Criticism seems to be louder and more insistent than ever — so, in this episode I’m showing you how to deal with it without letting it wreck your peace of mind. Ready to stop letting criticism get under your skin? Join me and Let’s Talk About Mental Health!
Scroll down to learn more plus find links to watch/listen to the episode, followed by the full episode transcript. You can also let me know what you think by leaving a comment at the end.
Jump into the episode:
Some criticism helps you grow.
And some of it most of it is just noise.
And then there’s the kind of criticism that tries to rip you apart, just because someone’s having a bad day — or a bad attitude.
The sad truth is that we live in a world where certain people feel entitled to share their opinions, and share them loudly — whether those opinions they’re informed or not, helpful or not, kind or not.
And if you’ve ever found yourself feeling horrible or even spiralling after a harsh comment or a cutting message, you’re not alone.
But here’s what we don’t talk about enough: you don’t have to take it all on.
Becaue not every opinion deserves your energy. And not every piece of feedback is worth absorbing.
The way you respond to criticism is what really matters — because if you let every opinion hit you personally, it will eat away at your self-worth.
But when you learn how to filter the helpful from the harmful, that’s when you take back your power.
In this week’s episode of Let’s Talk About Mental Health, I’m diving into what criticism really is (and isn’t), how to recognise the difference between constructive feedback and cruelty, and how to deal with criticism without letting it mess with your mental wellbeing. You’ll hear practical strategies that actually work — including how to stay grounded, how to set boundaries, and how to stop giving your energy to people who don’t deserve it.
Because your worth isn’t up for debate.
And your peace of mind is not a public playground.
Check it out below (or scroll down and read the episode transcript), and let’s talk about handling criticism… because the more we talk about it, the easier it gets.
Have a great week!
Jeremy 😃
Full Episode TRANSCRIPT
How to deal with criticism (without letting it wreck your peace)
Some criticism is helpful… and some of it is just toxic noise.
Not every opinion deserves your attention, but these days it feels like everyone has something to say… and plenty of people have no problem sharing their opinions, whether you asked for them or not!
There’s a huge difference between helpful feedback and pointless nastiness, and being on the receiving end of criticism can be painful and upsetting.
So how do you deal with criticism without letting it harm your mental wellbeing?
And how do you protect your peace when the negativity gets loud?
Well, that’s what I’m talking about in this episode of Let’s Talk About Mental Health, along with practical tips to help you deal with criticism in a way that strengthens your emotional wellbeing instead of damaging it.
So let’s talk about how to handle criticism!
******************
The world seems to be full of critics these days… and, without a doubt, social media has given rise to a culture where it can sometimes seem like everyone and anyone has an opinion to share, even if that opinion serves no useful purpose other than shouting into the void or spewing out negativity and hate.
Some criticism really does help you to grow. But a lot of criticism is just noise, designed to tear you down for no reason other than someone getting a little kick out of being cruel.
Just the other week I had someone leave a comment on one of my YouTube videos saying, and I quote, “I’m sorry, but I’m not taking advice from someone who looks like Guy Fieri lost himself.”
Now, I’m not hugely surprised that someone would take a pot shot at me about my weight, given that we live in a society that tends to judge and shame people like me who are, you know, a little bit more on the chunky and curvaceous side… it didn’t particularly bother me, except for the Guy Fieri bit because, I mean, how very dare you?!
Honestly, I have much better things to do with my time than argue with some idiot who thinks being nasty to a total stranger is a good life choice to make… I’m sure his two channel subscribers would agree!
But, it did get me thinking… about the way that criticism, especially the nasty stuff, seems like it’s become more and more ingrained in society lately and what kind of effect that can have on your mental health and emotional wellbeing.
If you’re new here, I’m Jeremy Godwin and I make better mental health simple. I went through a breakdown back in 2011 that led to years of depression and anxiety, and it was tough to find the kind of tools I needed back then. So, now I create them and I share no-nonsense, practical advice.
Coming back to the conversation about criticism… the thing is that if you take a look through social media, or the news, it can really feel like criticism is so much more in your face than ever before.
But that’s not the whole truth, and how you deal with criticism matters far more than what’s actually being said to you.
So if criticism is everywhere, or at least it feels like it is, then it helps to get really clear on what we’re actually talking about here… because not all criticism is created equal, and understanding the different types of criticism is the first step in learning how to respond to it in a way that protects your peace of mind. So…
What is criticism?
All right, so ‘criticism’ is any form of feedback or judgment about your behavior, your choices, or your character, whether it’s meant to help you to grow or to simply point out what someone thinks you’ve done wrong.
Now… criticism isn’t all the same, and understanding the different types makes it much easier to protect yourself if and when you need to.
First, there’s constructive criticism, which aims to help you improve or grow, and it’s usually coming from a positive place and it’s intended to be supportive or guiding, and it’s delivered in a way that’s respectful and specific.
Constructive criticism focuses on your behavior or your actions, not your character or personal attributes.
And then there’s unnecessary or destructive criticism, which is often vague and personal and it’s generally intended to wound rather than help. This stuff isn’t about you; it’s about them.
Now, you’ll notice that I mentioned ‘intention’ in both of those definitions, and I did that for a very good reason: it’s the intention behind the message that tends to determine whether or not it’s constructive.
Ultimately, it’s about one simple question: is this feedback intended to help, or to harm?
Negative criticism can come from many different places: anger, frustration, ego, jealousy, insecurity, a desire for power, and so many more… and being aware of the motive behind criticism can help you decide how much weight, if any, that criticism deserves.
Now, having said that, I don’t think we need to overthink this stuff too much: if it’s mean, it’s not constructive. And so, in that case, I’d be choosing to take it with a grain of salt rather than giving it any real attention.
And I know that can be hard to do sometimes.
I had someone accuse me of being a snake oil salesman in the early days of this podcast, so about five and a half years ago, and I still remember it to this day because I work so hard to make sure I can back up everything I’m saying with actual facts… unlike a lot of the nonsense that passes for mental health advice on the internet these days!
Speaking of the internet… online spaces really often tend to blur the lines between ‘feedback’ and ‘abuse’. There’s a lot of people who have this sense of boldness behind the screen that makes them think it’s okay to say things that they would never say to someone face to face.
I spent 15 years working in the contact center industry as part of my career, and you would be shocked by some of the stuff that people will say to you over the phone, even in general customer service, you know… when people are calling you and asking you for inquiries; sometimes, the things that they will come out with are mind blowing… but online it’s about a thousand times worse. And I think that it has been getting worse and worse, and I think also it doesn’t really help that very few people seem to stop and think, or filter themselves, before just blurting out a comment.
But here’s the thing: criticism doesn’t automatically make something true… and the good news is that you have the right to assess whether or not the feedback you receive aligns with your values, your goals, and your sense of self.
And once you start seeing criticism that way, as something that you’re allowed to evaluate, rather than having to automatically accept… well, it changes everything. Because then it’s not just about what’s being said to you. It’s about what you choose to do with it… and that can have a massive impact on your mental and emotional wellbeing.
So now let’s talk about…
Why the way you deal with criticism matters
And it matters because the way you handle criticism shapes your emotional wellbeing and your resilience, as well as serving to protect your peace of mind.
When you learn to clearly sort helpful criticism from the harmful stuff, and let the negative stuff just be water off a duck’s back, that’s when you can keep your sense of self-worth better protected. It also helps you to avoid emotional burnout, and to maintain a sense of agency over your own mental state.
Constant exposure to negativity, without setting healthy boundaries and then actually sticking to them, can lead you down a path of self-doubt, chronic stress, anxiety, and depression.
The key here is about recognizing it’s not actually about you, it’s about them. It’s not personal… even if it feels that way.
Letting every opinion hit you personally does so much harm. It can eat away at your confidence, make you question your identity, and even lead you to doubt your sense of safety in the world.
The other thing here is about how taking things really personally tends to be tied into a need for external validation and having an ego that’s highly connected to what other people think about you.
The cold, hard fact of life is that not everyone’s going to like you or vibe with you… and that’s okay. That’s something that you need to make your peace with. You don’t like everybody, so why should everybody like you?!
Look, of course there are people in this world who have really fragile egos and are so dependent on external validation that they can’t help themselves, or they don’t want to try to help themselves, when it comes to reacting and attacking in response if people were to say something negative about them.
You know, it’s something that certainly seems to be the preferred approach for certain public figures these days… but in reality, that’s unhealthy and toxic. Because there are always going to be people who disagree with you or who just straight up do not like you, and that has nothing to do with you.
It’s not even about you. It’s about them.
We can’t and we won’t all agree on everything. And no matter how much some people might stamp their feet, or wave their little hands around, there will always be people who think you’re great and people who think you’re the worst thing in the world.
The point is, the sooner you stop worrying about other people’s opinions of you the sooner you can find true success and true freedom. It’s like that mid nineties song by Texas, who ironically are from Scotland: “You can say what you want, but it won’t change my mind.”
Learning to filter feedback thoughtfully, instead of absorbing everything, protects your energy… emotional energy, physical energy, all of it. And it also protects your sense of self. And learning to handle criticism in a healthy way builds your resilience, and that helps you to bounce back from setbacks so much faster in all areas of your life. That’s when your ego feels less in control and you have more of a sense of your true self and your identity.
Building a practice of being able to clearly tell the difference between constructive versus destructive criticism serves to help you regulate your emotions better, and that reduces the risk that you’ll just react to things based on anger or sadness or shame.
The thing is that, in general, ‘better mental health’ isn’t about avoiding difficulty entirely. It’s about learning to navigate it in ways that strengthen you, rather than tear you down.
Criticism is part of life, and you can’t control what other people say or do… but when you choose to manage criticism with awareness, with compassion for yourself, and with very clear boundaries, that’s when you can protect your emotional wellbeing and also grow stronger over time.
So then how do you do all that? Well, I’m going to explore lots of practical ways to handle criticism right after this quick break!
[AD BREAK]
And welcome back!
So now let’s talk about…
How to handle criticism
Alright, now that we’ve talked about why the way you handle criticism matters and why it has such a big impact on your mental health, let’s get into the good stuff: the [00:13:00] practical ways you can respond to criticism in order to protect your peace, strengthen your resilience, and help you to keep moving forward. And it all starts with one very simple mindset shift…
Strengthen your self-worth first — criticism tends to hit hardest where you’re already unsure of who you are… so the more you know yourself, and love yourself, the less impact other people’s opinions will have on you. The most important thing you can do when dealing with criticism is to really work on your sense of self from the inside out. If you know who you are, what you value, and what you stand for, as well as what you stand against, outside opinions lose their power to destabilise your sense of self-worth. I know that I stand for kindness and compassion, and I’m against nastiness and bigotry of any kind, because it speaks to a really narrow minded view of the world. So as soon as I see or hear hatred and toxic behaviour, I’m like, “Well, you’re a dick.” And it serves to remind me that I could honestly give a flying fig what those sort of people have to say, because I have zero respect for anyone who knowingly chooses to behave like a total dick! Now… you don’t necessarily need to go as blunt with your views as I do, but by all means, feel free to join me in the no-Nonsense Club! But this is about recognising that criticism tends to stick where there’s already self-doubt. And if you struggle with self-doubt, then I just covered that last week, so check it out; I’ll link it in the description. You can build greater self-worth by regularly reminding yourself of your strengths, by acknowledging your progress as you make your way through life, and by grounding yourself in your values. Own who you are; flaws, strengths, and everything in between… because when you know your worth, nobody else gets to set your value for you. Okay. Next…
Pause before reacting — one of the most important rules that you really need to remember for the sake of protecting your peace of mind is this: never, ever respond straight away when your emotions are high. Look, criticism can trigger defensive emotions, and that’s perfectly natural… but reacting instantly, and instinctively, nearly always makes things worse. Instead, just give yourself a few moments to let your rational mind catch up with your emotions; the longer, the better. This is about consciously giving yourself space to process your feelings so that you can choose how to respond in a more thoughtful and considered way. The simplest way to do this is by telling yourself, “Pause, breathe, process,” before you reply or respond. Even a break of just a few moments can significantly shift your mindset from reactive to reflective. Power comes from thoughtful response, not instinctive reaction. Next…
Separate the message from the delivery — sometimes feedback feels harsh because of how it’s delivered, even if there’s something useful buried inside. But even a clumsy delivery can contain useful insight. So just to be clear, I’m not talking about the obviously negative stuff here, the kind that’s intended to hurt… I mean, the type of feedback that could be worded better but which still has an intention behind it of helping rather than harming. This is about not throwing away potentially helpful opportunities to grow just because the packaging was unpleasant. So try asking yourself, “If this had been said more kindly, would there be something worth hearing here? If so, consider the lesson. Don’t put up with crap, but don’t let somebody’s poor delivery block you from an opportunity to grow. Alright, next…
Filter criticism based on who and where it’s coming from — look, not all opinions are equal… and you are not obligated to value feedback from everyone. Focus your energy on people whose views genuinely matter to you. Ask yourself, “Is this someone I respect? Do they have my best interests at heart? Are they qualified to offer input?” If not, take it with a very large grain of salt. Respect your own energy enough to be selective about what and who you listen to. Okay, next…
Look at the intent — like I said earlier, understanding the intention of the message changes how you receive it. Constructive criticism comes from a place of support; nastiness comes from a place of ego or insecurity. So when you’re faced with criticism, ask yourself: is this criticism meant to help or meant to harm? This helps to remind you that not every comment is about you; often, it’s about the other person’s internal mess. You can spot intention by paying attention to the tone and focus of a message. Is it about improvement, or attack? When you see someone’s intention clearly, it’s much easier to stay calm. Next…
Remember that cruelty reveals more about the critic than about you — personal attacks say far more about the person delivering them than the person receiving them. Imagine being the type of person who thinks being toxic and attacking other people is an acceptable way to live life?! What an utterly miserable person they must be! Reminding yourself of that helps, because it allows you to depersonalise their cruelty instead of internalising it. You can remind yourself their words are a mirror of their mindset, not a reflection of my worth. Or you can just remind yourself that they’re a nasty piece of work and that you choose to do and be better. Either way, don’t consume someone else’s poison. Okay, next…
Disengage early — basically, don’t bother feeding the trolls. There’s no prize for winning an argument with someone who only wants to upset you, and that’s not really an argument that you’re ever going to win anyway. You know that story I told you earlier about the guy who commented on the way I look? All I said in reply was: “all the best to you.” Then I blocked him. Arguing with someone who’s acting like that, or getting into a back and forth of insults or defensiveness, only drains your time, your energy, and your peace of mind… all of which are priceless, and shouldn’t be wasted on morons. Ignore, mute, block, walk away, or simply refuse to engage… because silence can be the strongest and healthiest boundary. Protect your peace like it’s sacred… because it is. All right, next…
Acknowledge the sting without letting it own you — criticism can hurt even when you know it shouldn’t… and pretending it doesn’t affect you often just drives the pain underground. Emotional honesty clears the way for emotional healing, and you can do it by admitting to yourself, “That hurt,” and then following it up with, “But it doesn’t define me.” Remember: you can feel hurt without being broken. Next…
Set emotional boundaries — not every opinion deserves entry into your inner life, and you need to protect your internal world fiercely. Setting emotional boundaries, and sticking to them, stops you from giving undeserved power to people who haven’t earned your trust and respect. You can set a boundary by saying to yourself, “That opinion stays outside of my heart.” You’re in full control of who has access to you, and what that access looks and feels like. Okay, next…
Trust your own judgment — you live your life, and you know your truth far better than some random stranger. You know your values, your path, and your reasons for doing what you do. They don’t know that… so why let anything they have to say take your focus off of the truth of who you really are?! This approach serves as an anchor for you when outside opinions are trying to sway you or attack you, and you can do it by checking in with yourself and asking, “Does this criticism genuinely align with what I know to be true for me?” Stay rooted in your own reality, not someone else’s noise. Next…
Know when to cut ties — if someone in your life consistently tears you down, rather than build you up, you’re allowed to step away… no matter who they are. Being exposed to toxicity is not a price you have to pay for living. And a healthy relationship is one that is based on mutual respect, and mutual support. Long-term exposure to unkindness eats away at your self-worth, and it’s harmful to your mental health. So don’t put up with crap. That might mean limiting contact, setting stricter boundaries, or even ending particular relationships where necessary. Walking away isn’t weakness… it’s wisdom. Okay, next…
Keep showing up — you will be judged no matter what you do, so you may as well do what matters to you. What was that Dita Von Teese quote from 2010? “You can be a delicious, ripe peach and there will still be people in the world that hate peaches.” And yep, she was spot on! Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. I mean, I don’t like everyone, so why would I expect everyone to like me? Having said that, I don’t feel the need to attack other people! The most animosity you’ll be getting out of me is a swear word or two if you tailgate me without overtaking when I’m driving, or you deliberately cut me off aggressively. Apart from that, you do you… and if it doesn’t harm me, then all the best to you! Choosing to put things in that sort of context takes away the fear of criticism or being attacked, and it puts your own purpose back in the spotlight. The point here is to pay attention to the people who are being positive and constructive in the feedback they give you… instead of getting hung up on what nasty or narrow-minded people might say or do. Try reminding yourself daily: “I’m not here to live for other people’s approval; I’m here to live by my own values and be a decent person.” Whatever you do, keep showing up for yourself first and always.
Because when it comes to dealing with criticism, what it all boils down to is this:
No matter how loud the noise of criticism gets, or how sharp it feels, your worth isn’t up for debate… and you have the right to protect your peace without apology. Not every opinion deserves your attention, and not every piece of feedback is worth carrying with you. When you choose to stay grounded in who you are and what you value, that’s when it becomes much easier to navigate criticism without letting it affect your self-esteem or steal your peace of mind.
The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing. So what choice will you make today?
Each week, I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by Mother Teresa, and it is:
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Mother Teresa
All right. That’s nearly it for this week.
What would change for you if you stopped letting other people’s criticisms define your worth? Let me know in the comments and let’s talk… because the more we talk about it the easier it gets.
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Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!
My recent episode about protecting your peace might also be helpful, so check it out next; it’s linked in the description.
Next week I’ll be talking about feeling worthy. Follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode, and have a great week!
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