If certain people or situations leave you feeling constantly drained, overwhelmed, or resentful, then this episode will show you how setting emotional boundaries can lead to true peace of mind. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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About this episode:

Are your emotional boundaries out of whack?

If you’ve ever feel completely drained after a conversation or interaction with someone, even if nothing particularly intense was said, that’s often your first clue that your emotional boundaries might not be where they need to be for the sake of your mental health.

Because here’s the truth: it’s not just the obvious emotional vampires that wear you down. Sometimes it’s the people you care about — like friends, coworkers, family — who unintentionally cross the line with you… especially if you haven’t been completely clear about what that line is in the first place.

Emotional boundaries are what help you protect your peace, without shutting other people out. They let you care without over-carrying. Support others without becoming their emotional sponge. And, most importantly, they help you stay connected to yourself… instead of getting lost in other people’s chaos.

But if your boundaries are too soft, too vague, or just not there at all, then it’s really only a matter of time before burnout, resentment, or people-pleasing creep in. And that does real damage to your mental health, often in quiet and cumulative ways that you don’t even notice until you’re on the edge of snapping.

So this week on Let’s Talk About Mental Health, I’m diving into what emotional boundaries really are, how they get muddled (especially in close relationships), and practical ways to start setting and maintaining them — even if you’ve struggled to speak up in the past.

🧠 Quick tip: Take a moment this week to ask yourself, “Am I taking responsibility for someone else’s feelings right now?” If the answer is yes, it might be time to gently hand that responsibility back.

The full episode is available now — watch it, listen to it, or read the full transcript below, and have a great week!

Jeremy 😃

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Episode Transcript:

Emotional boundaries change everything!

You need to stop taking on so much stuff from other people.

And I’m not just talking about running errands or doing the laundry… I’m saying that you’re taking on far too much emotional stuff from others.

Look, the fact is that you don’t have an unlimited supply of emotional energy to put up with nonsense and shenanigans from people… and if you don’t protect your emotional energy, then other people will drain it without even thinking twice.

That’s where emotional boundaries come in.

They help you to protect your peace and feel more in control. And they stop you from burning out because of everyone else’s drama.

So in this episode, I’m walking you through a guide to setting emotional boundaries so you can reclaim your peace and start creating a safe emotional space for yourself.

So get comfortable and let’s talk about emotional boundaries!

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Hello, and welcome to another episode of Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation with someone feeling completely worn out, or you found yourself stewing for hours and hours on end over something that someone said to you, then chances are that a much needed boundary was missing to stop them from draining your emotional energy.

And I’m not just talking about the obvious drainers here like toxic colleagues, or angry relatives, or people who just constantly take, take, take without ever giving back.

I’m also talking about well-meaning friends, coworkers, and even loved ones who unintentionally cross the line because you haven’t defined your boundaries clearly.

Emotional boundaries play an enormous role in your ability to navigate the world with your peace of mind intact, and yet they’re exactly the type of boundaries that often tend to get crossed in subtle everyday ways; for example, when you take on someone else’s guilt or when you wind up feeling responsible for other people’s moods, or when you push your own needs aside in order to avoid conflict.

These are all things that can chip away at your peace of mind, your confidence and your mental health… sometimes, without you even realising it.

So today we’re going to get really clear on what emotional boundaries actually are, why they matter for good mental health, far more than you think they do, and how to put them into practice in a way that protects your wellbeing… without turning you into a nasty or unfeeling brick wall!

In the second half of this episode, I’ll be going through lots of practical ways to set these types of essential boundaries as well as how to actually stick to them.

And, by the way, that’s exactly the kind of stuff I talk about every week here on Let’s talk About Mental Health. I’m Jeremy Godwin and I make better mental health simple, with practical advice that actually works.

So let’s get stuck in by talking about…

What are emotional boundaries?

All right, so what does the idea of ’emotional boundaries’ actually mean?

Well, in general, boundaries are the limits and expectations that you set around what you will and won’t accept in your life, whether that’s at home, at work, from your closest relationships, from other people, or even from yourself.

So what we’re talking about today is taking that idea of boundaries one step further, and being really specific and really crystal clear about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in your emotional space.

Emotional boundaries refers specifically to protecting your feelings and your emotional energy, and also preventing your sense of self from being overwhelmed by other people.

Emotional boundaries apply to all of your relationships with other people, which are your external boundaries, and also to the relationship that you have with yourself, which are your internal boundaries.

Now, healthy emotional boundaries help to define what you’re responsible for and what you’re not, and they serve to stop you from carrying emotional loads that really don’t belong to you.

We can often find ourselves being expected, whether it’s explicitly or implicitly, to carry the emotional load for others… like at home when a loved one relies on you heavily for dealing with difficulties, maybe even expecting you to be the one to fix their problems for them, or maybe it’s at work, where colleagues might not speak up about issues they have in the team or in the workplace because they lean on you to do it simply because that feels easier and maybe even safer for them.

Emotional boundaries are about being very clear on what your limits are, and they’re built on self-awareness, communication, and respect. And when I say ‘respect’, I’m talking about respect for yourself as well as respect for others.

So then…

Why are emotional boundaries important?

Emotional boundaries matter because, like all boundaries, if you don’t set them, then other people will set them for you… and you’re probably not going to be particularly thrilled about that when they go and overstep and take advantage of your lack of boundaries.

Look, the reality is that you really do not have an unlimited reserve of emotional energy that you can just constantly hand out to every single person in the world, like some sort of magical never ending emotional candy dispenser.

We all need time to rest, to recharge, and to reconnect with ourselves in order to be able to continue to show up in any kind of positive and constructive way. And that isn’t just about physical rest and recharging; it’s also about your emotional energy.

You know, I’m sure I’m not the only one who has days when you get to the point where you just don’t have any emotional energy left to give, or you’re drawing from the absolute bottom of the barrel in order to push yourself through the rest of the day. And so we have to protect our emotional energy and recognise that it too requires time for rest, for recharging, and for reconnecting with ourselves.

This is about showing up for yourself… and when you allow other people to drain your energy or when you prioritise other people’s needs, their emotional needs, their physical needs, whatever the case may be, when you prioritise other people’s needs over your own, you’re actually making it harder and harder for you to have the emotional space you need just to survive, let alone to be the best version of yourself… and that ends up being so far down your list of priorities that you can’t even see it anymore! So you’re just doing what you need to do to get through the day emotionally and physically.

Without having boundaries in place, you’re vulnerable to issues like emotional burnout, codependency, resentment, and overwhelm.

And that’s because boundaries allow you to manage emotional triggers and reduce stress by having a clear understanding around what you will accept and what you will not, and giving yourself permission to say no to things that push you beyond your comfort levels.

Emotional boundaries protect your sense of identity and your autonomy, which is your ability to be your own person who makes your own life choices, and they’re important in all of your relationships and acquaintanceships, but especially in your close or intense and intimate relationships.

I’m talking about your most intimate relationships here: your partner, if you’re attached; your closest family members; your kids, if you’re a parent… these are the most emotionally intensive relationships in your life, most likely, but that’s also where there’s a much higher likelihood of the lines being blurred between your emotional wants and needs and their emotional wants and needs, and there’s also a much higher likelihood that your needs are going to be potentially ignored or disregarded, or maybe even willfully disrespected.

So you need to be able to manage that. And strong emotional boundaries help you to stop taking on responsibilities that aren’t yours, and they help you to ensure that your needs are being prioritised and actually met. They also help you to stop people pleasing and to start making decisions for yourself that reflect your values and your needs, rather than pandering to what somebody else tells you you have to do, or doing that just to try to keep the peace.

Emotional boundaries are absolutely essential for maintaining healthy relationships. Now, a healthy relationship is one that is mutually respectful and mutually supportive, as well as being mutually beneficial. So you’ll notice I keep using the word mutual there; it’s about relationships that are not one sided, but they have to be grounded in respect for each other as individuals and as our own entities, rather than it being “my way or the highway,” which a lot of relationships can sometimes tend to go down that path.

But on top of that, emotional boundaries are also really important for reducing conflict, which I know can seem surprising to some people because people hear ‘boundaries’ and think, “Oh no, if I set boundaries with people I care about, they’re gonna get angry at me!” I mean, okay, maybe in the short term, not everyone’s going to love hearing your boundaries… but if you do it with kindness, and respect, and you approach it in a way that is mutually supportive and try to understand what their needs and wants are as well, and negotiate and find a way to meet in the middle, it actually serves as a way of reducing conflict significantly in the long run.

And the other thing that it does as well is it highly improves communication because instead of there being all of this stuff that’s left unsaid, or resentments that build up over time without being addressed, emotional boundaries allow you to say what needs to be said; to put things out on the table and deal with them, and work on a way to move forward, and it clears the air… and that leads to better communication because you’re able to actually say what you mean and mean what you say.

Emotional boundaries help you to develop a much better relationship with yourself as well, because they involve holding yourself accountable in a kind and balanced way.

So how do you do all of that? How do you actually figure out what emotional boundaries you need, and more importantly, how do you put them in place and then actually stick to them?

Well, I’m about to explore lots of practical ways to set emotional boundaries right after this quick break.

And welcome back!

Okay, so, so far we’ve talked about what emotional boundaries are and why they matter so much, because without them you end up feeling drained, resentful, overwhelmed, or potentially even lost in other people’s expectations and in other people’s needs and wants.

But boundaries aren’t just something that you either have or you don’t have.

They’re something that you can build, and that’s why now I’m going to walk you through practical ways to do exactly that… so you can start feeling clearer, calmer, and more in control of your emotional space.

So let’s talk about…

Setting and maintaining emotional boundaries

All right, so I have a number of tips to share here. As always, don’t try to do everything all at once because you’ll just end up overwhelmed; just pick one or two that really resonate with you. I’d suggest try them for a couple of weeks and then come back, pick another one or two and continue on like that. So my first tip is…

Identify what ’emotional boundaries’ means to you. Alright… so before you can set strong emotional boundaries, first you need to define what they currently look and feel like in your life, as well as what you want them or need them to look and feel like. And so that means asking yourself to notice, honestly and without judgment, where you’ve potentially been absorbing other people’s emotions, expectations, or reactions as if they were your own… and whether or not that’s actually serving you. This is something that can be especially difficult for people in close relationships and caregiver roles; think about your relationship with your partner or spouse if you’re attached, your kids, if you’re a parent, maybe your own parents, and your siblings, depending on those types of relationships. The piece here is that emotional boundaries are about knowing where you end and someone else begins. In these most intimate relationships the lines are often so blurred, and we may find that boundaries are being overstepped regularly… whether that’s directly or indirectly. So sometimes this stuff just happens inadvertently, you know, we don’t realise that we’re doing it, but often it’s knowing… you know, we know what we are doing, and whether there’s malice behind it or not is a case by case basis, but I think we all know that the closer the relationship, the more you can manipulate the person. Let’s just call a spade a spade! So what I want you to do is take a step back and consider: what is it that you need to do to protect your peace? Where do you need more space between your emotions and someone else’s chaos? Clarity here is absolutely everything; it’s what helps you to stop carrying loads that were never yours to begin with. You are not responsible for the emotional wellbeing of others. Treat them with love and kindness, provide them with support without taking responsibility for fixing their problems for them, and give them the space to resolve their own challenges. It’s the only real way to find genuine, lasting, sustainable peace of mind. And please, on that note, remember that your choices are your choices to make, not somebody else’s to make for you. Okay. Next…

Get clear on what affects you emotionally. Let’s be honest: if you don’t know where your emotional limits are, then it’s impossible to set them… which leaves you open to being drawn into dramas, shenanigans, and hot messes of the monumental variety. Start by noticing the situations, topics, or behaviors that leave you feeling drained, or anxious, or guilty, or resentful. Those emotional reactions are very strong reactions, and they’re very clear signs that a boundary is either being crossed or that one needs to be created to restore your peace of mind. All right. Next…

Choose to stop taking responsibility for other people’s emotions. So this is the secret about boundaries that nobody tells you: they’re a choice… and they’re a choice you can make at any time, anywhere, in order to prioritise your needs and to protect your peace of mind. Because failure to do either of those will, without a doubt, do harm to your mental health and wellbeing. I know this is probably tough to hear, but you need to hear it: you can care about someone without carrying their feelings for them. Because it’s not your job to fix everyone’s problems for them or to make sure that no one ever feels uncomfortable. Discomfort is part of life, and figuring out how to overcome our challenges is how we grow… and that growth isn’t going to happen if you swoop in and fix things for them. Other people’s emotions and their emotional reactions are theirs to manage, not yours to absorb. And so that then leads to my next point…

Learn how to actually set boundaries. So once you’re clear on what your boundaries are, the next step is to clearly communicate them: calmly, directly, and without over explaining. That might sound something like saying, “I’m not available to talk about this right now,” or “I can’t take that on, but I hope you find the support you need.” The key here is to not overthink it; just keep it really simple. Speak from your values, not your emotions, and remember that a boundary does not require permission in order to be valid… it just needs to be clear, consistent, fair, respectful, and followed through with action. I talked about how to set healthy boundaries in Episode 248, so I highly recommend checking that out. It’s linked in the description, or just head to ltamh.com where you’ll find all of my episodes listed and linked under ‘Episodes’ in the menu, funnily enough! Okay, next…

Don’t expect others to respect boundaries you haven’t clearly communicated. Look, I think we all know that it’s common that we expect people to know what we want and need from them, and often to avoid conflict we don’t expressly say that… but you cannot expect people to follow rules that they don’t explicitly know exist. They are not a mind reader… and if you want or need something, then it’s your responsibility to communicate it. If you haven’t said it out loud, clearly and directly, then it’s not a boundary; it’s just a hope. Be honest about what’s okay and what’s not, and say it without guilt. People don’t know what you need unless you ask for it, and leaving things unspoken only leads to resentment and confusion. Next…

Practice saying no without justifying it. I know it’s a cliche to say this at this point, but ‘no’ really is a complete sentence. You don’t owe people a detailed explanation for every boundary you set. Over-explaining can sound like asking for permission, but it can also give someone permission to argue with your decision… and they don’t need to agree with your boundary in order for it to be valid. Next time you need to say no to something small, do it without adding an explanation on the end… and then keep on practicing it. The more you become comfortable with not feeling like you need to justify every choice, the easier it will be to say ‘no’ in bigger and more challenging contexts. Okay, next…

Let silence be part of your emotional boundaries. You really don’t have to engage with every emotional outburst, provocation, or guilt trip. Sometimes silence is the boundary. Walking away, not replying, or pausing before responding can help you create space and keep your emotional balance. This is something I’ve had to do many times over the years, and it can feel awkward at first, and upsetting, but it’s definitely preferable to caving in and allowing other people to manipulate or control you. Next…

Don’t rely on people to change; focus on consistency instead. I know this can be a jagged little pill to swallow, but you can’t force someone to respect your boundary. However, you can choose how you respond if and when it’s ignored. Consequences speak louder than words, so show people you’re serious by sticking to what you said and following through. Next…

Say what you mean and mean what you say. The key to setting boundaries that work is to be honest and direct, while keeping it kind. You don’t need to over explain or apologise, and it’s also best to focus on you and your needs rather than pointing fingers or attacking; which, by the way, never does anything other than make a situation worse… meeting fire with fire just makes a bigger fire! A simple statement like “I’m not comfortable talking about,” or, “That’s not something I want to do,” is clear and respectful. The key is to let your words match your intention. Okay, next…

Use “I” statements to express your needs. Saying something like, “You make me feel such and such!” puts people on the defensive… and rightly so! They can’t make you feel anything because you’re responsible for your emotional reactions, not them… no matter how much of a pain in the backside they may be. So focus on you and your needs, rather than assigning blame. Instead of going on the attack, try saying something like, “I feel overwhelmed when you do X” or “I need some time to myself after Y happens.” It keeps the focus specifically on your needs and feelings, rather than being on blame or criticism, and so that can be a lot less confrontational. Next…

Check your energy before engaging. Okay, so before you say ‘yes’ to a conversation, or a favor, or even just a catch up, check in with yourself and ask, do I have the emotional capacity for this right now? If the answer is ‘no’, respect that. You don’t have to deplete your emotional energy to prove you care, and pushing yourself beyond your limits will likely lead to either resentment, or conflict… or both. And speaking of that, my next point is…

Respect your own limits, even when it’s tough. Boundaries mean nothing if you don’t stick to them. But do you know why most boundaries fail? Because they feel too difficult, too challenging… and so we don’t stick to them. Look, yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to prioritising the needs and wants of other people… but holding the line is how you teach people how to treat you, and it’s also how you show up for yourself. So, respect yourself and stick to your boundaries. I mean, please don’t be rigid and inflexible because that causes a whole bunch of other issues, but don’t compromise on what actually matters to you. You may find it helpful to regularly remind yourself of what your boundaries are, and most importantly, why you set them in the first place. Okay, next…

Don’t confuse guilt with doing something wrong. Yes, you most likely will feel guilty when you start putting emotional boundaries in place and when you’re enforcing them. That’s totally normal, especially if you’ve been the go-to emotional sponge for other people. But guilt is not a sign that you’re doing the wrong thing. It’s a sign that you’re doing something different, and ‘different’ comes with a huge amount of discomfort because it’s unfamiliar. So don’t let guilt derail you. Take things one day at a time, and again, remind yourself why you set the boundaries that you have in the first place. Next…

Set boundaries for yourself around your own thinking. Emotional boundaries aren’t just about other people. They’re also about you. If you tend to spiral into self-criticism or catastrophising, that’s a sign that you need to pause and redirect your focus if and when it happens. You don’t have to believe every thought you have; they’re just thoughts, not facts. Create boundaries in your own mind and choose to look at your thoughts objectively and without judgment so you can learn what matters and what to let go of. Okay, next…

Stop rehearsing fights in your head. All right, so this one might sound totally random and it may not apply to that many of you, but some of us, myself included, may be prone to, like the point says, rehearsing fights in our head… but you don’t need to mentally play out every possible reaction that someone might have to you setting a boundary, or addressing an issue, because what that does is it just fuels anxiety. Simply say what needs to be said, let them react how they will, and stay grounded in your decision and why you have made it. Their emotional reactions are theirs to own. Your emotional reactions are yours to own. Next…

Create emotional reset habits. Boundaries are much easier to stick to when you’re not constantly running on empty, so build habits into your day that serve to replenish your emotional energy. Journaling. Mindfulness practice. Spending quality time alone. Moving your body. Listening to music. Or simply doing nothing. Figure out what works for you, and make it a non-negotiable part of your routine. You can’t fill from an empty cup, so invest in regularly replenishing your emotional energy just as much as your physical energy. Okay. Next…

Remind yourself that boundaries aren’t punishments. They’re acts of care. Setting a boundary isn’t about shutting people out; it’s about creating healthier ways of connecting with them. And maintaining your boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s how you keep showing up for yourself and the people you care about without losing your peace of mind… or your sanity!

Here’s the thing: emotional boundaries aren’t about being cold or closed off. They’re about clarity, care, and self-respect, and they’re all about recognising that you’re a whole person who has limits and that you need to protect those limits so you don’t lose yourself in other people’s noise and demands.

Because when it comes to emotional boundaries, what it all boils down to is this: the more clearly you communicate your limits, with others and with yourself, the more balance and peace of mind you create in your life.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing.

So, what choice will you make today?

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:

Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.

Unknown

Let me repeat that:

Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.

All right. That’s nearly it for this week!

What’s one emotional boundary you need to set or reset this week? Let me know in the comments and let’s talk… because the more we talk about it, the easier it gets.

Sign up for my weekly newsletter at ltamh.com, and support me on Patreon for early access to ad free episodes. They’re both linked in the description.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

My recent episode about expressing yourself will also be helpful, so check it out next; it’s linked in the description. Next week I’m talking about being more present. Follow or subscribe to never miss an episode, and have a great week!

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2025 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.