Sick of new year goals that collapse by February? In this episode I explain why new year resolutions don’t work for most of us, and how to set smarter goals that actually last. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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Episode Overview:

Why do your resolutions often fail? If your new year goals tend to start strong and then quietly fall apart, then it’s time to approach goal setting differently. In this episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast I’m talking about why new year’s resolutions don’t work when you’re overwhelmed, and how to set goals in a way that actually supports your mental health. 

I’ll walk you through new year planning and goal planning that respects your energy, plus simple new year ideas that focus on self development instead of self-attack. You’ll learn how to set goals that are kinder and more realistic, and we’ll explore what’s involved in setting smarter goals that reduce pressure and help build self trust, while focusing on what matters so you can create positive change. This one’s for you if you’re looking for goal setting motivation that works so you can stop repeating old patterns. 

👉 Ready to set calmer and more realistic goals that actually last? Then let’s talk!

💡 TL;DR: Sick of new year goals that collapse by February? In this episode I explain why new year resolutions don’t work for most of us, and how to set smarter goals that actually last. 🙂

New here? Hi! Let’s Talk About Mental Health is your weekly dose of practical mental health advice for real life. I’m Jeremy Godwin (hi! 👋) and I keep things simple, honest, and doable so you can feel more in control of your life and your mental wellbeing. If you’re not already a free subscriber, sign up below to have episodes and transcripts land in your inbox every Sunday:

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Episode Transcript:

Why new year resolutions don’t work (and what does) (Episode 314)

Are you about to set resolutions?

You need to hear this first!

If you’re thinking, “Oh, these resolutions will fix everything!” just pause. Because that usually leads to the same cycle: burning out, giving up, then turning on yourself.

That vicious cycle isn’t a willpower issue; it’s the way resolutions are designed that’s the problem, because they ignore your real life and your real capacity. So today we’re going to talk about what actually works instead.

We have a lot to discuss, so let’s talk about… why resolutions fail.

Hello and welcome back to Let’s Talk About Mental Health! I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this show is all about practical mental health advice for real life. This is the third of four mini episodes looking at things that will help you year-round, but especially at the end of the year when this is being released. Now, let me be very clear upfront: this episode is not about setting shinier goals, or ‘trying harder’. It’s about protecting your mental health by finding a way to change whatever you want to change that actually fits the life you’re living. And that’s a big part of finding more balance for the sake of your mental wellbeing. It’s not about swinging between huge promises and total collapse… but instead, learning how to move forward in a way that’s realistic, that’s balanced, and that’s kind enough to actually last.

Now, a lot of you listening to this are probably already carrying too much; work stress, money pressure, family stuff, grief, burnout… or maybe it’s just that constant low-level feeling of being ‘on-edge’. And whatever it is, when you’re in that state the last thing you need is a self-improvement deadline that turns into another stick to beat yourself with. Another self punishment. Look, we’ve all done it and I know that I have more times than I care to count… but while setting goals and resolutions can be a really great motivator, that can also wind up leaving you feeling worse about yourself than when you first began.

So what I want to do today is name why the traditional ‘resolution’ approach backfires so often for so many people, especially if you’re already struggling, and then I’ll give you one simple alternative that helps you to build change in small and sustainable steps… even on the days when your energy is basically non-existent, or in the gutter.

So first, let’s talk about…

Why resolutions can be difficult to stick to

Alright, let’s just jump into why this stuff is challenging for so many of us. And when I say ‘resolutions’, by the way, I’m talking about that very specific ‘New Year’ style approach to change. You could do it at any time of the year, but, you know, you might pick a date, like you think “Monday” or “January the first.” You make a big decision about who you’re going to be from then on, it’s usually something massive and extreme, and then you try to overhaul your behaviour all at once. So it usually sounds something like: “This year I’m going to get my life together!” Good on you, by the way! Or, “This year I’m going to be… healthier, calmer, more confident, more organised, more… everything! And look… that’s great. Wanting change is a good thing, honestly! Bless your heart for wanting to be better, because wanting to have a life that feels better really is good for your mental health. But… resolutions aren’t the only way to go about it if you want to be successful. Why? Because they tend to turn those good intentions into high pressure performance… and that’s where things generally start going sideways or downhill.

Now, here’s how it usually shows up in real life… you know, a few days after you’ve set them, especially if you’re already struggling or you’ve got challenges to deal with or lots to deal with. So you start out with a burst of hope, maybe even relief. You tell yourself, “Finally! I’ve drawn a line in the sand! There’s no going back from here.” You go hard for a week or two, maybe more. You have new routines, new rules, no slipups, no excuses. And then… real life does what real life does. You have a terrible night’s sleep, or your work blows up, or your kid gets sick, an unexpected bill lands, your mood drops, you have a rough mental health day… and suddenly, that perfect plan feels impossible. So you miss a day, then you miss another, and then the voice kicks in: “See? You’re hopeless, and you never stick to anything.” And now what started as hope turns into shame. I mean, honestly, if shame burned calories, we’d all be Olympic athletes by now. Right?!

But that’s the pattern. Big promise, short sprint, life happens, guilt, collapse. And the reason it keeps repeating is not because you’re hopeless. It’s because resolutions are built on three things that are mental health poison for overwhelmed human beings.

First, they’re usually ‘all or nothing’. If you can’t do it perfectly, you feel like you’ve failed completely. There’s no room for being human, and for dropping the ball every now and then… which is inevitable.

Second, they’re often shame-fuelled. Even when we don’t realise it, the shame is preloaded. So underneath the goal is this quiet message of “I need to fix myself.” So when change starts from a place of self attack, it’s not fuel… it’s more like a slow leak and a really desperate prayer that nobody lights a match!

Thirdly, resolutions don’t include your real capacity. They don’t ask, what can I actually sustain when I’m tired? Or stressed? Or having a rough week? Or back to full-time hours? Or whatever the case may be. They assume that you’ll be operating at your peak efficiency every single day, which is… well, it’s just not how being alive works is it?! If your plan only works when you’re at a hundred percent, it’s not a plan for your life. It’s a plan for a fantasy version of you. And fantasies are fragile. This is exactly how resolutions eat away at your ability to find more balance. They push you into extremes. It’s either full on or fully off, perfect or pointless, hero mode or hiding under a doona. Finding more balance in life isn’t about doing everything slowly. It’s about doing things in a way that doesn’t wreck you. It’s choosing progress that fits your energy, instead of progress that costs you your peace.

Now, there are two things that I want you to hold in your mind as we continue moving through all this ‘what actually works’ section in this episode. First, change that punishes you won’t last. And second, consistency beats intensity when you’re exhausted. And if you’re listening to this thinking, “Yep, that’s me, I do this every year!” I just want you to know there’s nothing wrong with wanting a reset. The problem is the way that we’ve been taught to do it. So, let’s shift it. Not by trying harder, but by trying differently. And I’ll explain how to do that right after this quick break.

[AD BREAK]

And welcome back! So now let’s talk about…

How to set better resolutions

Before we start, please bear in mind that you do not need to do every single thing I’m about to suggest. In fact, please don’t even try! Just pick one or two things to focus on at first. That way you get a bit of momentum happening, especially if you’re tired… otherwise you’re just going to overwhelm yourself. You can add more things on bit by bit. You can always get the transcripts from my episodes; it’s linked in the description, and you can also go to my website at ltamh.com/episodes.

So let’s first dive into some immediate things to work on, and then we’ll talk about longer term stuff afterwards. First…

Drop the ‘fix everything’ list.

In other words, don’t try to bite off more than you can chew by working on everything all at once. If you’ve got a whole stack of potential resolutions in your head, cut them down to one. Non-negotiable. No more than that. One focus beats a dozen promises hands down every single time. Next…

Specify your actual capacity out loud.

Be honest about what you’ve realistically got in the tank in terms of energy right now, and then plan from there… not from a fantasy perspective of you as someone who wakes up with an infinite amount of energy and zero stress. It’s better to be realistic, and build over time, then to just upfront set unrealistic and unattainable expectations for yourself. Next…

Identify your ‘bare minimum’ version.

When you’re clear on what the one goal is that you’re going to work on, decide the tiniest realistic version of it that you can still do on a low energy day. That way, you don’t have to quit just because life gets messy.

OK, so now let’s move into a slightly bigger shift that you can work on over the next couple of weeks. And it is…

Pick a ‘three month theme’ instead of a resolution.

So… I get the temptation to want to totally reinvent yourself. That’s great. But try this instead: just choose one theme for the next season of your life. So it could be something like, over this season, I will protect my evenings. Or for the next three months, I’ll be kinder to my mind, or move my body gently, or stop giving all my energy away. Having a theme is really powerful because it gives you direction without demanding perfection. It’s a way of saying, this is the kind of life I’m building, rather than this is the list of rules that I absolutely must follow to be acceptable. That difference really matters, because it turns change into support instead of self punishment. Think of it less like having a dramatic makeover and more like finding one outfit that you feel really good in.

OK, and then here is a longer term change to work through over the next few months that is really going to help you to make this new approach stick. And it is…

Shift from ‘outcome obsessed’ to ‘process anchored’.

What do I mean by that? Well… our resolutions usually collapse because they’re all about the finish line: lose the weight, ‘fix’ my anxiety, be a totally different person. That kind of focus creates pressure, and pressure makes you sprint until you just run out of energy and can’t sprint anymore.

A process focus is different. It’s about the practice: the way you show up, the rhythm you build, the tiny choices you repeat over and over that add up to big results. So instead of asking yourself, “Am I there yet?” you ask, “What does showing up look like today?” That’s how change becomes part of your life, instead of something that you eventually run out of steam from. You’ll also find that this protects your mental health, because it’s going to keep you in balance.

So… on good days, your process might look solid and consistent; but on rough days, your process might be the bare minimum that you chose earlier. Regardless, you still showed up… and that’s what builds your self-trust over time. It’s not about intensity, but repetition that fits your real capacity, your real life. So don’t try to overhaul your entire life overnight. Pick one theme, one small way to live it, and one bare minimum version for the hard days. That’s more than enough to start changing the direction of your life and your headspace.

So, let me know in the comments which one or two things you’re going to focus on over the next week, and let’s talk about it.

Conclusion

Here’s the main thing that I want you to take away from all of this today. If your resolutions keep on falling apart, you are not a failure. It just means that the way you’ve been taught to change doesn’t fit with the life you’re actually living. Real progress comes from doing less more consistently in a way that supports your capacity instead of punishing it.

So here’s a reflection question for you to sit with: When you think about the next few months, what’s one small shift that would help you to find more balance? Something that your real self could actually live with on good days and on rough days?

Because when you boil it all down, change that fits your life is the only kind that lasts.

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is…

If you truly want to change your life, you must first change your mind.

Unknown

Let me repeat that.

If you truly want to change your life, you must first change your mind.

Alright… that’s it for this week! If you’d like to support the show, my Patreon gets you early ad-free episodes and extras; it’s linked below.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Join me next week to talk about coping with the state of the world, and check out my episode on getting out of your own way next. It’s linked in the description. Plus follow or subscribe to never miss an episode! Let’s Talk About Mental health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2025 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.