Finding balance isn’t about trying to fit everything in; it’s about choosing where your time and energy belong so that you can make space for what matters now and where you want to go in the future. Episode 353 is all about how to realistically find more balance in your life. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

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Episode Overview:

Finding balance in life gets much easier once you stop treating ‘balance’ like a perfect state you’re supposed to reach and somehow maintain. Because it’s not. Most of us have been taught to think of balance as gkeeping every part of life neatly under control, or eventually arriving at a point where it all just works. But real balance is much more practical and realistic than that. It’s about continually deciding where your limited time and energy are best used, based on what matters most to you in the present and in the longer term. 

In this episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, I’ll help you rethink what finding balance actually means so that you can make better choices about where your energy goes. We’ll talk about how to stop measuring yourself against unrealistic standards, and how to create more room for the parts of your life that genuinely matter so that you can make balance something you can actually practice… instead of something you’re always trying to achieve. 

👉 Ready to find greater balance in your life? Then let’s talk!

💡 TL;DR: Finding balance isn’t about somehow keeping everything equal; it’s about learning how to keep adjusting your time and energy towards what matters most now and in the longer term. 🙂

New here? Hi! Let’s Talk About Mental Health is your weekly dose of practical mental health advice for real life. I’m Jeremy Godwin (hello! 👋) and I keep things simple, honest, and doable so you can feel more in control of your life and your mental wellbeing. If you’re not already a free subscriber, sign up below to have episodes and transcripts land in your inbox every Sunday:

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Episode Transcript:

Why finding balance feels impossible

What does ‘finding balance’ really mean?

Because it’s the sort of life advice you’ve probably heard at least 48 times this week: figure out how to balance your work, your family, your friends, your health, all of it somehow… and all at once.

But what does ‘balance’ actually mean? And how are you supposed to find it when life feels like a chaotic mess?

Well, there’s actually a lot more to it than you’ve probably been told… and that’s exactly what we’re getting into today.

So let’s talk about… what ‘finding balance’ really means.

Hello and welcome! I’m Jeremy Godwin and this is the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast, where every week I help you understand and improve your mental wellbeing.

So this week’s episode is all about finding balance… and I’ll admit, I say “find balance in all things” more than almost anything on this show; not quite as much as “nothing changes if nothing changes,” but pretty darn close! But it’s been quite a while since I actually sat down and properly unpacked that concept; not just what it means, but why it actually does matter so much for your mental health and how do you actually do it. The last time was nearly six years ago, when this was a very different show to the one it is today… and when I had a bit more hair! And to be quite frank, that early episode just did not go anywhere near as deep as this one is going to on what is actually an incredibly fundamental aspect of better mental health. So that’s what we’re doing today, properly. This is not some sort of five minute fix, and it is also not going to be another vague nudge for you to somehow find more balance without telling you how and why. This is one that you’re probably going to come back to more than once, and that’s sort of the whole point of it… because it really is such a foundation of good mental health.

Now… here’s something quick for you to think about before we go any further, before we get into the episode fully, because I want you to hold onto this idea throughout today’s episode. Take a moment for me, and think about riding a bicycle. Bear with me; I promise, I have not gone mad here or developed a bike obsession and I really do have an important point to make, I promise!

So here’s the point: when you ride a bike, you don’t just get on it and stay upright by locking yourself into one perfect position and holding completely still. If you do that, you’ll topple over. You stay upright by constantly adjusting your balance and making multiple tiny corrections to your position over and over again, the entire time that you’re moving. But if you stop adapting and adjusting like that, even for a second, then you will fall. You don’t stay upright by holding still.

Just keep that thought in mind, because we’re going to be coming back to it a little bit later in the episode. But first though, we need to get ourselves on the same page. And so now let’s talk about..

What balance actually means

Alright… so let’s start with the two main ideas of balance that most of us tend to carry around in our heads, because I think that’s actually where a lot of the damage happens. The first is that ‘balance’ is some sort of destination; you know, like a finish line for you to reach or a state that you eventually arrive at and then just stay there forever with everything being perfectly sorted and settled. And the second idea is that ‘finding balance’ means trying to give everything equal weight and attention all the time, like you’re some sort of tightrope walker trying not to fall off the high wire. Both of those ideas are wrong… thank goodness, because they put so much pressure on you. However, I am not going to spend this whole episode picking them apart line by line because underneath both of them there’s a much bigger and much more useful question to focus on… and that’s what I want to get into with you today.

So that brings me to the actual definition of finding balance, the one that I think has been genuinely missing this whole time from the conversation. Balance is what happens when you keep redistributing your time and energy on an ongoing basis toward whatever actually matters to you in the present and in the longer term.

It’s not about being perfect. It doesn’t mean that you find balance evenly or permanently. It’s simply where your time and energy are weighted towards what’s real for you in your actual life. Some weeks that’s going to be your work, because things are busy. Some weeks it’ll be your health, because you’ve been ignoring it for too long and your body’s started sending you the bill. Some weeks it’s a relationship that needs more of you than usual.

Finding balance has never been about trying to handle all of that perfectly and steadily all at once. It’s about noticing what needs your attention the most, and letting that shift as your life shifts… which it constantly does.

And look, the whole point of today’s episode is this: finding balance isn’t just some nice abstract idea to help you feel a bit calmer. Your physical, mental, emotional, and social energy is what you live your life with. It’s what you show up to your relationships with. And it’s what you bring to the things that you actually love. And it’s also what’s left over at the end of the day, or the week, so that you can actually be somewhere rather than just be there for it. So when your energy is being poured into the wrong things, or when it’s drained by chasing some impossible or rigid version of balance that was never real to begin with, you don’t just wind up feeling a bit tired; you run out of energy, physically and emotionally and mentally and socially… and all of that stuff is the exact fuel you need to live properly. And when you’re left with the bare minimum amount of energy that you need to get through the day, it has an impact on you: you end up existing instead of just really living. And so when you have little to no energy left, you really do end up scraping the bottom of the barrel to even just get through the day.

So the thing that I think changes everything, once you actually get your head around it, is this: if that’s what finding balance is, which is adapting to your energy levels, then you’ve probably already done it… loads of times. You know that week that you cancelled your plans because a friend needed you? That was balance. That period of time where you backed off from work a bit because you were burning out and needed to protect yourself? Also balance! Or that time that you finally said no to something and it cost you nothing but a bit of awkwardness in the moment and nobody else even really noticed that you turned it down? Also balance! You weren’t failing some sort of ideal in any of those moments… you were doing exactly what balance actually is: weighing up what mattered most right then and there, and protecting the energy you needed to actually live your life instead of just getting through it.

The struggle, however, is that we have to keep on doing this, over and over and over: much like having to work out what we’re going to make for dinner every single day of our adult lives, it’s a never ending process… something that becomes part of how you approach your life so that it feels like it’s yours rather than just yet another item on your to-do list that you have to somehow get through.

So then… why does it feel so exhausting, and why does it feel like things are working against you every time you try to find balance? Well, those are great questions! And they’re important questions.

And so now, let’s talk about…

Why does finding balance feel impossible?

Why does it feel so exhausting to have to keep redistributing your energy like this over and over, rather than just kind of like landing somewhere and staying there? And more than that, why does ‘finding balance’ matter so much for your mental health and wellbeing?

Well, here’s why: it matters because underneath it all, this isn’t really about managing your time and it has absolutely nothing to do with your schedule. It’s about something a lot more basic, and a lot more important, which is this: you only have so much of yourself to give. Your time is finite, and your energy is finite; physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, all of it. You could have an entire free Sunday sitting in front of you and still have absolutely nothing left to give, because your emotional tank has been running on fumes since Wednesday… and I’m sure we’ve all been there before! I know I have.

Every single day you’re working with a limited amount of ‘you’, and that ‘you’ has to somehow stretch across your entire life: your work, your health, the people you love, your inner world, and the parts of your life that nobody else even sees, and even the mundane stuff like paying the bills and putting out the bins. There’s a lot that we have to deal with. And so when ‘finding balance’ in amongst all of that feels impossible, it’s not because you’re useless or you’re bad at it. It’s because you’re trying to run a finite system, this one limited supply of you, against a standard that assumes that your energy is unlimited.

Your energy is not unlimited.

And so no wonder things never add up! You’re not failing at finding balance; you’re failing at a version of balance that was rigged against you from the beginning, because it never once accounted for the fact that you could, and would, eventually run out of energy.

I have found that realising that and accepting that over the past few years feels almost like a relief. All those years where you might have felt like everyone else got some sort of memo that maybe you didn’t… it turns out there was no memo, just really bad marketing of an idea of finding balance and this sort of silent collective agreement that we’re all supposed to be juggling everything perfectly in order to keep up. And if that is the marketing campaign for what finding balance is supposed to look like, then that’s one of the worst campaigns in the history of the world… right up there with the one that told you that, you know, you could have it all and then made that an impossible target to reach and then sold you an $85 water bottle to help you cope. But I digress!

Here’s the… here’s the real cost here, right? And it’s so much bigger than just feeling tired, or feeling frazzled and wanting to tear your hair out. When you spend your entire finite, limited supply of energy trying to satisfy a version of finding balance that doesn’t actually exist, there’s nothing left over for the part that actually matters… which is your actual life. Your work gets done, the bills get paid, everyone gets fed. But underneath it, you’re just managing… coping… getting through it, but not really in it. And that’s not because you’re unmotivated or bad at being an adult. It’s just simple maths. You spent what emotional energy and fuel you had keeping up an appearance of balance that was never sustainable in the first place… and so there was nothing left in the tank for the living part.

Now look, I’m well aware of the fact that I have said “find balance in all things” on this show more times than I’ve had hot dinners; I even did a whole episode dedicated to it, all the way back in Episode 49. But looking back, most of what I said all the way back then was probably closer to an audit than an actual explanation: you know, I talked about breaking your life into categories and checking the hours and making sure that nothing’s neglected… but I never really sat down and dug into what balance actually means underneath all of that, or why getting it wrong costs you so much more than a bit of stress. That’s the bit that I feel has always been missing… and over the last few years, it’s the bit that I’ve learned to integrate into my own life and has changed my outlook on things completely. And that’s why I’m covering it now.

Because everyone tells you to find balance, but almost nobody tells you what it is or why it’s the thing standing between getting through your life and actually living your life. And when the most repeated advice in an entire industry doesn’t come with a detailed definition, then that advice is incomplete… because you can’t be expected to know what you don’t know, you know?!

So here’s what’s actually changing once you are in a head space of carrying and embracing the right definition of finding balance instead. The energy that you were burning trying to hold up to an impossible standard then becomes available again for what’s actually in front of you right now… and for where you’re actually trying to go in life.

Because the thing about creating the future that you want for yourself is that you don’t get there on an empty tank. If every bit of energy that you’ve got is already being spent just trying to keep yourself afloat today, then there’s nothing left to build tomorrow with… and so the life you’re supposedly working towards stays exactly that: supposed… imagined… considered. But not created.

This isn’t only about who or what needs you today. It’s about whether or not you’re leaving yourself enough space to actually live your life to its fullest, and allowing yourself to use your energy to become who you’re trying to become.

And so, we’re going to talk about how to do that right after this quick break.

[AD BREAK]

And welcome back! So… now let’s get into the ‘how to’ part of this episode, and let’s talk about…

How to actually practice balance

So how do you actually apply all of this stuff? Well, first things first: remember that thing that I said about the bicycle earlier on that I asked you to keep in your mind? You stay upright by constantly making tiny corrections the whole time that you’re moving, not by just locking yourself rigidly into one perfect position and freezing.

And so, that’s it. That’s basically the whole practice for finding balance right there. Everything I’m about to walk you through will basically be different ways of making those corrections on purpose, instead of just leaving it all to chance… or let’s be really honest: instead of leaving it up to whatever’s shouting the loudest on any given day ’cause that’s what happens to most of us! So the first thing to do is…

Stop thinking in hours, and start thinking in energy.

Most of us tend to treat finding balance like it’s a scheduling problem: shave a bit of time off here, add a bit there, rearrange your calendar until it looks ‘good enough’ on paper. But your time isn’t really the thing that you’re redistributing. It’s your energy. And energy isn’t one single tank you’re pouring from; it’s several: physical energy, mental energy, emotional energy, even social energy, which is the stuff that gets used up just being around other people… whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. You can have a completely empty calendar and still be running on absolute fumes, because your emotional energy’s being drained dry by something that never even shows up on your schedule.

So before you do anything else, I want you to widen what you’re actually looking for and what you’re looking at. Don’t ask yourself, “Where’s my time going?” but instead, “Where’s my energy going? And what kind of energy is it?” OK, next…

Do an honest energy audit.

Once you’re thinking in energy rather than hours, take a proper look at where your energy is actually going: right now, this week, in reality, not in some idealised or planned version of your life that only exists in your head or on paper. Think about your work, family, friends, your health, and, most importantly, yourself, because that one’s always the easiest to leave off the list entirely, but it’s the most important.

Now, look, I say this a lot on the show and I’m going to say it again here because it’s the whole point of what I’m talking about: you can’t fill from an empty cup. If you’re pouring everything you’ve got energy-wise into everyone and everything else, and there’s nothing left over for you, that’s not balanced… no matter how it all looks on paper, how evenly distributed.

And so while you’re doing this audit there is also a much harder question for you to think about, which is: how much of where your energy is going is actually your choice, versus how much of it is just what you’ve defaulted into because it’s what’s expected of you or what’s demanded of you. So, be honest here. Where is it going? And where isn’t it going, even though it should be? Next…

Remember that ‘loud’ isn’t the same as ‘important’.

Loud seems to dominate the world, and let’s be real: it is very easy to redistribute your energy towards whatever, or whoever, is shouting the loudest… rather than whatever actually matters the most. They are not the same thing. Loud, shouting ‘stuff’ is things like the so-called urgent email, the last-minute favour, the thing that feels like it’s all going to fall apart if you don’t drop everything right this second. But ‘loud’ and ‘important’ are not the same thing… and mixing them up is exactly how you end up running yourself into the ground for stuff that six months from now won’t have mattered nearly as much as the stuff that you quietly let slide to make room for it.

And look, your own needs are almost certainly never the loudest thing in the room. They don’t tend to chase you down, or guilt trip you into paying attention, or demand that you act on them immediately. They just wait patiently, getting quieter and quieter until eventually something happens and they become a full-blown problem that you can’t ignore.

So when you’re deciding where your energy goes, ask yourself: is this actually the most important thing right now? Or is it just the thing making the most noise? And also consider where your needs are in amongst all this. Let all of that then help you decide how much of your energy any particular thing gets. Next…

Give yourself full permission to let things coast.

If you’re genuinely redistributing your energy towards what really matters, that means something else is probably going to have to get less of you… at least for a while… and that can feel like you’re dropping the ball or letting someone down or being lazy or all of the above. But you’re not.

Some things are allowed to sit quietly in the background for a bit while you put your energy where it’s actually needed.

That is not neglect, and it’s definitely not failure. It’s the entire point of finding balance. Because it only works if you actually let something else ease off while you lean into what actually matters most… while you put your energy into what actually matters most. So give yourself full, unreserved permission to do exactly that… without the guilt trip that usually comes with it. Next…

Protect your peace by protecting the process.

Because underneath all of this… underneath weighing your choices towards what genuinely matters, letting other things coast, and being honest about where your energy’s actually going… so underneath all of that is one of the most direct ways you actually protect your peace every day; it’s not the only way, and properly unpacking how to protect your peace is a much, much bigger conversation for another time… next week’s episode, in fact!

But I want you to see the connection now between finding balance and protecting your peace, because it’s real and it’s enormous. Every time you catch yourself running on empty and then choose to redirect some of your energy back towards yourself, every time you let something go instead of forcing yourself to just push through it out of guilt, that’s when you’re protecting your peace in real time… whether you’ve been calling it that or not. Next…

Treat balance as a practice, not a finish line.

You are never going to finish finding balance. Sorry! There’s no destination to reach here. There’s no end boss. There’s no version of your life where you get it perfectly sorted and then it just stays that way from then on, untouched forever. Just like the bike, you are going to have to be adjusting. New things will show up. Old things will need you again, right when you least expect it. And that’s not a sign that you’re doing anything wrong, it’s just what real life actually involves. So stop treating the moments where it feels uneven as proof that you failed and start treating them as exactly what they are: the normal ongoing challenges of being a person with an entire life to manage.

Life is messy. Life is chaotic. And life is unpredictable. And you can still find balance in amongst all of that mess.

Some weeks you’re going to get the balance right, and some weeks you won’t… and it’s OK, although you’ll probably only ever see that in hindsight, usually a week or two later and when you’re exhausted and wondering why! The goal here is to allow yourself to keep adjusting for as long as you’re living your life; bit by bit, and step by step. Because that’s what balance actually is.

And the good news is that once you start looking at it this way, something else shifts as well: the energy that you’d been spending trying to hold this impossible standard together finally becomes available for you and for the stuff that’s actually yours. That’s when you stop managing or just getting through things, and that’s when you get to actually live.

Conclusion

So here’s what I want you to take away from this episode. Finding balance is an ongoing redistribution of your time and energy towards what genuinely matters for both now and the future… and it’s the key to really living your life rather than just scraping your way through it day by day.

So, where is your energy actually going? And is that where it genuinely needs to be?

Because when you boil it all down, finding balance is how you make sure your energy goes where it needs to.

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:

Balance means doing enough, not doing it all.

Unknown

Let me repeat that:

Balance means doing enough, not doing it all.

Alright, that’s it for this week. If you’d like more practical advice like this, check out my book Life Advice That Doesn’t Suck. And join me on Patreon to support my work and get ad-free access to episodes a week early. They’re both linked in the description.

Thank you very much for joining me this week. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Join me next week so we can talk about how to protect your peace. And check out my episode on what are you really chasing in life next. It’s linked in the description. I release new content every Sunday, so follow or subscribe to never miss an episode.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
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Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2026 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.