If you’re seeing the same patterns appearing in your life over and over again, it’s time to try something new… and this episode will guide you through how to do that. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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Episode Overview:

Recurring patterns don’t lie, so if you’re tired of feeling like life keeps nudging you back into the same mess — no matter how hard you try — then in this episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast I call out what’s really going on and show you how to break repeating patterns: at home, at work, and in your own head.

You’ll learn how to break negative patterns, recognise unhealthy relationship patterns, and set healthy boundaries without drama. I’ll walk you through solid mental health tips including a simple daily check-in for greater mental wellbeing and straightforward calmer mindset techniques so you can stop second-guessing yourself, and finally let go of the past that keeps dragging on your present.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is your weekly dose of practical advice for better mental health; it’s practical mental health advice for people who want steadier emotions and smarter productivity that doesn’t lead to burnout, so you can protect your peace. 

👉 If you’re ready to break old patterns and move forward in life, then let’s talk!

💡 TL;DR: Sick of feeling like you’re stuck on repeat? In Episode 303 I’ll show you how to identify and break repeating patterns so you can protect your peace and move forward. 🙂

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Episode Transcript:

Patterns don’t lie! How to break harmful patterns for good

Ever feel like you’re stuck in a loop?

Different day, different faces, but same old story?

Well… patterns don’t lie.

When the same issues keep on showing up, it’s not bad luck… it’s a clear sign that something needs to change.

Today we’ll dig into how to spot those repeating themes, as well as why they resurface and will keep on resurfacing until you learn how to finally break those cycles.

We have a lot to discuss, so let’s talk about…

repeating patterns in life.

Hello and welcome back to the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, your weekly dose of practical advice for better mental health! I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this week I’m talking about the way that patterns tend to show up over and over again in our lives until we finally stop and deal with what’s really driving them.

Now, we all have patterns that keep replaying until we figure out why they’re happening… and until we actually do something about them. Patterns are like life’s way of holding up a mirror and saying, Hey, this still needs your attention! And by ‘attention’ I mean your serious attention, because they tend to run a lot deeper than just the type of situation or issue that you keep on seeing.

Patterns often come from old wounds that haven’t been healed, or behaviours that you learned to help you cope with problems, regardless of whether or not they’re actually good for you, or they can even just stem from habits that have gone unchallenged for a long time.

Until you pause and look honestly at what’s beneath those patterns, they won’t just fade away. In fact, the longer you ignore them, the stronger and more disruptive they often become.

This can have an enormous impact on your mental health, because repeating cycles can create constant friction and stress… not to mention the sense that you’re stuck on repeat. And at worse, they can lead to you making the same types of bad choices over and over again.

Recognising these loops isn’t about placing blame. It’s about choice. Because once you can see the pattern, you can start to change it… and that’s where genuine peace of mind begins.

So today we’re going to explore how to spot those recurring patterns, plus why they keep showing up in the first place and the practical steps you can take to break free.

Because, whether you like it or not, life will keep on sending you the same lessons over and over again until you do the work… and you deserve far better than running the same old stories forever, like an endless Hollywood reboot of a reboot of a reboot!

To do all of that we first need to get clear on what these patterns actually are and how they work, so let’s talk about…

What are life patterns?

When we’re talking about patterns in the sense of mental health and psychology, it’s about the repeated experiences and choices that quietly shape your life. They’re not random. They’re basically habits of behaviour and thought that you slide into so often that they start to feel as though they’re fate, or that you have no control over them.

Now, some patterns are helpful; things like brushing your teeth or exercising regularly, those are examples of patterns. But today we’re talking about the ones that keep you stuck and that cause issues. It’s the arguments that always flare up with a partner or family member. It’s the friendships that leave you feeling drained. The projects that you start with excitement, but then abandon halfway through.

These cycles often begin as coping mechanisms. So, maybe you grew up around conflict and learned that you had to keep the peace at any cost, so now you avoid tough conversations. Or maybe you were praised for overachieving, and so you still equate ‘busyness’ with your sense of worth. What once helped you to survive can end up running the show long after it’s still useful.

There’s also an inner layer to consider here. So… patterns don’t just live in your relationships; they also live in your head: the way you talk to yourself, the assumptions that you jump to, the stories you tell yourself about who you are and who you are not. All of these can replay the same loops. If your default thought is usually something like, I’ll probably fail at this, then your mind will believe that and it will go looking for proof… until it eventually finds it.

So why does this happen? Well, our brains are wired for efficiency. Familiar pathways are much easier to travel, so your mind will often choose the well-worn passage, even if it’s painful, and that’s because familiar feels safe… even when it’s not good for you. The key here is to learn to treat these patterns as information, instead of thinking that you have no control over them or that you’re damaged or broken.

Patterns are life’s way of highlighting where growth is needed, like a built-in feedback system. And obviously we’re talking about the types of patterns that aren’t great here; you know, unhealthy relationships, unhealthy situations, you know, toxic dynamics, even treating yourself poorly, a lack of self-esteem and self-worth and self-care… those are the kind of negative patterns where yes, you do need to do some work to address them because they are not going to just change themselves. And as you listen to this episode today, you might already be thinking of a few repeating themes in your own life, and that’s not a bad thing; in fact, that’s great because it’s the starting point for change. Because once you can name a pattern, that’s when you can finally begin to shift it. We’ll come back to that idea in a little bit.

But now that you understand what patterns are and how they appear, it’s time to look at why they keep on coming back and why ignoring them only guarantees more of the same. So let’s talk about…

Why patterns keep repeating

Patterns don’t just simply happen. They persist because your unfinished business will always find its way to the surface eventually. Every unresolved belief, unhealed hurt, and unspoken boundary is like a little message waiting to be delivered; until you read that message and then do something about it, life is going to keep on sending you copies and reminders over and over again… like a haunted fax machine, if you’re old enough to know what they are!

You tend to see patterns outside of yourself when familiar situations or personalities show up again and again in your life, so like a new partner who feels uncannily like an ex, or a workplace that slowly turns into a carbon copy of the hell hole that you left. These echoes are not accidents. They’re clear signs that something in your choices or your expectations is pulling you back to the same lesson again and again. It’s not your fault and there’s no blame here. But it is up to you to do something about it.

Inside your head, you’ll find that old habits tend to do a lot of the driving for you. The experiences that you had when you were growing up quietly taught you what things like love, safety, and success are meant to look like. Your brain then goes and looks for anything that feels like those old definitions, even when they weren’t healthy in the first place, because to your brain, ‘familiar’ equals ‘safe’. So without meaning to, you can find yourself replaying yesterday’s story over and over.

And it’s not just the big choices that keep patterns going. It’s the tiny everyday steps you take and choices you make, like saying yes when you want to or need to say no, or ignoring the early warning signs of issues, or telling yourself this time will be different. Every one of those little decisions adds another brick to the same old road, until it starts to feel like that’s the only way life can go.

The result is a quiet but powerful trap. You keep on reliving variations of the same story while convincing yourself that each time is new. It’s not. It’s a pattern. And every new round takes its toll… on your confidence, on your relationships, and on your mental health.

Here’s the thing: a repeating pattern doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. What it means is that something deeper needs your attention, because patterns really don’t lie.

Patterns are life’s most persistent feedback system. They will keep on resurfacing, louder and louder each time, until you eventually make a different choice. Why? Because nothing changes if nothing changes. That’s why recognising the ‘why’ behind your patterns is so important. It turns frustration into clarity. It shows you exactly where you need to do the work that will lead to real change. And it sets you up for the next step: taking the practical actions that let you stop the cycle so you can build something better.

How do you do that? Well, right after this quick break, we’re going to get into the how to part of this episode so you can protect your peace and build better mental health.

[AD BREAK]

And welcome back! Now let’s talk about…

How to break repeating patterns

Breaking patterns in your life isn’t about making one huge, dramatic gesture and changing everything. What it involves is choosing differently, again and again, until the new choice feels natural.

So, I’m going to share three quick actions that you can do which will help you to start that shift right now, and then three longer term changes that will help you to keep it going. As always, I suggest picking one of those quick actions and trying it out for at least a week then you can add on the others bit by bit. Remember that all the details can be found in the transcript; it’s linked in the episode description, and you can subscribe for free to get it in your inbox every Sunday.

OK, so my first quick action is…

Call the pattern out.

Start by naming the pattern you’re in, and I mean properly naming it. Don’t settle for, I keep on ending up in bad jobs… be really clear and spell it out like a short story: how it starts, what sets it off, and how it usually ends. Maybe it’s the way that a new boss always seems to turn into the old one, or how every promising date somehow circles back to the same drama. Write it down, voice note it, or sketch it on a napkin if that’s your thing.

But here’s why this simple step is both necessary and powerful: as long as the pattern stays vague, your brain is going to treat it like it’s just background noise. But once it is clearly described in black and white, or blue biro, it becomes something that you can see and question. You begin to separate yourself from it, which is the first real crack in the old structure.

And don’t worry about making it perfect; this isn’t homework that needs to be marked, it’s just a private reality check. What matters here is being honest and being specific, because that’s what starts to break the spell.

OK, so quick action number two is…

Interrupt the script.

The next time you feel that familiar chain reaction starting, you know, maybe it’s the argument that always builds in the same way or the 11:00 PM work email that pushes you back into stress mode, I want you to pause, take a few long and deep breaths, and then do one small thing differently.

So this is about not reacting the way you normally would.

So, you might choose to excuse yourself and take a quick walk, or maybe you’re choosing to just simply count to five before you answer a call or an email or respond to a question. Whatever you choose to do is up to you, but I’m going to put on one caveat here, which is that you cannot just react… and you certainly cannot just react the way that you normally would. So, don’t just ‘knee jerk’ respond to these things.

So why bother doing something so small? Well, think of it this way. Patterns are like grooves on an old vinyl record. If you lift the needle, even briefly, then the song can’t keep playing the same way. Every tiny interruption tells your brain, we’re trying a new track now, and over time that rewires things.

Now I will say you should expect this to feel awkward at first, and that is completely normal; totally to be expected. You’re teaching your mind to take a brand new approach to something; like any new habit, it’s going to take practice and you will probably resist yourself! But each time that you pause like this and do one small thing differently, instead of just reacting in the same old way, you are weakening the old groove and strengthening the new one.

And so that brings us to quick action number three…

Talk it out.

Because the more we talk about it, the easier it gets! Patterns thrive on secrecy. So the moment you share what you’ve noticed with someone safe, like a close friend, a counsellor, or a therapist, that’s when you begin to take away a lot of the power that the pattern has over you. The key here is to choose someone who will listen without jumping in with their ideas about how to fix it or their, you know, quick suggestions… which is why I would not recommend a close family member, for example, because they are going to struggle to remain objective and just listen.

Now, if getting started with this type of a conversation feels tough, then just try a simple opening statement, something like: I’ve noticed that I keep repeating this pattern and I want to change it, can we talk about it? That’s all you need to start the conversation. The thing is that saying it out loud… saying out loud what this pattern is or this thing that, you know, it could even feel like it’s a weight on your shoulder, what it does is it tends to take that weight off. It makes you feel a sense of relief. Plus, you’ll often find that it makes the next step feel a lot more obvious because you then get to hear yourself describing what’s really going on… and hearing it from that different perspective can really change the way that you interpret it.

And if the idea of sharing this type of stuff that’s really personal with another person makes you feel nervous or apprehensive, the good news is that those feelings are actually usually a sign that it’s worth doing because we tend to worry more about the things that matter more.

Change doesn’t happen in isolation, it happens in connection… which is why pushing through fear and self-doubt so you can talk to someone is so important.

Alright, so that’s the three quick actions that I recommend to start breaking recurring patterns. Let me know in the comments which of these three you’re going to try out over the next seven days.

So now let’s get into the longer term changes that you need to focus on in terms of tackling these types of patterns once and for all. This is not some ‘one and done’ tick a box type of issue, where you can just quickly go and fix problems by doing one thing… but instead, it really does involve you doing the work, bit by bit, day by day, so that you can gradually move forward.

First…

Make time for daily reflection.

You’ll find that patterns often tend to sneak back in when your life gets busy… but making time for a daily check-in, even if it’s just a couple of quiet minutes that you take for yourself every single day, will help you to keep focused on what actually matters, and it really improves your self-awareness as well.

So, the advice here is about creating a simple daily habit that helps you to catch those patterns early so you can do something about them quickly while they’re still easy to shift. It’s also about doing this proactively and on purpose, rather than just waiting until something goes wrong. Now, that could mean writing a few lines in a journal each night to reflect on any patterns that showed up. Or maybe you want to do a brief mental scan at bedtime and ask yourself, did I make choices today that reflect what I really value?

I do have a digital tool available that will help you to do this stuff in just 10 to 15 minutes a day, and it looks at your overall mental health and wellbeing. It’s available to buy through my store using the link in the episode description.

But this type of small and simple habit really does work like an early warning system, ’cause the piece here is about catching issues while they’re small, right? So we want to be able to notice when an old pattern is beginning to reemerge rather than waking up weeks later and realising, ugh, right in the thick of it, here we go again!

The more you practice this type of stuff, the more you reflect, the quicker you spot when you’re about to start repeating yesterday’s stories… and the easier it then becomes to choose to do something different instead. Because if you keep making the same choices over and over again, you’ll get the same results. When you choose to do something different, that’s when you can begin to change things.

OK, so the next longer term change for you to work on is…

Redefine what ‘normal’ means for you.

Many patterns come from outdated ideas of love, work, or success that you have absorbed over time, without question. So maybe conflict felt normal in childhood because you were around it a lot of the time. Or perhaps being constantly busy was something that was praised. Now, if those types of definitions never get updated then as an adult you’re going to keep on choosing situations that fit them, whether you realise it or not. So the focus here is to notice any repeating patterns in your life and, one by one, spend some time tracing each one back to where it began.

Ask yourself, who taught me that this was normal? And then, forget about blame, forget about getting upset about the past, what I want you to do is to change it by imagining what a healthy and balanced version of that area of your life would look like now, and just write it down. Then, revisit that on a regular basis. So doing this sort of work frequently, and also visualising new definitions for yourself, really does help your mind to see what’s possible… and, over time, it helps you to make those changes. And it also helps you to feel like it’s worth the effort that it takes to create that change… which it is!

Now, my one thing here though is please make sure that you’re safe when you’re doing this sort of stuff; like, if you have anything traumatic or challenging to work through please don’t try to DIY it. Work with a professional. I say that from personal experience.

Oh, and I’d also like to point out that ‘normal’ doesn’t mean that it’s right or wrong, because the idea of normal is purely in the eye of the beholder. What’s normal to me is different to what’s normal to you, and that’s because we’re unique human beings. Just because you were taught that something is normal, that doesn’t mean that it is. It also doesn’t mean that it’s right, or that it’s healthy, or that it’s good for you. In fact, I would wager that a lot of the baggage we carry around with us on a day-to-day basis stems back to those unhealthy patterns from our childhoods, and that’s a much bigger conversation that we’re not going to get into here, but it is what it is. But be aware of that.

OK, so the next longer term change is…

Make boundaries a daily habit.

And regular listeners will know just how much I believe in the power of a firm-but-fair boundary for better mental health… and with good reason!

Boundaries are how you get stuff done, and they’re also how you make sure that ‘stuff’ doesn’t wind up traumatising you or turning your life upside down. Strong everyday boundaries are the guardrails that keep old patterns from sneaking back in. They’re not just for big, dramatic situations either; they’re also for the little things that slowly drain you and eat your emotional energy.

You know, boundaries really are about deciding who has access to you and what that access looks and feels like. And if you don’t set those guidelines for yourself, other people will do it for you… and I can absolutely guarantee you that you won’t be happy about the outcome, because that’s when phrases like being taken advantage of or not respected tend to come into play.

Start simple. Just pick one area of your life or one specific relationship where you often feel resentful or stretched too thin, whether that’s physically or emotionally or both, and then decide on a clear limit in terms of what you’re willing to accept.

Maybe it’s putting a cap on how late you’ll answer messages, or how much emotional labour you’re going to give to certain people.

Once you’ve made your decision, communicate it kindly and calmly… and then stick with it. So for example, maybe you say, I won’t be answering calls or messages after 9:00 PM anymore, so I’ll get back to you the following day when I’m able to. Simple, straightforward, no apology. Just be direct. Be kind, you don’t have to be rude about it, but be direct.

Review your boundaries regularly and consider them in relation to any challenging patterns that you might be dealing with. And just remember that life changes, and so do your needs… so you need to keep on top of things as they evolve, and that means staying on top of your boundaries.

Also… if someone doesn’t respect your boundary, don’t just let them get away with it! Call it out, in a calm yet assertive way.

Healthy boundaries are not walls that you’re putting up. They’re doors that you open and close on purpose. And they create the space for new and healthier patterns to grow.

If you’d like more advice on how to set healthy boundaries, check out Episode 248. It’s linked in the description, or head over to: ltamh.com/episodes.

Final Tips and Conclusion

Here’s the thing.

Patterns don’t lie… but they do loosen their grip when you make conscious, consistent choices like the ones we’ve discussed today. Each step you take, from the quick shifts to the bigger lifestyle changes, will help to rewrite the story of your life and to protect the peace that you’re working so hard to build.

Because when you boil it all down, breaking free from repeating patterns means making conscious choices instead of letting old habits steer your life. And every new choice you make is proof that you are not defined by yesterday’s story.

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is…

Life will make you repeat the same patterns until you choose to break the cycle.

Unknown

Let me repeat that.

Life will make you repeat the same patterns until you choose to break the cycle.

Alright. That’s it for this week!

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

If this helped, check out my episode about letting go of the past; it’s linked on screen and in the description. And follow or subscribe for new episodes every Sunday.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2025 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.