If you find the holiday season difficult due to challenges like grief, loss, family conflict, etc. then in this episode I’m sharing how to get through the holidays while looking after your mental wellbeing. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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Episode Overview:

Dreading Christmas and the holidays? Worried about how to deal with family drama during the holidays? Going through loss and grief at Christmas?

If you’re dealing with challenges, or if Christmas (and the holiday season in general) leaves you feeling numb/angry/frustrated/quietly thinking “I hate Christmas” while everyone else plays happy families, then this episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast is for you (and me, since I struggle with surviving the holidays too).

This week I’m talking about the Christmas blues (or ‘holiday blues’ if you prefer), and what to do when issues like grief during the holidays, family drama, and loss during the holidays turn December into something you’re dreading. I’ll share practical holiday stress tips and simple holiday stress management ideas to help you start coping with the holidays in a calmer and kinder way (or at least in a way that you can keep your sanity!)… even if you’re dealing with a toxic family reunion or ongoing family conflict. You’ll also find it helpful if you’re looking for holiday depression tips or you just find this time of year emotionally exhausting (100% can relate!). 

👉 Ready to learn how to get through the holidays without feeling awful? Then let’s talk!

💡 TL;DR: Struggling with the Christmas blues? Dreading the holidays? This episode is full of practical holiday stress tips for coping with the holidays without wrecking your mental health. 🙂

New here? Hi! Let’s Talk About Mental Health is your weekly dose of practical mental health advice for real life. I’m Jeremy Godwin (hi! 👋) and I keep things simple, honest, and doable so you can feel more in control of your life and your mental wellbeing. If you’re not already a free subscriber, sign up below to have episodes and transcripts land in your inbox every Sunday:

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Episode Transcript:

Dreading the holidays? Here’s how to get through.

Do you struggle with the holidays? Same!

If this time of year brings up things like grief, family drama, or that heavy “everyone’s happy but me” feeling, you’re not alone… and there’s nothing wrong with you.

It sucks when everyone else is posting perfect Christmas photos and you’re just trying to get through December without crying on the bathroom floor.

You just need a way to get through it that protects your peace instead of sacrificing it… and that’s what we’re going to explore today. Plus, I’ll share one decision I made that completely changed how I handle this time of year.

We have a lot to discuss, so let’s talk about… holiday season anxiety.

Hello and welcome back to Let’s Talk About Mental Health! I’m Jeremy Godwin and this show is all about practical mental health advice for real life.

This week we’re talking about why the holidays can be so painful for many of us, and how to get through them when you’re not OK, or even if you’re just not feeling it.

Because for a lot of people, this time of year is not all joy and sparkle. It’s pressure, memories, complicated family stuff, money stress, and a whole lot of pretending you’re fine when you’re absolutely not. And if you already feel like you’re barely holding it together for most of the year, December could be the thing that pushes you right to the edge.

Maybe you’re grieving someone who should still be here. Maybe you’re estranged from family, like I am, or perhaps you’re stuck in the same room as people who have hurt you. Maybe you’re exhausted, burnt out, worried about money, or just numb. Whatever it looks and feels like for you, the common thread is that the holidays crank up the emotional volume… and then you get told that you’re the problem if you’re not feeling ‘festive enough’.

My last couple of Christmases have been rough after having a huge falling out with my mother’s family in 2023. And honestly, I count down the days until Christmas is over… because the day itself ends up being a horrible reminder of the emotional distance between us all and how hurt I feel by them.

So today we’re going to focus on protecting your peace at this time of year. Not in some fluffy “just be grateful!” kind of way, but in a real and practical sense. How do you actually get through the holidays without tearing yourself to pieces emotionally? How do you make space for your feelings without letting them swallow you whole? How do you find a version of this season that’s ‘good enough’ for where you’re right now instead of where you think you should be, or you have to be?

My aim with this episode is to share what I’ve learned along the way and help you to express what you’re feeling so you can feel less alone and less guilty. Also, I want to offer simple, doable things that you can try so you can come out the other side of the holiday season with your mental health in better shape than it might otherwise be. And please don’t come at me for saying ‘holidays’! There are multiple different belief systems around the world, and I respect the fact that this time of year means different things to different people.

Alright, so let’s talk about…

What does stress during the holidays mean?

So, I’m not talking about just disliking tinsel or rolling your eyes a bit at carols. I’m talking about serious stress and anxiety that affects a lot of people this time of year. It’s that heavy, hollow, or anxious feeling that starts creeping in as soon as the decorations appear in the shops, which then ramps up every time someone asks you “so what are you doing for Christmas?” Mind you, I get that for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, so that’s whatever the opposite of fun is!

For a lot of people, the holidays are a spotlight on everything that’s hard or painful in your life. The good news is that you’re not alone: Christmas is considered one of the six most stressful life events, and a British study found that three in 10 people say their mental health “nosedives” at this time of year, and I’ll leave a link to those references in the transcript on my website.

Look, honestly, it’s no wonder that the holidays are such a struggle for many of us. Things like grief feels sharper when there’s an empty seat at the table. Estrangement feels louder when everyone else seems to be posting cozy, happy family photos. Loneliness feels bigger when every ad you see is selling you the idea of togetherness. Even if nothing dramatic has happened, the pressure to be cheerful can make whatever you’re already dealing with feel 10 times worse.

Sometimes the hurt comes from what isn’t there. Maybe you don’t have the kind of family you wish you had. Maybe your relationships are strained, or you’re single and wishing that you weren’t. Or maybe you’re stuck between different families and feeling like you don’t belong anywhere. The holidays have a way of rubbing salt in your old wounds and whispering, “you should have more than this by now.”

And then there’s the everyday stress that piles on top: money worries, work deadlines, social obligations, cooking, hosting, or just trying to stay civil around people who drain you… or who piss you off! If you’re already feeling burnt out or on-edge, the extra noise and expectations can push you into survival mode. You might catch yourself snapping at people, withdrawing, comfort eating or drinking more, doom-scrolling, or just numbing out to get through.

So when the holidays hurt, what we’re really talking about is this: a time of year that’s sold to us as being magical, peaceful, and joyful… but which, for many of us, brings up pain, pressure, and emotional overload. It’s the clash between the fantasy that you’ve been taught to expect and the reality you’re actually living, mixed together with whatever unresolved stuff you’re carrying.

And it’s not just in your head either. It shows up in your body through tension, exhaustion, knots in your stomach, etc. You’ll see it in your mood, through irritability, sadness, numbness. And it’ll also manifest in your behaviour, through avoiding people, or overcommitting, or people pleasing, or just going along with things that don’t feel safe or kind or right to you. That’s why this isn’t just about ‘not liking Christmas’. It’s about what this season stirs up for your mental health, especially when you already feel close to your limit.

So let’s dig a bit deeper and let’s talk about…

Why the holidays hurt

Look… for a lot of us, this is not just about ‘a few days on the calendar’; these are events that are loaded with meaning. Depending on how you were raised, for many of us from the time that we’re children we’re told that this is when families come together. It’s when it’s all about love and giving, and when everything should feel magical.

So when your reality is tension, grief, distance, or just trying to keep your head above water, it’s not just disappointing… it can feel like proof that your life is messed up, or that you’re failing at something that everyone else seems to excel at.

And a big part of why this time of year hits so hard is the clash between expectations and reality. You might have a picture in your head of what the holidays ‘should’ look like, maybe that’s from childhood or films or just what you see on social media, but your actual life doesn’t match it.

That gap can trigger sadness, shame, anger, or a mix of all three. Your brain starts telling stories, things like “Everyone else has it together!”, or “I should be happier!”, or “What’s wrong with me?!” Now, none of that is true, by the way, but it certainly feels true when you’re surrounded by constant reminders.

Internally, the holidays tend to stir up your old wounds. If you’ve experienced things like loss, separation, estrangement, trauma, growing up in a difficult home, etc, etc, this season, in particular, can kind-of poke at those memories like pressing repeatedly on a bruise. You’re not just managing what’s in front of you now; you’re also carrying years of emotional history into every event, every song, every ritual. You know… your nervous system doesn’t know that, “Oh, it’s just Christmas”… it reacts to anything that feels unsafe or rejecting or overwhelming, and it goes into protection mode. That’s why you might find yourself feeling exhausted, or on-edge, or just strangely flat, even if nothing bad in particular is happening in the moment. That’s how I spent last Christmas curled up in a ball for most of the day, even though there was nothing specific that happened to warrant it.

And then there’s all of the external pressure. Holidays magnify everything: so, you know, work stress, money stress, social anxiety, family politics. You’ve got cost of living pressure, which makes gifts and gatherings feel even more stressful… and I talked about money stress last week in Episode 310. Work deadlines pile up before the break. You might feel like you’re being pulled in 10 different directions trying to keep everyone else happy. And because the cultural message is, “this is the most wonderful time of the year!” there’s an unspoken rule that you’re not supposed to complain.

But facts are facts: a lot of the time, the holidays are not magical. They’re emotionally and financially exhausting… and pretending otherwise just makes it worse.

Social media makes all of this stuff louder. You’re seeing everyone’s edited highlight reels: the matching outfits, the big lunches, the smiling groups. You don’t see the arguments, the tears, or the people who are also sat alone on the sofa scrolling. It’s easy to compare your private reality to someone else’s public performance and decide that you’re coming up short. One simple bit of advice to remember here is this: comparison is one of the quickest ways to ruin your peace.

Now, all of this matters for your mental health because your brain and body don’t get a break. Instead of winding down, you’re revved up. You might be saying ‘yes’ when you want to say no, or walking on eggshells around certain people, or forcing yourself into situations that leave you feeling drained. That constant stress takes a huge toll on your mood, on your sleep, on your self-esteem, and also on your sense of safety in the world. It’s very hard to feel calm or hopeful when your nervous system is in “brace for impact!” mode from late November all the way through to January.

This is where the idea of protecting your peace really comes in. You can’t control the culture, or the music in the shops, or what everyone else posts online. You often can’t fully control family dynamics or money pressures. But you can control how much of yourself you hand over to all of that.

Protecting your peace in this context is about not sacrificing your emotional wellbeing just to live up to a fantasy version of the holidays that was never designed with your reality in mind. One helpful way of looking at it is this: the goal isn’t to have a perfect holiday season, it’s to have a survivable one… one that doesn’t break you. And when you look at it that way, a lot of your feelings start to make sense. You’re not being too sensitive or miserable; you’re reacting like a human being to a season that piles pressure on top of whatever you were already carrying.

And that’s exactly why you need to put your mental health first, especially at this time of year. That’s the change that I’ve made, and we’re going to talk about it right after this quick ad break…

[AD BREAK]

And welcome back! Now let’s talk about…

How to get through the holidays

And first, a quick reminder here that you do not need to do everything that I’m about to share. In fact, please don’t! Pick one or two things that feel doable, try them gently and let the rest just sit in the background for when you’re ready. You can always refer back to the episode transcript later, which you’ll find for free at ltamh.com/ episodes, and it’s linked in the description.

So I’m going to break these tips into three layers: a few immediate actions you can take right now for a bit of breathing space, some quick actions to do over the next week or two, and then some longer term changes that will make future holidays less painful.

So the first immediate action is…

Name what you’re actually feeling.

Take two minutes for yourself. Grab some paper, or your phone, and write down this: Right now, the holidays make me feel… and then I want you to finish the sentence. Don’t overthink it. Don’t edit it. Don’t try to make it pretty. Don’t worry about getting it right. Just be honest. Naming what’s going on doesn’t magically fix it, but what it does is it stops that vague fog of ‘something’s wrong’… and it gives your brain a clear starting point to focus on. And instead of dismissing your feelings, you’re saying to yourself, “What I’m feeling matters.” And it does. OK. Next…

Tell one safe person the truth.

Think of one person who feels emotionally safe, like a friend, a partner, a sibling, even someone online that you trust, and let them in on what’s really going on. That could be as simple as saying, “I’m actually finding the holidays really hard this year.” You don’t have to give them your full life story. The point is to break the isolation and shame that come from pretending you’re fine. Feeling seen and heard, even by just one person, can take a surprising amount of weight off your shoulders. Next…

Create a small comforting ritual for yourself.

Pick one tiny thing that you can do for five minutes a day that feels soothing or grounding. It can be something like making a cup of tea and drinking it without your phone, or lighting a candle for someone you miss, or listening to one song that makes you feel understood… the specifics don’t matter as much as the intention being: “This is a moment for me.” You’ll be sending a signal to your nervous system that you’re allowed to have comfort, even in the middle of a messy season.

OK, so now let’s move on to the quick actions that you can take over the next week or two. And first…

Reset your social media exposure.

If you’re already feeling fragile, endlessly scrolling through images of perfect presents and matching pyjamas is like sandpaper on your brain. So over the next week or two, I want you to treat social media like something that you consciously do… not something you drown in nonstop. Mute or snooze accounts that trigger comparison or FOMO. Set one or two short scroll windows a day, instead of checking it every spare minute that you have. Your aim here is to protect your peace from unrealistic highlight reels that are going to make you feel worse about your situation. Next…

Prepare three simple boundary phrases.

One of the biggest reasons the holidays feel so overwhelming is that we can have all the best plans in the world for taking care of ourselves and being assertive, and then… we end up feeling pressured by other people’s expectations. So I want you to write down three short phrases that you can use when you need to protect your peace, things like: “I won’t be able to stay that long this year.” Or “I’m not talking about that today.” Or “I need a bit of quiet time now, I’ll be back in a little while.”

Practice saying those things out loud at least a few times so that they feel less awkward in your mouth when you potentially need to say them. You don’t need to make a huge speech; you just need a sentence that you can reach for when your brain is on the cusp of wanting to shut down. These phrases are like tiny little shields; they’re not there to start fights, but to stop you abandoning yourself to keep everyone else comfortable… because you don’t have to do that.

So now let’s talk about some longer term changes to work on beyond this year, starting with…

Redefine what the holidays mean to you.

Once you’re a little bit out of survival mode, so that might be January or February but not now, gently ask yourself: “What do I actually want this time of year to stand for in my life now?” So… not what it used to be, not what the films say that it should be, and not what others expect of you. What it means for you, in this season of your life. You might decide that it’s about rest, or quiet connection, or reflection, or doing something kind for others.

Getting clear on your own definition is the first step towards building holidays that hurt less. Reflect on what worked and what absolutely did not this year: which events drained you, which choices helped, where you felt pushed past your limits… use all of that as a rough guide for next year, even if it’s just writing down three bullet points for yourself like: “no more three day visits,” or “sort out my budget in October,” or “keep my new ritual.” So that way, by having those bullet points, ‘Future You’ doesn’t have to start from scratch in a panic when it comes around next time; you’ve already begun to design holidays that fit your mental health, instead of bending your mental health to fit the holidays. Next…

Do the deeper inner work.

And that means working on issues like guilt and grief, not to mention the old stories you carry with you. For many of us, the holidays press on really old wounds: childhood experiences, family roles, beliefs about what a good person does or doesn’t do, unresolved grief, trauma, etc. And so that’s why this season can feel so much bigger than just a few events. Over the longer term, one of the kindest things you can do for yourself is to slowly untangle some of that. That might be through counselling, support groups, inner work, books, journalling, or a mix of all of the above… whatever’s realistic and accessible for you.

Notice where guilt shows up around doing things differently: feeling bad for saying no, or not travelling, or leaving early, or not wanting to buy expensive gifts. Ask yourself, “Whose rules am I following here?” and “Do those rules actually support my mental health?” As you work through grief, estrangement, or family trauma with proper support, your emotional load around the holidays gets lighter. The aim isn’t to erase your past, or force yourself to love Christmas. It’s to reach a point where this time of year doesn’t have the power to break you every time… because you truly do deserve that kind of peace.

OK, those are the tips! Now, remember: you’re not meant to tackle all of this at once. Pick one immediate thing that feels doable and one quick or longer term change that you’d like to grow into over time. That’s it.

Now to get you clear on that, I’d love to hear from you: tell me in the comments which one or two of these you’re going to focus on first; let me know and let’s talk about it!

Conclusion

Here’s the main thing to take away from all of this: you are not broken for struggling with the holidays, and you’re allowed to do them differently if that’s what protects your peace.

So… what’s one small way you can protect your peace this holiday season, even if nothing else changes?

Because when you boil it all down, the holidays are complicated… but how you treat yourself through them is your choice.

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is…

It’s OK if it’s not the most wonderful time of the year.

Unknown

Let me repeat that.

It’s OK if it’s not the most wonderful time of the year.

Alright… that’s it for this week! If you’d like to support the show, my Patreon gets you early ad-free episodes and extras; it’s linked below.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Join me next week to talk about why your family boundaries don’t stick, and check out my episode on focusing on what matters next; it’s linked in the description. And follow or subscribe to never miss an episode.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2025 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.