Ever regret acting on impulse? A simple pause can change everything… so this week I’m exploring how to think before you act. Let’s talk! 😃
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TRANSCRIPT
Why you need to think before you act
How can thinking before you act improve your mental health? What happens when you react without thinking? And how could a single moment potentially transform your day for the better — and maybe even your entire life?
Well… in this episode you’ll discover practical ways to be more thoughtful and considered.
Ready to stop just reacting, and start responding in a way that leads to better mental health? Then let’s talk about thinking before you act!
Hello and welcome back to Let’s Talk About Mental Health, thanks for joining me!
I’m Jeremy Godwin, a counsellor and writer, and I focus on making better mental health simple by teaching you how to tackle issues and improve your mental wellbeing; I’m all about no-nonsense advice that actually works, and I share practical tips based on quality research (plus my own experience with anxiety and depression). Each Sunday I take a deep dive into one aspect of better mental health, and on Wednesdays I share a shorter ‘quick guide’ episode that helps you build your own mental health toolkit.
So… let’s talk!
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Have you ever caught yourself just blurting out the first thing that pops into your head, only to wish you could rewind time and take it all back? Or doing something that you instantly wish you hadn’t? If you’re nodding right now, then trust me — you are not alone. It’s easy to fall into the trap of constantly reacting to things, or to your own thoughts, rather than taking a moment to think so you can respond more thoughtfully… and the fact is that just reacting can wind up creating a fair amount of stress, tension, and regret.
In this episode, we’re exploring the idea of pausing before you speak or act, and how doing so can drastically improve your mental wellbeing.
You might be surprised at how doing something as simple as taking a brief moment to reflect can reduce conflict, help you communicate more clearly, and even strengthen your relationships.
Think of it as switching off the autopilot and stepping into the pilot’s seat — suddenly, you’re the one charting your course and deciding how best to navigate life’s surprises.
We’ll look at why this matters for your mind and emotions, and how developing a habit of intentional and thoughtful action can help you feel more in control of your own story.
So, if you’ve ever wished for that extra tiny little moment of calm before leaping into decisions, then stick around — this episode might just be what you need to find greater clarity, confidence, and peace in your day-to-day life.
Let’s start by getting ourselves on the same page with some definitions, and let’s talk about…
What does ‘think before you act’ mean?
Alright. Thinking before you act is about giving yourself a moment to pause and consider what you’re about to say or do, instead of just rushing in headfirst. It means consciously weighing up the consequences — both positive and negative — before you commit to a course of action.
Imagine someone about to send off a heated text message to a friend. Rather than furiously typing away and then smashing ‘send’ in the heat of frustration, taking a moment instead to step back, breathe, and ask, “Is this helpful, or am I potentially making a bad situation worse?” can make all the difference.
That’s the essence of thinking before you act; it’s simple, but it’s incredibly powerful. And it’s an opportunity to be more intentional by thinking a bit more clearly before you do something you regret (instead of having to mop up the mess later)!
On a practical level, thinking before you act is all about building self-awareness and self-control. It’s the slight delay between feeling an impulse and acting upon it. For example, you might be standing in a queue at the supermarket, feeling your stress levels rise as the person in front of you fumbles with their wallet. At that moment, thinking before you act might mean reminding yourself that snapping at them could escalate things (and frankly it won’t make the line move any faster anyway), so instead of going off you choose to do some mindful breathing instead.
Or perhaps your boss sends you an email you interpret as passive-aggressive; instead of bashing at the keyboard and firing back a sarcastic or cranky reply immediately, you give yourself a little cooling-off period; that might be thirty seconds, thirty minutes, or however long you can manage — just enough time to let the intensity of your emotions simmer down, so you can respond more constructively.
In these types of moments, you’re actively choosing your behaviour rather than letting it be dictated by emotion. And this is about protecting your peace of mind, instead of making things worse. In the words of the Spice Girls, sometimes you just have to “stop right now, thank you very much” and give yourself space to think.
From a mental health perspective, thinking before you act offers a sense of stability in what can often feel like a chaotic world. It’s like giving yourself a safety net; your emotions might be running high — maybe you’re dealing with anxiety, anger, sadness, or a complicated mix of all of the above and more — but by pausing, you’re acknowledging your feelings without letting them take control. This approach helps you develop a healthier relationship with your emotions over time. You’re not ignoring them or suppressing them; you’re simply learning how to respond to them thoughtfully and intentionally in a way that supports your wellbeing, rather than undermines it.
It’s a bit like turning down the volume on that spontaneous or impulsive tendency that says, “Just do it now, worry later!” because, in everyday adult life, there are times when rushing headfirst into things without considering the fallout can lead to regret. By thinking before you act, you’re introducing a little breathing room for yourself so you can reflect on what’s really going on, how you’re feeling and why, and whether or not your initial impulse of how to react lines up with your deeper values.
What we’re really talking about here is personal responsibility and personal growth. You’re the one in control of your actions, and by cultivating the ability to pause, you empower yourself to make decisions that genuinely support your overall wellbeing (rather than derail it).
You don’t have to overdo it; this isn’t about overanalysing everything, or overthinking every tiny detail of your life. It’s finding a healthy middle ground between instant reactions on one hand and endless rumination on the other, so you can make more balanced and constructive choices.
We’ll explore shortly why it’s so important for good mental health, and how it can improve your quality of life, but for now, the key takeaway here is that thinking before you act is an invaluable skill to foster. It’s simple enough to understand intellectually, but it can be surprisingly challenging to implement it consistently — especially when our emotions are running high, or when you’re faced with situations that feel urgent. Nonetheless, with a bit of intention and practice, you can learn to hold back just long enough to make choices that serve you better, both in your day-to-day life and in your journey towards healthier mental wellbeing.
So now let’s talk about…
Why thinking before you act is important
And let me first take a moment to tell you a little story.
Back in the mid ’90’s, when I was about 18 or 19 and foolish, I was with a couple of friends at an outdoor shopping centre in Sydney, and it was a ridiculously hot summer’s day… and, for some reason, the three of us had started this thing where we were flicking water at one another randomly from our bottles, trying to catch each other by surprise. So, of course, we inevitably ran out of water and went to buy new ones, and I was towards the front of one of the lines and thought it would be hilarious to turn around and throw some at my friend, who was standing behind me. Except, she obviously knew what I was going to do, so she had quietly switched to the other queue. So, I pay for my water, open the lid, then quickly turn around and throw cold liquid into the face of my friend… but it wasn’t my friend. It was a total stranger, a girl in her 20’s. Who screamed, of course — because what else are you going to do when a random person throws water in your face?! So, what did I do? Did I handle it like an adult? Did I apologise? I did not. I screamed and ran away. Seriously. I went, “aaah!” and took off, and my friends, who had seen the whole thing, were doubled-over laughing their heads off.
So, the moral of the story is that you seriously need to take a moment — just a moment! — to think before you act, because it can (and does) make the world of difference! And, you know, I’m mindful that there’s a middle aged woman out there somewhere who once had water randomly thrown at her by a maniac who just screamed in her face and ran away… so, if that happened to you at Warringah Mall then please know that I am truly, truly sorry!
Anyway… I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s done something stupid like that, or something they regret, and the thing is that acting on impulse can result in making things a lot worse than they need to be… and if protecting your peace is important to you (which I hope it is, since it plays a huge role in good mental health), then it’s essential to learn how to give yourself a moment or two to think things through before you proceed.
Reacting without that crucial pause can easily damage your relationships. One ill-considered comment or action might undermine trust or create lingering tension, particularly if it hits a sensitive spot for someone you care about. Over time, that habit of acting impulsively can shape how others see you — and how you see yourself. Now, again, I don’t want you to think you have to overanalyse everything you do and say (because that’s going to the other extreme), but it’s just about being thoughtful and intentional (instead of behaving like a bull in a china shop, and then wondering why everything’s a mess afterwards!).
Failing to think before you act leaves you feeling out of control, as though you’re just reacting to life’s ups and downs rather than actively shaping the direction you’re heading… and this lack of agency can set the stage for bigger emotional struggles: stress, anxiety, depression, even chronic anger.
By not taking a moment to think before you act, you might find yourself trapped in a pattern of actions that undermine your overall wellbeing, and it allows you to shift from acting on autopilot to active participation in your own life. It means that you’re no longer simply reacting; you’re pausing long enough to consider the potential outcomes of what you say and do (which is personal responsibility in action, one of the hallmarks of being a mature and well-adjusted adult).
Thinking before you act can massively reduce conflicts and regrets, while boosting your sense of self-control and confidence. You’ll often find that you feel calmer and more in tune with how you genuinely want to handle tricky situations (instead of just what your initial emotional reaction tells you), which can lead to healthier communication and stronger relationships. Plus, when you give yourself permission to pause, you also free up headspace to process your emotions more effectively — meaning you’re less likely to ruminate over what you did or didn’t say. In a nutshell, it’s a small habit that can have a huge ripple effect across every single aspect of your life.
By thinking before you act, you’re choosing words and actions that reflect your real intentions… which ultimately supports both your emotional wellbeing and the connections you share with others.
So… how do you do all that? Let’s talk through some practical ways to think before you act; but first, a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…
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And welcome back! Now let’s talk about…
How to stop and think before you act
Alright, first…
Pause and breathe — let’s start with one of the most effective ways to think before you act, which also happens to be the simplest: pause and take a breath. You might be surprised at how often that single moment can shift your entire perspective, and it works because it interrupts the cycle of just reacting on autopilot and gives you the mental space to decide what you really want to do next. Try taking just one or two slow, deep breaths before you think about what to do or say. If you have more time — say a few seconds — try focusing on the feeling of your breath entering and leaving your body, or slowly counting to 10. Those small acts of paying attention ground you and calm your racing mind, and they remind you to choose your next steps consciously. OK, next…
Check in with your feelings — after pausing, the next step is to identify what’s going on inside. Are you feeling angry, stressed, worried, excited? Our emotions often drive impulsive behaviours, so when you know exactly what you’re feeling, and why, you’re better equipped to respond in a way that aligns with your values. Start by naming the emotion you’re experiencing — “I’m feeling frustrated” or “I’m feeling anxious” — and then dig a little deeper to understand why you’re feeling whatever you’re feeling; taking a few moments to do this, and being completely honest with yourself, can really help you understand what’s going on inside you and what you need most in the situation. Acknowledging your emotions, and your needs, brings them into the light… making them less likely to hijack your reactions. Next…
Consider your motivations first — before you dive headfirst into any action, ask yourself, “Why am I about to do this?” which forces you to reflect on whether or not your upcoming action genuinely serves a purpose, or if it’s just an emotional reflex you might regret later. You can do this by briefly reflecting on what you hope to gain or achieve. If your reason doesn’t feel positive or constructive — like, if it’s purely to hurt someone’s feelings — then you can choose to steer yourself in a better direction. And that leads to my next point…
Consider the consequences — once you know your ‘why’, think about the possible outcomes. Imagining the aftermath of your words and actions can motivate you to choose a path that leads to a more peaceful resolution, rather than one full of added drama. Mentally play out a quick scenario: if you say or do this, what might happen in the next hour, or by tomorrow morning? If it doesn’t look good, it’s a pretty strong sign that it’s time to adjust your approach by choosing to protect your peace (instead of being messy!). OK, next…
Practice mindful communication — picking your words carefully can make all the difference. Language can either defuse tension or pour bucketloads of fuel on the fire, so try paraphrasing what you want to say in a calmer and more empathetic way before you speak. Maybe that means turning “You’re completely wrong!” into “I see your point, but here’s how I understand it differently.” By refining your words, you reduce the chances of escalation and increase the likelihood of genuinely being heard. Next…
Use a ‘cooling-off’ period — look, I’m a ‘heat of the moment’ person (as I’m sure some of you are) and if I don’t stop and think before I speak then my mouth often ends up creating a big old mess before my rational mind even has a chance to blink. So, sometimes, the best way to think before you act is to step away. This helps you break the cycle of being impulsive by giving your emotions a chance to settle down. Try taking a short walk, making yourself a cup of tea, or doing something completely different for a few minutes (or more). When you return, you’ll likely find yourself in a calmer headspace, better able to weigh the pros and cons of what you’re about to do or say. OK, next…
Write it out to get it out — you know how all those thoughts can tend to go round and round in your head when you feel some type of way? And you might even feel like you may burst if you don’t get them out? Well, get them out… on paper. Grab a pen and write and write and write until you run out of steam, then toss the paper away and take a break for a few minutes. This helps you to channel that energy out of your body, and it frees your mind so you can begin to think more rationally. The same goes for emails and messages you want to fire off to someone to give them a piece of your mind, or tell them how they hurt you: write it, by all means, but do not hit ‘send’ under any circumstances. Save it in your drafts, and come back to it at least 20 minutes later (longer if you can). I guarantee you that, 99.9% of the time, you’ll read it when you feel more level-headed and think, “Ooh, I’m glad I didn’t send that!). Next…
Get a second opinion — sometimes, our emotions run so high that we can’t see the bigger picture… which is why talking it through with someone you trust can be a lifesaver, so discuss it with someone you trust. An outside perspective might offer insights or solutions you haven’t considered… plus, even just the act of explaining the situation out loud can give you clarity. Just be sure to choose someone whose opinion you genuinely value — someone who’s willing to tell you the truth, even if it stings.
OK, so now I’m going to share a few longer-term, more strategic things you can do to be more thoughtful, starting with…
Build the skill of delayed gratification — we’re all so used to having instant everything, so the ability to be patient and wait before doing and saying something can feel alien and uncomfortable… so, practice it to make it more familiar. Postponing a reward or an outcome can significantly improve your ability to think before you act, because it strengthens your self-control — it’s like weight training, but for your willpower. You can do this by practicing small acts of delay, like waiting ten minutes before scrolling social media or having your afternoon treat. Over time, building up this practice of patience spills over into how you handle emotionally-charged moments (meaning it’s more comfortable to pause in the heat of the moment). OK, next…
Plan for repetitive triggers — so, certain situations—like family gatherings or regular team meetings—might bring out your impulsive side again and again. So, plan for them in advance so that you don’t react purely on instinct. Try rehearsing your approach in your mind, or writing down how you’d prefer to respond if a predictable trigger pops up. For example, you might decide, “If my co-worker criticises my project, then I’ll take a deep breath and count to five before responding.” By having a set response ready, you drastically reduce the likelihood of being caught off-guard by emotional surges and you’ll be far less likely to just blurt out something that you’ll regret later. OK, next…
Set clear boundaries — often, you might act or speak rashly because a boundary has been crossed and you feel cornered. Setting clear boundaries in advance helps you navigate those tense moments more calmly; this is that thing I say a lot in my work about prevention being better than cure (because you don’t want to wait until there’s a problem to try to set limits on what you will and won’t accept). Rather than reacting impulsively, you can calmly let the other person know you need a change of topic or a moment to step away. I covered how to set healthy boundaries in Episode 248, so you’ll find that helpful (it’s linked in the description). OK, next…
Reflect afterwards — so, even after you’ve put your best foot forward, it’s wise to review what happened, which helps to solidify your learning and makes you more likely to pause and think in the future. Ask yourself simple reflection questions like, “How did I handle that?” or “Is there anything I’d do differently next time?” Rather than beating yourself up if things didn’t go perfectly, treat this reflection as an opportunity to grow; a mistake is only a failure if you don’t learn from it. Remember, nobody becomes a perfect model of calm and patience overnight… it’s a process — and each reflection paves the way for better choices down the line.
Final Tips and Next Time
Because when it comes to thinking before you act, what it all boils down to is this:
Thinking before you act is about giving yourself the gift of choice: you’re no longer at the mercy of fleeting emotions, but instead you’re able to respond in ways that genuinely support your wellbeing. It may feel a bit tricky in the beginning — especially when life throws you curveballs — but remember that each step you take towards pausing, reflecting, and choosing more thoughtfully brings you closer to healthier relationships and a calmer mind.
The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today?
Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by the writer William Arthur Ward, and it is:
“Before you act, listen. Before you react, think.”
William Arthur Ward
Alright… that’s nearly it for this week!
How do you think before you act? Leave me a comment and let’s talk!
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Next week I’ll be talking about how to manage stress effectively; I hope you’ll join me for it!
Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!
Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com
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