IN THIS EPISODE OF LET’S TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH
This week I’m talking about the role of resilience in better mental health, and how you can start to build greater resilience a little each day in order to help you deal with challenges and upheavals more effectively. Ready to discover how to be a lot more resilient, especially during tough times? Then let’s talk!
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What does ‘building resilience’ mean, and how does resilience improve your mental health? And, beyond that, how can you build your resilience in a practical and effective way?
That’s what I’m talking about this week here on Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast that makes mental health simple. So… get comfortable, and let’s talk!
Hello and welcome to Episode 231 of Let’s Talk About Mental Health, and thanks for joining me as I talk about building your resilience and mental health!
I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this isn’t your regular podcast full of interviews and random opinions. I’m a mental health counsellor and writer, and each week I look at one specific aspect of better mental health and I share simple and practical tips you can apply immediately, all based on quality research and my own experience of learning to live with anxiety and depression after a breakdown in 2011 that changed my life.
In this episode I’ll be talking about what building your resilience means, why it matters, and how to do it.
So, let’s talk!
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Last week, in Episode 230, I talked about how to navigate change and upheaval, and I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been dealing with a fairly significant amount of change over these past few years; in fact, I think that may be the greatest understatement since someone once described the Sahara desert as “a little dry and sandy.”
Now, long-term listeners would be well aware that I have covered the subject of resilience already (all the way back in Episode 23, in fact, which came out in early 2020)… so you may be wondering why I’m rehashing this topic now, and fair question! Well, like I said a moment ago, we’ve all been through a massive amount of change lately and it isn’t showing any signs of letting up any time soon, and in fact it’s led me to revisit quite a few older topics lately because there’s so much more that needs to be said now due to the amount of significant change we’ve all experienced… and in order to get through all that change and upheaval with our sanity intact (if not all of our hair) it’s absolutely vital — now more so than ever — for each of us to take a good look at our resilience levels, and to be completely honest with ourselves about how we can learn to be more resilient, in spite of all the shenanigans and tomfoolery that life seems determined to throw our way lately… because I don’t know about you, but I refuse to let all the nonsense going on in the world take me away from seeing all the good that still exists in volumes virtually everywhere you look!
Shortly I’ll talk about practical ways to build your resilience, but first let’s get ourselves on the same page with some definitions and let’s talk about…
What does ‘building your resilience’ mean?
So, the idea of ‘building your resilience’ refers to how you consciously develop and grow your capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and setbacks, and how you adapt to challenges, hardships, and stress. Notice my very deliberate use of the word ‘consciously’ there, because it’s about making proactive choices to strengthen your emotional, psychological, and physical responses to the challenges that life inevitably throws our way, helping you to navigate your way through them more effectively and, ultimately, to do a Britney and emerge stronger than yesterday (clap, clap).
Resilience is like a muscle, in that the more you use it the stronger it gets. Essentially, it’s your ability to adapt to change, bounce back from setbacks, and keep going in the face of adversity. Think of it as your psychological armour that not only helps you survive life’s challenges but also thrive before, during, and after them.
Now, when we look at ‘building your resilience’ from a mental health context, it takes on an even deeper significance because it’s about developing the tools and mindset that enable you to handle stress, overcome obstacles, and recover from emotional upheavals; all the things that can have a massive impact on your mental state. You know how life sometimes throws us a curveball or something unexpected (like me using a sports metaphor)? Well, resilience is what helps you catch that ball, throw it back, or even change the game that’s being played entirely.
Building resilience means nurturing your inner strength in order to protect your mental and emotional wellbeing. It’s about understanding that you can’t control every aspect of life, but learning how to embrace the fact that you’re the one in control of how you respond to whatever’s going on within you, around you, or within the wider world. When you start to accept this fundamental truth of life, and you let it inform what you chose to do or don’t do, it’s incredibly empowering… because it’s an absolutely fundamental part of maintaining and improving your mental health.
Building your resilience isn’t just about getting through the rough patches in life; it’s about growing through them. It’s a transformative process that equips you with the confidence and the skills to face life head-on… knowing that, whatever happens, you have the strength to handle it. And that’s a very powerful place to be, in terms of your mindset.
So, with that in mind, now let’s talk about…
Why building your resilience matters
And this is the part of the show every week where I feel like I’m probably stating the obvious, but I’m going to say it anyway just to make sure we’re all on the same page about this resilience stuff: it matters because it sets the foundation for how effectively you can handle life’s challenges and uncertainties (and let’s be real here: there are a lot of challenges and uncertainties in life!).
Building your resilience is something you should consciously and proactively work on, because ‘resilience’ isn’t just about surviving through all of the ups and downs of life; it’s about truly thriving, so you can make the most of every moment and continue to move forward in spite of whatever happens to be going on around you.
When you focus on building your resilience thoughtfully and proactively, you’re essentially equipping yourself with tools that not only improve your quality of life but which also allow you to achieve personal growth and fulfilment… two things that lead to better long-term mental health. Working on your resilience helps to prevent mental health issues, like anxiety and depression, from taking hold or becoming more severe. And, beyond that, resilience encourages a mindset of learning and growth. You begin to see challenges as opportunities to learn, and that can lead to greater achievements and satisfaction in both your personal life and your professional life.
So, what happens if we don’t manage our resilience thoughtfully? Well, without a well-developed sense of resilience you might find that you’re a lot more susceptible to the impacts of stress, which can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression. Setbacks can start to seem insurmountable, leading you into a spiral of feeling helpless and stuck, and that can affect all areas of your life, from your relationships to your career. And, beyond that, without resilience it’s hard to push beyond your comfort zone and that limits your personal development because you might avoid challenges or miss out on opportunities, and ultimately not reach your full potential.
People who are resilient tend to have better control over their emotions and can navigate emotionally-difficult times more smoothly, which is crucial for maintaining good mental health. For those who might already be dealing with mental health challenges, a strong foundation of resilience can really help with the recovery process because it provides you with the strength and perspective needed to work through issues in a constructive way. Plus, resilience can help you develop a more positive outlook and better interpersonal skills, which are essential for building and maintaining supportive relationships (another key component of good mental health).
So, the point here is that building your resilience isn’t just about dealing with whatever’s happening now; it’s about preparing for your future. Whether we care to admit it or not, life will always throw unexpected things our way and so it’s about learning how to roll with whatever comes your way so you can keep on moving forward. Last week when we talked about strategies for navigating change and upheaval — like maintaining your routines or seeking out support — these are actually all components of building your resilience, helping to ensure that each experience makes you more adept at figuring out how to make your way through changes. Really, the piece here is all about setting yourself up with the tools and mindset that ensure you’re not only ready for the challenges of today but also equipped for whatever might come your way tomorrow.
So, how do you do all that? Well, let’s first take a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…
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And welcome back! Now let’s get into the how-to part of today’s episode and let’s talk about…
How to build your resilience
OK, first, define what ‘resilience’ means to you — if you want to build your resilience, then a good place to start is personalising your understanding of it and how it applies to your life. That involves reflecting on what resilience means to you specifically, how it appears in your life, and why it’s important for your personal growth and wellbeing. Take some time to think about and write down your definitions of resilience; consider moments when you’ve felt resilient, identify the qualities that helped you through challenges, and be clear about why those qualities were helpful. When you have a clear definition of resilience and how it relates to you, it really brings everything into focus and turns the idea of resilience into something real and actionable, something you can actually work on every day, instead of this kind-of vague and philosophical idea and it means that the steps you take to build your resilience will be much more deeply connected to your own values and experiences. Alright, next…
Develop healthy thinking habits — so, the thing is that resilient people tend to maintain a positive-yet-realistic outlook rather than just focusing on the doom and gloom. Now, that doesn’t mean ignoring life’s pressures or pretending everything is perfect when it isn’t, but instead it’s about understanding what is within your control, which I’ll come back to in a moment. You can cultivate healthy thinking habits by challenging your negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones, and also by consciously focusing on solutions rather than problems (because whether you look for a problem or for a solution, what you seek is what you will find!). These mindset shifts prevent you from being overwhelmed by negative situations and they encourage a more balanced and proactive approach to the challenges of life. And so that leads to my next point…
Focus on what you can control — look, no amount of stressing yourself out about what’s happening is going to change what’s happening. You can always use your voice, and any platform you might have, to influence things for the better (depending on the scenario), but all you ever have direct control over is what you choose to do and say. It’s like at work; I’m sure many of you in the corporate sector would be familiar with the idea of ‘restructuring’ (one of the dirtiest words ever invented), and so you’re no doubt well aware that you can absolutely have your say and maybe even influence the outcome when it comes to these types of workplace changes… but you cannot directly control what does or doesn’t happen. Now… you can either resist that fact, and create pain and suffering for yourself, or you can choose to approach it from a place of acceptance and consciously focus instead on what you can control — which is yourself, and what you do and say. Only one of those two choices brings with it peace of mind (and it’s not the resistance one, just to be clear!), and the more you practice this type of acceptance the more you’ll be able to navigate your way through challenges with your sense of calm relatively intact! OK, next…
Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want — this is about dramatically shifting your outlook and redirecting your mental energy towards the goals and outcomes you aspire to, instead of dwelling on the things you want to avoid. You can practice this by setting clear, positive intentions each day or for each project you undertake. For example, instead of thinking, “I don’t want to fail,” reframe it as, “I want to do my best and to learn from whatever happens” — this is a much more positive way of looking at things, which can help you to feel less fearful and more motivated, reducing stress and anxiety while also keeping you focused on pursuing your goals. OK, next…
Cultivate hope — given a choice between being hopeful versus giving up, you’re going to find that hope feels a lot better and is far more effective at helping you to stay resilient! After all, it’s pretty tough to be optimistic if you think everything has gone to crap or if you write your efforts off as a waste of time. There is always hope. Always. And if you can’t see it, then you need to look at things from a different angle! Next…
Choose kindness in your words and actions — so, this is about being the change you want to see in the world and it starts with how you interact with others… as well as being intentionally kinder to yourself. Choosing to be kind and compassionate in what you do and say can not only transform your own state of mind but it will also have a positive influence on your environment. Try consciously opting to respond to others with understanding and support, even in difficult situations, and by taking actions that reflect kindness, like offering help to someone in need or speaking up against injustice in a constructive manner. Acts of kindness can create a positive feedback loop; they reduce your stress and increase feelings of happiness and connection. And, beyond that, by modelling kindness you’re helping to create a more supportive and resilient community around you. One way to do that is with my next point…
Cultivate compassion — being compassionate towards yourself and others involves understanding that nobody is perfect, and being kind in the face of mistakes or misfortunes. Practice this by not being overly critical of yourself or others and by offering support when things go wrong. Next…
Build strong relationships — our social connections provide emotional support and practical help during tough times, and they play a huge role in our well-being. You can strengthen your relationships with the people you care about by spending regular quality time with them, being a good listener, and offering support when it’s needed. This helps to build your resilience because knowing that you have a support network to lean on provides comfort and assistance, making difficult times easier to navigate. Next…
Develop your emotional intelligence — which is the ability to understand and manage your emotions and those of others; emotions play a huge role in how we experience the world, and resilient people understand how to handle them in a healthy way (which means that you don’t try to suppress them, and that you balance them with rational thinking instead of allowing one to dominate over the other). Try reflecting daily on your emotional responses and seeking to understand the perspectives of others, which improves your communication and relationship-building skills. OK, next…
Embrace change — change is not a dirty word, and seeing change as an inevitable and manageable part of life increases your resilience; again, like I said earlier, this is about not resisting the stuff that’s out of your control. Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone regularly and try new experiences, which helps to prepare you to handle life’s uncertainties more smoothly and with less anxiety. Next…
Be curious — curiosity helps you to explore new ideas and experiences, which can boost your resilience. Keep your mind engaged by learning new things, asking questions, and exploring new interests; this keeps your brain active and engaged, making you more resilient and providing a buffer against mental fatigue and pessimism. OK, next…
Practice flexibility — things won’t always go as you plan, and flexibility helps you to roll with whatever comes your way so that you can adapt to changing circumstances without losing momentum. Cultivate flexibility by having backup plans, being open to new ways of doing things, and adjusting your expectations as needed; this helps to reduce frustration when things don’t go as planned, and it keeps you moving forward regardless of any potential obstacles. Next…
Develop a self-reflection routine — regular self-reflection can help you understand your reactions to stress and conflict, so you can learn from them. Set aside time to reflect on your experiences, thoughts, and feelings, and make some notes about what you’ve experienced and how you can learn from it. If you’d like some help, I have a simple daily reflection tool available to buy; it’s linked in the episode description or just visit ltamh.com (I also have a Masterclass video available which is like a coaching session with me, so you can use the tool to improve your mental health in just 15 minutes a day). OK, next…
Learn to be ‘in the moment’ more — often we find ourselves worrying about the future, or ruminating over the past, when the reality is that the present moment is the only one that we have for certain… and it’s here in the present where you get to make choices that will shape your future. This is a topic I explored in Episode 215, about the present, and I really encourage you to put aside even just five minutes a day to sit and practice being in the present; my favourite way to do that is to grab a cup of tea and just watch the clouds drift by, and it serves to anchor you in the present — the more comfortable you become with doing that, the more you’ll be able to anchor yourself during challenging times. OK, next…
Set and maintain clear boundaries — know what your limits are and communicate them clearly, instead of putting up with crap that drains your energy. Establish boundaries by being clear about what you will and will not accept, saying no when necessary, and protecting your time and energy. This prevents burnout and it keeps you focused on what you can manage effectively. And what if someone doesn’t like your boundaries? Well, assuming that you’re being fair, kind, and realistic, then their attitude is evidence of why you need boundaries with them in the first place! If anyone begrudges you for making sure that your needs are being met in a fair and balanced way, that speaks volumes about who they are and how they view the world… the best thing to do there is to be assertive; be open to listening, but be very clear about what you need. OK, next…
Limit your exposure to negative media — look, constant exposure to negative news will do a number on your mental health and make you feel like crap. Try setting specific times to check news updates and choose reliable sources that don’t sensationalise information. This is about being more considerate about what you consume, and it helps reduce the overwhelm and anxiety that can come from continuous exposure to negative news… allowing you to then maintain a healthier and more balanced outlook on the world, and focus on positive action. OK, next…
Get support when you need it — sometimes, learning how to build your resilience requires professional guidance to navigate particularly tough situations or deal with underlying mental health conditions… so, seeking help from a counsellor or therapist can provide you with tailored strategies so you’re not facing your challenges alone.
Summary and Close-out
Because when it comes to building your resilience and mental health, what it all boils down to is this:
Learning how to be more resilient isn’t just a ‘nice to do’ type of thing; it’s an absolute necessity, now more so than ever. Our world is complex and challenging, and we need to work out how to look after ourselves in healthy ways so that we don’t find ourselves being swept away by the fast-moving currents of change. Resilience is built in small daily actions that add up over time to have big impacts. By actively working to build your resilience, you’re not only improving your own well-being but you’re also choosing to contribute to a more understanding and compassionate world.
The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today?
Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by writer Mary Holloway, and it is:
“Resilience is knowing that you are the only one that has the power and the responsibility to pick yourself up.” – Mary Holloway
Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.
What does ‘building your resilience’ mean to you? If you’re on Spotify you can scroll down and share in the Q&A section below, otherwise leave a comment on Instagram @ltamentalhealth or on the transcript, which you can have delivered to your inbox each week, along with my newsletter Thursday Thoughts; sign up at ltamh.com or use the link in the episode description. And for more mental health tips follow my other Instagram account @itsjeremygodwin, plus become a paid supporter on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes.
Next week I’ll be talking about increasing your happiness.
Happiness is something many of us crave, yet it’s a fleeting emotion that can be hard to pin down. I mean, what even is happiness? And, more importantly, what does ‘happiness’ mean to you? Because what makes me happy won’t necessarily make you happy, and vice versa, so it’s a highly-unique emotion that requires us to develop a greater understanding of who we are and what matters to each of us. So, next time I’ll be talking about what ‘increasing your happiness’ means, why it matters, and how to do it.
That episode will be released on the 19th of May, 2024, and I hope you’ll join me for it! Hit ‘follow’ or ‘subscribe’ on your podcast service and hit the bell to turn on notifications so you never miss an episode.
Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!
Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com
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My Daily Reflection Tool is a buy-once-use-forever PDF tool that helps you to do the work that will lead to better mental health and well-being. Plus I have a Masterclass Video which is like your own coaching session with me so that you can get the most out of your daily tool. Buy the two as a bundle and save 20% for a limited time! Click the links below for your chosen product(s):
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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.
The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.
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Hi there!
Your exploration of resilience is both eloquent and deeply resonant. The way you interlace experiential wisdom with spiritual insight renders this piece not only edifying but also profoundly contemplative. I especially admire your emphasis on cultivating inner fortitude through faith, it evokes a quiet strength that lingers well beyond the final sentence. Thank you for offering such a compelling and soul-nourishing reflection.
Thanks! Glad you liked it 🙂
Jeremy, I like to say that I really appreciate the work that you put into making your videos and podcasts. I’m working on a prototype eleanring tool on resilience, and I came to your episode on “resilience” to get an an overview. Holy crud, the amount of research you must do for each episode floors me. Thanks for all you do!
Thank you very much PJ! It’s nice to have all the effort I put in recognised and appreciated! Good luck with the e-learning tool you’re working on 🙂