Feeling unsure of yourself? If you often think “I have no idea what I’m doing!” and let self doubt hijack your mind, it’s time to learn how to overcome it one step at a time. In this episode I’ll teach you how to build self esteem and get past self doubt. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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Episode Overview:

Ever catch yourself thinking “I have no idea what I’m doing” and instantly assume that means you’re failing because you’re feeling unsure of yourself? Well, you’re not!

In this episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, I’m getting brutally honest about why that thought can spiral into overthinking and anxiety, self-judgement, shame, and relentless negative self-talk… and how to stop letting your inner critic run the show. 

If you’re unsure of yourself, stuck in reassurance seeking, or dealing with imposter syndrome and a constant fear of making the wrong decision, you’re not alone… and you’re not broken. I’ll show you how to handle self-doubt and how to handle uncertainty in a way that actually helps to calm your nervous system, so you can stop second-guessing yourself and start building self respect even when your mind is still shouting, “But I have no idea what I’m doing!” This episode is for those moments when you feel lost in life and your brain turns “I don’t know” into “I can’t trust myself”. 

👉 Ready to learn how handle uncertainty without spiralling? Then let’s talk!

💡 TL;DR: Stuck thinking “I have no idea what I’m doing!” and letting self-doubt hijack your mind? In this episode I’ll show you how to handle uncertainty, silence your inner critic, and learn to trust yourself again with greater self-respect. 🙂

New here? Hi! Let’s Talk About Mental Health is your weekly dose of practical mental health advice for real life. I’m Jeremy Godwin (hello! 👋) and I keep things simple, honest, and doable so you can feel more in control of your life and your mental wellbeing. If you’re not already a free subscriber, sign up below to have episodes and transcripts land in your inbox every Sunday:

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Episode Transcript:

Feeling unsure of yourself? How to stop the self-doubt spiral

If you often think, “I have no idea what I’m doing!” this episode is for you. Because feeling unsure of yourself can make you question who you are, second-guess everything, and treat yourself like you’re failing at life… when you’re not. But here’s what most people miss: almost everyone has self-doubt and feels like they’re making it up as they go.

The difference is whether you use that feeling to attack yourself. So today I’ll show you how to handle self-doubt with more kindness and more self-respect, for a calmer mind.

So let’s talk about… feeling unsure of yourself.

Hello and welcome back to Let’s Talk About Mental Health! I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this show is all about practical mental health advice for real life.

Today we’re talking about that annoying, unsettling feeling of thinking, “I have no idea what I’m doing,” and just how quickly that type of uncertainty can turn into self-doubt and overthinking… not to mention that harsh inner voice that tells you you’re failing even when you’re doing your best.

And I want to talk about this because it is so common. I deal with this from time to time, and it’s utterly exhausting. It’s one of those hidden stresses that just quietly eats away at your confidence and your peace of mind.

Now, before we go any further, I just want to say this very clearly: if you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing, you are not broken, you are not somehow behind in life, and you are not the only one. The fact is you’re human, and you’re living in a world that expects you to be confident, decisive, and polished basically all the time… which is absolutely ridiculous!

I hear this from people constantly, and I’ve felt it myself: that moment where you’re doing all the so-called right things on the outside, but inside it’s like there’s a thought process going, “How is everyone else managing to function when I’m a hot mess? What’s wrong with me?!” You know… you might be at work nodding along in a meeting, or at home making dinner, or paying bills, and meanwhile there’s this quiet dread in the background, “What if I’m messing everything up?”

And it’s not even necessarily one big dramatic thought. Often it’s more like a thousand tiny little moments of self doubt that add up. You hesitate before you speak. You rewrite that message three times. You rerecord the introduction to your podcast five times. You delay your decisions. You overexplain yourself.

You look for reassurance in subtle ways, and then you get angry at yourself for needing reassurance or for needing to redo things. All of that is the exhausting part, right? It’s not the uncertainty, it’s the way that uncertainty turns into self-judgment.

And just to explain how this relates to what I do, I’m a counsellor and I’ve supported a lot of people through anxiety and self-doubt… and I’ve also lived through my own seasons of feeling completely lost after a total breakdown in 2011, followed by several years of crippling depression and anxiety. So this is not theory for me; it’s personal, and it’s also practical because I had to learn the hard way how to handle self-doubt about myself so that I could eventually put my life back together.

You know, sometimes I… I honestly just think that adulthood is… I mean, it’s basically discovering that nobody gets a handbook, and figuring out that you’re expected to just work everything out for yourself… and the people who seem like they’ve got everything sorted are often just better at pretending in public. And so if you’ve been waiting for the day that you feel fully grown up… well, I have some news for you: sorry, but you’re going to be waiting a very long time! ‘Cause it doesn’t just happen, right?!

First today I’m going to define what this whole, “I have no idea what I’m doing” feeling actually is in plain English, and we’ll talk about how it tends to show up in your everyday life. Then we’re going to talk about why feeling unsure of yourself affects your mental health in the way that it does; because it’s not just an annoying thought, it has a real emotional cost. And then I’ll walk you through a simple process to help you handle uncertainty without spiralling into self-doubt and self-attack.

And just a quick note: if what you’re experiencing is intense, persistent, or it’s starting to mess with your ability to function, professional support can be really helpful; whether that’s your GP or primary care physician, a counsellor, or a psychologist. But this episode is also for anyone who maybe can’t access therapy right now, or if you are seeing someone this will give you tools that you can actually use in real life between sessions. Either way, we all deserve support… and that’s what you’ll find here.

So let’s talk about…

What is feeling unsure of yourself?

When you think to yourself “I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time,” you’re not necessarily describing reality. Really what you’re describing is a feeling, a state. It’s that mix of uncertainty, pressure, and self-doubt where your brain starts acting like not knowing equals danger and incompetence, and so suddenly it’s not just about, “I’m not sure what the best option is here”… that’s when it becomes, I’m completely clueless and I’m not sure I can actually trust myself.

This sort of stuff usually shows up when life is changing, or when you’re being stretched, or when the stakes feel really high about something; things like: work decisions, relationships, parenting, money, health stuff, family drama, big transitions, or even just a… a slow buildup of stress where your capacity is already low. And when you’re exhausted physically and emotionally, everything feels harder.

Your brain has much less patience for any kind of ambiguity, and so it starts demanding certainty that you just simply cannot have. I’m not sure if you’ve looked around lately, but certainty seems to be in pretty low supply these days! In day-to-day life, you’ll find that all of this can look like overthinking basic decisions, constantly checking if you’re doing things right, asking for reassurance, comparing yourself to other people, or just feeling really weirdly exposed like everyone else got some sort of secret memo that you missed out on.

You might procrastinate because you don’t want to choose the wrong thing, or you might do the opposite and over control everything because it’s the only way you can feel safe. Either way you end up tense, stuck, and doubting yourself.

And there’s very often a specific thought pattern underneath all of it: you don’t just want clarity, you want guarantees… even if that’s a subconscious want that you’re maybe not fully aware of. You want to know that if you make this choice, you’ll be OK; that you won’t be judged, that you won’t regret it, that you won’t look foolish, that you won’t disappoint someone or yourself. And so your mind goes out hunting for certainty. And when it can’t find it, it turns on you.

So for the purposes of this episode, let’s define it like this: that ‘unsure of yourself’ feeling doesn’t mean that you actually have no idea what you’re doing; it’s what happens when uncertainty gets interpreted by your brain as a threat, and your identity gets dragged into it. It stops being a normal human moment of “I’m figuring this out, and instead it becomes a self-judgment: “I am not capable.” Right?

And so that’s why it’s important to normalise it all while also taking it seriously. Because yes, almost everyone is making life up as they go… but if you use that thought, that feeling of being unsure, as a weapon against yourself, then it becomes a mental health issue… rather than just a passing thought.

So with that in mind, let’s talk about…

Why self-doubt affects your mental health

And it’s because that thought, that “I have no idea what I’m doing” thing, rarely ever just stays as a simple thought. Eventually it turns into a story that your brain tells you about you. And when it becomes a story about you, your nervous system reacts like there’s danger.

Here’s what I mean in plain English. Your brain is always scanning for safety: Am I OK? Am I accepted? Am I going to be rejected? Embarrassed? Abandoned? Criticised? Punished? Or left to deal with things alone? Your brain’s a worrier, and uncertainty makes all of those questions so much louder.

It’s not because you’re dramatic, or because your brain is faulty. It’s because uncertainty removes predictability, and your mind often treats unpredictability as a threat… even when nothing is actually wrong.

And so your body reacts to a threat. You might feel wired, restless, on-edge. Or you might feel flat and foggy. You might overthink, check stuff endlessly, research, rehearse, and second guess yourself. Or maybe you go into freeze mode and you avoid, avoid, avoid.

These are not character flaws. They’re stress responses. It’s your system trying to create certainty so it can relax.

But then your identity gets pulled into it. Because most of us don’t just want to feel safe; we want to feel competent and worthy. And so when you’re not sure what you’re doing, it can trigger shame. Shame is that awful feeling of, “Well, it’s not just that I’m struggling… it’s obviously that there’s something completely wrong with me.”

And shame is like pouring jet fuel on the fire. It makes things so much worse. It makes you hide. It makes you perform. It makes you try to be perfect. And it makes you harsher with yourself. And then, you wonder why you feel anxious!

Now, we also need to name the external stuff here. It isn’t just about what’s going on in the inside; we all live with constant noise. There’s pressure, comparison, endless opinions, and a culture that rewards certainty… even when that certainty is completely made up.

And all of that can make it look like everyone else has a very clear identity, a clear plan in life, and a clear purpose that they’re all working towards. And so you might start to feel like you’re the only one who’s staring at your own life and going, “Uh, what’s happening here? And why am I such a booger?”

That’s not a personal failing. That’s an environment that messes with your head actually messing with your head. But here’s the thing: if you keep using uncertainty and self-doubt as proof that you’re incompetent, then you’ll never feel confident… because you’ll be constantly putting yourself on trial.

If there’s one big thing I want to stick in your mind from today’s episode, it’s this: two things can be true at the same time. You can be unsure of yourself and you can still be capable. And it’s also worth remembering that uncertainty is a feeling, and feelings are not facts.

Nobody has all the answers, and we really are all quite literally just making it up as we go. So stop beating yourself up for feeling unsure of yourself sometimes. It… it’s barely mid-morning when I’m recording this and I’ve already had at least three “What the hell am I doing?” moments since breakfast… but I chose to manage them, and not let the self-doubt get in the way and distract me from what I know I can do.

And besides, let’s be real here: if there really was some sort of universal ‘how to adult’ handbook, I promise you it would be at least 90,000 pages long and it would still be missing the chapter on how to do life when your brain just won’t shut up!

The goal is not to turn you into someone who never doubts themselves. The goal is to stop treating self-doubt like danger, and to stop treating feeling unsure of yourself like it’s a reason for self-attack.

Ultimately, this is really about protecting your peace; not by pretending you’re certain of everything, but by learning how to move forward with self-respect… even when you don’t feel sure. And we’re going to talk about how to do that right after this quick break.

[AD BREAK]

And welcome back! So now let’s talk about…

How to deal with self-doubt

Alright. This is the part of the episode where we stop analysing the feeling and we start changing what you do when it shows up. Because self-doubt isn’t something you can just think your way out of. It’s something that you need to learn to carry differently. So we’re going to work through how to stop turning “I don’t know” into “I’m not good enough” with a different approach.

Now the first thing is something that you can do immediately, and it is…

Create a reality checklist.

When your mind is spiralling, it tends to throw everything into one great big, messy pile: all of your past mistakes, your future fears, your worst case scenarios, and a whole bunch of ‘what ifs’ all at once. So here is a quick two-minute reset that brings you back to reality: Grab a piece of paper, or open your notes app, and make three quick lines: What I know, What I don’t know, and What I can do today. Then, fill each of them out with one short sentence. Just keep it simple, keep it objective, and keep it blunt. This technique works because the second you write it down, uncertainty stops being this endless foggy feeling and instead it becomes something you can actually see.

Most of the time, you’ll realise pretty quickly that you do know some things. Of course, you also don’t know some things! But you also can do at least one small thing today. That alone lowers the emotional temperature, and it means that you’re not going to be stuck in this vortex of thoughts. Instead, you’ll be back in the driver’s seat. OK, next…

Stop equating ‘not knowing’ with ‘not being capable’.

This one is an identity reset, and it’s deceptively powerful. When you catch yourself thinking, “I have no idea what I’m doing,” I want you to add one sentence on the end: “Not knowing doesn’t mean I’m incapable.” Say it out loud if you can.

Because this is where most people get taken out: they confuse uncertainty with incompetence. They treat this ‘I feel unsure’ feeling like proof that they are failing. But… being unsure often means that you’re doing something that matters, or maybe you’re doing something new, or it’s something that has real consequences. It can often mean that you’re growing; you are challenging yourself. It can mean that you’re in that messy middle part, but it’s where you’re still figuring things out. And yes, it can also mean that you’re tired and your brain is being melodramatic… which is also a thing.

Either way, it is not an accurate assessment of your character. It’s simply a moment in time.

So… now, over the next week or two, I want you to do the following…

Track your triggers.

If this whole “I have no idea what I’m doing” feeling keeps on showing up, I want you to get curious about when it spikes… because it’s rarely ever random.

So for the next week or two, do a simple check-in whenever you notice it happening. Where am I? Who am I with? What am I doing? And what’s the pressure I’m experiencing right now? You’re looking for patterns here. So maybe it hits you after you’ve had a bad sleep. Maybe it happens around certain people who make you second-guess yourself. Maybe it occurs at work when you’re under scrutiny. Maybe it manifests when you’re about to set a boundary, or when you have to make a decision that might disappoint someone.

Whatever it is, once you can start to see the pattern, and keep monitoring that pattern, you can stop treating it like a personal defect and start treating it like information… because that’s what it is. And when you do that, that’s when it becomes much, much more manageable.

Now let’s talk about some bigger picture things to work on over the next few months, starting with…

Learn your way forward.

And this is the shift that changes everything over time. It’s about moving from “I need to prove myself” to “I’m allowed to learn.” When you’re stuck in self-doubt, you’re usually living like every decision is a test of some kind… and if you get that wrong, it can feel like it means something terrible about you. That mindset makes uncertainty unbearable, because feeling unsure of yourself basically feels like guaranteed failure in your head.

So instead, let’s choose to treat life like a process. You try something, you get feedback, you adjust, and you keep going. Now that’s not lowering your standards; that’s being realistic about how we human beings grow. We learn and we grow through trial and error. And when you adopt that growth-focused mindset, the thought of “I have no idea what I’m doing!” starts to change… and bit by bit it’s replaced with, “I’m figuring it out.” And that one sentence has a completely different emotional flavour. It has space, it has self-respect, and it has dignity. Next…

Identify where self-attack comes from.

If your default response to uncertainty is to tear yourself down, it’s worth asking a bigger question: where did you learn that? Because most self attack isn’t who you are… it’s what you absorbed. It’s an old survival strategy. For some people, it comes from being criticised a lot growing up. For others, it comes from feeling like they had to be perfect in order to be safe, or useful in order to be loved. Sometimes it’s family dynamics. Sometimes it’s past relationships. Sometimes it’s toxic workplaces that reward fear and shame as motivation. Sometimes it’s deep-seated imposter syndrome, which I cover in more detail in Episode 307.

Whatever it is, the reason why doing this exercise matters is because you cannot heal what you don’t name. If every time you feel uncertain you immediately punish yourself, you’re not going to feel calmer. You’re going to feel trapped. So, start noticing your inner voice. Start noticing the moments it gets vicious. And begin practicing a new rule: you don’t have to speak to yourself like that to get through life. You can choose to hold yourself to account without humiliating yourself. As I often say, two things can be true at the same time: you can want to grow, and you can treat yourself with respect while you do.

So, those are the tips. At the very least, pick one or two to work on and then you can build on that over time. You’ll find all of the tips in the episode transcript available on my website at ltamh.com/episodes.

Conclusion

Here’s what I want you to take away from this episode. Feeling unsure of yourself doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. Almost everyone is making it up as they go… the difference is whether you turn that into shame. And you don’t have to. You can meet uncertainty with kindness and self-respect, and you can still take the next step… even when you don’t feel sure.

So what’s one small thing you can do today to feel a little less unsure of yourself?

Because when you boil it all down, the goal isn’t to become someone who always knows what they’re doing. It’s to become someone who can handle not knowing without losing themselves.

Each week, I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:

Uncertainty is uncomfortable. Self attack is optional.

Unknown

Let me repeat that.

Alright… that’s it for this week! If you’d like to support the show, my Patreon will get you early ad-free episodes and extras; it’s linked below.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Join me next week to talk about what to do when your brain won’t switch off. Plus, check out my episode on improving your self-worth next; it’s linked in the description. And make sure you follow or subscribe to never miss an episode.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2026 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.