Let’s Talk About… Ageing

How can you age gracefully? What are the positives about ageing? And can you learn how to embrace ageing?

That’s what I’m talking about this week here on… Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast that helps you look after your mental health, with simple ideas you can put into practice immediately. So, get comfortable, and Let’s Talk About Mental Health…

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This podcast episode was originally released on 25 June, 2023.

Hello and welcome to Episode 185, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about ageing and mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin and I share practical tips for improving your mental health based on quality research and my own personal experience of learning how to live with anxiety and depression following a breakdown in late 2011 that completely changed my life. Each week I look at how to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing. 

In this episode I’ll be talking about what ageing is (and what it isn’t), why a healthy attitude towards ageing matters, and how to age well for the sake of your mental health.

Before I dive into today’s content, I have a quick announcement to make: after more than three and a half years of keeping this show ad-free, it’s time for some changes around here and, starting from next week’s episode, this will become an ad-supported show. The reality is that I’m spending my own money to pay for the behind-the-scenes costs of creating episodes each week, and with the continued rise in the cost of living that’s just not practical or feasible anymore. So from next week onwards you may hear an ad at the start of each episode and then a couple about halfway through, however I’ll be making sure that they aren’t just randomly jammed in without some warning! This wasn’t an easy choice, because I don’t like ads myself, but it’s necessary. Thank you for your understanding, and if you’re like me and can’t stand ads then I’ll also be offering a paid subscription option on Spotify; for a small monthly fee you’ll get ad-free episodes and exclusive bonus content. And, by the way, if you’re looking for a free way to support me and my work then watching my YouTube videos in full each week would be a great way to do that, as it helps me to build more on that platform (and my latest one is linked in the episode description).

So, with that all covered, now let’s talk about ageing!

Introduction

What I’m about to say should come as no surprise to any of you: every day that passes, we all grow a little bit older. And while that shouldn’t be news, since it’s a bit hard to avoid that reality, it seems like most of us reach a point in our lives where we just put our fingers in our ears and go “la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la” when it comes to our ever-increasing age (and that’s not to be confused with “la la la, la la, la la la” which, of course, are about half of the lyrics of Can’t Get You Out of My Head by her royal highness Kylie Minogue, which remains a total bop 22 years after its release… a fact that is making me feel very old, since I remember buying it on CD single when it came out!).

Now… if going off on random tangents and walks down memory lane right at the start of an episode seems like something that an older person might do, then it appears I am officially old — and I’m mostly OK with that!

By the time this comes out, in late June, I will be just a week-and-a-bit away from turning 47. If you had have told me 20, or even 10, years ago that that’s something I’d be celebrating, let alone admitting out loud to a bunch of strangers around the world on the Internet, I would have laughed in your face… but with age comes a different perspective, not to mention the realisation that laughing in someone’s face is a pretty crappy thing to do!

So this week I’m focusing on all the reasons why ageing is a wonderful thing, and something to be proud of… but before I get too far into all of that, let’s first get ourselves on the same page with some definitions; so, let’s talk about… 

What is ageing?

And this is one of those episodes where I try and explain a seemingly-simple concept that we all know and understand but which is actually really complicated psychologically, sociologically and philosophically (and if you’ve been listening to my show for a while then you’ll know that I thoroughly enjoy any conversation that incorporates those three things!). 

So, ageing is a natural process that’s a part of every living organism’s life cycle. In biological terms, it involves a series of changes at the cellular level that can impact our physical functions and appearance. Then there’s the cognitive effects of ageing (in terms of our perception, intelligence and reasoning), and cognitively ageing can be a mixed bag — some mental abilities might slow down with age, while others, like accumulated knowledge, may continue to flourish. 

But let’s delve deeper into the psychological and social aspects, because they’re equally, if not more, fascinating. As we age, our roles and relationships evolve, often leading us to rethink our identities and life’s priorities. 

We might transition from being a full-time worker to a retiree, or from being a parent with children at home to an empty-nester. Even if you’re in your 20s or 30s, you’ll commonly find that as you age your goals and priorities in life begin to shift; things that you once thought were fixed aspects of yourself can change a little or a lot, and you may find yourself developing new interests or no longer connecting with old interests.

These shifts can lead to a lot of personal growth, as we adapt and find new ways to find fulfilment. Similarly, ageing often alters our social circles and relationships, affecting our sense of connection and belonging. 

On an individual level, ageing also forces us to think about profound philosophical questions. It can heighten our self-awareness, as we reflect on our lives, our values, and our mortality. In facing these existential realities, many of us begin to find a deeper sense of gratitude, a clearer focus on what truly matters, and a greater appreciation for the richness and complexity of our life’s journey. 

And that’s the beauty of ageing; it’s not just about getting older, it’s about growing and evolving, in ways that enrich our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

For the most part, feeling older is just a matter of mindset… which is why there’s that old saying, “you’re only as old as you feel.” 

Mind you, there are (of course) some physical practicalities to contend with that often reinforce your biological age regardless of how young you might tell yourself you are — the other day I sat in an odd position for too long and when I got up I said, completely involuntarily, “Ouch, my hip hurts!” and trust me when I tell you that those four words will immediately make you feel far older than you might look or feel!

So, for me, after having to look up the word ‘yeet’ on Urban Dictionary a few years back, I realised I’ve reached the age where I’m never going to be able to keep up with what younger people are saying and I don’t actually care anymore; frankly, if I had my way, we’d all still be using old-fashioned phrases like “persnickety“ and “be off with you, foul creature!” 

I think there’s honestly a point for most, if not all, of us where we just realise we don’t need to try and keep up anymore and it’s OK; I mean, some people don’t have that thought process and they keep trying to behave like a 20 year old in their 60s (yes Madonna, I’m looking at you), but I do think that we should all be free to age (or not age) as we see fit. Get work done, don’t get work done, dye your hair, don’t dye your hair, wear a wig, don’t wear a wig… who cares?!

Anyway, is there a point to any of this? Honestly I have no idea at this stage! But what I will say is that I think one of the benefits of ageing is definitely that you’re in less of a rush with things and you don’t really give a damn about what other people think, although that can also be a bad thing; a few weeks ago I went to my local cafe to grab something quickly and there was an elderly man in front of me who ordered several things (one at a time, so I was already getting a bit annoyed), and then he asked for two coffees. When the woman serving asked what type of coffee, he replied with, “What have you got?” and proceeded to have her list every type of coffee they made! You can imagine how thrilled I was, not to mention the other five people in the line behind me. I mean, it’s funny now but it wasn’t at the time! I think it’s one of those things where we have to find a healthy balance between not being in a hurry, which is wonderful, versus being considerate of the needs (and time) of other people!

Anyway, that leads to the next part of this episode; so, now let’s talk about…

Why a healthy attitude towards ageing matters

And I think that, generally speaking, it matters because of the thing I say in this show a lot: whether you look for the positive or the negative, what you seek is what you will find. So, if you focus on all the downsides that come with ageing then you’re going to be more likely to struggle with growing older and you’ll probably find more and more to feel negatively about; on the other hand, if you focus on the positives then you’re going to find more to feel positively about! Where your focus goes is where your focus goes, so you need to make conscious choices about your mindset (something I discussed back in Episode 31 about mindset). 

Having a healthy view of ageing really does wonders for your mental wellbeing and overall life satisfaction. Why? Well, because the way we think about ageing can shape our entire experience of it. 

If we see ageing as an exciting journey, a process full of growth and new possibilities, we’re much more likely to feel content and fulfilled. On the flip side, if we view ageing as just a downhill journey, it can leave us feeling pretty rubbish.

Now, adopting a positive attitude towards ageing isn’t just about feeling good. It’s about consciously building your resilience to adapt and thrive as your life changes (because change is inevitable). It’s about staying active, physically and mentally, as well as staying connected with loved ones, and finding joy in the simple things. Plus, it’s hard to deny the charm of growing wiser over the years; there’s something empowering about accumulating life experiences and insights, and I know so much more now than I did 5, 10, 15 years ago. And, while we’re at it, let’s not forget that a healthy attitude towards ageing helps you to focus on what truly matters to you, promoting a sense of mindfulness and contentment. 

And the other thing I want to say is that when you’re grateful for the opportunity to grow older, it feels like it’s more respectful towards those who didn’t get the chance to age; I have a friend who died in 2016 and I often think about her if I’m ever grumbling away to myself about a wrinkle or two. 

So in a nutshell, the way you view ageing can have a big impact on your happiness and mental health. Embracing the ageing journey with an optimistic and resilient mindset is a surefire way to lead a much more fulfilling life.

So, how do you do that? Well, let’s get into the how-to part of this episode and let’s talk about… 

How to age well for the sake of your mental health

So first and foremost I’d like to encourage you to reflect on what ageing means to you — and I say this because I am a firm believer in self-awareness as being the foundation of good mental health (and I covered self-awareness back in Episode 62), but it’s also about making sure you’re completely honest with yourself from this point forward. If, at the moment, you don’t feel great about ageing, that’s fine — it’s totally understandable, especially with the way society glorifies the pursuit of youth, and so at least if you know that you don’t feel great about that then you can take some time to work on those feelings. Why? Because that leads to my next point…

Decide what you want to feel about ageing — and this might sound a bit odd, but with anything your mindset is 100% your choice… and so if you want to create a specific mindset then you need to figure out what it is you want to feel and why, and then turn your focus towards doing and saying things that reinforce that type of mindset. For example, I went through a period a few years back where I was noticing some fine lines creeping in around my eyes — I mean, I’m really not doing too bad for nearly-47 (and it helps that I’ve been moisturising every day since I turned 18), but the lines are there — and instead of letting myself worry about it too much, instead I choose to focus on embracing those visible signs of a life of laughter. I’m the same about the grey streak in my fringe which seems to be growing a bit bigger by the month; I actually quite like it, and I’m not going to fight against what is a perfectly natural biological process that simply serves as a reminder of the years of living I’ve been fortunate to have so far. Your mindset is your choice, so choose wisely. OK, next… 

Adopt a positive mindset — like I said earlier, how you look at things is entirely up to you, and choosing to have a positive outlook on life can significantly improve your mental health. Try to focus more energy on the good things in your life, rather than allowing negative things to take all or most of your attention, and take action every day to consciously maintain a sense of purpose and meaning. You might find daily gratitude practice and journalling helpful for this (and as I mentioned earlier, my digital planner helps you do that plus it only costs the price of two cups of coffee; it’s linked in the episode description). OK, so my next tip is…

Stay active socially — because it tends to take a lot of work to build and maintain social connections the older you get, but the fact is that loneliness and isolation can take a toll on your mental health. Social interactions can keep you mentally stimulated and emotionally fulfilled, and there’s a growing body of research showing that social connections can help keep us healthy as we age. So, actively work on maintaining your social network; stay connected with friends and family, engage in social activities, volunteer, or join clubs and groups, or even get involved in community activities. OK, next… 

Keep learning — because engaging your mind in ongoing learning and challenges helps maintain brain health and cognitive functions. Try picking up a new hobby, learning a language, or even doing puzzles to keep your mind sharp (and I talked about learning in Episode 144 about capability). Reading is also great, or you could even try studying a new subject; if you wind up doing that study in person somewhere, you’re getting a ‘two-for-one’ because you’ll be interacting with other people so helping to look after your social wellbeing as well. OK, next…

Give back — now, I mentioned volunteering earlier but I want to specifically encourage you to consider doing some volunteer work or mentoring, regardless of how old you are. Why? Because sharing your experience and wisdom with others can be incredibly fulfilling, and it’s a really great way to give more than you take while spreading kindness. Plus, it’s a great way to stay socially engaged! Alright, so my next point is…

Celebrate your achievements often — because we often get so caught up in the next thing, and the next thing, and then the thing after that, that we forget to take time to recognise just how far we’ve already come! So, take time to reflect on the things you’ve accomplished and the challenges you’ve overcome in life, which can help you appreciate the journey you’ve taken so far and the person you’ve become. Next… 

Set goals for the future — no matter how old we are, we all need something to look forward to; having goals can give you a sense of purpose and help to keep you motivated. Goals can be big or small, it doesn’t matter — what matters is that they feel meaningful to you. OK, next…

Nurture your spiritual wellbeing — because there’s so much more to life than just us as individuals, and as we age we tend to start to think more about the questions like “why am I here?” and “what’s the meaning of life?”; you know, all the philosophical stuff! Let me clarify here that spirituality is not the same as religion; spirituality is (broadly) about considering your humanity and how your soul connects you to the wider world around you, or the greater universe, whereas religion is a specific set of beliefs and practices. I myself am spiritual but not religious, and frankly there’s no right or wrong here when it comes to being able to figure out your beliefs for yourself; my general rule of thumb with anything is to aim to do no harm, to be kind, and to give more than you take… if those three points are covered, then you do you and all the best to you! Activities like meditation, spending time in nature, or philosophical exploration can help you find comfort and a deeper acceptance of the ageing process. OK, next… 

Look after yourself — because the cold, hard fact is that our bodies age and deteriorate, and so when you put a little effort into basic self-care on a regular basis — in terms of your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing — you’ll feel better about yourself. And look after your skin to prevent premature ageing (especially from sun damage). I mentioned earlier my routine of moisturising my face daily since I was 18; it’s actually now twice a day (morning and night) and I don’t mean to sound like that person but it’s made a huge difference because I look at least 10 years younger than men my age where I live (mind you, I live in the countryside so maybe that’s an unfair comparison, since there are a lot of farmers out here, but I stand by my statement!). And speaking of men, can I just take a moment to address my fellow males and make sure that you know that from your 30s onwards hair has a tendency to grow everywhere, all over your body, except for where you want it to, which is on your head. I am not going to tell you how to age, however for the sake of my eyeballs it would be really helpful if you’d remove those ear hairs, get rid of those giant hairs on your nose, and trim your eyebrows! Seriously, it takes like five minutes a week and you will look and feel so much better, it takes years off your face. Having said that, if you don’t care then you do you… embrace your appearance however feels best for you, but I will say that I find a little bit of effort in looking after myself goes a long way. OK, next… 

Eat well — food is fuel, as they say… but not all fuel is created equally. To help your body age well, consider a balanced diet full of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, healthy fats, and whole grains. There’s growing evidence that the Mediterranean diet, which includes these components, may help to maintain your brain health as you get older. Next… 

Stay physically active — regular physical activity is crucial, not just for maintaining a healthy weight, but also for keeping your heart, bones, and mind healthy. It’s not necessary to run marathons; simple activities like brisk walking, swimming, or even gardening can keep you active. And don’t forget strength exercises to maintain your muscle mass and balance. Next… 

Prioritise your sleep — never underestimate the importance of a good night’s sleep! Good quality sleep is essential for both physical and mental health because sleep is when our body heals and recharges, which becomes increasingly important as we age. Poor sleep can contribute to feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression, so try to keep a regular sleep schedule, create a restful sleep environment, and develop relaxing bedtime rituals. Next…

Stay hydrated — and this might sound odd, but did you know that as we age our sense of thirst can actually decrease, which makes it easy to forget to drink enough water… but proper hydration is essential for almost every body function, including maintaining a healthy complexion. So, make sure you drink plenty of water (even if you don’t think you need to). Next… 

Practice mindfulness — because stress is a natural part of life, but chronic stress can have a negative impact on your health. Mindfulness and meditation practices can help reduce stress and anxiety, boost your mood, and improve your overall mental wellbeing. It can be as simple as spending a few minutes each day focusing on your breathing, or you could explore mindfulness-based therapies or yoga. Next… 

Limit alcohol and avoid illicit substances — because excessive alcohol and substance misuse can have negative effects on your mental health; it’s best to limit alcohol to moderate levels and avoid illicit substances altogether, and the fact is that you can’t party in your 30s like you did in your 20s (and wait until you hit your 40s, when hangovers last for two or three days!). OK, next… 

Seek help when you need it — if you’re feeling persistently low, anxious, or just not yourself, it’s important to seek professional help; don’t just be stubborn or believe that because you’ve never had an issue before that you’ll be fine. Mental health should be taken as seriously as physical health, and there’s a range of treatments available that can help.

And you’ll find even more practical tips for ageing gracefully in the short video version of this episode, available on YouTube and Spotify.

Summary and Close-Out

Because when it comes to ageing and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: Ageing is a privilege; something to be celebrated, rather than feared. Ageing can have its challenges, but it also brings wisdom and perspective. Embracing this journey and taking care of your mental health along the way can lead to a fulfilling and healthy later life. Remember, ageing is a natural part of life — it’s something we all share. Instead of fearing it, we can choose to accept and even embrace it. Ageing doesn’t mean the end of adventures or growth; it’s merely the beginning of a new and potentially even-more-fulfilling chapter… it’s just up to you to choose how you want to see it.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by Jonathan Swift, and it is:

“No wise [person] ever wished to be younger.”

Jonathan Swift

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

Next week I’ll be talking about the big picture. While this week’s episode has been very much about you and how you see yourself, there’s also the little matter of the rest of the world and how you fit into it… not to mention your role in this little moment of history we occupy! So, next week I’m going to be getting into a conversation that will no doubt be equal parts psychological, sociological and philosophical when I look at how you fit into the bigger picture and how you can create your own sense of place in the world. I’ll be talking about what the big picture is (and what it isn’t), why it matters, and how to find a sense of perspective for yourself.

I hope you’ll join me for that episode which will be released on Sunday the 2nd of July, 2023. Make sure you hit ‘follow’ on your preferred podcast platform to stay up-to-date with new episodes.

You can watch a mini video version of this episode, full of tips for how to really embrace ageing, on Spotify and YouTube.

And if you’d like even more tips to help you look after your mental health then sign up for my free newsletter Thursday Thoughts plus follow my two Instagram accounts, @ltamentalhealth and @itsjeremygodwin, where I post extra content daily. Plus if you become a supporter on my Patreon you’ll receive exclusive extra content as well as early access to episodes. You’ll find all of those linked in the episode description and in the transcript at ltamh.com.

Thank you very much for joining me today — look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media, helping you find gratitude and meaning. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Simple ideas for better mental health.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2023 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.