Thinking more positively, while still being realistic, changes everything… and that’s why we’re talking about it this week. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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About this episode:

What if you could feel more positive… without just pretending everything’s fine?

Well, that’s what realistic positive thinking is all about.

It’s not about ignoring what’s hard; it’s about choosing to focus on what’s helpful, even when life feels overwhelming.

This week on Let’s Talk About Mental Health I’m exploring how to use realistic positive thinking to protect your peace and support your mental wellbeing… without slipping into ‘toxic positivity’ territory.

💡 Quick Tip: Instead of saying to yourself “I should be more positive,” try “I could choose to focus on what’s going well today.” It’s a minor shift that changes your mindset in a major way.

Because when you stop faking positivity and genuinely start thinking differently about things, that’s when real change begins.

🎧 Ready to rethink positivity in a way that actually helps? Then let’s talk!

The full episode is out now. Watch it, listen to it, or read the full transcript below, and have a great week!

Jeremy 😃

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Episode Transcript:

Realistic positive thinking changes EVERYTHING!

When you’re struggling, the idea of ‘thinking positively’ can feel impossible or a bit too woo woo… or worse yet, downright insulting.

You know you’re supposed to ‘stay hopeful’, but sometimes that just feels fake or like it’s way too much pressure… especially if it’s after you’ve just watched the news.

But the problem isn’t you.

It’s how we talk about positivity.

In this episode, I’m teaching you how to use realistic positive thinking to support your mental health in a way that actually works in the real world.

So let’s talk about positive thinking!

It can sometimes feel like there are only two types of people in this world: the ones who constantly panic because they’re convinced the world is falling apart, and the ones floating through life saying ‘good vibes only’ while riding on a magical carpet made of unicorn dreams. 

But there’s a better way, a healthier way, and it’s the middle way: realistic positive thinking.

Because positive thinking isn’t about pretending everything’s fine.

It’s about choosing to focus on hope… even when things are messy.

It’s one of the most powerful ways to protect your mental health, especially when life is hard.

So in this episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, we’re going to explore the power of being realistically positive.

To do that, we’ll talk about what positive thinking really is and what it isn’t, why it impacts your mental wellbeing, and how to use it in a way that actually helps… especially when life feels overwhelming.

By the way, if you’re new here, I’m Jeremy Godwin, and each week I teach you how to improve your mental health in a way that’s straightforward and simple to put into practice.

So let’s start by asking…

What is realistic positive thinking?

The idea of thinking positively, but in a realistic type of way, means that you’re consciously choosing to focus on hope and possibility… without ignoring reality.

Realistic positive thinking is a balanced and intentional mindset. It means consciously choosing to focus on what’s helpful, hopeful, or constructive, without denying the truth of how things really are.

Now, when you have a thought or feeling, you have one of two options: you can either just let it pass, because thoughts are not permanent, or you can choose to grab onto the thought, dig your claws in for grim life and ride it like you’re on a bucking bronco.

Now, I know that’s a very specific image there. But it’s what our thoughts do, especially negative thoughts, if we let them take over; they go wild and they kind of flail about left, right, and centre, and potentially turn everything into a fight for survival.

Your brain loves negative thoughts because it’s hardwired to protect you… and so when a negative thought comes along, it goes, “Here we go! I’m going into protection mode now, and I’m gonna double down on worrying about anything and everything so I can keep us safe. Look at me! Look at me! I’m a good brain, aren’t I?!”

But most of your thoughts are just that: thoughts.

They’re not facts, they’re not reality… they’re just thoughts.

And your brain, as great as it is, isn’t particularly great or even particularly rational about how it processes thoughts. Often it doesn’t know the difference between reality and thought. It tries to protect you, and so often it will very quickly take that type of thought and go, “Uh, we’re in danger!” And it will quickly look at what is the worst possible potential outcome here and then it’ll fixate on that… even more so if you’re like me, prone to anxiety, or you live with anxiety. It’s why sometimes the slightest suggestion of a headache can result in your mind going, “It’s a tumour!”

However, choosing to focus consciously on realistic positive thoughts steers your thinking away from the negative and it puts you back in control.

It really helps you to put things into context so that you can start thinking more rationally again… not to mention so you can have the headspace that you need to focus less on problems and more on solutions.

Because when you are stuck in negative thinking mode, it can seem almost impossible to find solutions to your problems.

This is not about pretending that everything’s great when it isn’t; it’s about being realistic about what is, and it’s about acknowledging what’s difficult and still choosing to believe that something good is possible… whether that’s progress, healing, better times, or just simply making it through another day.

The way you think shapes the way you feel, which in turn shapes the way you act.

And so if you can learn to think in more constructive and hopeful ways, without lying to yourself about the crappy stuff, that’s when you can build a more stable and supportive foundation for your mental health.

It’s not about being relentlessly cheerful all the time, or being some sort of Stepford Wife; that’s just delusional and borderline creepy.

What it’s about is giving yourself permission to hope, even if things are uncertain or difficult… because hope is what keeps humanity alive. We’re only here because we hope, and keep on going.

Realistic positive thinking is based on self-awareness and choice. It starts with asking yourself: “What’s true right now?” And then, “What’s a helpful way I can respond to this?”

Thinking this way helps to shift you from black and white ’all or nothing’ thinking like, “This is a disaster!” or, “Everything always goes wrong!” and it moves you towards much more flexible thinking, and you’re able to look at the bigger picture. So that might sound like, you know, thinking to yourself, “This is hard, but I’ve handled tough things before,” or “Yes, parts of the world are a bit of a dumpster fire at the moment, but we’ve overcome these types of things before and we will continue to do so; we will do so again.”

It’s also a skill, rather than a personality trait, and so that means positive thinking is something that you can learn. You don’t have to be a naturally upbeat person to practice realistic positivity; it’s something that you can build over time through practice and intention.

And it’s not about ignoring the world or living in a bubble… it’s about protecting your peace so that you can show up more clearly and calmly in your life, even when the world feels like a hot, chaotic mess.

So now let’s talk about…

Why is positive thinking important? 

First, let me ask you a question. When was the last time you noticed your own thoughts spiralling? So, you know the kind of thing I’m talking about: one small thing goes wrong and suddenly you’re catastrophising everything; you forget to buy the milk, and somehow that leads you to decide that you’re a complete failure at life. We all do it sometimes; it’s human nature.

But what happens next is where your thoughts start to really shape your mental health, because when you get stuck in those negative loops, when your internal dialogue becomes harsh or hopeless, or when you descend into panic mode, that’s when it affects how you feel emotionally, as well as how you show up in the world and how you take care of yourself.

And the thing is, most of us don’t even realise that we’re doing it.

That internal monologue, the one that says “This will never get any better!” or “I can’t handle this!”… that runs on autopilot. It often winds up reinforcing itself day after day after day.

And that’s why positive thinking matters.

Not the fake sugarcoated kind that you see on Instagram, but the realistic and grounded kind; the type that says, “It’s OK, this isn’t the end of the world,” or “No, you’re not completely useless.”

That type of thinking helps you to take back control of your mental space from those nasty and negative thoughts that want you to believe that you’re the worst thing in the world. By the way, you’re not! Those thoughts are only happening because your brain is trying to look after you in this kind of really messed up, tough-love sort of way.

Positive thinking helps you to calm those voices and to protect your peace. And more than that, it helps you to stop working against yourself.

So let’s break it down a bit more:

Your thoughts shape your feelings.

So if you’re constantly telling yourself that things are hopeless, or that you’re not capable, then sooner or later you’re going to believe that story… which will make it hard to see anything positive, and you’re going to wind up feeling like rubbish about yourself, not to mention feeling more anxious and more stuck in whatever the situation is. Realistic positive thinking creates more helpful emotional states. It helps you to feel calmer and more confident, and to feel more hopeful… and all of that is significantly better for helping you to take action than just wallowing in negativity.

Positive thinking also supports your resilience.

When you believe that things can improve, even if they’re tough right now, that’s when you’re more likely to keep going and to look for solutions… both of which will help you to bounce back from setbacks. That belief becomes fuel. It’s the thing that helps you to see the bigger picture, and to believe that you can make a positive difference by focusing on what’s within your control. You know, there might be a lot of nonsense going on in the world at the moment, but you have a choice: you can either put your hands up and resign yourself to being a victim of external circumstances, which is negative thinking in action, or you can say to yourself, “OK, self, what can I do? I may not be able to change the entire world. But I can definitely make a difference at a more local level.” And the more of us that do that, the more it adds up… the more it makes a positive difference in the world. Because all of that good stuff adds up bit by bit. Never, ever underestimate the impact a single action can have on the world!

Positive thinking changes your self-talk.

Realistic positive thinking helps you to shift your internal language from criticism to compassion. And when you start speaking to yourself like someone who’s worth supporting, which you most definitely are by the way, that’s when you create a safer mental environment for yourself instead of being your own bully and just constantly attacking yourself.

It also helps to break the cycle of rumination.

Negative thinking often leads you to spiral through these thoughts, where you’re replaying problems or issues over and over; imagining the worst case scenarios for things or getting emotionally stuck or going over things that did or didn’t happen over and over again. But that doesn’t change anything. Now, positive thinking doesn’t mean that you just ignore problems. It’s about consciously redirecting your mental energy away from the problem itself and towards potential solutions; towards what’s helpful, or possible. Because whether you focus your energy on problems or solutions, what you focus on is what you will focus on.

Positive thinking also encourages action.

Positive thoughts create more helpful emotions; helpful emotions lead to more intentional behaviour. So that might mean reaching out to someone for support, or addressing an issue, or setting a boundary, or even just getting out of bed and facing the day instead of giving in to the temptation to wallow in negativity.

And positive thinking gives you back your power.

When life feels chaotic, realistic positivity helps you to reconnect with your sense of agency. Because while you may not be able to control everything, which we just discussed in last week’s episode, you can choose how you respond… and that can make all the difference to your mental wellbeing. 

So if your thoughts have been dragging you down lately, if your internal voice has become more cruel than kind, this is the type of mindset work that’s going to help the most. 

Because mindset is everything, and everything is mindset.

And once you start shifting the way you think, you shift the way you feel.

And when you shift the way you feel, everything else becomes easier to manage.

That’s why positive thinking isn’t just some feel-good trend, or a basic affirmation on social media; it’s a practical, evidence-based way to support better mental health in real life.

So how do you actually put realistic positive thinking into practice, especially when life feels messy or overwhelming? Well, that’s exactly what we’re going to be talking about right after this quick break!

[AD BREAK]

And welcome back! Now we’re going to get into the how to part of today’s episode. So let’s talk about…

How to think positively without ignoring reality

Alright, so we’re going to talk through a number of ways you can learn how to practice positive thinking and I’m splitting these up into four broad themes: self-awareness, talk to yourself differently, build daily habits, and protect your emotional environment.

So let’s begin with self-awareness, and my first tip is…

Shift your mindset with self-awareness. Let’s start with the foundation of all positive thinking: being self-aware… because before you can shift your thoughts in helpful directions, you need to first understand what’s really going on inside your head and you also need to gently challenge the stuff that isn’t serving you. So take some time to sit with your thoughts and make some notes, or use a journal as a way of expressing what you notice. Do this regularly, and identify any patterns or ongoing thought processes that you need to be aware of. So, I have one where I often become quite self-critical when I’m writing these episodes. So now that I’m aware of that pattern, which only pops up every now and then, usually if I’m not in a great head space about something else, when it happens I can be a lot more proactive about it by addressing it before it gets out of control. So, for example, by talking about it with my counsellor or my partner, or reading through the types of wonderful feedback that I get from people like you, which helps to remind me of the good that my work does and why I do what I do instead of just getting stuck in my own head about things… which is easy to do when it’s just you on your own in front of a computer and a little home office! Next…

Let yourself feel what you feel. Positive thinking isn’t about skipping over your emotions. It’s about acknowledging them. That’s the ‘realistic’ part at play. Don’t pretend you’re fine when you’re not. If you’re feeling flat or anxious, or if you’re just a bit ‘off’, name it and give yourself permission to sit with what’s true. Because when you validate how you actually feel, instead of just forcing yourself to hurry up and get over it, that’s how you create the space for more constructive and objective thinking. You don’t have to wallow in these feelings. You can sit and acknowledge that they are what they are and allow them just to move through you. They will pass. Next…

Use ‘and’ thinking. When things are tough, your brain often defaults into ‘black and white’ modes, saying things to yourself like, “This is completely awful!” or “I shouldn’t complain!” But two things can be true at the same time, and you need to allow space for that to be the case. So, try reframing your thoughts with ‘and statements’ instead; for example, “This is hard, and I know I can get through it.” That one simple word, ‘and’, creates space for two truths to exist, and that’s a really important part of realistic positivity. Next…

Notice when you’re catastrophising. Your mind loves to run wild with worst case scenarios. Catch those spiralling thoughts by asking yourself, “Am I imagining? Or observing?” If it’s imagination, pause, take a breath, ask what’s the most likely outcome realistically, and then go from there. Challenging that automatic panic mode and also challenging yourself to focus on reality creates a much more grounded mental space for yourself. Next…

Let go of ‘should’. I hate the word ‘should’ with a passion and a fury that burns deep and long… because ‘should’ is a word that just absolutely drips with shame. “I should be more grateful.” “I should be more capable.” No! What you ‘should’ be is a lot more kind to yourself! Do that by swapping the word ‘should’ with ‘could’. For example, “I could try being more grateful today.” That tiny shift makes your thoughts feel like they’re a choice, instead of a judgment or a punishment. Next…

Let go of the fantasy of control. Sometimes, negativity is a form of self-protection; you might convince yourself everything will go wrong, so you won’t be disappointed… so it becomes a safety thing. But real power comes from letting go of needing control. Focus instead on what’s within reach: your thoughts, your responses, your actions… and choose to let go of the rest. If you need help with how to do that, check out Episode 291 which is linked in the description, or just head to ltamh.com; if you sign up to my free mailing list there you actually get my weekly newsletter and full episode transcripts in your inbox every Sunday.

OK, so once you’ve started noticing your patterns, the next broad step is about talking to yourself differently. We kind-of touched on it before, but the words that you use inside your head have real power, and so let’s focus on speaking to yourself in ways that are grounded and kind… and actually helpful, instead of just being rotted and nasty to yourself! First…

Talk to yourself like someone you love. Your internal voice shapes your reality. So instead of letting your inner critic run the show, try this: when you’re stuck in negative thoughts, ask, “Would I say this to someone I care about?” It’s a really simple one, but if the answer is “no” then it’s time to change the tone that you’re using to talk to yourself. Kindness is not weakness. It’s an incredibly powerful mental health tool, and it’s a hell of a lot more motivating than treating yourself like trash. Next…

Choose better questions. Your brain will answer whatever question you give it. So if you’re constantly asking, “Why does this always happen to me?!”… you’re going to get unhelpful answers. Instead, ask yourself questions like: “What do I need right now?” Or, “What’s one thing I can do today?” It changes the direction of your thoughts and your mood.

Alright… now that you’re shifting your mindset and inner dialogue, let’s talk about building daily habits that support positivity; in other words, what you actually do each day. So these habits help to reinforce realistic positive thinking through repetition and intentional choices so that it becomes just a natural part of how you live. First…

Choose progress over perfection. Realistic positivity means letting go of the fantasy that you have to get everything right all the time. Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on progress… one small win at a time. That mindset shift helps you stay hopeful without feeling crushed under the weight of unrealistic pressure. Next…

Practice future-focused thinking. This one can be really powerful. So… when things feel stuck, try to visualise not the perfect outcome, but the next step. Picture yourself a few weeks from now having made even a little progress. Ask, “What would ‘Future Me’ thank me for doing today?” It makes forward motion feel possible, and a lot more achievable than if you just try to focus on the end result and getting to that point. OK. Next…

Give yourself a daily positivity anchor. Every day, consciously create one moment of something positive. It might be having a quiet coffee, or taking a five minute walk, or watching a funny video, or playing your favourite song on repeat. That small act becomes an anchor, and it reminds your brain there is still good here. Next…

Expect the dip. Here’s the reality check that we all need: positive thinking isn’t something that happens in a straight line. Some days you’re going to feel hopeful, and other days will suck. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means you’re human. The work is about showing up anyway, again and again, and trusting that every time you do you’re strengthening the muscle that makes everything else easier.

OK, so now we’re moving on to tips to protect your emotional environment. The thing is, your thoughts don’t exist in a vacuum. What and who you surround yourself with… the content, the people, the energy… they all influence how you think and feel. And so protecting your emotional space is essential if you want realistic positivity to stick. So my first tip here is…

Be selective with what you let in. What you watch, read, and listen to shapes your thinking, and that also extends to who you spend time with. You don’t need to block out the whole world, but you do need to protect your mental diet. If your news feed is basically just a jumbo sized repository of doom, limit it. Choose content that educates, uplifts, or inspires you; not because you’re ignoring reality, but because you’re being conscious about how you balance it. Next…

Borrow belief from someone else. So… when your own sense of belief in better times and positive possibilities is feeling a bit shaky, borrow it from someone else. That might be a friend who lifts you up, a therapist, a podcast you trust, or even the version of you who survived hard things before. Surround yourself with voices that remind you of what’s possible. Because, again, what you focus on is what you focus on.

Final Tips and Applying What You’ve Learned

Here’s the thing. Thinking positively doesn’t mean pretending everything’s fine, and it definitely doesn’t mean ignoring your struggles or forcing yourself to be cheerful when you’re falling apart inside. Realistic positive thinking is about meeting yourself where you are and choosing to respond in a way that supports your mental wellbeing, rather than tearing it down.

Because when it comes to positive thinking, what it all boils down to is this: you can’t always choose what life throws at you, but you can choose how you think about it. And that choice changes everything.

Now, what are you going to do with what you’ve learned today?

Try asking yourself: what’s one thought or belief that you’ve been holding onto lately that may be dragging you down, and what would it feel like to shift it even just slightly? Because you don’t have to lie to yourself. You just have to be willing to look for a better way forward.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing. So… what choice will you make today?

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is…

Positive mind. Positive thinking. Positive outcomes.

Unknown

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week!

Sign up for my weekly newsletter at ltamh.com and support me on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes; they’re both linked in the description.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

You’ll also find my episode about emotional boundaries helpful; it’s linked in the description.

Next week I’ll be talking about peace of mind. Follow or subscribe to never miss episode, and have a great week!

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2025 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.