in yourself simply means that you feel safe being who you really are with others and even with yourself… and even when fear is getting in the way. It’s about being on your own side while you get on with living authentically. But it also brings in so much more. It’s about self-worth, self-love, validation, confidence… the list goes on. It doesn’t mean that you have to love absolutely everything about yourself 24-7, and if you don’t, then there’s something wrong with you… because that’s just not how real life works.

What it really means is that you can be on your own side while you’re going about your life day after day, week after week. That you’re in your own corner. That you’re looking out for your best interests, whether that’s at home or at work, with friends, with family… and even when it’s just you. And what I mean by that is how you think about yourself and what that does in terms of the way that you treat yourself.

Ultimately, it’s about everything. It’s about how you live, work, and connect. So for example, with body image, which I covered in Episode 136, feeling comfortable in your own skin looks like neutrality and respect; not focusing on the positive or the negative, but just recognising that your body is a human body; it’s the vessel that you live in, not an exam that you have to pass or fail. It gets to be a body while you go about living your life, instead of trying to adhere to a laundry list of impossible standards that just wind up making you feel terrible about yourself.

I think about all of this stuff in three parts: Comfort, Choice, and Courage. So it’s the Three Cs, and what I mean by that is this:

Comfort comes first. When your nervous system is all wound up and feeling tight and stressed out, everything feels like it’s a threat; that can include other people’s opinions and even your own thoughts. So instead of letting those fear-driven thoughts run the show, we can consciously create a bit of inner safety by speaking to ourselves with respect. That’s the ground you stand on, the foundation of it all: being respectful to yourself.

From there we move into Choice, the second of the Three Cs, and this is where you pick the next small step that actually fits you and your values. We’re talking about choices that, you know, aren’t necessarily great, big, impressive leaps, and they’re most certainly not about keeping other people happy; it’s simply about making the choice for the step that feels most like you, and that’s most aligned to your needs. That might mean choosing the clothes that you’re comfortable in, saying one honest sentence to someone instead of just staying quiet about a problem, or leaving on time for something because you said you would. The choices you make keep you aligned with yourself in the moments that usually tend to knock you off balance. And it’s about reinforcing to yourself that your needs matter, which they do… and I will keep on telling you that until I’m blue in the face!

So then continuing on with the Three C’s, the third one is Courage. And courage isn’t about being brave in terms of performing for others or pretending to be brave… it’s doing the small, true thing out in the real world, even while your mind is busy with what ifs. It’s pressing publish, it’s releasing the podcast, it’s joining the call, or it’s walking into the room as you are. Confidence doesn’t lead this… it follows. You take a small step, you survive it, and your brain learns that you can rely on you… and so you build a little more confidence, bit by bit. And that’s because confidence follows evidence.

So…

Why does it matter for your mental health?

When we don’t actively work on building the skill of being comfortable in your own skin, you’ll find that the costs stack up pretty quickly. So there’s this kind of ‘energy tax’ that comes from the constant self-monitoring that we tend to do, and also from trying to perform as some version of you that’s palatable and acceptable to others. In other words: it’s draining, and it’s completely exhausting. You second guess things and so, you know, that leads to decision drag… plus it often leads to opportunities passing you by.

And then there’s also relationship strain that comes from all of this, because performing and being ‘on’ is absolutely exhausting… but so too is second guessing yourself all the time, and it gets in the way of genuine human connection. It’s like I said last week: get out of your own way! And I’ll leave a link to that episode in the description.

Just think about all of that stuff that I just said. Like, really, we’re talking about a lot of your life being lost to managing the impressions that you put towards others or what you think you’re supposed to do and say, rather than just allowing yourself to live and to be your true self.

Here’s the bigger picture thing that I need you to hear loud and clear: you don’t have to fix who you are to feel good. You need to stop abandoning yourself, especially in the tiny moments that make up your day. Choose the path for yourself that respects you, and then keep on choosing it over and over again. That’s how you find greater balance in your life and in your mind. That’s how you find better mental health. And it’s how you show up for yourself and make room for genuine peace of mind.

Less performance, more presence.

Life is too short to keep outsourcing your self-worth to mirrors or metrics, or random people’s random opinions. What we need to focus on, what you need to focus on, is setting yourself up for fewer flare-ups of feeling rubbish about yourself by focusing more on balance and by prioritising what really matters in life as well as letting go of what doesn’t matter, like all the noise and nonsense and nastiness that goes on. More time spent living, and less time fighting yourself or listening to people who couldn’t say a kind word to anyone if their lives depended on it.

One more thing we need to clarify before we start getting practical about how to become more comfortable in your own skin. Confidence is not the starting point. I kind of touched on that earlier, and you don’t have to be born with it; confidence is something you can develop over time. It is a skill, and it is the byproduct of the Three Cs; Comfort, Choice, and tiny acts of Courage repeated over and over again. Think of it this way: confidence is your reward for showing up for yourself time after time.

I want you to take a quick moment and reflect before we go any further. So… just humour me for a moment. Take a couple of gentle breaths, and I want you to consider this: where does self-consciousness tend to show up most for you? Is it in your body, your voice, your choices? And what does ‘feeling comfortable in myself’ look like for you today, in one sentence?

Hit pause if you need a moment, and if you’re unsure, then here’s a suggestion: Feeling comfortable in myself today looks like wearing the outfit I love, or saying honestly how I feel, or leaving when I’m ready to leave. Whatever it is for you, just keep it simple and remember that this is all about recognising small opportunities for better mental health, not to mention better quality of life.

This is about fewer spirals and more ease. That’s the aim of what we’re doing here.

So… straight after this quick break, I’ll walk you through three simple actions that you can start this week to feel more at home in yourself… including one that you can do in 90 seconds, absolutely anywhere!

[AD BREAK]

And welcome back! As promised, let’s get practical and let’s talk about…

How to be more comfortable in yourself

So… we’re going to talk through three quick actions that you can take this week to start building momentum, and then we’ll explore two bigger changes for you to make that will help the shift actually stick.

Let’s start with those quick actions first. Take a listen to all three, and then choose one to start with; don’t try to do everything at once… this is, as always, about taking small steps, not having big dramatic reinventions, and you can build on this over time. If you’re signed up for my free weekly newsletter, you actually get the full episode transcript in your inbox every Sunday, so you can then easily refer back to these how to items; come back, pick new ones, and try later… whatever works for you! So you can sign up now at ltamh.com or use the link in the description.

So my first ‘quick action’ is…

Do a 90-second body-mind reset

And this aligns back to the ‘comfort’ step of the Three Cs that I mentioned earlier. It’s a short nervous system reset that you can use anywhere: before getting on a call, in a changing room, outside a venue, in your supermarket, sitting in the car, psyching yourself up for something… wherever you are.

So, when you’re activated your brain is scanning the world around it for threats, including any kind of imagined or actual judgment from others… because in ancient times, social rejection was often a literal life or death decision thanks to all the stuff that wanted to eat us if we wandered off on our own. Mind you, I live in Australia and there’s still a lot that will try to eat you even when you go to the bathroom, but that’s a conversation for another day!

So back to the topic at hand. Doing a quick reset is about calming your body and that then quietens your mind, which in turn makes whatever the next step is feel a lot more doable.

So… here’s how to do it. First, inhale through your nose for a count of four. Then slowly exhale through your mouth for longer; six to eight counts. Do two or three rounds of that. Then consciously unclench your jaw and shoulders. Then gently place a hand on your chest, or if you’re in public, just rest your palm on your thigh and say quietly to yourself: I can be here as I am. Or, depending on the circumstances, you might prefer to say: I choose to respect myself. Whatever it is, is a really simple way to ground yourself and to also anchor your mind in self-respect.

So, for example, let’s say you’re dreading turning your camera on for a meeting. Do two rounds of breathing. Drop your shoulders, put your hand on your chest, say, I can be here as I am, and then click ‘join’. This whole 90-second reset helps to get you back into a calmer and more balanced headspace before you proceed.

Remember: calm first, then act.

OK, the next quick action is…

The two-sentence self-talk swap

Aside from being a tongue twister, this one aligns with both Comfort and Choice in the Three Cs. So it’s about consciously replacing the noisy, nasty critic in your head with some credible kindness and a tiny, practical next step. No hype, no toxic positivity, no woo woo statements… just a clean, simple, respectful nudge to push yourself towards a more positive direction.

Because your inner critic keeps you stuck by insisting that the next step must be perfect, or by telling you that you’re just not capable of doing it because you’re useless or worthless or whatever nonsense it likes to spout to make you feel terrible about yourself.

Choosing to replace that voice with a little bit of credible kindness cuts through all of that noise, that rumination, that overthinking, and it helps you to focus on moving forward instead… which is really the only direction you can go in life. So first, tell yourself, I’m safe. I can handle this. Then follow that up with, next, I’ll do one small thing for five minutes to move forward. Then tell yourself what it is you’re going to do: I’ll take a walk, or I’ll reply to one message, or I’ll write the first two sentences.

So let’s put all that together. For example: I’m safe, I can handle this. Next, I’ll do one small thing for five minutes to move forward and I’ll finish that email. Oh, and of course there’s one final step after all of that: do the thing! It doesn’t matter how small it seems, because small actions add up to big results over time… so follow through on what you said that you were going to do.

Alright, so quick action number three is…

Take the smallest true step

There’s a really simple way to practice being yourself without making it a big deal: just do the smallest, most honest version of you for five minutes. And this one aligns to both Choice and Courage in the Three Cs that we talked about earlier.

So… think about a situation where you usually feel obligated to perform, or where maybe you tend to hide a bit. So for example, that could be when you’re getting dressed or speaking up in a meeting or deciding how long you’ll stay at a social event… whatever.

Now choose the gentlest step that feels most like you, and do just that. So that might look like wearing the comfortable outfit instead of the one that others think is more acceptable, or it could be saying one honest sentence in the meeting and then listening, or it could be showing up to the event and then heading home when you said you would; you might give yourself an hour, and after an hour actually go. You’re not trying to prove anything to anyone here. You’re just letting yourself show up as you in a small, simple, and doable way.

Over time, what happens is that these tiny moments add up and your brain learns, Oh, we can do this! And so, confidence builds following that evidence. If it helps, keep a simple note for yourself in your phone called ‘Proof that I showed up’ and write down a brief sentence after each time that you show up.

So… that’s the three. Tell me in the comments which of the three quick actions you’re going to try out for the next seven days.

And now let’s get into the longer term changes; the bigger picture things that you need to work on consistently in order to not just become more comfortable in your own skin, but also to make that mindset a lot more sustainable.

So, first…

Make being ‘you’ the default

Alright, so think of this as consciously and proactively designing and creating the conditions that make it easier to actually be yourself every day. So when your life fits you, you don’t have to perform as much; you don’t have to think about things, you can just live and just be you.

So start by setting a few simple ‘rules of life’ for yourself that keep you on your side. Things like, if it costs my sleep, it’s a no, or, if I have to make myself smaller to fit, I pause, or if saying yes means ignoring my needs, I say no.

Whatever the rules are that you come up for yourself, come up with, keep them short and practical, and just make sure that they’re aligned to what really matters most to you so that they’re easy to remember, especially when you’re tired or stressed. And then next, as part of this, tidy up your inputs… so, in other words, the stuff that you allow into your life, and that includes people; it includes who has access to you and what that access looks and feels like. Choose to allow more into your life of what leaves you feeling balanced, and less of what pulls you into drama or comparison or toxicity or outrage.

So that might mean that you have to mute some accounts or limit doom scrolling at night, or start following people who share useful ideas rather than perfect images. It might also mean having to unfollow certain people in real life too, by engaging with them less and refocusing your energy on relationships that are mutually respectful and supportive. And then the other part of this, longer term, is taking an honest look at your everyday choices. So that means your routines, your social time, work boundaries, clothes, coping mechanisms, et cetera.

And I want you to ask yourself, and regularly re-ask yourself, does this feel like me? And also consider: does this contribute to my life in a healthy way?

Now… when the answer is ‘yes’ more often, your nervous system finally begins to settle and that’s when you can find that your confidence stops hinging on other people’s reactions or whether or not you’re able to meet certain standards, or if you can afford that $1,290 [AUD] Balenciaga T-shirt that looks like you had a little accident with a bottle of bleach. If you’re watching the video, you know what I’m talking about!

This isn’t about completely changing who you are, or rejecting the rest of the world, or bringing down capitalism; it’s simply about shaping your world so that the real you has room to breathe without the pressure to do so… without the pressure to keep up with what other people think is right or wrong, or what they think you should be doing to prove your worth. And it allows you to be less of what other people say you have to.

And it also is about, really, like I said last week, getting out of your own way… and it helps you to stop being who and what you think you have to be and focus instead on just being you.

Remember: make being the real you the default.

OK, so the next longer term change that you need to work on to feel more comfortable in your own skin is…

Choose approach over avoidance

Avoidance is a self-protection mechanism that feels safe in the moment, but it slowly makes your life smaller and smaller. So the strategic shift to make here is really about becoming an ‘approach’ person instead of an avoidant one; as in, you approach problems and deal with them with a solution focus rather than just avoiding them and running for the hills.

So… notice when you want to pull away, name what matters to yourself, and then move towards it daily in a way that fits your energy that day. You don’t have to do the whole thing immediately, and you don’t have to do it perfectly; just move a little closer, bit by bit, sooner rather than later, and that helps you to keep your self respect intact.

So, in practice that might look like replying with a short, honest, and assertive message instead of just going silent. Maybe it looks like turning up for part of an event instead of skipping it entirely. Or perhaps it’s about talking about a problem with your partner or a family member, and then listening to their perspective without taking it personally… and then encouraging them to work together to find a solution.

Whatever it is, afterwards just check in with yourself in an objective way; in other words, be kind and don’t judge yourself and just ask: What helped? What got in the way? And, what would make it easier or more effective in the future? Over time, having this approach mindset, as in ‘I’m approaching it instead of avoiding it’, teaches your brain that discomfort can be carried, that choices can be made, that conflict can be constructive, and that you can rely on yourself. That’s where real self-confidence and comfort grows from. It’s not from never feeling nervous, but from moving through it without abandoning yourself. Remember: choose approach over avoidance.

Final tips for better mental health

Because when you boil it all down…

feeling comfortable in your own skin means choosing to live every day as the real you, not the version of you that others expect or demand.

So let’s talk about putting all of this into practice. Really it is about choosing you. There are always going to be times where you are tempted to prioritise the needs of others over your own; what that does is it really makes it hard to be your own supporter, and it sends yourself a message that you are not as worthy of your attention as others are.

If you’re watching this episode, or listening to it, then no doubt it’s because that voice in your head tells you that you’re ‘less than’… if that happens, what you need to do is capture that and go: Thank you for your perspective, however I’m focusing on what I like and love about myself right now.

And every time you counter that voice, you send it a clear message that tells it that it’s not in charge… because it’s not, right?! You’re the one in charge! And so the choices that you make, the approaches that you take, those are the things that are going to influence whether or not you feel comfortable in your own skin: mentally, physically, emotionally, all of it.

Protect your peace by choosing authenticity over expectations.

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by Maya Angelou, and it is…

You alone are enough.

Maya Angelou

Let me repeat that.

You alone are enough.

Alright, that’s it for this week!

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself, and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

If this helped, check out my episode about feeling worthy next; it’s linked on screen and in the description. And follow or subscribe for new episodes every Sunday.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2025 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.