How you handle setbacks shapes your mental health, so this week I’m exploring how to process disappointment, regain control, and move forward with resilience. So, let’s talk! 😃

---

Listen to or watch the full episode:

Watch a short version on YouTube:

---

TRANSCRIPT

How to deal with disappointments in life

Why does disappointment feel so overwhelming? What’s the best way to handle setbacks? How do you move forward when things don’t go your way?

Well… in this episode you’ll discover practical ways to turn disappointment into growth.

Ready to discover the secret to handling setbacks without getting stuck? Then let’s talk about dealing with disappointment!

Hello and welcome back to Let’s Talk About Mental Health, thanks for joining me!

I’m Jeremy Godwin, a counsellor and writer, and I focus on making better mental health simple by exploring the stuff you can do to tackle issues and improve your mental wellbeing; I’m all about no-nonsense advice that actually works, and I share practical tips based on quality research and my own experiences with anxiety and depression. Each Sunday I take a deep dive into one aspect of better mental health, and on Wednesdays I share a shorter ‘how to’ episode that helps you build your own mental health toolkit.

So… let’s talk!

***********

Whether it’s missing out on an opportunity, being let down by someone, or simply realising that life isn’t unfolding quite the way you’d hoped, disappointment is something we all face at times. And let’s be honest — it can be frustrating, disheartening, and downright exhausting.  

But the thing is that while you can’t avoid disappointment entirely, you can control how you deal with it… and that makes all the difference. Because when you handle setbacks in a healthy and proactive way, they lose their power to drag you down. Instead of getting stuck in frustration or self-doubt, you can use disappointment as a stepping stone to build your resilience, shift your perspective, and even to open the door to new possibilities.  

So today, we’re talking about how to deal with life’s disappointments — why they happen, why they affect you so deeply, and how to navigate them in a way that strengthens your mental health rather than chipping away at it. Because while disappointment may be inevitable, staying stuck in it is not.

Let’s start by getting ourselves on the same page with some definitions, and let’s talk about… 

What does dealing with disappointment mean? 

Disappointment is what happens when reality doesn’t meet your expectations — it’s that gut-punch feeling when things don’t go the way you might have hoped or planned for, or maybe even deserved. Whether it’s missing out on a job, a relationship not working out, or the Spice Girls still not coming to Australia, disappointment is an unavoidable part of life. And while it might be tempting to stomp your foot and declare “It’s not fair!” (which, honestly, sometimes it isn’t), the truth is that how you deal with disappointment determines whether you bounce back stronger or stay stuck in frustration and regret.  

So what does it actually mean to deal with disappointment? Well, first, let’s talk about what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean pretending you’re fine when you’re not, and it definitely doesn’t mean immediately plastering on a “good vibes only” attitude as if that’s a magic cure-all (because, spoiler alert: it isn’t). Dealing with disappointment means acknowledging the reality of the situation, allowing yourself to feel your feelings, and then figuring out how to move forward in a way that supports your wellbeing — without getting stuck in resentment, bitterness, or a never-ending loop of “What if?”  

For example, let’s say you’ve worked hard for a promotion, and instead of getting a shiny new title and a pay rise, you get a polite email saying, “Thanks for applying, but we’ve decided to go in a different direction.” That’s disappointing. It’s frustrating. You might feel unappreciated, or even question your worth. And in that moment, you have a choice: you can dwell on it indefinitely, telling yourself that you’re not good enough (which isn’t true), or you can take a step back, acknowledge that it hurts, and then ask yourself, “OK, what next?” Maybe you learn from the experience and try again. Maybe you realise it’s time to put your own needs first. Or maybe you think, “If they don’t see my value, then I’ll find someone who does.”  

Disappointment isn’t just about the big, dramatic moments of life either. It can happen because of something simple like making plans with a friend, only for them to cancel last-minute, or something as everyday as your favourite café running out of gluten free toast (which, to be fair, is a genuine crisis if you don’t eat gluten, so don’t come for me because I shared a potentially-bougie example!). 

And whether the disappointment is big or small, the emotions that come with it are real. There’s frustration, sadness, maybe even anger or resentment. And that’s completely natural. But the key here is what happens next — because staying stuck in those feelings doesn’t help you… and the longer you sit in disappointment, the more it chips away at your peace of mind.  

In a mental health context, disappointment can be a trigger for self-doubt, stress, or even issues with anxiety and depression if it’s not managed well. When you experience disappointment repeatedly — especially in areas that matter deeply to you — it can start to damage your confidence and make you question whether it’s even worth trying… and that’s when it becomes easy to slip into patterns of avoidance or pessimism, telling yourself, “Why bother? It never works out anyway.” But that mindset only leads to more frustration because it keeps you trapped in a cycle of expecting the worst and, not surprisingly, feeling disappointed when things don’t change.  

Dealing with life’s disappointments in a healthy way means recognising that while you can’t always control what happens, you most certainly can control how you respond. It means allowing yourself to feel the disappointment, but not letting it define you. And it means finding a way to move forward — whether that’s by adjusting your expectations, trying a different approach, or simply reminding yourself that what you want might still be possible… just not in the way you originally planned.  

We’ll explore how to do all that shortly, but first let’s talk about…

Why learning to deal with disappointment matters

Let’s face it: disappointments and setbacks are inevitable in life; I mean, I don’t know about you but I’m certainly disappointed in some of the absolute shenanigans and tomfoolery that’s been going on in the world lately, and it can be tough to recover when your expectations haven’t been met, or when something happens that knocks you onto your butt.

Disappointments happen because, at some point, life refuses to follow the script you’ve written in your head. You expect things to go one way, and then — plot twist — they don’t. And while some disappointments are relatively minor (like realising your favourite TV show has been cancelled just as it was getting good), others hit much harder. Maybe you worked tirelessly for something that didn’t pan out. Maybe someone you trusted let you down. Maybe you thought you were on the right path, only to find out it was a dead end. Disappointments happen because life is unpredictable, and no matter how much effort you put in, there will always be factors outside your control.  

But disappointment isn’t just about what happens; it’s about what it means to you… and that’s why it affects your mental health so much. When things don’t go the way you hoped, it can trigger self-doubt, frustration, sadness, or even hopelessness. And the bigger the disappointment, the harder it can be to shake off. If you’ve ever been in a situation where you thought, “Why does this seem to always happen to me?” or “What’s the point in even trying?” then you know how quickly disappointment can spiral into something deeper. It’s not just about the event itself — it’s about how it makes you feel about yourself, your abilities, and your future.  

For some of us, repeated disappointments can lead to a sense of learned helplessness — the idea that, no matter what you do, things won’t change. That’s when disappointment stops being an occasional setback and starts becoming a mindset. You begin to expect the worst — not because you want to, but because it feels safer than getting your hopes up and being let down again. Unfortunately, that kind of thinking can wear away at your motivation and self-esteem, and it affects your overall mental wellbeing. It’s exhausting to live in a constant state of disappointment, and if it’s left unchecked, it can contribute to stress, anxiety, or even depression. 

So the goal here is really to learn how to deal with disappointments and setbacks in a healthy, proactive, and realistically-optimistic way. Why? Because if you don’t, disappointment can take over. You can’t avoid setbacks entirely, but you can choose how you respond to them. A healthy, proactive approach means acknowledging your feelings without letting them consume you. It means seeing disappointment as a bump in the road, rather than the end of the road. And it means finding a balance between realism and optimism — not just blindly assuming that everything will work out perfectly, but also not assuming that every setback is a complete and utter catastrophe.  

When you handle disappointments in a constructive way, you build your resilience and learn to adjust your expectations. It helps you shift your focus and move forward, rather than getting stuck in frustration. You develop the ability to cope — not by pretending everything is fine, but by recognising that setbacks are a normal part of life and that you have the power to navigate them. And, perhaps most importantly, you protect your mental health by refusing to let disappointments define your self-worth.  

Plus, when you learn to manage disappointment effectively, you reduce stress, increase your ability to handle uncertainty, and create a healthier, more balanced perspective on life. And if nothing else, at least you’ll stop wasting energy on things you can’t change and start focusing on what you can — which, let’s be honest, is a much better use of your time!  

So… how do you do all that? Let’s talk through some practical ways to deal with disappointments; but first, a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…

AD BREAK [Note: Ads do not play if you have Spotify Premium or are an Official Supporter tier Patreon supporter]

And welcome back! Now let’s talk about… 

How to deal with disappointments in life

Alright, first…

Acknowledge your feelings (without getting stuck in them) — probably the most important step in dealing with disappointment is to actually let yourself feel it (because, as cheesy as it sounds, you have to feel it to heal it). Ignoring it, or pretending you’re fine when you’re not, or distracting yourself with unhealthy coping mechanisms, won’t make it go away — it’ll just resurface later, often in unhelpful ways (or worse). Disappointment can trigger frustration, sadness, self-doubt, or even anger, and all of that is completely natural; the key is to acknowledge those feelings without letting them take over, which allows you to process what’s happened rather than suppressing it. Sit with your emotions for a bit — journal about them, talk to someone you trust, or even just say to yourself, “That really sucked, and I’m allowed to be upset about it.” But then, rather than dwelling indefinitely, choose to gently shift your focus to what you can do to move forward. OK, next…

Give yourself time to process — not every disappointment or setback needs to be ‘fixed’ immediately; sometimes, you just need time to sit with it and let it settle before you even think about figuring out your next move. So, take your time… which stops you from reacting impulsively or making decisions out of frustration. Start by simply giving yourself permission to pause. Take a walk, distract yourself for a bit, or even sleep on it. Clarity often comes when you stop forcing it. Next… 

Avoid the “What If?” spiral — it’s easy to fall into an endless loop of “What if I’d done such-and-such differently?” or “What if I’d tried harder?” But replaying the past is a fast track to nowhere; it’s pointless and frustrating, like imagining an alternate ending to a movie you can’t change. Redirect your energy and attention towards what is possible rather than getting stuck on what wasn’t meant to be. You can do this by catching yourself when you start overanalysing, and consciously shifting your focus to “What can I do now?” instead of letting yourself dwell. OK, next…

Separate the disappointment from your self-worth — just because something didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. When disappointment hits, it’s easy to internalise it — “I wasn’t good enough” or “I should have done better” — but setbacks don’t define you; reminding yourself of that fact helps because it stops you from turning a single event into a sweeping judgement about yourself. Reframe the situation: instead of “I failed,” try “This didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean it never will.” Or if you’re dealing with an external situation that’s disappointing, remind yourself that you still have control over what you choose to say and do. Consciously shift your focus to what you did well, what you learned, and what you can take forward; the way you talk to yourself in these moments matters, so be kind. Next…

Adjust your expectations, without giving up hope — there’s a huge difference between being realistic and being pessimistic; managing disappointment doesn’t mean lowering your expectations to avoid ever being let down… it means learning to balance hope with flexibility. This allows you to stay open to possibilities without setting yourself up for unnecessary frustration. Remind yourself that success isn’t always a straight line, and that every situation has something to teach you; sometimes, the best things in life happen in ways you didn’t expect. I didn’t exactly love my breakdown back in 2011 and 2012, but it’s what got me out of the corporate sector and into the work I do today… so something good definitely came from it! Keep focused on your goals, but stay open to different ways of reaching them. If you tend to struggle with optimism, check out Episode 270 where I explore that topic in more detail. OK, next…

Look at the bigger picture — when you’re in the middle of disappointment, it can feel like everything has gone wrong. But step back for a second — has everything really fallen apart, or is this just one piece of the puzzle? Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of “All-or-Nothing” thinking (and no, I’m not talking about obsessively listening to a Cher song from the late 90’s!). Looking at things in the wider context helps to stop you from catastrophising, and it keeps things in perspective. Reminding yourself that this is one part of a much bigger picture doesn’t mean minimising your feelings — it just stops you from making them bigger than they need to be. Next…

Remember that success often comes from failure — some of the most successful people in the world have faced huge disappointments: Oprah was fired from her first TV job. Walt Disney was once told he had no imagination. Lady Gaga was dropped by her first record label before her career took off. Stephen King’s first book was rejected by publishers 30 times. The point is that setbacks aren’t the end; they’re often just part of the process, so choose to look at disappointment as a stepping stone rather than a dead end. Next…

Take constructive action (where possible) — so, some disappointments are beyond your control… but you can choose to turn your focus to what you can control. When there is something you can do, even if that’s just making your voice heard, take action. This shifts your focus from frustration to problem-solving, which makes you feel more empowered. Ask yourself: “What’s one small step I can take to move forward?” If you didn’t get the job, can you ask for feedback? If a plan fell through, can you make a new one? Or, if it’s a situation outside of your control, ask yourself, “What can I do to contribute to a positive solution in some way?” Even a tiny step forward is better than staying stuck in what went wrong (but, please, don’t just put up a social media post about whatever it is and call it a day; that’s called ‘slacktivism’ for a reason, people!). OK, next…

Practice self-compassion — let me ask you this: would you tell a friend off for feeling disappointed about something? No? Then why do you do it to yourself?! Being kind to yourself in tough moments is one of the most powerful ways to move through them, because it reduces self-criticism — which only makes disappointment feel worse; really, you don’t need to kick yourself while you’re already down! Consciously show yourself the same understanding you’d give to someone else you care about. Remind yourself that everyone faces setbacks; you’re not alone, there’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re certainly not broken or useless just because something didn’t go to plan. Self-compassion is the key to greater self-worth. Next…

Talk it out… but choose the right person — sometimes, just saying something out loud makes it feel more manageable; I know I’m definitely a ‘get it off my chest’ person, and I find I feel like a weight has been lifted once I’ve verbalised whatever is on my mind. But do be mindful of who you vent to — some people (even well-meaning ones) can just end up making you feel worse. Talking to someone gives you perspective and validation, but only if the person listening is genuinely supportive; someone who will encourage you, not just fuel the negativity. Remember that venting without action is just moaning, and it’s not helpful because it keeps you stuck in negativity. And if you don’t have someone you trust to talk with? Write it down. Journaling can be just as effective for working through your emotions. OK, next…

Find a healthy outlet for your frustration — disappointment brings up emotions that need somewhere to go, and if you don’t channel them productively then they tend to fester. Finding an outlet for them stops negative energy from building up and impacting your mental wellbeing. Do this by moving your body — go for a run, do some yoga, practice your Spice Girls choreography, or even just go for a walk; physical movement can really help to clear your mind. If that’s not your thing, try writing it out, painting, or even screaming into a pillow (no judgement from me!). Next…

Reframe the experience to change how you see it — words have power… so instead of seeing it as a failure or a letdown, choose to reframe it in a way that removes the sting. This takes the emotional weight off  of the situation and makes it easier to think about how to move forward. Try renaming the disappointment as “an unexpected plot twist” or “a character-building moment” (yes, like you’re in a made-for-TV movie of your life!). It might sound ridiculous, but it can instantly change how your brain processes the event. OK, next…

Find the lesson (when you’re ready) — OK, so not every disappointment comes with a deep life lesson, and honestly, sometimes things just suck. But in most cases, there’s something valuable to take away from the experience. Choosing to focus on the lesson turns setbacks into opportunities for growth rather than just sources of frustration. You can do this by asking yourself: “What can I learn from this?” and “How can I do things differently next time?” But — and this is an important ‘but’ — don’t rush this step. If the wound is still fresh, give yourself time before trying to find meaning in it. Next…

Shift your focus to what’s still good — disappointment tends to narrow your perspective, in that it can make you focus only on what went wrong… but shifting your attention to what’s still good in your life helps to rebalance your mindset, which helps to prevent disappointment from overshadowing everything else. Do this by consciously practicing gratitude: list a few things that are still going well, even if they may seem small. No, this doesn’t magically erase disappointment… but it does stop it from consuming you entirely. Alright, next…

Keep moving forward — at the end of the day, the best way to deal with disappointment is to keep going. Life will throw you curveballs, but you always have a choice: either stay stuck, or choose to take another step forward. Action is the cure for stagnation. Try setting a small, achievable goal for yourself — even something as simple as “Tomorrow, I’ll do one thing that makes me feel good.” Progress doesn’t have to be grandiose and dramatic; it just has to be something.  

Final Tips and Next Time

Because when it comes to dealing with life’s disappointments, what it all boils down to is this:

Disappointment is an inevitable part of life… which is disappointing, but the good news is that it doesn’t have to define you. What matters most isn’t the setback itself, but how you choose to respond. Every disappointment holds the potential for growth and perspective, and even unexpected new opportunities — if you allow yourself to see it that way. So, when things don’t go as planned, give yourself the grace to feel what you need to feel, then remind yourself that you can move forward. You are far more capable than you might realise, and no single setback has the power to stop you — unless you let it.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by the writer and philosopher George Santayana, and it is:

“Wisdom comes by disillusionment.”

George Santayana

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week!

How do you deal with life’s disappointments? Leave me a comment and let’s talk! 

Join my free mailing list at ltamh.com to stay up-to-date on new topics I cover, and become a supporter on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes and exclusive content; you’ll find those linked in the episode description.

Next week I’ll be talking about the importance of thinking before you act; that will be out on March 30, and I hope you’ll join me for it!

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world… because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com   

---

SUPPORT THE SHOW

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program written and created by me (Jeremy Godwin), and I rely on listeners like you to help with the costs of producing my podcast each week. If you’d like to support my show, you can become a paid subscriber on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes. Thank you!

Huge thanks to my wonderful Patreon supporters (in alphabetical order): Amanda D., Amanda K., Belinda, Bill, Brittnee, Carol B, Carol F, Charlie, Isabel, Janis & Steve, Jennifer, Kaiulani, Keith, Lenka, Maya, Michael, Monte, Nikki, Patricia, Paula, Rachel, Roxanne, Sonia, Susan, Tatiana, Taylor.

Click here to become a Patreon supporter:

Or you can make a secure one-off or recurring donation below (payments processed by Stripe).

---

TOOLS & RESOURCES FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

I offer simple digital products that will help you improve and look after your mental health. My Daily Affirmations tool will help you start your day with focus and intention, grounding you and creating a sense of calm. My Daily Reflection Tool is a buy-once-use-forever PDF tool that helps you to do the work that will lead to better mental health and well-being. Plus I have a Masterclass Video which is like your own coaching session with me so that you can get the most out of your daily tool. Buy the two as a bundle and save 20% for a limited time! Click the links below for your chosen product(s):

Click here for details of mental health resources in most countries.

---

SUBSCRIBE

Sign up here to have episode transcripts and video/audio land in your inbox each week:

(I hate spam, so your information stays private. I may send you the odd email to update you about something new I’m working on, but other than that you’ll be receiving episode transcripts with embedded video/audio).

---

---

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Find more content at www.letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au

Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2024 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.