It’s time to stop reacting to everything on autopilot! Learning how to be less reactive will help you stay calm under pressure and break the stress cycle… and in this episode I’m sharing emotional regulation tools that help you think first, respond instead of react, and stop stress running your day.. So, Let’s Talk About Mental Health!

---

Jump into the episode
(or scroll down for overview and transcript):

Or find it on: Apple Podcasts | YouTube | Other platforms

---

Episode Overview:

Can you learn how to be less reactive? Yes! And this episode of the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast will teach you how, with a strong focus on emotional regulation techniques that work.

If you often find yourself on-edge and snapping at things that wouldn’t normally bother you, you’ll know that living with constant stress and anxiety is exhausting. Simple nervous system regulation tools will help you be less reactive and learn how to stop reacting emotionally without pretending life is calm, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed. 

I’ll be sharing practical advice on how to be less reactive so you can stop reacting and deal with your emotions effectively, and I’ll explain how to control your emotions with self respect and self-kindness… because you can’t stop being reactive by being cruel to yourself. I’ll explain why your brain struggles to stay calm under pressure, and why the power of not reacting and learning to think first plays such a big role in better mental health.

You’ll discover emotional regulation tools you can use at any time, including small-but-powerful changes that help you respond instead of react, reduce stress at work, and break the stress cycle so you’re not just running on emotional fumes. By the end of the episode, you’ll know how to be less reactive in everyday chaos, how to stop overreacting when you’re overloaded, and what to do next to keep building steadier nervous system regulation. 

👉 Ready to respond instead of reacting? Then let’s talk!

💡 TL;DR: Stop reacting to everything! Learning how to be less reactive will help you stay calm under pressure and break the stress cycle… and in this episode I’m sharing emotional regulation tools that help you think first, respond instead of react, and stop stress running your day. 🙂

New here? Hi! Let’s Talk About Mental Health is your weekly dose of practical mental health advice for real life. I’m Jeremy Godwin (hello! 👋) and I keep things simple, honest, and doable so you can feel more in control of your life and your mental wellbeing. If you’re not already a free subscriber, sign up below to have episodes and transcripts land in your inbox every Sunday:

---

Episode Transcript:

How to be less reactive: emotional regulation tools that work

Learning how to be less reactive starts with one uncomfortable truth: you’re not “just being sensitive”… you’re overloaded.

And if you’ve been searching for how to control your emotions, what you’re really looking for is emotional regulation: practical tools you can use when you feel overwhelmed so you stop reacting on autopilot. And that’s exactly what I’m sharing in this episode!

So, let’s talk about… how to be less reactive.

Hello and welcome back to the Let’s Talk About Mental Health podcast! I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this show is all about practical mental health advice for real life.

Today is all about learning how to be less reactive, so you can calm your mind and protect your peace. Because when you’re in that constant, “Everything feels urgent!” mode it’s easy to become snappy, impatient, overwhelmed, reactive, and quietly exhausted. And just know that if that’s something that happens to you, it doesn’t make you a bad person; it’s just a very normal human response to too much pressure for far too long. The good news is, though, you can learn how to be less reactive… without just pretending that everything in your life is magically calm and wonderful.

Now I’m sure we all know the feeling I’m talking about, being reactive. You know: you wake up feeling already behind. Before you’ve even properly begun your day, you’re there doing mental somersaults, going over everything you need to attend to: emails, work, money stuff, family stuff, errands, that appointment you keep forgetting, and the 10 so-called ‘quick things’ that somehow seem to be everyone else’s top priority. You’re trying to get a handle on that, your phone rings and then it pings again: someone needs an answer immediately. Someone needs help. Something goes wrong. And you can feel your body gearing up like you’re about to sprint… except you know that there’s no finish line. By mid-morning you’re probably irritated. By mid-afternoon your brain is probably fried. And by evening you’ve either got nothing left for the people you care about, or you’re just lying in bed replaying the day and wondering why you just can’t cope like a so-called ‘normal’ person. And yes, you probably also find yourself starting to resent the phrase, “Can I ask you a quick question?” because, well, it’s never actually quick, is it?!

So look, just so you know where I’m coming from with all of this, I’m a counsellor but I also know what it’s like to live with a mind and body that stays switched on and reactive for far too long. So I’m not here to judge you, or give you advice on how to be some kind of ‘perfect’ person… that doesn’t exist, by the way! I’m here to help you find more balance, so you can be less reactive and just get your footing back.

Now… I will say: if you can access therapy or professional support it can be really helpful for this sort of thing, especially if your reactivity is tied to anxiety, trauma, burnout, or long-term stress. But I also know that it’s not always possible… and even when it is you still need practical tools that you can use in real life, like on a random Tuesday when everything’s happening all at once.

In this episode, we’re going to get really clear on what reactivity actually is, why it affects your mental health, and what you can do to start shifting out of firefighting mode. That’ll help you to react less, respond more, and find a lot more balance in the middle of a busy life.

So let’s first talk about…

What does ‘being reactive’ mean?

OK… so when I say ‘reactive’ I’m not talking about just having emotions, right? So we’re not talking about being passionate, or caring deeply, or even getting upset when something upsetting happens. Reactivity is what happens when your response is driven more by activation than by choice. It’s when something happens, and your body and mind go straight into this “I have to deal with this right now!” kind of mode… before you’ve even had any opportunity to pause and think about how you actually want to handle the situation. So basically, it’s being hijacked by your emotions… often to the extent that your brain seems to forget about the existence of rational thought altogether.

Reactivity can be loud. It can be things like snapping at someone, arguing, getting defensive, raising your voice, or firing off messages that you regret later. But reactivity can also look and feel quiet. It can be shutting down, avoiding, going numb, people pleasing, saying yes when you really mean no, or freezing because your brain feels like it’s buffering at dial up speeds.

One of the main reasons why learning to be less reactive matters so much for good mental health is that when you’re in a season of life where you’re overwhelmed, when you’re dealing with stuff like work pressure, money pressure, family pressure, health stuff… you know, just too much… that’s when your brain starts to treat urgency as being normal. So you’re no longer just reacting to big things; you’re reacting to everything. A minor inconvenience feels like a personal attack. A small request feels like a demand. A message feels like a threat. And even when nothing is happening, you can find yourself still feeling like something’s about to happen.

This is also why so many people say things like, “I just don’t feel like myself lately.” Because when you’re reactive, you’re not really living from your values or your intentions or even your best thinking. You’re living from your stress response. In other words, you’re living from pressure. And the tricky part is that reactivity can actually feel really useful in the moment. It can feel like you’re getting things done, like you’re staying on top of stuff. It can even feel like you’re in control. But long-term, being reactive comes with a cost. You end up exhausted, guilty, tense, and often disappointed in yourself; not because you’re a bad person, but because you’re spending your whole life in a state of constant emotional and mental “brace yourself!”

So when we talk about how to be less reactive, what we’re really talking about here is how to create a little more space between what happens and what you do next… because that space is where you get your power back.

So now let’s talk about…

Why being reactive affects your mental health

When you’re stuck in that ‘firefighting’ mode, it doesn’t just make you tired… it changes how you experience the world. Your nervous system starts acting as though you’re under constant threat, even when what’s actually happening is just about having too much on your plate. And so, because of that, your body stays on edge. Your brain becomes hyper alert. You scan for problems. You brace for the next demand. And you try to stay one step ahead of whatever might possibly go wrong.

When you live like that for long enough, you start losing your sense of safety and steadiness. Not because you’re weak; because your system is doing exactly what it was designed to do under pressure. The problem is that your life and your brain just aren’t giving you an ‘off’ switch. This is where that ‘everything feels urgent’ feeling comes from. Urgency becomes a habit. Your brain quickly learns, “OK, move fast, fix it now, don’t fall behind.” And that makes you more emotionally reactive. Because reactivity is basically speed plus stress. When you don’t have space to pause, you don’t have space to choose. You only have space to survive.

There’s also a mental load piece here. So when you’re overwhelmed all the time, your working memory is full… which means small things feel bigger, because your brain has less capacity to hold them and deal with them. You know… I remember once being so stressed out with stuff at work and in my personal life that when I went to go and open a jar and the lid wouldn’t budge, I ended up having a full-on meltdown. This is a long time ago. It wasn’t because of the jar. It was just the straw that broke the camel’s back… and honestly, my brain just couldn’t cope anymore. It’s like when you’re trying to carry groceries when your hands are already full; you think that one extra bag shouldn’t be such a big deal… but when you’re already maxed out, it ends up being the bag that makes you drop everything.

Emotionally, this stuff affects your self trust. You start thinking things like, “Why can’t I handle anything?!” or, “What’s wrong with me?!” or, “Ugh, I’m always overreacting!” That leads to shame, which inevitably makes things worse. Because shame doesn’t calm you down. It’s really like adding fuel to the fire. It keeps your system activated, and it keeps you on high alert around your own emotions… as though you can’t trust yourself. And so something needs to give. And you need to remember that if everything is urgent, then nothing is actually urgent. If your life is set up like an emergency, you’re going to respond like it’s an emergency.

Now, external factors matter here too. If, for example, your work culture tends to reward urgency, or if you’re perhaps raising kids or caring for family, if money is tight, or you’re dealing with ongoing health stress, or maybe you’ve got relationship tensions, you know, all of those types of things, it’s a safe bet to say that your baseline stress level is probably already pretty darn high.

And internally, if you deal with issues like anxiety, perfectionism, a history of trauma, or even if you learned early on that mistakes aren’t safe to make, you’re going to be much more likely to react quickly because your system is trying to protect you from danger; even when the ‘danger’ is just something like disapproval, or conflict, or feeling out of control. That’s when urgency becomes a habit.

And just quickly: if the chaos that you’re reacting to actually is far more external than that, things like world events and news overload, I go much deeper into that in Episode 315 about protecting your peace in chaotic times.

Back to the whole reactive piece: what can you actually do about all of this? Well, we’re going to talk about that right after this quick break.

[AD BREAK]

And welcome back! So now let’s talk about…

How to be less reactive

Alright… let’s get into the ‘how to’ part of this episode! And the good news is that you don’t need to suddenly become ‘perfect’ at this stuff in order to be less reactive. What you need is a better rhythm, and a few smarter tools.

So to help you with that, first of all, I want to give you a couple of “Do This ASAP” tools, because if you’re trying to learn how to be less reactive when you’re overwhelmed then you need something that’s going to work in the moment… not just a nice idea for later. We’ll come back to the longer term stuff shortly. So, first…

Take a 90-second pause.

When you feel yourself gearing up… heart racing, jaw tightening, brain speeding, that “I need to fix this right now!” feeling going off… that’s when your only job for the next 90 seconds is to not act. No decisions, no replying, no explaining, no sending the message. Just 90 seconds of pausing. If you can, set a timer and focus on one thing, like slow long breathing: slowly in through your nose, pause, out through your mouth, and make the out breath longer than the in breath. While you do all of that for 90 seconds, unclench whatever you can unclench: shoulders down, tongue relaxed, hands open.

Now this probably sounds almost too simple, but it works for a very specific reason: when your nervous system is activated, your brain is not doing its best thinking because you’re in protection mode. And protection mode is where reactivity lives. 90 seconds is often more than enough to take the edge off that surge of emotions, so you can choose what you want to do next instead of letting urgency and reactivity make the decision for you. Because if it feels urgent, that’s the moment you need the pause. Next…

Urgent, important, or just loud?

Alright. Next is a really simple triage question you can use when everything is coming at you all at once: is this urgent, important, or just loud?

So let’s define those. ‘Urgent’ means there’s a real, time-sensitive consequence if it’s not handled now. ‘Important’ means it matters, but it doesn’t need to be dealt with this second. ‘Loud’ is what grabs your attention because it’s annoying, or emotional, or someone else is pushing you, or because your phone is pinging at you nonstop like it’s trying to win an award.

Doing this quick assessment is one of the fastest ways to stop living inside other people’s urgency. Because if you’re overwhelmed, your brain is going to start treating everything as being the same level of threat, the same level of urgency. Asking this question forces a tiny bit of sorting, and that sorting gives you back a sense of control. For example, let’s say you get a text that says, “Can you call me ASAP?” Your body and mind goes straight into emergency mode, but if you triage it and ask yourself that question you might realise that message is loud, not necessarily urgent, and you could reply later with something like, “I can talk at 4:00 PM.” That’s you being responsible without being reactive.

Alright… now let’s talk about changes you can start practicing over the next week or two, because the goal here isn’t to just survive in the moment… it’s to start building a life for yourself that doesn’t constantly push you into that reactive headspace. First…

One small boundary a day.

If your life feels like all you do is fight fires, it usually means there’s not enough protection around your time, energy, and attention. So here’s a simple practice: once a day, do one two-minute boundary. No dramatic confrontations or big speeches; just one small act of self-respect that reduces a little bit of pressure. So it might be saying, “I can’t do that today…” or, “Yes, I can do that, but not by then.” Or it could be something like, “I need to think about that, I’ll get back to you by the end of the day.” And yes, sometimes it’s also about having a boundary with yourself; for example, “No, I will not open my inbox at 9:00 PM!”

The point here is to start teaching your nervous system that you have choices. Because when you never push back on stuff, you end up training yourself to feel trapped and have to react… and ‘trapped’ is a fast track to being reactive. OK, next…

Build a daily buffer.

This one is about consciously creating some space in your day for yourself… because reactivity absolutely loves a fully packed day! When there’s no breathing space, that’s when one small disruption can really easily knock over your entire plan for the day, and that’s usually when your nervous system starts going into total panic mode. So I want you to consciously build a daily buffer for yourself: just 15 minutes of nothing booked. It’s not a productivity slot. It’s not ‘catch up on emails’. It is a buffer, just for you.

And here’s how I want you to fold in that sort of ‘response window’ idea, because it’s also a big part of breaking the urgency habit:

One way to make space for a buffer in your day is to check messages on purpose, rather than constantly. So that might look like having time in your diary where you check emails at 9:30, 1 o’clock and 4:30… and outside of that, you don’t keep dipping in ‘just in case’. And you also turn off your notifications so that you don’t see every new email pop up and have it demand your attention. That kind of constant checking is the electronic equivalent of leaving your front door wide open all night, and then wondering why you feel unsettled. When you choose response windows you’re telling your brain, “I’m not on call permanently”

Just a quick note here: if you’re worried that you’re going to miss something important; I get it, we all have things! You can set one exception rule, like, you know, “If my kid’s school calls, I answer.” Everything else can wait for your next window. That’s how you start building a calmer rhythm, without needing your whole life to have to change first.

Alright, so now for the bigger shifts; these are the ones that will take you a bit longer and a bit more work, but they become the reason that you eventually stop living in crisis mode altogether. First…

Build your life around capacity.

This is about consciously designing your life around your actual capacity, not your imagined capacity… and certainly not around pressure. And it’s also about shifting away from urgency-led living into something that’s actually a lot more values-led. Because like I said earlier: if your life is set up like an emergency, you’re going to react to things like it’s an emergency.

Over time, becoming less reactive often requires you to look at the systems of your life and not just your mindset. So… what are you saying yes to that you don’t actually have room for? What expectations have become default that should actually be optional? What parts of your week have no recovery time built in? What are you treating as urgent that is actually negotiable?

So look, this is not about suddenly quitting your job and moving to a quiet farmhouse in the hills… unless that’s what you want to do! It’s about making choices that match reality. Capacity is reality. And so when your choices match your reality, your nervous system calms down because it no longer feels like it’s constantly failing to keep up with these impossible standards.

You don’t need more motivation. You need a life that fits. OK, next…

Keep small promises.

And this is about the self-trust piece I mentioned earlier. So when you’re reactive a lot of the time, it usually comes with a great big side helping of shame. You say things you don’t mean, you snap, you feel guilty, you apologise, you promise you’ll do better… and then life happens, and you’re back in the same loop.

So the real rebuild happens through consistency, not intensity. Pick one or two small promises you can keep even when life is busy. Something simple like: “I’ll take 10 minutes to decompress before I talk to my partner about my day,” or “I won’t reply to messages when I’m emotionally activated; I’ll wait at least 20 minutes,” or maybe it’s “I’ll protect my buffer time four days a week.” So when you keep those small promises, you start to feel safer in yourself again. That safety reduces reactivity, because then you’re not constantly trying to control everything outside of you in order to feel OK inside of you.

If breaking promises to yourself is something you tend to struggle with, or if you’ve built up a bit of self disappointment over time, Episode 318 is a really helpful deeper dive on rebuilding self trust… so make sure you check that out after this one. It’s linked in the description.

So, those are the tips! Work through them one by one, and be kind to yourself while you do.

You can always find all of the tips I share in the episode transcript on my website at: ltamh.com/episodes. Join my free mailing list and you’ll get it in your inbox every Sunday. It’s linked below.

Conclusion

So here’s what I want you to take away from this episode. If you’ve been struggling with being reactive, it means your system has been under pressure for too long… and learning how to be less reactive isn’t about never having emotions, it’s about creating enough space for yourself to choose your next move instead of being driven by urgency.

So what’s one situation this week where you’re going to practice a pause before you respond?

Because when you boil it all down, you don’t need a calmer personality. You need a calmer rhythm, and the courage to protect it.

Each week, I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by the late author Bob Proctor, and it is:

When you react, you are giving away your power.

Bob Proctor

Let me repeat that:

When you react, you are giving away your power.

Alright…. that’s it for this week. Support my show by giving it a like and sharing it with someone who will find it helpful. And join my Patreon for early ad-free episodes and extras. It’s linked below.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Join me next week to talk about what to do when someone won’t forgive you. Plus, check out my episode on overthinking and thought spirals next; it’s linked in the description. And follow or subscribe to never miss an episode.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program. Discover more at ltamh.com.

---

SUPPORT MY SHOW!

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program written and created by me (Jeremy Godwin… hi! 👋), and I rely on people like you to help with the costs of producing my show each week. If you’d like to show your support for what I do (which I’d really appreciate), you can become a paid subscriber on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes. Thank you!

Huge thanks to my wonderful Patreon supporters (in alphabetical order): Amanda D., Amanda K., Ashley, Belinda, Brittnee, Carol B, Charlie, Isabel, Janis & Steve, Kaiulani, Karen, Keith, Lenka, Maya, Michael, Monte, Nikki, Patricia, Paula, Rachel, Roxanne, Sonia, Susan, Tatiana, Taylor.

Click here to become a Patreon supporter:

---

TOOLS & RESOURCES FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

I offer simple digital products that will help you improve and look after your mental health.

• Start your day with focus and intention with my Daily Affirmations
• Transform your mental health in less than 15 minutes a day using my Daily Reflection Tool
• Get the most out of the Daily Reflection Tool with my Reflection Masterclass video (also available as a bundle with the tool itself, saving you 20%)

Click the links below for your chosen product(s):

---

Donate

Feeling generous? Make a secure one-off or recurring donation below (payments processed by Stripe).

---

Click here for details of mental health resources in most countries.

---

SUBSCRIBE

Sign up here to have episode transcripts and video/audio land in your inbox each week:

(I hate spam, so your information stays private. I may send you the odd email to update you about something new I’m working on, but other than that you’ll be receiving episode transcripts with embedded video/audio).

---

---

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.ltamh.com

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2026 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.