211: Your Mental Health Questions Answered! (Part One)

Welcome to part one of a special two-part Q&A episode, where I answer your burning questions about mental health! 

That’s what I’m talking about this week here on Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast that makes mental health simple. So, get comfortable, and let’s talk!

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This podcast episode was originally released on 24 December, 2023.

Hello and welcome to Episode 211 of Let’s Talk About Mental Health, and thanks so much for joining me as I answer your questions about better mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin, writer and mental health counsellor, and I did a shout-out on both of my public Instagram accounts (@ltamentalhealth and @itsjeremygodwin) asking listeners like yourself to submit questions you’d like me to cover, and there were so many great ones that I’ve had to split this episode over two weeks.

This week I’m answering questions about topics like growth, world events, unreliable people, healing, worry, procrastination, friendships and more (and then next week I’ll cover even more topics). I’m also covering a couple of the questions in their own YouTube videos; more on that later. 

So, get comfortable and let’s talk!

OK, so first…

Tahani from Australia (by way of Bangladesh) would like to ask, “A little bit of discomfort is okay for growth, learning and for being resilient. How do you draw awareness whether a difficult situation is meant to be a fruitful lesson or if we are paying a heavy price from mental health?”

It’s a great question because discomfort can definitely be a catalyst for growth and resilience… but how do we know if it’s something more serious, especially when it comes to our mental health? 

The key is self-awareness and balance. A challenging situation can stimulate growth, but it shouldn’t leave you feeling completely drained, overwhelmed or gasping for air. It’s about finding the middle ground where the discomfort is bearable and doesn’t overshadow your well-being. If you’re constantly on edge, losing sleep, or feeling emotionally depleted, it might be time to step back and reassess. It’s OK to admit that something isn’t serving you and to decide that you’re going to change course. After all, it’s not about weathering every single storm but knowing which ones are worth sailing through; even the most experienced sailors know when to dock for shelter. OK, next…

Daniela from Peru would like to know, “How to compartmentalise?”

This is a fairly common coping strategy, in terms of having designated times or places for specific concerns or focus areas (like switching off from work when you leave the office), and it can help you to stop things from one area of your life spilling over into others. It’s a useful technique to manage stress and organise your thoughts, and it involves mentally separating different aspects of your life so they don’t overwhelm you.

Start by identifying the different ‘compartments’ in your life, such as work, family, personal time, and worries. Allocate specific times and places for each. For example, decide that work concerns will only be addressed during work hours and in your workspace. I do this with work emails; I mainly only look at them during work hours, to limit the temptation to take a peek outside of hours (which usually turns into going down a rabbit hole of work for an hour or two!).

When you find thoughts from one compartment intruding into another, consciously acknowledge them and then gently redirect your focus. You might imagine placing these intrusive thoughts into a box or a folder, to be dealt with when you’re in the right ‘compartment’.

Practice being fully present in each compartment. For example, during family time, focus solely on your loved ones by turning off your phone and pushing aside work-related thoughts. This takes practice, but over time it becomes easier to switch between these mental spaces.

Compartmentalising is not about avoidance, but about managing your mental space more efficiently. It’s a skill that improves with practice and helps in maintaining a healthy balance between different areas in life.

OK, Dev wants to know, “Currently watching [world events] while western world leaders do nothing. Wondering if you have done anything on vicarious trauma?”

So, watching distressing events unfold — even from a distance — can indeed lead to what’s known as vicarious trauma; you might find yourself feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or unusually pessimistic about the world, even if you’re not directly involved in the events. It’s a bit like empathy’s shadowy cousin; you’re empathising, but it’s taking a toll on your emotional state. 

It’s essential to set boundaries around your exposure to distressing news from all sources, including social media. Remember that you can stay informed without having to watch the news 24/7 (which is a surefire recipe for thinking the world is about to end). Make plenty of time for self-care, focus on more uplifting activities, and seek support from friends, family or a professional if it becomes too much. And, finally, do something to make a difference: volunteer your time, donate to charitable organisations, bombard your elected officials, get involved in peaceful marches and demonstration… there are lots of ways to make a tangible positive difference (and in case you weren’t aware, posting about it on social media does absolutely nothing because you’re just shouting into the void; if you want to make a difference, put in the effort). OK, next… 

Linda T wants to know, “How to maintain a positive outlook when you’re relying on unreliable other party to deliver their end of the bargain (feeling like no control over crucial aspects of your life)?”

Look, it’s tricky… but it’s not impossible. First, acknowledge what you can and cannot control. It’s a bit like gardening; you can plant the seeds and water them, but you can’t control the weather. It’s the same with other people, and you have to learn how to accept things that are out of your control (I mean, you don’t have to like those things… but stop trying to change what you cannot change). Focus on what’s within your own direct control; for example, that might involve creating contingency plans or exploring alternative paths to achieve your goal.

Remember, resilience isn’t just about enduring the bumps in the road; it’s also about being flexible and adaptable in the face of uncertainty. It’s about finding peace in the understanding that some things will unfold in their own time, regardless of how much we might want to hurry them along.

Lastly, keep your broader goals and values in sight. Sometimes, focusing on the bigger picture helps put the current situation into perspective. And remember, it’s OK to seek support from friends, family, or professionals when you’re feeling overwhelmed; you don’t have to go through challenging times alone, and nor should you! OK, next…

Shivan from Canada has asked, “My boyfriend insists on having an open relationship (and I don’t feel comfortable with that). What do I do?”

This is a delicate situation, requiring communication and mutual respect. Firstly, it’s crucial to have an open and honest discussion with your partner. This isn’t just about expressing your discomfort but also about understanding their perspective and the reason behind your different wants and needs. Make sure you both have the space to express your feelings without judgement; it’s not about winning an argument, but understanding each other’s viewpoints.

If you’re feeling pressured or uncomfortable with the idea of an open relationship, it’s important to communicate that clearly. Don’t agree to anything you don’t feel comfortable with. Relationships are built on mutual respect and consent, and your boundaries and feelings are just as valid as your partner’s desires. If you find it tough to reach consensus, consider seeking the help of a couples’ counsellor; sometimes having a neutral third party can provide a fresh perspective and facilitate better understanding.

Ultimately, the decision should be one you’re both comfortable with. Compromise is key in any relationship, but it should never come at the cost of your own emotional well-being. If the two of you are unable to reach an agreement, it’s time to move forward with your life — with or without your partner. Yes, that may seem scary… but you should never sacrifice your needs or your comfort just to get someone to stay who isn’t on the same page as you. There are plenty more fish in the sea… even if some of them do have three eyes like those fish on The Simpsons. OK, next…

Karen from the USA would like to know, “What are ways that help you get back on your feet and out of a ‘stumped’ state?“

This is a bit like trying to start a car on a cold morning; it might take some effort, and a few different strategies, but you can definitely get things running again! One effective way is to change your environment or routine. It’s like giving your mind a new playground to explore! Sometimes, a simple change in scenery, like a walk in a different neighbourhood or rearranging your workspace, can provide a fresh perspective and spark new ideas.

Another approach is to set small, achievable goals. These goals don’t have to be monumental; even just accomplishing a small task can give you a sense of achievement and momentum to tackle larger ones. I just covered goals in Episode 209 if you’d like some tips on how to do that.

Physical activity can be another great way to clear your mind and improve your mood; after all, exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. Mindfulness or meditation practices can be helpful too; they’re like giving your brain a chance to pause and reset. And I’d also suggest actively working on greater self-awareness, through simple tools like reflection and journalling. I’ve actually released a video on my YouTube channel this week about how to improve your self-awareness; it’s linked in the episode description. OK, next… 

Alina from Romania has asked, “How do I know that I should check my mental health at a specialist? What are the tell-tale signs for a mental check?”

It’s like knowing when to call a mechanic for a noise in your car; be aware of the signs that things might not be running as smoothly as they should. You know you better than anybody knows you (you know?!) so if things don’t feel right, it’s time to at least have a conversation with your regular doctor. This could include things like persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or emptiness that don’t seem to go away; if these feelings are interfering with your daily life, impacting on your work or relationships, or affecting routine activities, it’s a clear sign to seek help.

Changes in sleep patterns, appetite, or energy levels are also tell-tale signs. If you’re either sleeping too much or too little, or if your eating habits have significantly changed, it’s like your body’s warning lights flashing; if this continues for two weeks or more, it’s time for a chat with a professional.  

Another indicator is if you’re relying more heavily on substances like alcohol or drugs to cope with your feelings, or if you’re experiencing thoughts of self-harm or harming others. Forget about waiting two weeks; these are red flags that need immediate attention.

Lastly, if you find yourself withdrawing from social interactions, losing interest in activities you once enjoyed, or feeling unusually irritable or hopeless, it’s worth speaking to a specialist. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Just like taking your car for a regular check-up, taking care of your mental health is an essential part of maintaining your overall well-being. OK, continuing on… 

The next question is from Shalyn in Canada who asked, “I’dp like to be able to have a glass of wine, and that’s that. Is there a way to do these things in moderation? Or am I a mess? I do ruin relationships due to alcohol… I’ve been drinking every day since May 2023. I love to live life but some days it’s hard to love living sober. I’m lost.”

Hi Shalyn, and anyone else who’s ever found themselves struggling with unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol. Look, I’m not going to sugarcoat this: if you’re drinking every day and you have to ask if you’re a mess, then maybe you’re a mess. And that’s OK, because you have options. 

Now, I’m speaking to you as someone who’s more than five years sober and I know that, for me and many others, some of us just cannot do moderation. If you can have the occasional drink, and it’s not a daily thing, and you can stop after one, then great… you can manage your consumption and stay in control. But daily drinking? Nope. That’s a major red flag. In fact that’s the reddest and most major-est of all the red flags… not to mention the fact you say that you — and I quote — “ruin relationships due to alcohol.” 

Look, while sobriety isn’t the only choice it does tend to be the only viable option for those of us who can’t control ourselves when it comes to alcohol. Chat with a professional about your alcohol usage, like a counsellor or therapist, and also join a support group; there’s AA however I know their structure and philosophy isn’t for everyone, so look around if you want a program that’s more focused on helping you address the core reasons why you drink in the first place. Alright, next… 

Sherry from Germany asked, “I would like to have some advice to deal with sleep issues. There are nights where my worries come back and my mind just doesn’t want to let me sleep.”

Great question there; I don’t know about any of you, but I go feral when I haven’t had at least a bit of decent sleep! Addressing sleep issues, particularly when worries keep you awake, requires a combination of creating a restful environment and employing strategies to manage persistent sleep disturbances.

Focus on the basics to create a calm environment, like a comfortable mattress, a cool and dark room, minimal noise, and maybe even some white noise (I run one on my phone, which is just a stream running, that really helps me to sleep).

If your sleep issues persist despite a calming environment, it’s time to explore other strategies. Practicing relaxation techniques like deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or meditation can be effective in calming an active mind at bedtime. Also, maintaining a regular sleep schedule and avoiding stimulants like caffeine in the evening can also help. Read for 15-20 minutes before you go to bed, and make sure you switch off the TV and social media at least half an hour before bedtime.

For thoughts that repeatedly intrude, keep a notebook on your bedside; if you wake up with racing thoughts and worries, write them down and resolve to deal with them the next day.

If none of these work, it’s time to consult a healthcare professional. Persistent sleep problems might be a symptom of underlying health issues, and your doctor or specialist can provide appropriate treatment or advice. Seeking help for sleep disturbances is important, because quality sleep is crucial for both your physical and mental health. 

OK, so before we continue let’s take a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…

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And welcome back!

The next question comes from Emma from Ireland, who’d like to know, “I would like to hear help on how to switch off the constant worrying monologue in my head when I’m having a bad bout of anxiety.”

The key here is not to try to force the thoughts away, but rather to change how you engage with them.

Firstly, mindfulness can be a powerful tool. It’s about observing your thoughts without getting swept away by them. Imagine sitting by a river and watching your thoughts float by. You acknowledge their presence but don’t pick them up; just let them drift away. This practice can help you gain perspective and reduce the intensity of anxious thoughts.

Another effective approach is the ‘worry time’ technique. Allocate a specific time in your day to focus on your worries — maybe 15 to 20 minutes. Outside this time, if a worrying thought pops up, write it down and postpone pondering over it until your designated worry time. This helps contain the worrying, giving you more control over your thoughts throughout the day.

There are others, but I’d say that if your anxiety feels overwhelming then seek support from a mental health professional. Sometimes, a bit of guidance can make a big difference in turning down the volume of that monologue. OK, next…

Sorsha from England asked, “How to stop procrastinating and stop saying ‘I’ll do that when…’ or ‘I’ll do this at a future date or when I’m better at…’ or ‘I’ll do it then or once I’ve got this I can do it’”

So, basically, stop waiting for the ‘right’ moment and make this moment right. Because the ‘right’ time doesn’t exist. Break tasks down into smaller steps and work on them one step at a time, celebrating your progress along the way. Also, use the ‘five-minute rule’ — if you have to do something but really don’t want to, commit to doing it for just five minutes; at the end you’ll most likely keep going, but if not then at least you got something done! Also, consider what’s actually holding you back — fear of failure, feeling unprepared, etc. — and address the root cause, or at least acknowledge what’s really going on. I covered procrastination in Episode 129 so check that out if you haven’t already. OK, next… 

Linda B from Canada has asked, “How to deal with an addicted sibling; [more specifically] how to help without losing your mind?”

This is tough. It’s hard when it’s a family member or loved one, but the fact remains that you can only control yourself… not others. So, dealing with an addicted sibling involves balancing support for them with maintaining your own well-being. 

First, educate yourself about addiction. It’s a complex issue, and understanding it can foster empathy and guide you towards appropriate help like therapy or support groups.

Communicate openly yet non-judgmentally with your sibling. Use ‘I’ statements to express your concerns, such as “I feel worried when you…” etc.; it helps in conveying your feelings without making them feel defensive. Importantly, set clear boundaries to protect your mental health, specifying what behaviours you will and will not accept (and stick to them).

Looking after yourself is crucial. Seek your own support network, whether friends, counselling, or support groups for families affected by addiction. This not only gives you a space to share your experiences but also helps you find practical advice.

Remember, change must be chosen by your sibling; you can’t compel them to seek help. Offer your support and love, but not at the expense of your peace of mind. Your wellbeing is as important as theirs in this journey. If that means you need to limit contact for a while, then so be it; you’re under no obligation to watch while they choose to destroy their life. OK, next…

Lou from Scotland (by way of Greece) would like to know, “How to maintain your happiness, being in a long-term relationship, with a partner that goes through grief, and how to support them. (I mean how to be there for them, but also being able to continue your day-to-day life and give love to yourself)?”

Maintaining your happiness in a long-term relationship, especially when your partner is experiencing grief, is about balancing support for them with caring for yourself.

Firstly, acknowledge your partner’s grief and ask what support they need from you. Be there to listen and provide comfort, but understand that grief is a personal journey and everyone copes differently; it’s about being present rather than trying to fix their pain, because you can’t.

Simultaneously, it’s important to continue with your own life. Engage in activities that bring you joy and maintain your routine as much as possible. This isn’t being selfish; it’s ensuring that you’re in a healthy state to offer support. Self-care is crucial. Set aside time for activities that rejuvenate you, whether it’s a hobby, exercise, or spending time with friends. This helps in managing your emotional well-being and keeps you from feeling overwhelmed.

Remember, it’s OK to seek external support, like counselling, for both yourself and as a couple. This can provide tools to navigate through this challenging time together, ensuring that both your needs and your partner’s are met. OK, next… 

Naomi from the USA has asked, “My friends will only contact me when convenient, but when I call them out don’t pretend to care. [Can you] talk about people who play with your feelings and manipulate you, but pretend to be good friends?”

And yes I can talk about this one, because I know it firsthand! Some people just never grow out of these cliquey, nasty behaviours that develop in high school when we’re all trying to figure out our place in the world… some people will spend the rest of their lives manipulating others and just generally being cruel or thoughtless. My view here is to treat this as a gift: if you’re being sent these messages loudly and clearly, that’s your cue to run for the hills! True friendship is a two-way street, built on mutual respect, support, and genuine care.

People who manipulate or play with your emotions, yet pretend to be good friends, often do so for their own benefit. It can be a subtle form of emotional exploitation where they seek your attention or support without reciprocating. Recognising this pattern is the first step. Pay attention to how these interactions make you feel. If you consistently feel drained or undervalued, it might be time to reevaluate these relationships.

Having an honest conversation with these friends about how their actions affect you can sometimes help. However, be prepared that they might not respond positively or acknowledge their behaviour… so don’t expect miracles!

Remember, it’s OK to set boundaries in relationships. Prioritise friendships that are nurturing and reciprocal. Surround yourself with people who appreciate and respect you. True friends enhance your life, rather than making you question your worth. Your emotional well-being should always be your priority, and never let someone treat you like crap.

And, on a similar note, Megan from Australia has asked, “How to cope with isolation when leaving high control groups/dealing with ostracism?”

Feeling ostracised and even rejected can take a while to recover from, but there are some steps you can take to start rebuilding. First, acknowledge and accept your feelings. Processing your emotions and grieving the loss is a necessary step to make your peace with things. Building new support networks is crucial. Engage in activities that align with your interests, like joining clubs, volunteering, or community events. These can provide a sense of belonging and help you form new connections.

Professional support, such as counselling, can be invaluable in navigating the emotional complexities of your situation. It provides a safe space to process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

Invest time in activities that reinforce your sense of self, like hobbies, exercise, or learning new skills. These not only fill your time positively but also aid in rebuilding your identity outside of the group.

And, finally, be patient with yourself. Rebuilding your social circle and adjusting to a new life takes time. Remember, each small step is progress towards a more independent and fulfilling life. Support is available, and you’re not alone in this journey.

Alright, that’s it for this week’s episode! 

Next time I’ll be answering questions about validation, parents, anxiety, trauma, physical health and more. I hope you’ll join me for that episode, which will be released on Sunday the 31st of December, 2023.

You can find the full transcript for this episode at ltamh.com under the ‘Episodes’ tab, and follow me on Instagram for more tips (you’ll find links in the episode description).  

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

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The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.