Struggling to express yourself clearly without blowing up or backing down? This week I’m talking about how to express yourself for better mental health. So, let’s talk! 😃

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TRANSCRIPT

How to Express Yourself

When was the last time you truly said what you meant — clearly, calmly, and without second-guessing yourself… or feeling guilty afterwards? 

The way you express yourself (or don’t!) has a huge impact on how you feel day-to-day…. because when you hold things in, or when everything comes flying out in a rush of emotion, it’s not just your relationships that suffer; it’s also harmful to your mental health.

In this episode, I’m talking about the importance of healthy self-expression — and how to do it. I’ll explore what it really means, why it plays such a major role in your mental and emotional wellbeing, and how you can start building a more confident and constructive way of expressing yourself… no matter what your natural communication style is. 

Whether you struggle to speak up, or you tend to say things you later regret, this episode will help you learn to say what you mean (and mean what you say!) — in a way that protects your peace, builds better relationships, and helps you feel more in control of your inner world.

So, let’s talk about… expressing yourself!

Hello and welcome to another episode of Let’s Talk About Mental Health! I’m Jeremy Godwin, and thanks for joining me.

If you’re new here, I’m a counsellor and writer who spent over 15 years in the corporate world before going through a complete breakdown that led to years of severe depression and anxiety. I couldn’t find the kind of tools I needed back then, so now I create it — with no-nonsense, practical advice for better mental health that’s based on quality research and real experience of what actually works.

So… let’s talk!

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Have you ever stopped to wonder how much of what you really need to say actually gets said out loud?

Or how often you swallow your truth in order to keep the peace — only to find it eating away at you later?

Because the truth is that most of us have learned to filter ourselves in all sorts of ways. Maybe you keep quiet to avoid confrontation. Maybe you downplay your feelings because you don’t want to seem ‘too much’. Or maybe you just run with your emotions and blurt out whatever comes to mind… because that’s easier than having to think about what you’re really feeling.

Whichever end of the spectrum you sit on — under-expressing or over-expressing — the impact on your mental health can be huge. Because when you’re not expressing yourself in a healthy and intentional way, you’re not just avoiding awkward conversations… you’re disconnecting from yourself. And that disconnection can quietly chip away at your confidence, your relationships, and your sense of peace.

So today I’m talking about the power of truly expressing yourself — and why learning to do it with clarity and confidence is one of the most important things you can do for your mental health and emotional wellbeing.

By the end of this episode, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what it really means to express yourself (without losing yourself), why it matters so much for your mental health, and how to start building the skills and habits to express yourself more effectively and intentionally.

Because when you learn to express yourself in a way that’s grounded, thoughtful and true to who you are — everything changes.

And, by the way, if you thought I was going to create an episode about expressing yourself and not quote Madonna, well… you’d be sorely mistaken! Because not only is Express Yourself one of her greatest songs ever, it’s also great advice: you should never go for second best… and that includes the way you treat yourself, and how you speak up to ensure your needs are being met!

So let’s take a moment to get ourselves on the same page with some definitions, and let’s talk about…

What does ‘expressing yourself’ mean?

Alright, so let’s talk about what it actually means to express yourself — because it’s a phrase we hear thrown around a lot, but often without much explanation. Expressing yourself is, quite simply, the act of letting other people know what’s going on for you — in your thoughts, your feelings, your needs, your opinions, and even your values. And I don’t mean expressing yourself in a dramatic, shout-it-from-the-rooftops kind of way (unless you’re doing karaoke — which, in that case… express away!). I mean in a calm, consistent, and confident way that reflects who you are and what matters to you.

It’s about being honest — not just with other people, but with yourself too.

And no, it’s not about being loud or attention-seeking or trying to dominate every conversation. Nor is it about having to ‘win’ every disagreement, or demanding that other people validate everything you think or feel. It’s about showing up in a way that’s authentic, respectful and clear… even when it’s difficult. It’s about not settling for being misunderstood or overlooked — not even by yourself!

On a practical level, expressing yourself can look like a lot of different things. It might mean telling your partner that something’s been bothering you, instead of just going quiet and hoping they somehow figure it out via telepathy. It might mean putting your hand up in a meeting to share an idea or ask a question, even if your heart’s pounding like you’ve just had three coffees and a Red Bull chaser. It might even be something as simple as saying, “Actually, I’m not OK today,” when someone asks you how you are — instead of just slapping on a fake smile and soldiering through.

Because when you hold all that stuff in, or pretend everything’s fine when it isn’t, it builds up. Slowly at first… and then suddenly… kind of like a shaken-up soft drink that explodes the moment someone opens it. That build-up often shows up later as anxiety, resentment, tension in your relationships, or snapping at someone over something that really had nothing to do with them.

And if you’re more on the other end of the spectrum — if you’re someone who tends to overshare their feelings before taking the time to consider the consequences, or if you often fire off blunt comments without thinking them through — then expressing yourself doesn’t mean giving yourself a free pass to say whatever you like without consequences. It means learning to pause, get clear on what you actually want and need to say (rather than just reacting in the moment), and then delivering it in a way that builds connection… instead of conflict.

In terms of your mental health, expressing yourself is about creating space for your inner world to be seen, heard, and understood — both by yourself, and by others. It’s how you validate your experiences and make sense of what’s going on inside you. It’s also how you build relationships that are grounded in honesty and mutual respect, instead of assumptions and guesswork. And while it’s definitely not always easy — especially if you come from a family or culture where keeping the peace meant keeping quiet — it is something you can learn to do in a way that feels right for you.

Because expressing yourself isn’t about being perfect all the time — it’s about being honest. It’s about being brave enough to let people see who you really are, and what you really think or feel… even if your voice shakes a bit when you do, or if you have to consider your words carefully so you don’t blow up. And yes, that might mean being vulnerable sometimes. But it also means building more authentic and meaningful connections — not just with others, but with yourself.

So whether you’re someone who bottles things up, or someone who blurts things out, this is about learning how to communicate in a way that reflects who you are and what you need — clearly, calmly and confidently. And when you start doing that regularly, you begin to feel more in control of your life, more connected in your relationships, and more aligned with who you actually want to be.

So, now let’s talk about…

Why does expressing yourself matter?

Alright, so let’s just get straight to the point… shall we? It matters because nobody can or will meet your needs for you; it’s up to you to ask for what you need, and the only way to do that is to ask for what you need!

How you do that matters. If you tend to explode every time something happens, instead of reflecting first and figuring out what you really need, then the focus ends up being on the explosion, rather than what the actual thing is that you need. Which causes you harm, mentally and emotionally (plus it can make a mess of your relationships as well).

And if you don’t express yourself, well… that’s harmful too, just in a different way. What stays stuck inside tends to grow — and not usually in a good way; when you don’t give yourself the space to process things and express what you’re thinking or feeling, that stuff doesn’t just disappear. It lingers. It simmers under the surface. And over time, it can turn into stress, anxiety, low self-worth, resentment, or a general sense of disconnection — from other people and, more worryingly, from yourself.

Expressing yourself is how you make sense of your inner world. It’s how you validate your own experience, instead of brushing it aside or pretending it doesn’t matter. It’s not about being dramatic or airing every emotion as it happens — it’s about having a healthy outlet for what you think, feel, and need. And when you don’t have that outlet, it’s very easy to start feeling like you don’t matter… or like your needs are less important than everyone else’s. And, over time, that chips away at your self-esteem and your sense of identity.

When you regularly express yourself in a healthy way, though, you give your thoughts and emotions somewhere to go. You’re not carrying them around, buried in the corners of your mind like emotional clutter. You’re clearing space. You’re releasing pressure. You’re creating the opportunity to be heard — whether that’s by someone else or by yourself. And being heard is one of the most fundamental human needs we have. It’s not about being validated all the time or needing constant reassurance — it’s about feeling seen. And when you feel seen and understood, you tend to have better mental wellbeing.

There’s also a huge emotional regulation component here. Think about the last time you snapped at someone over something small — chances are, that reaction wasn’t just about what happened in that moment. It was a build-up. A backlog. And if you’re constantly bottling things up, or swallowing how you really feel just to keep the peace, then those emotions don’t get resolved — they just accumulate. And the more they build up, the more likely they are to come out sideways… and often at the worst possible moment. Expressing yourself gives you a way to release that emotional build-up before it turns into a meltdown, or starts showing up in other ways — like trouble sleeping, chronic stress, or constant irritability.

Beyond the emotional side of things, there’s a strong connection here to self-respect and self-trust. When you speak up for yourself — whether it’s to set a boundary, share an idea, or just tell someone how you really feel — you’re reinforcing to yourself that you matter. That your voice counts. That you’re allowed to take up space in the world. And the more you do that, the more confident and grounded you tend to feel. Not because you’re suddenly ‘fixed’ or have all the answers — but because you’re building a consistent, honest relationship with yourself. And that’s one of the most powerful things you can do for your mental wellbeing.

Now, of course, expressing yourself doesn’t mean everything magically gets better overnight. Sometimes it brings up discomfort. Sometimes it leads to difficult conversations. But in the long run, being able to communicate honestly and calmly leads to stronger relationships, a deeper sense of connection, and a much greater feeling of peace within yourself.

It also helps to reduce anxiety, improve your emotional balance, strengthen your relationships, and increase your resilience. You feel more in control of your life, and more in tune with what actually matters to you. It’s not always easy — but it’s absolutely worth it.

Because when you start showing up for yourself by expressing what’s going on inside, everything else in your life starts to feel just a little bit lighter. A little more manageable. And a whole lot more honest.

So then… how do you do all that? Well let’s talk through some practical ways to approach it; but first, a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…

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And welcome back! Now let’s talk about… 

How to develop the art of self expression

OK, first… 

Start by checking in with yourself regularly — before you can express yourself clearly, you need to actually know what’s going on inside. And that means making time to check in with your thoughts and emotions on a regular basis. This helps you to develop your self-awareness, and it gives you clarity — and clarity is the foundation of healthy expression. After all… if you don’t know what you’re feeling or what you need, how can you communicate it to someone else? You can do this by taking a few moments each day to reflect and check in with your thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? What’s behind that? What needs aren’t being met? What do I actually need? You might find it helpful to write it down or say it out loud, or to just sit with the question for a while; whatever works for you. The point is to get familiar with your internal landscape so you can speak from a place of self-awareness. Alright, next…

Accept that you’re allowed to feel what you feel — we often censor ourselves because we’re afraid of being ‘too sensitive’ or ‘too much’… but emotions aren’t good or bad; they just are. Your feelings are valid. You’re allowed to say ‘I’m sad’ or ‘I’m frustrated’ or ‘I’m scared’ without needing to apologise, or justify yourself, or explain it away. The more you acknowledge your emotions without judgement, the easier it becomes to give yourself permission to express them calmly and confidently. OK, next…

Stop asking for permission to feel — so, this builds on the last point. If you tend to lead with disclaimers like “This probably sounds silly, but…” — stop. You don’t need to soften your truth to be taken seriously. Removing those qualifiers sends a message to yourself (and to others) that what you feel matters. Because it does. So, say it clearly; no preamble required. Next…

Learn to sit with discomfort — the fact is that healthy self-expression doesn’t always feel good in the moment. It can bring up awkwardness, vulnerability, or the fear of conflict. But discomfort isn’t dangerous; it’s a signal that you’re stretching outside your comfort zone. And the more you practice sitting with that feeling, instead of running from it, the stronger and more grounded you’ll feel… and that means you stop letting fear silence your voice. OK, next…

Don’t wait until you’re at boiling point — it can be tempting to hold things in until they overflow… but by then, it’s rarely going to wind up being a calm conversation. That’s usually when you wind up going off like a firecracker! Try expressing what you feel earlier, when it’s still manageable. Yes, it might feel awkward at first… but it saves a lot of mess later. Speaking up sooner helps you avoid explosive reactions, and leads to more honest and respectful communication. Next…

Learn to pause before reacting — when emotions are high, a short pause can be the difference between clarity and chaos. Pause, take a couple of slow breaths, and gently count to ten before you even consider reacting. If you need to buy yourself some time (for example, if you’re talking to someone), then say, “Let me think about that for a moment.” It also helps to take a moment or two (after you’ve counted to 10) to label what you’re feeling, and to then identify why you’re feeling that way; once you know that, you can then think about how to respond in a constructive way. Giving yourself space allows your rational brain to catch up with your emotions, and it helps you respond in a considered and intentional way (instead of just reacting based on pure instinct). Speaking of intention, my next point is… 

Clarify your intention before you speak — so, before you dive into a difficult conversation take a moment to ask yourself: ‘What am I hoping to achieve?’ If your goal is to connect or be understood, knowing that in advance helps guide what you say and how you say it. It also gives you something to come back to if things get tense — a kind of internal compass to help you stay on track. OK, next…

Set clear boundaries… and stick to them — it’s rare that an episode goes by here on Let’s Talk About Mental Health without me bringing up the importance of boundaries… and with good reason! Expressing yourself isn’t just about words; it’s about actions… and setting boundaries is one of the clearest ways to show what matters to you. That might sound like, “I’m not available after 9pm,” or “I’m not OK with that.” Boundaries show people how to treat you, and reinforce your own self-respect. And yes, it takes practice — but it gets easier every time you do it. I talked about how to set healthy boundaries in Episode 248 if you’d like to explore that topic further (I’ll link it in the description, or just head to ltamh.com and find it on the ‘Episodes’ page where all my episodes are linked). Alright, next…

Use “I” statements to communicate your needs — saying something like, “You never listen to me!” feels like an attack. But saying, “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted” opens the door to connection. This type of small shift can change everything; it helps to keep communication respectful and grounded, especially in emotionally charged situations. You can use a basic framework like: “When [this happens], I feel [this], and what I need is [this].” It’s respectful, clear, and less likely to trigger defensiveness — especially in emotionally charged moments. Next…

Watch your tone and body language… and really listen! — healthy self-expression isn’t just about what you say, it’s how you say it and how you show up in the moment. If your words say one thing but your tone or body language says another, people will sense that disconnect. Try to stay aware of your tone (because remaining calm and measured goes a long way towards getting your point across), and be aware of your body language (being open, rather than closed off, is more engaging). It also helps massively to consciously practice active listening; in other words, where you’re fully present in the conversation and not just waiting for your turn to speak. When you listen well, people are more likely to listen to you in return. And when your words and presence match, you’re more likely to be understood. OK, next…

Practice saying what you actually mean — it’s easy to dilute your message out of fear or to avoid conflict… but that often leads to frustration or passive-aggressive behaviour. Instead of saying “It’s fine!” when it clearly isn’t, try “I’m feeling off about this — can we talk it through?” Clear and honest communication builds your own confidence in your voice, and it helps others take you seriously. Next…

Let go of the need for perfection — you won’t always get it right, and that’s fine; in the words of Alyssa Edwards, “Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to is.” You’re going to stumble sometimes. Maybe you’ll say the wrong thing, or the right thing in the wrong way. Or maybe you’ll blank completely. It’s OK. Expressing yourself isn’t about being flawless and perfect, it’s about being real. The more you allow yourself room for imperfection, the more freedom you’ll find in being honest. Messy progress beats silent perfection hands-down every single time. OK, next…

Don’t mistake silence for peace — staying quiet about issues or problems might feel easier in the short term, but when the truth is left unspoken it tends to fester and grow. Real peace isn’t about avoiding discomfort; it’s about being in alignment with yourself. You can create that by gently but firmly speaking up and saying what needs to be said; even if your voice shakes, it’s better than keeping things bottled up. The longer you silence yourself to avoid discomfort, the more disconnected you’ll feel from your true self… so, speak your truth and tackle whatever needs to be tackled (because it’s not going to just magically fix itself!). Alright, next…

Let go of the need for approval — look, you can express yourself beautifully, respectfully, and clearly… and some people won’t like it. Or they still won’t hear you. Or they’ll react defensively. Or they’ll shut down. And while all of that’s very frustrating, it’s also out of your control. Your job is to speak your truth with honesty and consideration. Their reaction? That’s on them. The more you release the need for approval or agreement, the more freedom you’ll feel. And the more you’ll start to realise that expressing yourself isn’t about changing others — it’s about standing strong in who you are. Speak your truth with kindness and respect, and let go of the outcome. Your job is to honour your needs, not to manage everyone else’s reactions. OK, next…

Reflect and adjust as you go — every time you express yourself, it’s a learning opportunity. Maybe it worked well. Maybe it didn’t. Either way, take a moment afterwards to ask: What did I learn from this? What went well? What could I do differently next time? The more you reflect, the more you grow. And the more you grow, the easier all of this becomes.

Final Tips and Next Time

Because when it comes to expressing yourself, what it all boils down to is this:

Expressing yourself isn’t about being loud and dramatic, or always getting it right… it’s about learning to show up honestly, calmly and confidently as the person you truly are, even when that might feel a bit uncomfortable. Because the more you practice tuning into what you think, feel and need — and then expressing that with clarity and self-respect — the stronger your sense of self becomes, and the more peaceful and connected your inner world will feel. Every time you speak your truth with intention, you’re choosing self-trust over self-doubt, and growth over silence.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by Madonna, and it is:

“Express yourself — don’t repress yourself.”

Madonna

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week!

What’s one thing you’ve been holding back that needs to be expressed? Leave me a comment and let’s talk — it will feel much easier to tackle once you get it off your chest!

Join my free mailing list at ltamh.com to stay up to date with new episodes and more.

You might find my recent Quick Guide episode about expressing yourself without losing your cool helpful, plus the one about thinking before you act, so I’ll link those as well.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com   

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2024 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.