This week: how to practice real self-care that actually works (not just the stuff that feels good for only a moment or two). So, let’s talk! 😃

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TRANSCRIPT

How to practice real self care

What does real self care look and feel like? Could your self-care habits be making things worse? And how can self-care actually improve your mental health, instead of just being a short-term fix?

Well… in this episode you’ll discover the power of quality self-care, along with practical ways to take much better care of yourself.

Ready to make a lasting positive difference in your life? Then let’s talk about real self care!

Hello and welcome back to Let’s Talk About Mental Health, thanks for joining me!

I’m Jeremy Godwin, a mental health counsellor, and I focus on making better mental health simple by exploring the stuff you can do to tackle issues and improve your mental wellbeing. I share practical advice based on quality research, plus my own experience with anxiety and depression, and you won’t hear interviews or random opinions here; just simple tips that actually work.

So… let’s talk!

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What if everything you’ve been told about self-care is barely even scratching the surface? 

We hear about it all the time — light a candle, take a bubble bath, buy yourself something nice. But is that really self-care… or just temporary self-soothing? And, more importantly, is it actually making a difference to your mental health?  

Because the truth is that real self-care goes much, much deeper than indulgence or a little ‘time out’. It’s not about escaping your stress for an hour — it’s about managing it in a way that actually improves your life. It’s looking after yourself in a way that supports your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing in the long-term — even when that means making tough choices, setting boundaries, or doing the unglamorous stuff like going to bed on time instead of watching “just one more episode.”  

So today, we’re going to talk about real self-care — what it actually means, why it has such a huge impact on your mental health, and how to practice it in ways that genuinely make a difference… because taking care of yourself isn’t just about feeling good in the moment — it’s about being well in the long run. And that starts with understanding what self-care really is (instead of the overly-sanitised and highly-commercialised version we tend to see in the media and online).

So, let’s get ourselves onto the same page with some definitions and let’s talk about… 

What does self care really mean? 

‘Self-care’ is one of those terms that gets thrown around a lot, usually alongside images of scented candles, fluffy robes, and people smiling serenely while holding an overpriced mocha choco matcha latte. 

And look, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a bit of pampering — if a long soak in the tub and a good book make you feel like a whole new person, then go for it! 

But real self-care — the kind that genuinely makes a difference to your wellbeing (and even your soul) — goes so much deeper than that. It’s not just about quick fixes or momentary comfort; it’s about taking care of yourself in ways that actually improve your life in the long term. It’s about making choices that support your mental, emotional, and physical health… even when they’re not the easiest choices, or the most Instagrammable options. 

Essentially, self-care isn’t just about feeling good — it’s about being well.

So, what does practicing self-care actually look like? Well, it’s a bit like maintaining a house. If you only ever focus on making it look nice — throwing in some décor you love, and adding a few houseplants, while simultaneously ignoring the leaky roof — then you’ll end up with some serious structural issues down the line. 

Real self-care means looking after your whole wellbeing — not just the surface-level stuff. 

It’s about setting boundaries and saying “no” when you need to, rather than overcommitting and burning yourself out. It’s making sure you get enough rest, not just by taking naps (as delightful as they are) but by actually structuring your life in a way that allows for proper sleep and downtime. It’s eating in a way that nourishes you rather than just giving you a sugar high, moving your body in ways that feel good rather than punishing, and making time for the relationships that lift you up instead of draining you. 

On a practical level, self-care might mean scheduling therapy sessions (if that’s in your budget) or joining a support group instead of just venting to your friends and calling it a mental health plan. It could be meal prepping on a Sunday so that your future self doesn’t have to survive on whatever’s left in the fridge by Thursday (which, by that point, is usually just a lone carrot and something that may — or may not — have once been cheese). It’s taking a social media break when you notice that scrolling through your feed is making you feel rubbish about your life, rather than just ‘powering through’ and hoping the algorithm throws you a motivational quote. And, sometimes, self-care is doing the boring things — paying your bills on time, keeping your living space relatively organised so you don’t drown in clutter, or finally booking that doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off for ages.

When it comes to self-care in a mental health context, it’s about actively managing your emotional wellbeing instead of just hoping everything sorts itself out. 

It’s checking in with yourself regularly and asking, “How am I actually feeling? What do I need right now?” It’s learning to recognise when you’re overstimulated and need some quiet, or when you’ve been isolating yourself for too long and need to reach out. It’s being mindful of what you consume — not just food, but also the content you watch, the news you absorb, and the people you surround yourself with. It’s doing things that calm your nervous system, whether that’s journaling, deep breathing, or just getting outside for some fresh air (because, let’s be honest, sometimes you just need to be at one with nature… or at least have a reason to stare dramatically into the distance like you’re in a music video).

The bottom line is that real self-care isn’t about escapism or aesthetics — it’s about actively looking after yourself in ways that create genuine, lasting wellbeing… and it’s something you do for yourself, not for the feed. It’s a long game, and you’re the one in control of how you play it.

We’ll talk about how to do that shortly, but first let’s talk about…

Why proper self care matters

OK, so self-care isn’t just a ‘nice to have’ — it’s an absolutely fundamental part of maintaining your mental and emotional wellbeing. The way you look after yourself (or don’t) directly impacts your mood, energy levels, resilience, and ability to handle life’s challenges; when you neglect your self-care, it’s like running a car without ever stopping for fuel or maintenance — you might keep going for a while, but eventually things start breaking down. 

Poor sleep, chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, and burnout don’t just appear out of nowhere; they’re often the result of long-term neglect in areas that actually matter. And while bubble baths and Netflix marathons might offer a temporary escape, they won’t fix deeper issues like emotional overload, boundary-setting struggles, or chronic fatigue. That’s why real self-care — intentional, meaningful care that supports your whole wellbeing — is essential. It helps you to function at your best, rather than just survive from one stressful moment to the next.

The reason self-care has such a profound impact on your mental health is that your brain and body are constantly responding to the way you treat them. When you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or constantly pushing yourself past your limits, your stress levels rise, and you’re less able to think clearly, manage your emotions, and cope with challenges. 

Neglecting rest, proper nutrition, or meaningful downtime can lead to increased anxiety, irritability, and even depressive symptoms… and let’s not forget how easy it is to fall into negative coping mechanisms when you’re drained — mindless scrolling, emotional eating, overworking, or socially withdrawing all tend to creep in when you’re not actively looking after yourself. It’s not just about avoiding burnout; it’s about ensuring that your mind and body have the resources they need to function well every single day.

At its core, self-care is about building a strong foundation for resilience. Life will throw curveballs at you — stressful jobs, difficult relationships, financial worries, health challenges, etc. — but when you’re consistently taking care of yourself, you’re in a much better position to handle those challenges. 

Real self-care helps regulate your nervous system, so you’re not constantly living in fight-or-flight mode. It builds self-awareness, allowing you to recognise when you need to rest, when you need support, and when you need to change something in your life. And it builds emotional strength — when you prioritise your wellbeing, you’re reinforcing the message that you are worth looking after… and that alone can shift your entire perspective on yourself and the choices you make.

Now, specifically in mental health terms, self-care acts as both a preventative measure and an active management tool. Proactively taking care of yourself can reduce stress, improve mood, and lower the risk of anxiety and depression. It gives you space to process your emotions, rather than letting them build up to breaking point. It helps stabilise your energy levels and cognitive function, making it easier to focus and make decisions (and navigate your daily life). When mental health challenges do happen, a solid self-care routine makes them more manageable; you’re more likely to recognise when you need professional support, more equipped to use coping strategies effectively, and more capable of recovering from difficult periods. 

And, ultimately, real self-care allows you to show up as your best self — not just for others, but for you. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s absolutely necessary. And if you’re waiting for permission to prioritise your wellbeing, well… consider this it!

Alright, so… how do you do all that? Let’s talk through some practical ways to manage your self care; but first, a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…

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And welcome back! Now let’s talk about… 

How to practice real self care

Alright, let’s start with… 

Prioritise rest and quality sleep — and this is the most important place to start, because if you’re running on empty then nothing else will function properly — not your mood, not your energy levels, and certainly not your ability to handle stress. Sleep is the foundation of both physical and mental health, and yet it’s often the first thing to suffer when life gets busy. Poor sleep affects everything from emotional regulation to cognitive function, making it harder to think clearly, manage emotions, and cope with daily challenges. You can improve your sleep by creating a consistent bedtime routine, reducing screen time before bed, and setting a regular sleep schedule (yes, even on weekends). That leads to my next point…

Rest regularly (without guilt) — in a culture that glorifies busyness, it can feel uncomfortable to slow down. But rest is not laziness — it’s essential. Your phone needs to be recharged regularly, and so do you. Whether it’s taking a break during the day, having a slow weekend, or giving yourself permission to switch off entirely in the evenings, real self-care means recognising when you need rest and allowing yourself to take it without guilt. You are not a machine, and your productivity does not determine your worth. And besides, sometimes the most productive thing you can do is nothing at all. OK, next…

Lower the bar — because, seriously, you’re doing too much! Self-care isn’t about having to cram 57 wellness rituals into your week; it’s about making life easier for yourself, not harder. If you’re exhausted, burnt out, or overwhelmed, stop expecting yourself to function at 100% all the time — give yourself permission to lower the bar. Eat simple meals. Let the house be messy if you need rest. Do the bare minimum for a while, if that’s what it takes to get through. You really don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Next… 

Set (and enforce) clear boundaries — a lot of stress, anxiety, and burnout come from saying “yes” to too much and letting others dictate your time and energy; boundaries protect your mental and emotional wellbeing by ensuring you don’t overextend yourself. That might mean setting limits on your work hours, being clear about what behaviour you will and won’t accept from others, or saying no if and when you need to (and if you struggle with that, check out Episode 258 about ‘how to say no without feeling guilty’). The key here is to communicate boundaries with confidence and consistency — saying “I can’t take on extra work right now” is a complete sentence, and you don’t owe anyone a long explanation. Start small if this feels uncomfortable, but remember: boundaries aren’t about shutting people out; they’re about looking after yourself so you can show up fully in the areas that matter most. I covered how to set healthy boundaries in Episode 248 if you’d like to learn more. OK, next…

Fuel your body with what it needs — what you eat has a direct impact on your mood, energy levels, and mental clarity; while the occasional indulgence is fine (because life’s too short not to enjoy cake), a diet built on processed foods, excessive sugar, and caffeine crashes can leave you feeling sluggish and irritable. Real self-care means nourishing yourself properly — prioritising whole foods, staying hydrated, and eating in a way that supports sustained energy rather than short-lived highs; I’ve been working with my doctor for the last few months to improve my health, and changing the way I eat has made me feel so much better physically and mentally. One simple way you can do this is by planning meals in advance, so that you’re not making food choices based on convenience alone. Think of food as fuel: you wouldn’t expect your car to run on empty, or on poor-quality fuel, so why do the same to your body? Next… 

Declutter your space… and your mind — your environment affects your mental state more than you might realise. A cluttered and chaotic space can contribute to feelings of stress and overwhelm, while an organised and calming space can help you feel more in control. The same applies to your mental space — when your thoughts are scattered, it’s hard to focus or feel at peace. Try setting aside time to tidy up your surroundings (even just one small area at a time) and declutter your mind through journaling, meditation, or simply taking a few deep breaths. This helps create a sense of order and clarity, making it easier to navigate life’s challenges. OK, next… 

Check in with yourself regularly — it’s so easy to get caught up in the demands of daily life and forget to check in with how you’re actually feeling… but real self-care isn’t just about external actions; it’s also about internal awareness. Take a few moments each day to ask yourself: “How am I feeling right now? What do I need?” This is a really simple practice that can help you spot stress or emotional exhaustion before it becomes overwhelming; you can do it by journaling, practicing mindfulness, or just sitting quietly and noticing your thoughts (and you may find it helpful to set a reminder on your phone to prompt you to do it). The more you practice self-awareness, the better equipped you’ll be to respond to your needs in a meaningful way. Next…

Stop the things that drain you — if you always leave someone’s presence feeling emotionally wrung out, it’s time to rethink why they’re in your life. Just because you’ve known someone for years doesn’t mean they’re good for you now. Just because someone is ‘family’ that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate toxic behaviour. If a relationship feels like a constant energy drain, distance yourself. That’s not cruel — it’s self-preservation. The same goes for social media and negative news cycles; protecting your mental wellbeing starts with recognising what’s influencing it, and limiting the stuff that drains you (and yes, you can stay informed without having to overdose on news!). Not everything (or everyone) that grabs your attention is good for your mental health… so you need to be mindful and intentional about who has access to you, and what that access looks and feels like. OK, next… 

Make time for what brings you joy — self-care isn’t just about managing stress; it’s also about actively bringing joy into your life. When was the last time you did something purely because it made you happy? Whether it’s a hobby or creative outlet, or a simple pleasure like reading or listening to music, these moments matter. The same goes for the people you connect with the most, and who uplift you — make time for them, regularly (because maintaining quality relationships take effort). Prioritising joy helps balance out life’s challenges and reminds you that there’s more to life than just your responsibilities. Schedule time for fun, even if it’s just a few minutes a day. It’s not a luxury — it’s essential. Next…

Plan your week with self-care in mind — we schedule our work, appointments, and errands… so why not schedule self-care too? If you don’t actively make time for things that nourish you, they tend to get pushed aside so, at the start of each week, take a few minutes to plan out your self-care priorities for the week ahead. That could mean pencilling in a long walk, setting aside an hour for reading, or scheduling a phone call with a friend who lifts your spirits. Try regularly moving your body in a way that feels good for you, spending time in nature, and making time for meditation or deep breathing exercises; these are all simple no-cost activities that make a massive difference to your physical, mental and emotional health. The point here is to think of your self-care practices as non-negotiable appointments with yourself, and to give them the time and attention they deserve. OK, next…

Stop rushing through everything — sure, we all know that modern life is fast-paced and borderline chaotic… but constantly rushing from one thing to the next leaves little room to actually experience life. Slow down wherever and whenever you can — eat your meals without distractions, take time to properly enjoy your morning coffee, resist the urge to multitask every second of the day… the piece here is to remember that mindful moments help you feel more grounded and they reduce stress, and they also make everyday life more enjoyable. And, while we’re talking about this, just bear in mind that — in general — things take time; you won’t have all the answers immediately, or suddenly transform overnight, and it takes time to figure out what’s right for you, or what camera angles are more flattering (or at least less horrifying!) when you start filming yourself for your podcast and videos… so, be patient and be kind to yourself. Alright, next…

Find an oddly-specific comfort activity — sometimes, the best self-care is doing something that makes absolutely no sense to anyone but you. Maybe it’s watching hours of antique restoration videos on YouTube (mine is watching European train review videos, where it’s like taking the train but from home). Maybe it’s choosing to reorganise your bookshelf by vibe instead of alphabetically. Maybe it’s listening to the same nostalgic album on repeat because it reminds you of a simpler time (hello, Spiceworld!). Whatever it is, if it makes you feel calm, grounded, or happy, it’s valid; do what makes you feel comforted. OK, next…

Stop buying stuff you don’t need (because retail therapy is a lie) — look, I’m certainly guilty of this one (I own far too many Funko Pops, and my collection has been expanding a bit too much), but the reality is that even if buying yourself little treats for a dopamine hit might feel like self-care in the moment, the real question is: how often does that impulse purchase actually improve your life in the long run? Clutter adds stress. Financial strain adds stress. And fast fashion/fast homewares just make landfill mountains even higher. ‘Retail therapy’ is just a distraction, not actual therapy. Next time you get the urge to buy something you don’t need, pause and ask yourself: “Do I actually want this, or am I just trying to distract myself from something?” If it’s the latter, find a healthier way to deal with the underlying issue. Next…

Stop waiting for a ‘better time’ to start taking care of yourself — how often do you tell yourself: “I’ll start eating better after this stressful project… I’ll rest properly once things calm down… I’ll get serious about my mental health when life is less hectic…”? Newsflash: life never fully calms down. There will always be something competing for your time, energy, and attention… so the best time to start prioritising yourself is now — not later, not when it’s convenient, and not when everything is ‘perfect’ (because it never will be). Start with what you can do, today, and build one step at a time. Your future self will thank you for it. OK, next… 

Ask for support when you need it — one of the biggest acts of self-care is recognising that you don’t have to do everything alone. Whether it’s reaching out to friends, family, or a professional (or joining a support group, if your budget doesn’t stretch to counselling or therapy), asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Mental and emotional wellbeing are built on connection — bottling everything up and trying to ‘power through’ doesn’t work long-term. If you’re struggling, talk to someone. And if you find yourself resisting the idea of seeking help, ask yourself why. Often, the biggest barrier to getting support is the belief that you should be able to handle everything on your own… but that’s just not realistic, and you don’t have to struggle your way through challenges open your own (and nor should you!).

Final Tips and Next Time

Because when it comes to practicing self care, what it all boils down to is this:

Self-care is about consistently showing up for yourself in ways that actually matter. It’s recognising that your wellbeing is worth investing in — not just when things are falling apart, but every single day. The small choices you make — like how you rest, how you set boundaries, how you nourish your body and mind — all add up over time and shape the way you feel, think, and cope with life’s challenges. And while self-care won’t erase stress or hardship, it will equip you to handle them with more clarity, strength, and resilience.  

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by writer Katie Reed, and it is:

“Self-care means giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you.”

Katie Reed

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week!

What does ‘real self care’ mean to you? Leave me a comment and let’s talk! 

Join my free mailing list at ltamh.com to stay up-to-date on new topics I cover, and become a supporter on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes and exclusive content; you’ll find those linked in the episode description.

Next week I’ll be talking about how to find solutions to your problems; that will be out on March 16 and I hope you’ll join me for it!

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com   

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2024 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.