Your needs matter… but are you making them matter?! In this episode I’m exploring why it’s essential to be a priority in your own life and how to make your needs a priority. So, let’s talk! 😃

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TRANSCRIPT

How to make your needs a priority

Are your needs being met? Are you looking after your own needs, or just everyone else’s? Are you a priority in your own life, or an afterthought? And what does it look like when you make you a priority? 

Well, that’s what I’m talking about this week… so if you’re ready to learn how to meet your own needs for the sake of your mental health, then let’s talk!

Hello and thanks for joining me for the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, the independent show full of simple ideas for better mental health!

If you’re new here, hi! I’m Jeremy Godwin, I’m a writer and mental health counsellor, and this isn’t your regular podcast full of interviews or random opinions; each week I teach you practical ways to improve your mental wellbeing, based on quality research and my own experience of learning how to live well with anxiety and depression (after a breakdown in 2011 that totally changed my life).

This is Episode 264 and today I’m talking about how to make your needs a priority — what that means, why it’s essential for good mental health, and how to do it.

So, let’s talk!

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Are you treating your needs like they’re optional extras… or are they truly a priority in your life? It’s a question that’s worth asking yourself regularly, because the way you manage your own needs has a direct impact on your mental health, your sense of balance, and your overall happiness. And, let’s face it: most of us are far better at looking after others than we are at looking after ourselves!

In this episode, I’m exploring why making your needs a priority isn’t just a nice idea, and why it’s absolutely essential for better mental health and wellbeing. It’s not about being selfish, but about being intentional and recognising that it’s a case of ‘if you don’t look after your needs, who will?’. As always, I’ll be sharing lots of simple and practical strategies to help you identify your needs, set boundaries, and create a life for yourself that feels more balanced and fulfilling.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, stretched too thin, or like your own needs are constantly taking a back seat, then this episode is for you. Because when you make yourself a priority, you’re not just improving your mental health; you’re creating a stronger, happier, and more resilient version of yourself.

So, let’s get ourselves on the same page with some definitions and let’s talk about… 

What does making your needs a priority mean? 

And it’s about recognising that you — yes, you — are just as important as everyone else in your life, if not more so; after all, how do you show up for the people you care about if you’re not taking care of yourself? 

I talk a lot in this podcast about finding balance in all things, and that’s very much what this is about: maintaining a healthy balance between what you need and what others need. I know this is a real cliché to say, but it’s like on the plane when they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first; as much as you might want to look after your loved ones during an emergency, you’re not going to be of any use to anyone if you’re gasping for air or passed out… and the same goes for how you approach your life. We all have needs — from our basic needs (like food, water, shelter, safety, etc.), through to our more advanced needs (like love, belonging, achieving our goals, and more) — and it’s not selfish or indulgent to take time to make sure those needs are met.

It means acknowledging that your time, energy, and well-being deserve effort and attention, and it’s about finding the balance between supporting others and looking after yourself… because that balance is the sweet spot where your mental health and general happiness start to thrive.

Practically speaking, making your needs a priority means learning to identify and honour the things that matter most to you — not just what other people want or expect from you. It’s about understanding what you need to feel good, function well, and grow as a person. Sometimes that might be small, everyday things, like setting aside 20 minutes of quiet time with a book (and preferably something that’s not a self-help book because, honestly, sometimes you just need a bit of escapism!). Other times, it’s about bigger-picture priorities, like saying no to commitments that don’t align with your values or goals… even if saying no feels uncomfortable at first.

On an emotional level, making your needs a priority feels like relief. It’s the exhale after holding your breath for too long. It’s clarity replacing overwhelm. At first, it might feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re not used to advocating for yourself. You might worry about how others will react, or whether you’re being unreasonable… but, over time, it starts to feel empowering — like a quiet, steady, tangible confidence that comes from knowing you’re taking care of yourself, not just running on autopilot for everyone else.

From a mental health perspective, this idea is more than just a nice concept — it’s foundational. When you consistently put your own needs last, it can lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, or even low self-worth. You might start feeling like your life is happening to you rather than being something you’re actively steering… and that’s not a great place to be; it’s like being stuck in a car on a never-ending road trip where someone else keeps choosing the playlist, and it’s all avant-garde pirate metal.

So, in this context prioritising your needs means acknowledging that your mental health deserves the same care and attention as your physical health. Just like you wouldn’t ignore a broken leg (or at least, I hope you wouldn’t ignore it!), you shouldn’t disregard signs that your mind is crying out for rest, joy, or connection. That might mean needing to set boundaries at work to protect your downtime, or seeking support from a counsellor when things feel too heavy to handle alone, and being proactive rather than reactive by taking small, consistent steps to nurture your mental health before things hit breaking point.

It’s also about giving yourself permission to be human. Some days, you’ll nail it. Other days, you might slip back into old habits of putting everyone else first. And that’s OK; progress isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up for yourself as often as you can, because you’re the one in control of your life.

Now let’s talk about…

Why you need to make your needs a priority

Making your needs a priority is important because it’s the foundation for living a balanced and fulfilling life. When you acknowledge and respect your own needs, you’re not only honouring your worth but also creating a life that reflects who you truly are. It’s about recognising that you can’t give your best to others if you’re constantly running on empty. Think of it like charging a phone: if you’re always at 1%, it’s only a matter of time before you shut down completely. By addressing your needs, you’re building the energy and resilience required to handle life’s challenges while also making space for joy and personal growth.

In general terms, prioritising your needs ensures you can show up as your best self in all areas of your life. Instead of neglecting your own wellbeing, you can create greater balance and calmness by caring for yourself. That doesn’t mean ignoring others or becoming self-absorbed; it’s about finding that healthy middle ground where your needs and those of others coexist harmoniously. By taking ownership of your time, energy, and emotions, you cultivate a sense of control over your life, rather than feeling like you’re being swept along by everyone else’s demands.

Prioritising your needs also prevents the buildup of stress and emotional fatigue. When you put yourself last, your mental health often takes the hit and it can be easy to fall into patterns of neglecting rest, pushing through exhaustion, or suppressing your emotions just to ‘keep the peace.’ But, over time, these choices add up, leading to increased anxiety, low mood, and even physical health issues.

Prioritising your needs allows you to create space for recovery, reflection, and personal growth. For example, setting boundaries around your time and energy helps you manage stress more effectively, which in turn supports better mental clarity and emotional resilience. It also means recognising when you need professional help, like seeking therapy or reaching out for support when life feels overwhelming. By making your mental health a non-negotiable priority, you’re actively building a strong foundation for long-term wellbeing.

Also, when you make choices that align with your values and take care of your emotional needs you’re reinforcing the message to yourself that you’re worthy of care and consideration, which can have a profound impact on your self-esteem and overall happiness. Essentially, it’s about creating a healthier relationship with yourself; one where you’re as committed to your own wellbeing as you are to anyone else’s.

By putting yourself high on the list of people who matter to you, you’re creating a ripple effect that benefits not only your own life but also the lives of those around you. After all, when you’re at your best, you can give your best; whether it’s to your loved ones, your work, or the things you care about most. As Whitney Houston sang, “Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all” — and, in this case, it’s also the smartest investment in your wellbeing.

So, how do you do that? Well, let’s first take a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…

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And welcome back! Now let’s get into the how-to part of today’s episode and let’s talk about… 

How to make your needs a priority

Alright, let’s talk through some practical tips for prioritising your needs, starting with… 

Get clear on what you need — and, I mean, how can you prioritise something if you don’t know what it is?! Take some time to reflect on what’s most important to you — both in the big picture (like feeling fulfilled in your work, etc.) and in day-to-day times (like needing quiet time in the mornings, for example). Clarity is the foundation of action; when you know what matters, it’s easier to make decisions that align with your priorities. Try journaling, meditating, or simply asking yourself questions like, “What’s working in my life?”, “What’s missing?” and “What would make me feel better supported?” and use those as a starting point to brainstorm your list of needs. You’ll find it helpful to do this every few months, maybe every quarter, so you can stay on top of things and focused. Next…

Set boundaries — and I basically say this every episode, because boundaries are your best friend when it comes to protecting your time and energy. They’re not about shutting people out; they’re about letting people know what’s OK and what isn’t (so that they don’t make the decision for you!). Boundaries help prevent overcommitment and resentment, which often arise when you stretch yourself too thin or feel taken advantage of. Start by saying no to one thing that doesn’t serve your needs, politely but firmly. For example, saying “I’m sorry, I can’t take that on right now,” is perfectly acceptable and you don’t have to explain further. Practice this regularly, and it will become second nature. You can find more in-depth tips on setting healthy boundaries in Episode 248. OK, next… 

Learn to say no — I know, I know, saying no can feel awkward… but it’s one of the most effective ways to make room for your own needs. Every time you say yes to something that doesn’t serve you, you’re saying no to something that could. Saying no reinforces your boundaries and frees up your time and energy for the things that truly matter. Start small by saying no to one low-stakes request this week, something you’d usually agree to out of habit. The more you practice, the easier it gets. If you struggle with saying no without feeling guilty, check out Episode 258. Next…

Treat your energy like currency — think of your energy as money in a bank; you (hopefully) wouldn’t spend recklessly, so why give your time and attention away without thought? This approach reframes how you view your limits and your needs. Start each day by deciding where to ‘spend’ your energy: Which tasks, people, or activities genuinely matter? If something feels like a bad investment (like draining social interactions), consider withdrawing your energy and redirecting it to something more fulfilling. OK, next… 

Adopt a ‘What Would ‘Future Me’ Thank Me For?’ mindset — so, when you’re faced with a decision, ask yourself, “What would ‘future me’ be happiest with?” This shifts your perspective, making it easier to prioritise your long-term wellbeing over short-term convenience. For example, ‘future you’ might thank you for skipping a late-night Netflix binge to get enough sleep, or for saying no to a commitment that would have left you feeling drained. This is a simple mindset shift that encourages more intentional and thoughtful choices. Next…

Listen to your body — whether you realise it or not, your body is constantly sending you signals about what it needs: rest, movement, nourishment, or maybe even just a deep breath. Consciously tuning into those signals is a powerful way to prioritise your wellbeing, because your physical health is closely tied to your mental and emotional health. You can do this by checking in with yourself throughout the day: Are you hungry? Tired? Tense? Respond accordingly, whether that means eating something nutritious, stretching, or taking a five-minute breather. OK, next…

Communicate your needs — sometimes people don’t meet your needs because they don’t know what they are; I hate to break it to you, but other people can’t read your mind! Communicating openly and honestly about what you need helps you avoid misunderstandings, and it strengthens your relationships. Plus it allows others to support you more effectively, while also reinforcing your own commitment to prioritising yourself. For example, try letting your partner know you need some quiet time after work, or telling a friend that you’re choosing to manage your social commitments more mindfully. Next…

Practice saying “I need…” — so, learning to articulate your needs clearly is a skill, and practicing it can make a big difference because it shifts your mindset from passively hoping others will notice your needs to actively advocating for yourself. For example, instead of saying, “I’m fine” when you’re definitely not, try saying, “I need some time to decompress.” Start small, and over time, it will feel more natural to express your needs without guilt or hesitation. OK, next…

Simplify your to-do list — a never-ending to-do list is the enemy of self-care, so simplify it by focusing on your top priorities and letting go of tasks that aren’t essential. This reduces the mental clutter that keeps you from focusing on what really matters. Start each day by choosing your top three priorities and tackling those first. The rest can wait; or, in many cases, they can be dropped altogether. And so that leads to my next point…

Declutter your commitments — take a close look at your schedule and ask yourself, “Does this really serve me?” Decluttering your commitments helps because it frees up time for the things that truly matter and reduces the stress that comes from overcommitting. Review your weekly obligations and eliminate or delegate anything that feels unnecessary or draining. If that’s difficult, remind yourself that saying no to one thing is saying yes to something more meaningful. Next…

Set non-negotiables — your ‘non-negotiables’ are the things you commit to doing no matter what; those essential practices or habits that support your wellbeing. Being clear about what they are helps you establish a solid foundation for self-care, and makes it easier to prioritise your needs consistently. For example, your non-negotiable might be getting 7–8 hours of sleep every night or carving out 15 minutes each day for mindfulness. Write them down and treat them as commitments to yourself that are essential to honour, just like you’d honour commitments to others. Next…

Schedule time for yourself — let’s be real here: if it’s not in your calendar, it’s far too easy to let other things take priority… and that’s usually what happens! Scheduling time for yourself ensures that your needs are built into your routine, not left to chance, and it removes the guesswork; you don’t have to decide in the moment whether or not to prioritise yourself. Set aside regular blocks of time for activities that recharge you, whether that’s a weekly yoga class, an hour for reading, or even just a 15-minute walk around the block. OK, next…

Delegate or ask for help — because you really don’t have to do everything yourself. Delegating tasks, or asking for help, is a practical way to free up energy to focus on your needs. It reduces overwhelm, and it allows you to focus on what truly requires your attention (instead of just trying to tackle everything that’s thrown your way). For example, if you’re swamped at work, ask a colleague for support or discuss priorities with your manager. At home, involve your family in chores rather than shouldering everything yourself. This isn’t about passing the buck; it’s about working smarter, not harder (and recognising that you don’t have to do everything). Next…

Focus on what you can control — trying to control everything is a guaranteed way to burn out… so, instead, focus on what’s within your power, like your actions, reactions, words, and priorities. This helps reduce frustration and it allows you to spend your energy wisely. For example, you can’t control how someone reacts to your boundaries, but you can control how you communicate them. Letting go of what’s outside of your control creates space for focusing on your own needs. Next…

Create a “me-first” morning ritual — start your day with a ritual that’s all about you, whether it’s 10 minutes of stretching, journalling, sipping tea quietly, or blasting your favourite ’80s power ballad (I mean, I think we all know that ‘Eye of the Tiger’ was basically invented for this specific reason!). I start my day with positive affirmations, gratitude practice, and intention setting, plus I do a thing that I call ‘no access’, where I don’t give the outside world access to me for the first hour of my day (so no emails, no social media, no news; just a focus on easing myself into the day in a thoughtful way). Having a self-focused routine is helpful because how you begin your day sets the tone for everything that follows. Choose an activity that feels nourishing and meaningful to you, and commit to it daily. It doesn’t have to be elaborate; consistency is what makes it powerful. So that leads to my next point… 

Use affirmations — because positive affirmations can help shift your mindset towards prioritising yourself, reinforcing positive beliefs about your worth and your ability to meet your needs. For example, try saying, “I deserve to take care of myself” or “Meeting my needs helps me thrive.” Write them down, stick them on your mirror, or repeat them during moments of self-doubt. Over time, they can help you build a much healthier inner dialogue. I have a simple digital tool full of 25 positive affirmations for better mental health; it’s available in my store and it’s linked in the episode description. OK, next… 

Take a regular ‘Life Admin’ day — sometimes, the biggest block to prioritising your needs is an overwhelming to-do list. So, designate a ‘life admin’ day (or half day) to tackle all those pesky errands and tasks, because clearing the clutter (both physical and mental) frees up time and energy for yourself. On this day, pay the bills, organise your wardrobe, or deep-clean the fridge — then reward yourself with something you enjoy, like a good film or a nice dinner. Alright, next…

Surround yourself with supportive people — the people around you can either support or hinder your efforts to prioritise your needs; choosing to surround yourself with those who respect your boundaries and encourage your self-care helps to reinforce positive habits. Seek out friends, family, or colleagues who value mutual respect and are willing to listen when you express your needs. At the same time, work on limiting interactions with people who consistently drain your energy or disregard (or disrespect) your priorities. Remember that you’re always in control of who has access to you, and what that access looks and feels like.

Final Tips and Next Time

Because when it comes to prioritising your needs, what it all boils down to is this:

Making your needs a priority isn’t just an act of self-care — it’s a commitment to living a life that reflects your worth and values. When you take the time to honour what truly matters to you, you’re building a foundation for better mental health, greater resilience, and a deeper sense of fulfilment. It’s about showing up for yourself, day by day, and recognising that your needs are just as valid as anyone else’s… and remembering that you can’t fill from an empty cup, so you need to look after yourself. After all, when you feel your best, you can give your best.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by the German writer Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, and it is:

“The things that matter most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter least.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week!

How do you make your needs a priority? Leave me a comment and let’s talk! 

And support my show on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes and exclusive content; it’s linked in the episode description.

Next week I’ll be talking about how to improve your work life balance; that will be out on January the 19th and I hope you’ll join me for it! 

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com   

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program written and created by me (Jeremy Godwin), and I rely on listeners like you to help with the costs of producing my podcast each week. If you’d like to support my show, you can become a paid subscriber on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes. Thank you!

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TOOLS & RESOURCES FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

I offer simple digital products that will help you improve and look after your mental health. My Daily Affirmations tool will help you start your day with focus and intention, grounding you and creating a sense of calm. My Daily Reflection Tool is a buy-once-use-forever PDF tool that helps you to do the work that will lead to better mental health and well-being. Plus I have a Masterclass Video which is like your own coaching session with me so that you can get the most out of your daily tool. Buy the two as a bundle and save 20% for a limited time! Click the links below for your chosen product(s):

Click here for details of mental health resources in most countries.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2024 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.